


The Incoming Tide

by ChillieBean



Category: Overwatch (Video Game)
Genre: Alternate Universe - No Overwatch, Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, And he can cook!, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Background Lena/Emily Relationship, Blasphemy, Blowjobs, Construction worker!Jesse, Depression, Dom!Hanzo - Freeform, Dom/sub, Emotional Baggage, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Eventual Romance, Fluff, Hanzo Shimada knows what he wants, Hanzo owns a bar!, Homophobia, Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Domestic Violence, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, Implied/Referenced Emotional Manipulation, M/M, Masturbation, Mention of Past Suicide Attempt, Mentions of Blood, Mentions of Cancer, Minor Character Death, Minor Violence, OCs as Plot Devices, PTSD, Panic Attacks, Papa Gabe, Porn, Porn With Plot, Racism, Sake!, Semi-Public Sex, Smut, Swearing, Switching, These boys have had a rough life :'(, background BunnyRibbit, face fucking, public sex kink, self-deprecation
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-01
Updated: 2017-12-09
Packaged: 2018-11-06 18:54:41
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 29
Words: 146,640
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11042223
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ChillieBean/pseuds/ChillieBean
Summary: “I have thought much about what I wanted to do to you if given the opportunity.”“Oh yeah? Whatchya been thinkin’?”“Bringing you close to orgasm. Again and again without release. Torture for not leaving a way of contacting you. To put you through a sliver of the misery I have been through. You are on my mind from the moment I wake until the moment I go to sleep. You have left a mark on me, Jesse McCree. Something no one has ever done before.”It was supposed to be a one-night stand.Emotions dictated otherwise.After learning about each other's past, they realise they are both broken and help each other battle their demons.





	1. The Rock

**Author's Note:**

> Hi Folks!
> 
> First off, thanks for checking out my work. My brief summary was obviously enticing enough! I hope you enjoy reading it as much as I enjoy writing it.
> 
> Now, I am writing this for myself. I have anxiety and writing is my escape from the world. Something I can immerse myself in and forget about life for a bit. I'm only publishing it because I can. I understand this won't be everyone's cup of tea, and that's fine.
> 
> Chapters 1 - 13 are unbeta'd. Short of proof-reading over and over, there might be mistakes I've missed or something I've not clarified on. Constructive criticism welcome!
> 
> Chapters 14 onwards are beta'd by the wonderful Magisey, who I cannot thank enough for helping me through the somewhat difficult scenes in these later chapters. 
> 
> Tags will be updated as chapters are added, and I'll have warnings at the start of each chapter if required.
> 
> Updates on weekends.
> 
> Now that the official stuff is done with, it's also totally OK if you just wanted to drop a comment. Comments are life and give me the added boost to continue writing. I'm also up for chatting about life struggles. I've found talking openly about my anxiety helps a lot. If you're struggling but don't want to talk about it, just know I'm out there giving hugs! ❤
> 
> Again, thanks for reading!

The sun was just starting to set over the Boston city skyline. Inside a diner, two unlikely people were having a conversation about love. More so, who to hook up with next.

“How about that one? He’s cute!”

“I dunno, Leans, doesn’t seem like my type.”

Lena Oxton, the girl from London. Studying Business at Harvard by day, waitress at the Main Street Diner by night. And weekends. And any day shifts she can get between studying. She lives with her girlfriend, Emily, who moved with her half way across the world. She spreads her time between this diner and another, their collective wages just enough to keep them afloat.

“Oh, come on, Jess!” Lena sighed.

She glanced around the diner. The dinner rush was over, the diner now littered with a handful of people. On this particular night, one of her regulars, Jesse McCree from Santa Fe, was apathetic. He’d moved to Boston for work. A fresh start. A clean slate, he told himself. Deep down, it was the pressure of family. They were too suffocating. Not understanding of his choices. He just used work as an excuse to get away from them. The only contact made on special occasions, and even then that was an effort.

“Then what are you in the mood for?” Lena had just about enough of Jesse’s attitude. She tapped her hands on the counter impatiently.

Jesse sighed. He opened his mouth to speak, but nothing came out. He took another swig of beer, rubbing his thumbs over the sweating glass bottle. His mind was running a thousand miles an hour. So many thoughts, so many types. So many people. His mind started to narrow down on a person. Someone he had described as his perfect man.

“Tattoos. Piercings. Dark and brooding,” Jesse finally answered.

“A bit specific, love!” Lena teased.

“Well you wanted an answer!”

Lena thought about it, resting her weight on her forearms and tapping the bench with her index fingers. Jesse’s answer was specific, but not impossible. She jumped up, remembering someone of that exact description.

“I’ve got it! Em and I were bar hopping one night and we settled on a little Japanese bar. The bartender should be to your liking!” Lena exclaimed excitedly.

Jesse sighed. He knew that Lena would give him an earful if he didn’t pursue this mystery man. “Alright. Gimme the details.”

Lena texted Jesse the name of the bar and where to find it. He looked at the map, it wasn’t too far a walk thankfully. Jesse finished the last of his beer, placed his Stetson on his head and stood up.

Lena ran around the counter to Jesse. Standing on her toes, she took off his hat, tousled his hair and popped it back down. She smoothed her hands over the shoulders of Jesse’s leather jacket and tugged on the collar of his red plaid shirt.

“Looking good, handsome! Knock ‘im dead!” Lena said, punching Jesse in the arm before giving him a hug. “You got this.”

Jesse embraced her. “Thank you,” he whispered.

Jesse had needed this. Today was one of those family special occasions – his sister’s birthday. He and his sister were close. She was the only one who gave him the time of day. It didn’t stop everyone else getting on the ‘Jesse hatin’ bandwagon’ as he called it. He shook his head, trying not to let the thoughts dampen his mood further.

Following the directions, Jesse arrived at the bar. He noted the small neon sign in the window and peered in. “You weren’t kiddin’ ‘bout small, Leans,” Jesse mumbled as he closed his eyes and took a breath. He needed the distraction. He straightened up, stretched his neck muscles and rolled his shoulders.

Opening his eyes, his attitude changed. The apathetic Jesse was gone, and the fun, bubbly Jesse appeared.

“You better be somethin’,” Jesse muttered before he stood over the threshold. He looked around, four empty tables under the window and five lone bar stools in front of the bar. A person was sitting on the sixth around the corner of the bar. Considering it was a weeknight, and a bit late at that, the lack of customers is not really unexpected.

Jesse approached the bar and sat down. He glanced at the man sitting at the other end, who watched Jesse from the moment he walked in until he sat down; his face neutral, posture slumped over the bar.

“Why, hello there,” Jesse said with a warm smile.

“Hello,” the man simply replied, taking a drink.

Jesse looked around again and tapped his hands on the bar. “Hey, friend? You know where this barkeep is?”

The man finished the rest of his drink, stood up and walked behind the bar. “What can I get for you?”

“Ah...” Jesse paused for a moment, grin creeping on his lips. “Well, I want an authentic Japanese experience.”

The man raised an eyebrow. He placed two glasses on the bar, headed to the fridge and got out a rather expensive looking bottle of sake. He poured the alcohol into the glasses and handed one to Jesse.

“Sake, huh? Haven’t had this before,” Jesse admitted.

“It is supposed to be drunk slowly. To savour the flavours. Enjoy the aromas.” The bartender explained, smelling the sake, taking a sip and letting it linger.

Jesse couldn’t help but smile, repeating the man’s actions. “I see.” Jesse held out his hand. “The name’s McCree. Jesse McCree.”

The bartender shook his hand. “Hanzo Shimada.”

“Well, nice to meet you Hanzo Shimada.” Jesse took another sip of the sake.

He looked Hanzo up and down, enjoying what he saw. He had long hair tied up in a high bun, while also sporting an undercut. A bit of hair, too short to be tied up, sat just in front of his right ear. Piercing on the bridge of his nose and piercings in his ears. He was wearing a tight long sleeve shirt, pecs clearly visible. His sleeves were rolled up to his elbows. A tattoo was sprawled up his left arm, a dragon which was wrapped around his arm and disappeared up his shirt.

“Impressive tattoo,” Jesse said, pointing to it.

Hanzo looked down at it. “Yes,” he muttered, turning his attention back to Jesse and equally sizing him up. “Do you always wear that?” Hanzo asked, pointing at Jesse’s hat.

“I do when I’m out ‘n about.” Jesse said with a smirk as he finished the last of his sake.

The alcohol buzzing through Jesse made him feel warm, though part of that was taking in the man in front of him. He took off his jacket and draped it over the chair next to him. He held up his glass, indicating he wanted more.

Jesse watched as Hanzo poured them two glasses of sake. He thought about how he wanted to handle the situation. Lena was spot on in her pick, and he wanted to see just how far that tattoo went.

Without bullshit, he went straight to the point. “Y’know, a friend of mine told me ‘bout you. Thought I’d check you out.”

Hanzo raised an eyebrow, leaning on the bar and resting his weight on his forearms. “And what do you think?” Hanzo asked, lowering his voice to a husky whisper.

A spark of pleasure rippled through Jesse. Well if that ain’t the most sultry voice in the world, he doesn’t know what is. He grabbed Hanzo’s hand, thumb running over his knuckles. “I like what I see.”

Hanzo took back his hand, grabbed his glass and walked around the bar, sitting next to Jesse. “Is that all?” Hanzo asked with that same husky whisper, taking a sip of sake.

Jesse placed his hand on Hanzo’s knee while staring him in the eyes, moving his hand slowly up Hanzo’s leg, stopping on his thigh. Hanzo spread his legs slightly in anticipation. Jesse smiled and took his hand back, sitting back in his seat.

Hanzo tried to stifle a sigh, but failed. The man was keen on this, and Jesse was happy to play on.

Jesse looked at him with a smirk, taking another sip of sake. The second Jesse had placed the glass down on the bar, Hanzo leant in for a kiss. Jesse felt a spark of pleasure in his loins. This is what he wanted, after all. The distraction he craved.

A long, slow passionate kiss ensued, Hanzo’s hands wandered down Jesse’s torso and settled on his crotch. Hanzo, feeling Jesse’s erect cock through his pants, gently rubbed his hand over it, fingers tracing the outside, taking in the length and girth.

“Impressive,” Hanzo complimented, before pulling his hand away. Jesse moaned as he did, desperate for his touch. “Is this what you had in mind, then?” Hanzo said, finishing the last of his sake.

Jesse’s head was spinning. He was always in control of everything. Most things these days, to be honest, but with hook ups, he always had control. Hanzo took that away from him, and he fucking loved it. “So, your place or mine?”

Hanzo stood up and walked over to the front door, locking it before switching off the neon sign. He proceeded to the other end of the bar and through a door and round a corner. Jesse didn’t take an eye off him, watching Hanzo in his movements, noticing how tight Hanzo’s jeans were around his ass. Jesse followed Hanzo through the door, and up a stairwell.

At the top of the stairs there was a small room, occupied with a mattress on the floor and a small chest of drawers. Hanzo was leaning against the wall, arms folded over his cheat as he watched Jesse’s every move.

Jesse looked at Hanzo and wandered over to the window. “Nice view,” Jesse teased, eyeing off the view of the neighbouring building. Jesse gasped as Hanzo grabbed his pants from behind, unzipping his jeans and reaching into his boxers to grab his cock.

Hanzo pressed his body against Jesse’s; he could feel Hanzo’s hard cock through his jeans. Hanzo kissed at Jesse’s neck, nuzzling his head under Jesse’s hat.

Jesse tried to turn around but Hanzo had him pinned against the window. He placed a hand on Hanzo’s hand which was still inside his boxers, both men slowly stroking Jesse’s cock. Jesse let out a moan as Hanzo ran a thumb over Jesse’s sensitive head, using precome to lubricate it. Hanzo was slowly grinding against Jesse’s ass, his hard cock teasing Jesse.

Jesse had enough of being submissive, breaking free of Hanzo’s grip. He pushed Hanzo against the wall and unzipped his pants, taking his cock into his hands.

“Not too bad yourself,” Jesse whispered, slowly stroking. Hanzo rested his head against the wall and closed his eyes. Jesse smiled, dropping to his knees before taking Hanzo’s entire member into his mouth, deep throating, Hanzo’s cock twitching with pleasure. Hanzo cursed in Japanese as he knocked off Jesse’s hat and ran his fingers through his hair, grabbing a handful and pulling back. Jesse started a slow rhythm, hollowing his cheeks and running his tongue on the underside of Hanzo’s cock.

Hanzo’s hips bucked in Jesse’s face. Jesse slipped Hanzo’s pants down and buried his hands into Hanzo’s ass, fingers grabbing at the toned muscle. He thrusted Hanzo into his face, increasing the speed of the rhythm.

Hanzo let out a growl and cursed more in Japanese, grabbing Jesse’s head with both hands as he fucked his face. Heavy breathing turned in to moaning, “Can’t… hold… on!”

Jesse placed both hands on Hanzo’s hips and pinned him against the wall, deep throated once more as Hanzo’s orgasm was released down his throat. Jesse swallowed, getting up off the floor while slowly stroking Hanzo’s cock, come still dribbling out.

Hanzo grabbed Jesse and kissed him hard, his tongue swirling around Jesse’s mouth. Jesse couldn’t help but smile best he could through this kiss, he’d never been with anyone so eager to taste themselves. When Hanzo finally pulled away for air, he grabbed Jesse’s cock and stroked slowly.

After a moment, Hanzo knelt down, taking Jesse into his mouth. Jesse moaned, trying not to come there and then. He wasn’t ready for this to be over. He grabbed Hanzo’s bun and pulled, stopping him.

Hanzo scowled before standing up, and that look was the hottest thing Jesse had seen in a long time. Jesse placed his hands on Hanzo’s hips, fingertips teasing the bare skin underneath before he grabbed his shirt, pulling it up. Hanzo took it off, and Jesse marvelled at the tattoo, how it went the entire length up his arm and finishing on his chest. Hanzo kicked off his boots and pants, now trying to get Jesse undressed.

Jesse unbuttoned his shirt and kicked off his boots as Hanzo pulled down his pants. Dropping the shirt and undershirt to the ground, Jesse then stepped out of his pants and flicked off his socks.

Both men now naked, Hanzo walked over to his bedside table, grabbing two condoms and a bottle of lube. Hanzo approached Jesse and kissed with burning desire, his hands drifting down Jesse’s torso before settling on Jesse’s cock once again, slowly stroking.

Jesse grabbed the lube from Hanzo’s hand, smearing the gel all over his fingers. He tossed the bottle on the mattress before grabbing a handful of Hanzo’s ass, spreading him before reaching around and fingering Hanzo’s entrance, inserting two fingers slowly. Hanzo groaned, clenching tightly on Jesse’s fingers.

“I ain’t your first, am I?” Jesse whispered, small smirk on his face.

“It has been a long time,” Hanzo answered, pained.

Jesse withdrew one finger and gave Hanzo the time to relax. He kissed Hanzo’s neck softly, and when he relaxed enough he reinserted a second finger, scissoring slowly. Jesse curled his fingers, finding that sweet spot which resulted in Hanzo’s hips bucking and tightening his grip on Jesse’s cock.

Jesse brought his lips up to Hanzo’s ear. “Turn around,” he whispered. Hanzo complied, resting his weight on his hands and knees. Jesse slipped on a condom and lubed his cock, lined himself at Hanzo’s entrance and pressed against him.

Hanzo tightened around Jesse’s cock as he pushed in slowly; Jesse closed his eyes and savoured the delicious drag from the tightness. Jesse stopped about half way and started a slow rhythm; mostly for Hanzo’s sake, but he didn’t want a quick fuck.

“Well that’s a surprise,” Jesse murmured. Hanzo’s back was a canvas for another dragon tattoo, starting between the shoulder blades and snaking down to the small of his back. Jesse traced a finger down the length of the tattoo, digging in with a fingernail gently, causing Hanzo to shiver and reflexively push down on Jesse, and taking all of him in.

Jesse moaned, maintaining his slow rhythm before he increased his speed as Hanzo grabbed his cock and started jerking. The men were moaning through thrusts, louder and harder. Jesse started to lose control, his thrusting becoming unpredictable as the pleasure built in his core. With a tight grip on Hanzo’s hips, he came, slowing his rhythm.

Hanzo came in his hand as Jesse stopped thrusting, groaning when Jesse pulled out.

Jesse pulled Hanzo towards him, kissing him slowly, tenderly. “Haven’t had a lay like that in a long time,” he whispered through a smile.

Hanzo raised an eyebrow, smirk teasing the corners of his lips as he stood up and slid open a door opposite the bed. Jesse could see the shower from where he was and followed him into the bathroom to get cleaned up before collapsing on the mattress for sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I imagine the tattoo on Hanzo's back to be the Dragon spray in the game.
> 
> And I want to stress that this is a work of fiction. Remember to practice both safe penetrative and oral sex IRL!!


	2. The Ripple

The sun was streaming through the single window in the sorry excuse for a bedroom. Barren, save the mattress in the middle of the floor, a chest of drawers in one corner, gym bag sitting next to it and the bow mounted on the wall. 

The angle of the sun was flowing in just right, catching Hanzo in the face. He used it as a visual alarm clock – 8:30am. He took a breath before opening his eyes, noting the smell of aftershave and stale cigarillo smoke. He sat up, the sheet falling to his lap. He looked under the sheet, noting his naked self, morning wood resting on his thigh.

He looked around the room silently and listened. Nothing. He was alone. He got out of bed, walking towards the bathroom, rubbing his face with his hands. He turned on the shower taps, testing the water with his hand before stepping in.

The hot water was welcome relief, the dull internal ache a reminder from the night before. _The night before_. That single thought was enough for Hanzo to replay the night in his head, watching it as if it were on fast-forward. The thoughts causing his cock to stand to attention. Hanzo huffed at himself. He wasn’t one to reminisce about a one night stand.

For Hanzo, those people were merely a tiny blip on the radar of his life. His years of training, lessons and obedience drilled into him. _“Do not trust anyone. They only want our wealth. Our power. They will toss you to the wayside. People are manipulative. This is why I keep you within these walls. Alone. Safe.”_ His father’s words rang in his ears. It didn’t stop him from sneaking out at night, following Genji to the clubs. Hanzo was smart, though. He’d pick someone up, fuck them in the bathrooms, and then head back to the Castle. In and out in an hour in the dead of night, while the Castle slept. No one the wiser.

Genji, however, needed more. Not just one person. More often than not heading back to the Castle later the following day, covered in love bites, hair messy, clothes dirty. He didn’t care. He embraced the floggings. Ignored his father’s words.

Hanzo shook his head, mentally stuffing those memories back in the box in his mind, locking it and closing the door. He looked down, cock rock hard and showing no signs of softening any time soon. He gripped it tight, slowly stroking. Flashes of the night before appearing in his mind once again. The Cowboy with the hat and boots with spurs. Jesse McCree.

So what was it about the Cowboy from the night before that sat in his mind? Hanzo couldn’t shake the thoughts – Jesse’s lips around his cock. The deepthroating. Jesse grabbing his ass and thrusting him forward, making him fuck his face. 

Was it the dominance Jesse exhibited? Hanzo was very much an Alpha male. It was ingrained into him. The emotional scars left behind from his father’s cane. The tattoo down his left arm. The brand on his right arm. He was a Shimada. And Shimada’s do not bow down to anyone.

Hanzo had never been submissive before. When he snuck out at nights when he was younger, he was always in control. Always dominant. The weight of his power was well known in Hanamura. In one hand, men and women would throw themselves at him. And he would indulge, the feeling of knowing that a single command given would be seen through to completion. In the other hand, all it took was a single statement, a threat, that if they told anyone what had happened, the full wrath of the Shimada Emipre would come down on them and everyone they knew.

That extended to the suitors his father had arranged for him. Notable families all over Japan would offer their daughters to Hanzo in the hopes of striking a deal with the Shimada Empire. All to bear a son, the next heir, continue the Shimada name. The women were delicate little flowers, afraid to displease the powerful Hanzo Shimada. They did as he said. Every word, every command that fell from Hanzo’s lips. Anything he wanted.

So what was different about Jesse McCree? The way he ordered Hanzo, perhaps? _“Turn around.”_ The words echoing in Hanzo’s mind. It wasn’t the first time Hanzo had been on the receiving end. He had experimented in his youth. _“Turn around.”_ The words continued to echo. And he did. He did what he was told. By a stranger, no less. A stranger by the name of Jesse McCree. 

Confidence. That was it. The confidence Jesse exhibited. He did what he wanted, because he didn’t know Hanzo, his history, where he came from. To Jesse, Hanzo was just another person. An equal.

Confidence. The hotness of being fucked. Being submissive. Letting someone else have control. _“Turn around.”_ The words echoing over and over, the feeling of Jesse’s fingernail over his back, the shiver, pushing back onto Jesse to take all of him in.

Hanzo groaned, looking down at his release on the wall of the shower. He braced himself against the wall, resting his head on his arm and taking a breath. He shook his head. Jesse McCree was just another blip, in a long line of blips, on the line that was his life. Just another person. Who left as quickly as he arrived. Another one night stand, just like old times.

Hanzo finished in the shower, brushing his teeth and tying his hair up in a rough top knot. He stopped at his chest of drawers, a note sitting there.

“Thanks for the authentic experience, Sugar.” The note simply read; words barely legible. Hanzo smirked, flipping the note over. It was a receipt for the Main Street Diner. Hanzo knew the place, one of his favourites to eat. He placed the note down, pushing Jesse out of his mind. In another box, behind another door. 

He got dressed in a pair of sweats, t-shirt and runners. He grabbed his gym bag and headed for the park a block away from his bar, the first thing in his strict daily routine. 

He found his spot. Under a particularly old oak tree. Centuries old, Hanzo thought. He sat down under it, sitting cross-legged, resting his hands in his lap. Sitting up straight, he closed his eyes, controlling his breathing, taking deep breaths and clearing his mind. The birds chirped around him. The soft sound of children laughing and playing on the nearby playground. The smell of cigarette smoke. The spark Hanzo felt when their hands touched. The way He ran His hand up his leg. The moment He stopped, just millimetres from his groin, sitting back in His seat with that smirk on His face.

Hanzo’s eyes shot open. He buried his head in his hands. Jesse McCree was more than just a blip on Hanzo’s radar. He was like a ripple in a lake. Growing bigger as it travelled. Hanzo looked around, trying to find the source of the cigarette smoke. He couldn’t see anyone, most likely just someone walking past. 

Hanzo shook his head, annoyed at the briefness of the meditation session. He stood back up and headed for the gym. Starting with the treadmill, then onto weights, and finally the punching bag. He’d been there for two hours and worked up quite the sweat and appetite. Hanzo headed for the showers to refresh before lunch.

Hanzo headed to the Main Street Diner – his favourite place for lunch. He had embraced American food since moving to Boston, and as unhealthy as the food was, he indulged every now and then. It was a small diner. Old and in desperate need for a paint and refurbish. But the food was too good to let cosmetics get to him. He sat at the counter, ordering iced tea and a burger with fries. He sat in silence on his phone, browsing the news in Japan. 

By chance, he looked up from his phone and looked around the diner. In one of the booths, he could see a cowboy hat. He stared, listening, wondering if it was his Cowboy. The person stood up, just another person with a cowboy hat. Upon closer inspection, the hat was a light brown, not the darker tan from Jesse’s.

Hanzo cursed under his breath. The ripple was getting larger. He simultaneously hated and loved the mark Jesse McCree had left on him. He wrestled with his thoughts. He wanted Jesse, to feel his touch, his lips on his. But didn’t want to see him again. He didn’t want to form an attachment. Attachments lead to pain, and Hanzo couldn’t go through that pain again. 

_This will pass_. Hanzo repeated in his mind, over and over, until the thoughts of him running his fingers over Jesse’s cock, taking in his length, his girth, were pushed out of his mind.

“You OK, Mr. Shimada?” The waitress asked. Emily, the small British girl who stuck out like a sore thumb, working in an American diner. Hanzo always chuckled when she worked, the two of them from opposite sides of the world, sitting in the same diner in America. They had developed a friendship over the last two months when Hanzo first discovered the diner.

Hanzo forced a smile. “Yes, Ms. Emily. I am fine.”  
She smiled, playing coy. “It’s a girl, isn’t it?” Of course she knew Lena had set up Hanzo and Jesse the night before.  
Hanzo smirked, shaking his head slightly.  
“Oh, a boy then?”  
“I cannot stop thinking about him. He has pushed himself into my mind and I cannot get him out.” Hanzo admitted.  
“Perhaps you don’t want him out. It might be worth chasing him down instead of pushing him away. That’s what I’d do!” Emily said, turning on her heel with a wink before walking away.

Hanzo thought about her words. _“Might be worth chasing him down instead of pushing him away.”_ He repeated in his mind. Problem was, short of his name, Hanzo knew nothing about Jesse McCree. He didn’t leave a phone number. He didn’t leave an address, or a place to meet. Just the note and this damned mark in his mind.

Hanzo headed back to his bar. Tucked away in the Asian district of the Boston CBD. This is the longest he had stayed in one place since leaving the Castle. It was easy to move around at the start. The motivation of being caught by the Clan, being taken back, facing who-knows-what was motivation enough to keep moving. The more Hanzo moved, the harder he was to track. He’d seen most of the world in the short time he was on the run. 

The Shimada Empire died with him. It was a slow and painful death, but it happened. Hanzo is all that is left of the Shimada Empire. The last Shimada. He had changed his appearance since then. His hair is different. He has piercings. He has another tattoo. Casual clothes. He was just another ordinary person, with proper worries – rent, bills, grocery shopping, laundry.

Hanzo discovered the news of the fall of the Shimada Empire in Boston. That was a year ago, and has been here since. The money he had hidden away enabled him to buy a small shop, converting it into a traditional Japanese bar. It has enough space for his belongings and more, but as scarce as it is, it’s home. He approached his bar, “Izakaya”, the small neon sign read, as he unlocked the door. He headed upstairs to his room, throwing his bag on the floor before heading back down.

Hanzo set up the tables, only four of them with four seats each. He rearranged the stools at the bar, six of them, stopping at the stool Jesse sat at. The sound of Him tapping his hands on the bar impatiently. The spot they shared a passionate kiss, the taste of sake and cigarillo on Jesse’s tongue. Taking Him upstairs, expecting Him to be another person, come and gone like that. Forgotten, like a leaf on the wind on a windy autumn’s day. But He wasn’t.

“What have you done to me?!” Hanzo yelled to the ceiling. He looked down at his hands, his knuckles white from his grip on the bar. He was confused and angry. He’d never had feelings for someone before. Not like this. Wanting someone. Needing someone. Lusting for someone – for Jesse. It was all new to him. And all he can assume is that Jesse McCree had forgotten him, that he was just another blip on Jesse’s radar.

Hanzo sighed, wandering behind the bar to pour himself a glass of sake. The same sake from last night. He took a sip, letting the taste linger on his tongue. He grabbed the bottle and proceeded to sit at his usual spot at the bar, the one spot where he can see people as they walk in. He grabbed his favourite book, _Kokoro_ , and continued reading. Waiting, hoping, for Jesse.

Two days passed. The same routine each day – meditation, gym, lunch, bar, bed. Hanzo had gone to the Main Street Diner every day to see if he would catch Jesse. He’d take his book. He’d sit in a booth, drinking coffee. Waiting. The note Jesse left Hanzo carried with him. He’d hold it in his hands. Smell it. Brush it gently across his lips. The only thing he had that belonged to Jesse.

Hanzo would wait in anticipation at the bar. People would come and go, the usuals, some new faces. But not his Cowboy. Not Jesse McCree. The ripple had turned into a wave now. Barely a moment went by where Hanzo wasn’t thinking of him. His smirk. His toned body. His cock. He jerked off to that night, more than he’d care to admit. It was bordering on obsessional, and Hanzo didn’t know how to handle those feelings. 

The third day ticked over. Hanzo had spent most of that night lying awake, tossing and turning, trying to get comfortable. But sleep eluded him. The morning sun was streaming through the window, well past his usual time to get up. He glanced at his gym bag, shaking his head. He wasn’t going to work out today, he was wrecked, drained from all of the extra effort he had put in at the gym over the last two days. 

The distraction worked, when he was at the gym he was able to focus on his workouts. Usual two hour sessions became four hour sessions, and now he’s paying for it. His muscles ached. Every one of them. He needed rest. Another way to distract himself. 

Being alone with his thoughts wasn’t working. He had tried to meditate, but thoughts would be drawn to Jesse. His hat, leather jacket, boots with spurs. Hanzo had would wonder if he owned chaps. They’d be assless, wearing them over his jeans. He’d have a whip, rolled up and hanging off his waist. He’d wear a red flannel shirt, hiding behind the jacket. He’d be leaning on his elbows against a hitching rail. The sweat pouring off his face in the hot Southern heat. He’d slowly peel off layers. The sweat glistening on his muscles, making him sparkle in the sun. Hanzo would walk over, run his hands over his torso, grab his breasts, take a nipple into his mouth, tongue over and suck the hardened nub. The taste of his sweat making his cock swell. His hand would make its way into Jesse's pants, palming his rock hard cock. He’d pull down his pants, leaving the chaps on, bend him over the hitching rail and fuck him. Hard and fast.

Hanzo moaned. A wave of pleasure washed through him, breaking him from this thoughts. His hand was wrapped around his cock, cum all over him and his sheets, dribbling over his finger. _Fuck_. Hanzo rubbed his face with his clean hand, these cowboy fantasies were getting out of control. He cleaned himself up on the sheets, and headed for the shower. Cold, this time. He changed his sheets, bundling the dirty ones in his gym bag. He would go to the laundromat today.

He got dressed and headed for the diner. Armed with his book, he sat at a booth and ordered coffee. He opened the marked page, Jesse’s note doubling as a bookmark. He rolled one corner between his fingers as he read, the paper was soft and pliable with the teasing.

“Well this is a pleasant surprise, Mr. Shimada.”  
Hanzo glanced up, Emily was approaching. Dressed in the diner uniform with a jacket over the top and her bag slung over her shoulder. Her bright eyes and warm smile welcoming Hanzo. The start of her shift.

“Good morning, Ms. Emily. How many times have I told you, Mr. Shimada is too formal. Hanzo is fine.”  
“I’ll stop calling you Mr. Shimada when you stop calling me Ms. Emily.” She teased. “I’ll get you some more coffee, give me a sec.”

Emily headed through a door behind the counter, coming back, tying her apron around her waist and grabbing a fresh pot of coffee.  
“I’ve never seen you here this early.” Emily stated, pouring Hanzo another cup of coffee.  
“I have never been here this early. I exerted myself at the gym yesterday, so I am resting today.” Hanzo took a sip of the coffee, thumbing the note in his other hand. Emily sighed, catching Hanzo’s attention. He looked up at her.

“Please forgive me if I’m overstepping. That note, is that from the other night?”  
Hanzo smiled. “Yes. Jesse’s note.”  
“Jesse McCree? Still can’t stop thinking about him?”  
“He has not left my mind. He comes here.” Hanzo flipped the note over, reading the receipt for the hundredth time. “But I have not seen him.”  
“He comes in for dinner mostly.”  
“Ah, that is why I have not seen him.” Hanzo sighed. He looked at the note, holding it in both hands.  
“Look, if I see him, I’ll tell him you were here and looking for him.”  
Hanzo smiled. “Thank you, Emily.”  
“You’re welcome, Hanzo.” Emily said, smiling warmly and squeezing his shoulder gently before walking away.  
Hanzo sighed again, turning his attention back to his book. 

That night, just like the others before it, the usual peak hour rush had come and gone. It was late, approaching closing time. Hanzo took the last sip from his glass before he rested his head on his arms, closing his eyes and groaning. Dreading closing up the bar and going to sleep, only to go through the same motions again tomorrow.

The sound of footsteps filled the room. Familiar footsteps, each step with a little jingle from metal clicking on metal. 

“Well, you look like you’ve seen better days.” The voice said. Hanzo looked up at the man. Cowboy hat, leather jacket, boots with spurs. He was leaning against the bar on one elbow, the brim of his hat obscuring his face. 

“You,” Hanzo breathed, realising that his Cowboy was back.

Jesse looked up, shifting his hat upwards with a single finger, exposing his face with a smirk. That smirk that Hanzo had longed for.  
“I’d like a repeat of that Japanese experience.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading. I hope you enjoyed this chapter :-)


	3. The Wave

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fun fact! This is the first fic where I've written several chapters before publishing. Currently writing chapter 6!

Jesse stared at the ceiling. The unfamiliar white ceiling with cedar wood beams running across it. He eyed off the beams, looking them up and down from wall to wall. The man next to him, his hook-up, sleeping silently, the occasional facial twitch and change in breathing revealing he was dreaming. Jesse watched him for a moment, jealous of his ability to sleep. Jesse was a shit sleeper at best, but tonight it was escaping him completely.

He got up, fumbling in his jacket pocket for the little tin case containing his cigarillos, picking one at random and placing it between his lips as he got dressed; underwear, jeans and shirt and shoes. He headed down the stairs and outside for a smoke. He lit the cigarillo with a match, placing the used stick in his pocket after it had stopped smouldering. The cool still air was welcome relief, the cigarillo enough to calm his racing mind.

He grabbed his phone from his jeans pocket and started texting.

“Thanks for the heads up, Leans.” He put the phone back in his pocket, not expecting a reply. It was after midnight, the moon was peeking through a break in the clouds. The sounds of sirens in the distance. He leaned against the wall and closed his eyes. He had only been in Boston for six months. But the sound of the city was something Jesse was still trying to get used to.

Tonight he was missing home. He missed being by his sister’s side for her birthday. This was the first time he had missed it. The phone call earlier that night was both enough and not enough. He took a drag from the cigarillo. He also missed the solitude of the desert. The sounds of coyotes hunting, the occasional growl from the mountain lions when they ventured closer to town. But most of all, he missed the sound of silence in the dead of night.

His phone buzzed in his pocket. A text from Lena.

“Glad to be of service, love. I take it you had a fun evening?”

“Best evening in a long time. Will fill you in tomorrow night.” Jesse texted back, stuffing his phone in his pocket again. He took another drag of the cigarillo and rolled it between his thumb and finger as he exhaled. He turned and faced the shop front; the bar he walked in to just a couple of hours ago. What was his next move? Should he stay or should he go? He thought hard about the man he’d slept with. Hanzo Shimada.

Hanzo didn’t seem like the affectionate type. He was silent and only spoke with purpose. He seemed damaged. His guard was up when Jesse first entered the bar. He has baggage and Jesse definitely didn’t want to overstay his welcome. He took a long drag of the cigarillo, taking the edge off his anxiety. Was he ready for someone in his life? He hadn’t been in a relationship in a while. A long damn while. Hell, he hadn’t slept with anyone in just as long. Since before heading on the road, away from his sorry life.

Well, the only sorry part of his life was his parents. His Dad, a butcher and his Mom, obedient house wife. His Dad was popular amongst the townsfolk. Larger than life; he joked and laughed with everyone. Didn’t matter the person’s background, race, creed. Everyone was equal.

Or so it was with the townsfolk. In reality, his Dad was the biggest homophobe and racist Jesse knew. His Dad needed an outlet, and that outlet was Jesse. The physical abuse stopped when Jesse fought back, and verbal abuse took over. It took its toll, and he cracked. Dropped everything and left.

Jesse took another long drag of the cigarillo, bringing him back to reality. “Am I ready?” Jesse said aloud. He shook his head. He wasn’t ready for rejection. He wasn’t looking for a relationship. A cheeky fuck was what he needed. To refuel.

He put out his cigarillo, standing on it until it was extinguished and dug through his pockets, finding an old receipt from the diner. He headed inside in search for a pen and the bin for the cigarillo. He wrote his simple note, “Thanks for the authentic experience, Sugar”, and kissed it, before heading upstairs to grab his jacket and hat. He placed the note on the chest of drawers and headed back out. Back to the motel.

The old, cheap motel served as home. When Jesse left Santa Fe, he didn’t have a destination in mind. Just jumped in his truck and drove. Saw half of the country on his travels. He’d stopped in Boston, another stop on the way, but there was something that kept him here. He couldn’t quite put his finger on it, something niggling at the back of his mind to stay in the city.

A week’s stay turned into a month’s stay, which lead to permanent. For the time being, at least. Nothing was tying him to the city. He’d made friends. He has a job. Until he feels like he’s overstayed his welcome, he’d stay where he was. For the first time in a long time, he was comfortable.

He approached his room, the numbers 28 screwed into the door. The screws were rusted, leaving a dirty trail of red-brown down the length of the door. He jiggled the handle as he put the key in, the little dance required to open the door. Jesse turned on the TV and got undressed. He had a quick shower before laying naked in his bed, pulling the covers up to his chest, his arms over the top. It had become familiar, the lumps in the mattress conforming to his body. He stared at his familiar ceiling, banana yellow stucco, analysing each bump and the shadow left by the light of the TV. He yawned, so big and long his eyes watered. Sleep was finally here; he closed his eyes and fell asleep.

Jesse awoke to his phone vibrating on the bedside table. His alarm for work. Jesse worked in construction. Part of a road crew, fixing pot holes in roads, working on repairing whole stretches of road or footpath. Honest day’s work for an honest day’s pay, as his Dad used to say. He got dressed in his high-vis clothing and headed out.

“Mr. Jesse!” A woman called out as Jesse was locking his door. He smiled, the familiar shuffle of slippers on the concrete approaching him.

“Mrs. Romano,” Jesse answered, hands outstretched for an embrace. He had to crouch down a fair bit, the older woman was barely five foot tall.

Mrs. Romano owned the motel. She worked alongside her son, who she was grooming to take over so she could retire. She was one of the few people Jesse had befriended in Boston; her short grey perm and large, round glasses reminding him of his dearly passed Gran.

“I have a parcel for you.” She said as they separated. She looked through her glasses, which were draped by a strap on her chest, cleaning the lenses and placing them on, waiting in eager anticipation for the contents inside.

Jesse ran his fingers over the handwritten address, a smile beaming across his face. It was his sister’s handwriting. He gave the parcel a little shake, something light but solid rattling around amongst the bubblewrap in the box. Using his keys, he cut through the sticky tape and opened the box. It revealed a note, simply reading, “Happy Birthday, baby brother.” Jesse rolled his eyes and scoffed through the smile, digging through the bubblewrap to reveal the present, wrapped in tissue paper.

He knew what it was, he and his sister had a running gag for presents. The tradition now in its nineteenth year. He unfolded the tissue paper, revealing a belt buckle. The small, oval buckle decorated with a pair of boots with spurs in the centre, encircled by a rope. He chuckled, it was so over-the-top cowboy, definitely not one he would wear.

“From my sister.” Jesse said, handing the buckle to Mrs. Romano.

She scoffed. “You have poor taste if you wear this!” She handed it back to Jesse.

Jesse chuckled. “Nah, won’t be wearin’ this one, Mrs. Romano. Thank you for delivering it to me.”

Mrs. Romano smiled and shuffled off. Jesse opened his door and placed the buckle and box on his bed and left for work, heading to the diner for breakfast first.

Jesse’s day was standard. Footpath repair. He preferred footpaths to roads. No tar from the asphalt and more likely than not he got to use the jackhammer. Today was one of those days. Jesse found something oddly comforting to destroying concrete. Watching the once solid block crack away, revealing the dirt underneath. Pouring the fresh concrete over the top. A new start. He chuckled at the parallels to his life.

Every now and then he’d think about Hanzo. His tattoo, his ripped body, his dick twitching in his mouth as he came. The thoughts bringing a smile to his face and causing his cock to swell. He desperately wanted to talk about him, he was looking forward to debriefing with Lena tonight.

“So, give me the goss!” Lena said excitedly, placing his plate on the counter in front of him.

“Well, you were right about him. Tattoos, piercings, muscles. He’s definitely the silent type. Sexy.” Jesse finished with a smile.

“Did you wake up next to him?”

“Nah. I went home. Left a note though.”

“Number?”

Jesse shook his head, tucking into the burger and fries.

Lena sighed. “You know, Em said he came in here today.”

Jesse looked up, slightly stunned. “The note I left was on a receipt from here. Was he lookin’ for me?”

“He was pining for you!” She exclaimed, jumping slightly on the spot before leaning on the counter. “He didn’t use your name, but he seemed troubled by your actions. Mentioned that he couldn’t stop thinking about you.” She punched his arm. “You have to go back.”

“Not tonight. I’ll let him stew on it a bit more.” Jesse said with a smirk, stuffing a handful of fries in his mouth.

“You’re pure evil, Jess. Don’t leave it too long.”

“Yeah, might give him a few more days.”

And that’s what Jesse did. Three days had passed. While Jesse wouldn’t admit it, he’d thought a lot about Hanzo. He wanted to see him again, run his hands through his hair, feel those toned abs, discover every curve of every muscle on his body.

He was starting to warm to the thought of having that hot piece of Japanese ass hanging off his arm, in his tight jeans and t-shirt. Those delicious pecs visible through the shirt. Hair and beard so perfect, not a stray hair anywhere. They’d strut their stuff down the streets, into a club, dancing the night away, grinding against each other like no body’s business.

Jesse wrestled about when was a good time to go back. He was thinking of heading out tonight, given it was a Saturday night and not needing to work tomorrow. Although it was late, just before 9pm, he knew the bar would be open, and that Hanzo would be there.

The comfort of his bed was keeping him in the motel, though. Some crappy b-grade horror movie was on in the background while he browsed his phone. He’d stumbled on an article of folks who shame their pets, and he thought it might be better to see Hanzo in his element, serving people their drinks, instead of at the end of his day.

His phone buzzed in his hand, a text from Lena.

“Em said he came in again today. Seriously, love. He wants you. Go see him!!!”

Jesse smiled. These updates from Lena had been the highlight of his day. He had wondered just how Hanzo was feeling. Whether Hanzo was sleeping. Whether Hanzo had jerked off to him. The very thought of the man clearly desperate for his touch drove him hard.

Jesse drew his attention back to his phone. “Yeah, I will.”

“Good! Now!”

“Fine. Guess I’ll put him out of his misery.” Jesse played coy, but this was the kick in the ass he needed to finally go back to Hanzo.

Jesse looked down at himself. He was lounging in his underwear, cock hard from the thoughts. Ignoring his desire to jerk off, he got up and had a shower. He rifled through the piles of clothing, giving everything a good sniff to determine cleanliness. Underwear, dark blue plaid shirt, jeans, socks. Sorted. He slipped on his jacket, boots and hat and headed out.

\---

Deafening Silence. Mind racing. Heavy breathing. His Coyboy was back. Hanzo stood up from his seat, frozen for a moment. He walked to the front door, closing it and turning off the sign. He did not want to be interrupted. He then proceeded around the bar, grabbing two glasses and that same bottle of sake they had shared three days earlier, before walking back round the bar and taking a seat next to Jesse. He poured a shot’s worth of sake in the glasses.

Jesse gave the alcohol a sniff before taking a sip, eyes closing as the taste filled his mouth. “Y’know, I’ve been hangin’ out to taste this again.” Jesse said after a moment, holding the glass out in front of him and twirling it so it caught the light.

“Just the sake?” Hanzo questioned. A hint of desperation on his voice.

Jesse placed his glass on the bar, leaning into Hanzo and kissing gently his lips. He pulled away after a moment, whispering, “Not just the sake.”

Jesse sat back into his seat with a smirk. He leaned on the bar, resting his weight on his elbow. He looked Hanzo up and down. “You are somethin’ else. Didn’t think someone so smokin’ hot existed.”

Hanzo’s leg was restless, shaking up and down on the footrest of the barstool. The only part of him showing his true intentions. Usually a master of hiding his emotions, the Cowboy – Jesse – had found his way through his wall, a crack barely holding the wave of emotion back.

It didn’t hold. Hanzo stood up, kissing Jesse passionately. His hands on either side of his face, biting his lip between kisses, their tongues dancing. Hanzo noting the taste of cigarillo smoke. He didn’t realise just how much he longed for the taste until now.

Hanzo pulled away, skolling the rest of his sake and grabbing Jesse’s hand.

“A certain barkeep once told me that sake should be enjoyed slowly,” Jesse said sheepishly as he watched Hanzo down the glass of sake.

“A wise man.” Hanzo replied, watching Jesse skol his sake.

“Must’ve made a real mark on you then.”

“You do not even know.” Hanzo said, pulling on Jesse’s arm to get him standing.

Hanzo led Jesse up the stairs into his room. He pushed Jesse against the wall, slipping his hands inside his jacket, running his hands over his torso and feeling the toned muscle underneath; his fingers tracing every curve. He moved his hands up to his shoulders, slipping off the jacket and watching it fall to the floor. Hanzo pressed his body against Jesse’s, grabbing his hands and placing them above his head.

“Miss me, bud?” Jesse said, trying to lean in for a kiss. Hanzo pulled back, not giving Jesse the chance. He kissed Jesse’s neck, kissing down his collarbone to the small tuft of chest hair poking above the blue plaid, before making his way to Jesse’s lips, kissing with burning desire, their tongues dancing once again.

Hanzo let go of Jesse, fumbling with the buttons of Jesse’s shirt to get them undone. Jesse shouldered off his shirt as Hanzo ran his hands over Jesse’s skin, kissing along his chest and torso and over his navel. Now kneeling, Hanzo unhooked the belt buckle and unzipped his jeans. Hanzo kissed his navel again, kissing down his happy trail. Staring at Jesse’s erect cock through his jeans, he pulled down on his jeans and underwear, allowing his cock free. Jesse toed off his boots and kicked away his clothing.

He took Jesse’s cock into his mouth, a moan escaping Jesse’s lips. “I’ll take that as a yes, then.” Jesse said, pacing himself, resting his head on the wall. He ran his hand through Hanzo’s hair, untying his bun and allowing his hair to fall free to his shoulders. Jesse grabbed a handful of hair, pulling back in an attempt to take control of Hanzo’s rhythm.

Hanzo stopped, standing up and pinning Jesse against the wall again. Jesse groaned at the sudden change in position.

“You will not dictate what happens tonight.” Hanzo whispered in Jesse’s ear, biting his earlobe. Hanzo pushed his body against Jesse’s, his cock pressed hard against their torsos. Hanzo could feel the wet spot on his shirt from the pre-cum dribbling out.

“Aye aye, Cap’n.” Jesse said, gasping as Hanzo bit down on his shoulder.

“Tell me, are you total top?” Hanzo asked, grinding his body against Jesse’s.

A moan escaped Jesse’s lips. His dick twitched in anticipation with the grinding. “I’m an either-or kinda guy. Life’s too short to stick to one thing.”

“Excellent.” Hanzo breathed. Using all of his strength, Hanzo grabbed Jesse, turning him around and pushing him onto the bed, the mattress shifting slightly from the throw.

Jesse was taken aback. This wasn’t the same man he slept with the other night. This was someone different. Rough. In control. Dominant. Jesse was always dominant in previous relationships, mostly owing to his large stature and rugged appearance. He had just fallen into it. It wasn’t very often that he’d have a partner who was dominant in the bedroom, and in all of those cases the relationships never worked. But this wasn’t a relationship, this was round two.

Hanzo took off his t-shirt, flinging it across the room. He unzipped his jeans, lowering them and his underwear, cock springing free. He stepped out of his clothes and kicked them aside before he walked over to his chest of drawers, grabbing a condom and the lube, hand gripped tight around his cock.

Hanzo joined Jesse on the bed, taking position between Jesse’s legs. He leaned into Jesse for another passionate kiss, their cocks pressing firm against their torsos. Jesse reached for his hat, surprised he was still wearing it, and placed it on Hanzo’s head.

Hanzo leaned back, grabbing the bottle of lube. He flicked open the cap, slathering his fingers. Jesse bit his lip in anticipation, his legs were spread, ready for Hanzo.

Hanzo rubbed two fingers against Jesse’s hole and pressed in, Jesse grabbing the sides of the mattress for purchase. Hanzo started a slow pace, gently teasing Jesse’s prostate. Jesse moaned with each touch. He bit his lip as Hanzo inserted a third finger, increasing his speed slightly.

“Han… Fuck that feels good!” Jesse moaned as his hips bucked, grabbing his throbbing dick. He thumbed over the head, using the pre-cum as lubrication. He bucked his hips again, he was close to orgasm but wasn’t ready to cum. He wanted Hanzo in him. “You might want to slow things… Ah, shit.” Jesse breathed as Hanzo withdrew his fingers.

“I have thought much about what I wanted to do to you if given the opportunity” Hanzo said, batting Jesse’s hand away and grabbing his cock, stroking slowly.

“Oh yeah? Whatchya been thinkin’?” Jesse sat up, weight resting on his elbows.

“Bringing you close to orgasm. Again and again without release. Torture for not leaving a way of contacting you. To put you through a sliver of the misery I have been through. You are on my mind from the moment I wake until the moment I go to sleep. You have left a mark on me, Jesse McCree. Something no one has ever done before.”

Hanzo was pumping Jesse hard now, Jesse fell back onto the mattress, running his hands through his hair. Jesse moaned again, hips bucking into Hanzo’s hand. Hanzo let go and pulled away, standing next to the bed, slowly stroking his own cock.

“Fuck. Hanzo. You can’t do this to a man! S’just torture”

Hanzo leant down next to Jesse, kissing him passionately. He pulled away, whispering in his ear. “I will do as I please. Now, suck me off.”

Jesse did as he said, wrapping his lips around Hanzo’s cock and taking him in. Hanzo ran his hand through Jesse’s hair, grabbing a handful to control his speed and rhythm.

“Stroke yourself.” Hanzo ordered. He watched as Jesse started stroking, slow and steady. Hanzo marvelled at the sight, at the power he had over Jesse. Hanzo could feel the pleasure building in his core, his cock twitching in Jesse’s mouth. He pulled back on Jesse, ceasing the sucking.

“Lie back.” Hanzo ordered. He grabbed the condom, ripped open the package and slipped it over his cock. He squirted a generous amount of lube and stroked, spreading it over his length. He knelt down between Jesse’s legs, pushing them back against his chest, spreading him. Hanzo lined himself at Jesse’s entrance and pushed, probing but not penetrating. He held steady, watching the man lying underneath him writhe.

Jesse moaned again. “Please, just fuck me. Don’t make me beg.”

A smile crept over Hanzo’s lips. He pushed into Jesse slowly, holding position when he was fully in. He started a painfully slow pace, watching Jesse shudder with every movement. Hanzo increased his speed, moans escaping Jesse’s lips. Jesse pushed into every one of Hanzo’s thrusts.

“Ah, fuck, Han…” Jesse groaned. Hanzo let go of one of Jesse’s legs, running his lubed up hand down Jesse’s chest, leaving a trail in its wake. Jesse grabbed his cock and started stroking, matching Hanzo’s rhythm. Hanzo was pounding relentlessly, the sound of their moans filling the room.

“Fuck... Fuck! Hanzo!” Jesse moaned as his hips bucked, the initial cum shot shooting up Hanzo’s chest, the rest pooling between the curves of his own muscle.

For Hanzo, the sight of the man beneath him, reaching his orgasm, feeling his hot seed on his body, was enough to send him over the edge. He reached his orgasm, slowing his thrusting and catching his breath.

Jesse groaned when Hanzo pulled out. He chuckled to himself, running a hand through his hair as he milked himself. Hanzo handed him a towel to clean off, wiping himself down before getting dressed in jeans and his shirt. He reached into his jacket pocket for a cigarillo, offering one to Hanzo, who declined.

“You better not disappear on me again.” Hanzo said sternly from across the room, dressed only in underwear.

“I won’t, Sugar. You’ve got my hat after all.” Jesse said with a smirk before leaving the room.

Hanzo reached for the hat on his head, grabbing it and turning it over. He chuckled as he placed it on his chest of drawers. Deciding he wasn’t going to let his Cowboy out of his sight, he put on his jeans and joined him downstairs.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, thanks for reading :-)


	4. The Line in the Sand

Jesse winced at the blinding sun in his face. He brought the sheet up and over his head for darkness, but it was too late. He was awake. He sighed, trying to roll over to escape the sun but couldn’t. Hanzo was pressed firm against him, arm draped over his waist and head nuzzled at the back of his neck. Jesse chuckled at the smaller man who was playing big spoon.

“What is so funny?” Hanzo mumbled groggily, moving his head back slightly and kissing between Jesse’s shoulder blades.

“Ah, nothin’” Jesse said as he turned over to face Hanzo, brushing the hair off his face and behind his ear. “Just I’m used to bein’ big spoon.”

“I can see why. You are big.” Hanzo said slyly, eyes drifting south.

Jesse held back a whimper. He could feel his pulse in his groin; the strain of his hardening dick on his underwear. He swallowed the lump in his throat, “Not many folks’re bigger than I am.”

“Indeed.” Hanzo smirked at how easy it was to get Jesse off. Curiosity got the better of him, however. “Your accent. You are not from Boston.” Something he had been meaning to ask him since that first night in the bar.

“Santa Fe, New Mexico.” Jesse said with a smile. “You been there?”

“I have not. Other than Boston, I have only seen New York.”

“Bah, too many city folk. Gotta come down South one day. Nothin’ but desert, far as the eye can see.”

“Sounds dreadful.” Hanzo said with a small smirk, placing a hand on the larger man’s pec, gently playing with his chest hair.

_The right amount of hair on the perfect body,_ Hanzo thought. Jesse was toned, heavily built and broad shouldered. The hair not too thick across his chest and torso, his nipples not obscured. He desperately wanted to suck on one, feel the hardened bud between his teeth. His hand wandering down his torso, splaying his fingers as he felt his hard abs. He could feel his hard erection pressing uncomfortably on his underwear. He shifted it as delicately as he could without drawing Jesse’s attention to it.

“Don’t knock it till you see it.” Jesse said, trying anything to bring his cock down. Hanzo’s wandering hands were only making the situation worse. “I also didn’t take you for a cuddler.”

“I discovered recently that I quite enjoyed it.”

Jesse pulled back slightly, furrowing his brow. “Recently?”

“I… did not date anyone until recently.” Hanzo scoffed. “Not that I would call it dating.”

Jesse looked at Hanzo, ready for him to continue. After a moment of uncomfortable silence, Jesse finally asked, “Care to explain, bud?”

Hanzo ignored the question. That was a discussion for another day. And with a lot of alcohol present. His hand roamed Jesse’s chest, to the other pec, the same thoughts of sucking his nipples flooding his mind. He decided against any action, finding a patch of dried cum knotted in his chest hair from last night, scratching at it lightly. “You need a shower.”

“You’re awfully abrupt, aren’t ya?” Jesse said with a smirk, resting up on his elbow.

“There are many things that I am not yet comfortable to talk about. Things I have not told anyone.” Hanzo said, taking back his hand.

“It’s alright. I’m here whenever you’re ready.” Jesse smiled as he stood up and stretched, thankful his erection hadn’t stuck around. He scratched the spot Hanzo pointed out, making a face. He headed to the bathroom and turned the taps to the shower. “You gonna join me?”

“In a moment.” Hanzo needed the moment to calm himself. The mere thought of sucking on Jesse’s nipples drove him hard, and thinking about his past wasn’t enough to bring it down. He didn’t know how he was going to survive showering with the man. He closed his eyes and took a few breaths, enough for him to confidently stand up and undress. Half hard, he entered the bathroom.

Jesse eyed off the products in Hanzo’s shower. He picked up the shampoo, flicking the lid and giving it a smell. He smiled, the smell of lemongrass was intoxicating; it was Hanzo’s smell. He helped himself to the body wash, squeezing a bit on his hand and rubbing it into his chest to start, making sure to get every inch of his body.

The shower was more than cosy once Hanzo joined him. Only a couple inches space between them and the icy walls. They had accidentally bumped each other twice already while Hanzo was washing his hair, and to stop growing problems, Jesse thought distraction would work best.

“So what’s with this?” Jesse said, thumbing over the rough, bumpy skin of two dragons chasing each other on Hanzo’s bicep.

Hanzo looked down at the brand. “It is my family’s crest.”

“And they branded you with it? Like cattle?” Jesse’s tone carrying a hint of anger. He knew a brand when he saw one.

“It signified the power of my family.”

Jesse ignored the statement. “How old were you when they did it?”

“I was eighteen-”

“Jesus, you were a kid!” Jesse shifted in his spot as best he could given the lack of room. He shook his head. It reminded him of all of the things his Dad had said to him. The things his Dad had done to him at that age.

“I do not expect you to understand. And you are not without your demons, Jesse.” Hanzo grabbed Jesse’s left arm, exposing his tattooed forearm. “I know gang insignia when I see it.”

Jesse sighed, looking down at the tattoo. “Yeah. I was a stupid kid and got in all kinds of trouble. I’ve been meanin’ to fix this.” He ran his fingers over the words ‘Deadlock Rebels’. “But every time I decide to, I chicken out. So I use it as a reminder of my past.” Jesse chuckled. “Not that I need remindin’. I get enough of that from my folks.”

He looked back at Hanzo, offering a smile as apology. “You’re right. I don’t understand. Sorry for snappin’. Just not right to brand a person, ‘specially someone so young.”

“No, it is not right. But that is a story for another day.” Hanzo reached for the taps, turning them off. “You actually remind me of my brother. He was a troublemaker too. He would have liked you.” Hanzo stood out of the shower, grabbing two towels and handing one to Jesse.

“Oh, yeah? He in Japan?” He asked, towelling his hair dry.

“In a manner of speaking. He is dead.”

Jesse’s heart sank. He cursed himself for being so stupid. “Shit. I’m sorry. I didn’t-”

“It is fine, I mentioned him.” Hanzo reassured with a smile. “Do you have siblings?”

“Yeah, a sister. Her name’s Julia. She’s older.” He scoffed. “She likes to rub it in whenever she can.” Jesse paused, pondering his next question. He took a breath. “Your brother, older or younger?”

“He was younger. His name was Genji.” Hanzo said, wrapping his towel around his waist. “Come, let us get breakfast. I do apologise, I do not have breakfast food. Unless you are in the mood for an apple.”

“You only have an apple for breakfast?!” He tied his towel around his waist.

“And some tea.” Hanzo said, brushing his hair back and tying it up in a top-knot. He swept the rest of his hair, too short to be tied up, behind his ear.

Jesse scoffed. “I wouldn’t survive very long on just an apple. It’d piss me off more than anythin’.”

Hanzo grabbed his toothbrush and applied toothpaste. Jesse peered into Hanzo’s medicine cabinet, grabbing the mouthwash. “May I?”

Hanzo nodded, watching Jesse take a swig, swish it around his mouth and gargle, before spitting it in the sink.

Jesse proceeded out into the bedroom in search for his clothes, putting on his underwear and jeans. He walked over at the bow mounted on the wall, running his finger along the upper limb, the metallic blue paint shimmering in the light, gold trims sparkling. He noticed it before he left that first night and had been meaning to ask Hanzo about it.

“Sweet bow,” Jesse pointed upon hearing Hanzo’s footsteps in the room. “Does she have a name?”

Hanzo smiled. “Storm Bow.”

“Nice.” Jesse nodded. “I got a gun myself. Peacekeeper’s her name.” He brought his attention back to the bow. “Do you get out and practice much with ‘er?”

“No, not anymore.” Hanzo said, grabbing a fresh pair of underwear and jeans. He joined Jesse by the bow.

“Were you any good?”

Hanzo smirked. “I was the best.”

Jesse smiled. “Is that so? You’ll have to show me one day.” His imagination running wild with a shirtless Hanzo nocking an arrow and drawing, muscles bulging under the tension. _Bad idea._ His cock now half hard at the thought. He leaned in to kiss Hanzo, bending down slightly to meet the other man. _Really bad idea._ His cock now hard and pressing against his jeans, bulge obvious.

Hanzo leaned into Jesse, pressing his body against the larger man. A smile crept over his lips, he could feel Jesse’s erection against his lower torso. He pushed into it, letting Jesse know he could feel it.

Jesse pulled away, blush creeping over his cheeks. _Yep, really, really bad idea._ Jesse was a little surprised that he was shy, especially given the fact they had slept together twice now. It’s not like he hadn’t seen it.

“Do not get shy on me, Cowboy.” Hanzo’s voice was low and husky. Smirking, he walked away from Jesse to find a shirt. He adjusted his semi erect cock in his pants, cursing how little room his slim fit jeans gave him. “I tutor a student at the local archery club on Wednesday evenings and Saturday mornings. Perhaps I can teach you too.”

Jesse raised his eyebrows, smirking. “Do you now?” He walked up to Hanzo, placing his hands on his hips. “I might just take you up on that offer.”

Hanzo smiled, pulling away from Jesse to grab his keys off the top of the chest of drawers. “Do you have any suggestions for breakfast?”

“I do actually. A place you’ve become familiar with, I hear. The Girls will be working this mornin’. They’ll be keen to know how last night went!”

“You talk openly about your sex life? Do you have no shame?”

“Nah, too old for shame. Besides, the girls are a couple, they’re just as open to the bedroom talkl!”

Fully dressed and ready to go, they headed to the diner. Jesse walked in first, Hanzo followed behind. He walked up to the counter, tapping his hands on the back of a chair. He looked over at Lena, who was chatting with another customer. She turned to face him, huge smile on her face.

“Jess! The usual breakfast?” She asked. The usual breakfast, consisting of two fried eggs, bacon, sausage, hash brown and a short stack of pancakes.

“Absolutely, darlin’. I’m gonna park it in a booth though,” he said, wrapping his arm around Hanzo. “I got company this mornin’”

Hanzo grunted as Jesse pulled him over. He nodded at Lena, he wasn’t familiar with her.

 “Mr. Shim… Hanzo!” Emily called, carrying empty plates back to the kitchen. Her red hair was tied up in a ponytail and swinging from side to side with each step.

“Good morning, Emily.” Hanzo bowed his head.

“Ah, first name basis. Excellent!” Jesse said, patting Emily on the back as she walked past them.

“Yes, Emily has been my waitress on a number of occasions. We have talked about you.”

“Yeah, I know, bud! Em and Leans are datin’. Leans told me ‘bout you, told me where to find ya!” Jesse said, kissing Hanzo on the cheek.

Hanzo playfully pushed Jesse away with a smile. He was not one for public displays of affection, both being part of or witness to. However, being with Jesse made him relax his rule. He thought about it for a second, how comfortable he was around Jesse. No one had made him feel this way; comfortable, relaxed. He brought himself back to the real world, drawing his attention back to Lena.

“Then I must thank you,” Hanzo started, extending his hand. “My name is Hanzo Shimada.”

“Lena. Or Leans, as Jess calls me.”

“Gotta give everyone a nickname!” He looked at Hanzo. “What to call you?” Jesse brought his hand up to his chin, scratching his beard and squinting, pondering a nickname.

“Well, while he decides on what to call you, what can I get for ya?” Lena asked, leaning on the counter.

Hanzo glanced down the menu. He was fine with an unhealthy lunch, but an unhealthy breakfast turned his stomach. He went with the healthiest option he could find. “I will have the egg white omelette with tomato and spinach. Thank you.”

“No worries, love. Just pop into that booth there. I’ll have your breakfast out in a jiffy.” Lena smiled, pointing to a booth behind them.

Hanzo walked towards the booth and took a seat. Jesse sat down opposite him.

“I got it!” Jesse started, slamming his hands on the table with a loud thud. “Han. Simple and classic.”

“No.” Hanzo leaned forward in his seat, resting his forearms on the table.

“Hanz?” Accentuating the ‘z’.

“No.”

“Hanz?” Softening the ‘z’.

“No. Just Hanzo.” Hanzo poured Jesse and himself a glass of water from the bottle sitting at the table and took a sip.

“Nah. Not gonna happen. How about Hanners?”

Hanzo choked on the water he was drinking. Coughing and sputtering, he patted his chest with the flat of his hand. “Absolutely not!” Voice croaky.

“Mr. S?” Jesse said with a full-brimmed smile.

Hanzo coughed again, voice resembling something close to normal. “That makes me feel like I am in an American sitcom where I am old and have a teenage daughter, and that’s what her boyfriend calls me. I am not that old.”

Jesse saw his opportunity and struck. “Alright then, just how old are ya? Don’t think I haven’t noticed the peppering of grey at your temples.”

Hanzo crossed his arms over his chest and raised an eyebrow. “I am only thirty eight.”

Jesse smirked, leaning back in his seat. “Older than me! I’m thirty seven. Just.”

Hanzo narrowed his eyes. “Just?”

“Just…” Jesse paused. Had he really just let that slip? “My birthday was just four days ago.”

Hanzo thought about it for a second, widening his eyes. “The night you came into the bar.”

“Yep. Happy birthday to me, eh?” Jesse said with a wink, going with it.

“Happy birthday to you?” Lena asked, placing their plates down in front of them. She looked to Hanzo. “Did he just tell you his birthday? I’ve been trying to get it out of him for six months now!” She turned to find Emily, who approached with a pot of coffee, pouring into both mugs in front of the men. “Em! You won’t believe it, Jess told Hanzo when his birthday is!”

They looked at Jesse, eagerly awaiting a response. He sighed, accepting defeat. He slumped in his seat slightly, lowering his voice. “It was four days ago.”

“Wait.” Lena questioned, placing her hands on her hips. “That was your sister’s birthday.”

“It was.” Jesse looked at Lena, shrugging. “I’m a twin. She’s ten minutes older.”

“That’s why you were in your bloody mood! Why didn’t you say something, you goose?! I would have bought you a present and made cake!” Lena said, punching Jesse in the arm.

“Nah, I don’t celebrate it, I haven’t in years. No need to make a fuss over little old me.” Jesse said humbly, poking at his eggs and watching the yolk wobble. It wasn't a lie. One of the things about being a twin. It was easy to ignore when you share a birthday with someone.

“Don’t be daft. We’ll make you dinner when you’re next free. You’re invited too, Hanzo!” Emily decided.

Hanzo’s eyes widened. He looked at Jesse, then back to Emily and Lena. He hadn’t thought about their next move. Lena elbowed Emily and said something under her breath, too quiet for Hanzo to hear. She turned her attention back to the men in the booth and smiled, “Enjoy your breakfast.” Before pushing Emily away.

Hanzo looked at Jesse. His mood had changed. A wall had come up. He was staring at his food and playing with it, shifting the bacon from side to side. Hanzo looked at his omelette, cutting into it and taking a bite. He looked back at Jesse, who was drowning his breakfast in maple syrup. Hanzo felt the butterflies in his stomach. He wanted to take Jesse in his arms, tell him it was alright, take away the pain. 

“Han.” Hanzo started, reaching forward, brushing his fingers against Jesse’s balled up fist. Jesse looked up at him, opening his hand and grabbing Hanzo’s hand. “You can call me Han.”

Jesse smiled. “Alright, Han.” He sat up straight and tucked into his breakfast.

That made Hanzo smile. Hanzo wasn’t one to smile so easily. He took another bite of his breakfast, contemplating his feelings. The feelings he had for Jesse now weren’t lust. He looked at the man sitting opposite him, watching him scoff his food like he hadn’t eaten in days. It brought another smile to his face. Another wave of butterflies in his stomach. He wanted this every day. To have breakfast. Go to places together. _Is this what love feels like?_

“How’s the food?” Jesse said, pointing to Hanzo’s plate and scrunching his nose at it.

Hanzo shook his head, staring at Jesse for a moment. “Very nice. Yours?”

“The best. Wouldya like some?” Jesse said, a whole sausage on his fork, dripping in maple syrup.

Hanzo swallowed, the thought of all that sugar and fat making him feel ill. “No, thank you.” Hanzo took a gulp of water, watching Jesse shove over half of it in his mouth and take a bite.

Hanzo looked back at his plate, trying to take another bite of the omelette. His nerves driving his leg to go restless. He needed to talk to Jesse about the future. Their future. The line in the sand, the future with Jesse that Hanzo wanted, was threatened by the incoming tide. The tide was the question: did Jesse want to pursue this further?

Hanzo cleared his throat. “Jesse. What Emily said about dinner. About me joining you. Is that something you would be interested in?”

Jesse looked up from his plate, jaw hanging, mouth full of food. He sat up and thought about it, chewing his food slowly so he wouldn’t choke. He was having fun with Hanzo. And Hanzo’s demeanour had changed around him. Like he tore down whatever wall was up. He clearly has skeletons in the closet, but who doesn’t? His previous thoughts about a relationship were starting to wane. He could see a future with Hanzo. Well, a next date at the very least. And Hanzo was only one of a handful of people who knew his birthday.

Jesse smiled. “Yeah, sure. If you would like to come along, that is.”

Hanzo smiled. “I would like that very much.”

“Alright, it’s a date!” Jesse said, polishing off his food.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have twins and couldn't resist making Jesse a twin.


	5. Birthday Dinner

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Howdy!
> 
> So I ran out of ocean/tide themed chapter names, but I feel the first four chapters are their own little story. The story from here has a very different feel as the boys settle into the dating game.
> 
> I hope you enjoy the read :-)

“Ready for tonight, Sugar?” The text on Hanzo’s phone read.

“I am. Are you sure they will like sake? I can stop by the liquor store and get wine.” Hanzo texted back.

Hanzo was in the back room of his bar, looking at the bottles of sake in front of him. Tonight was the night Lena and Emily had invited him and Jesse over for dinner for Jesse’s birthday. It was the first day the four of them could get an evening together, though it mostly hinged on when Hanzo could get away from the obligations of his bar. It had been a week since they had made the plans. A week since Hanzo had seen Jesse.

They had agreed to take things slow given the rushed nature of their meeting. And that included no sex. Not until the moment felt right, at least. _Two people in love, expressing their love._  Hanzo chuckled at the thought; a pang of anxiety washed through him. He chewed on his lip.  _To be in love..._ He closed his eyes, remembering all the women, the nameless women, suitors his father had arranged. Dinner and sex. Rinse and repeat.  _Pick one you like. I give you this choice._

A text back from Jesse broke him from this thoughts. “Just grab a bottle and come! I’m leaving my place now, I’ll be outside your bar in 10.”

Hanzo huffed. He did not like being rushed. He looked over his premium sakes, tapping his phone in his hand as he thought about which one to grab. After a minute, he made his selection, settling on a Daiginjo sake. He headed through the kitchen, around the bar, through the door, locking the door behind him. He stood on the street, watching the cars go by while he waited for Jesse.

This was the first time he had the night off since opening the bar; never needing a reason to close until now. Never needing a break. Hard working, like he was taught. He put a sign on his door as soon as the day had been picked. He looked at the simple sign, neatly hand written in English and Kanji: 'Izakaya will be closed Friday, 17th September. Apologies for the inconvenience.'

His regulars had questioned why he was closing for the night. Upon telling them he had a date, for a lack of a better excuse, they offered never ending advice. He chuckled particularly at the ‘A gentleman never sleeps with his date at the end of the night’ advice.

The sun was just starting to set, the cloudless sky a soft dusky pink as the chill in the air was starting to set in. Autumn had just started. A cooler than average Summer had come and gone, contradictory to the trending heat of years past. The leaves on the trees were already displaying a vibrant orange-red, and some had started to drop, littering the footpaths. Hanzo took a breath, and for a moment he was home. He was particularly fond of the weather in Boston, he noted how similar it was to the weather in Hanamura.

Hanzo turned to face the bar, looking at his reflection in the window. He was dressed in black Converse, dark grey jeans, a black short sleeve shirt with colourful birds on them and a navy blue fitted jacket. He ran a hand over his head for the hundredth time, smoothing his already smooth hair up to his top-knot. He ran his fingers through his fringe, sweeping it behind his ear and out of the way.

He was nervous about the evening. Nervous about making a fool of himself. Nervous that Jesse would see the person he truly is. He reached into his jacket pocket, thumbing the wrapped trinket before taking his hand out. He closed his eyes and took a moment to quickly meditate.

He opened his eyes and turned back to the road, tapping his fingers on the neck of the sake bottle nervously, waiting for Jesse to arrive.

\---

"Ready for tonight, Sugar?" Jesse texted before placing his phone on the bedside table.

Jesse rifled through his clothes, desperate for something that didn’t smell like he'd worn it one too many times in the midday heat. He picked up a grey shirt, smelling the armpits. He pulled the shirt away from his face in disgust and threw it to the corner of the room. "Holy Mother I really need to do my laundry," He said to the corner where the lonesome grey shirt was sitting. 

He drew his attention to the pile of clothes sitting on the small round dining table. Used for his laundry instead of eating at. There, he found a pair of blue jeans, the plain black long sleeve shirt that was always a little too tight around his large frame and a plain black t-shirt. He put the clothes on, leaving the tight shirt unbuttoned for the moment.

His phone vibrated on the bedside table. He picked up the clothes he'd thrown on the floor between the table and the bed, throwing them into a messy pile at the foot of the bed.

“I am. Are you sure they will like sake? I can stop by the liquor store and get wine.” The text back read.

Jesse shook his head and chuckled as he typed his reply, “Just grab a bottle and come! I’m leaving my place now, I’ll be outside your bar in 10”, reading it aloud as he typed.

"Now, stop stressin' you big ol' stresshead!" He said to his phone before placing it in his pocket.

They had texted right through the week they were apart. Mostly ‘how was your day?’, but sometimes the occasional flirty message would be sent too. Jesse noticed that Hanzo wouldn’t use shorthand or emojis, every word was precise. He was perfect. With everything. Appearance, mannerism, body… He was yet to find a fault; a chink in his armour. 

Jesse ran his fingers through his hair one last time, starting at his forehead and ending at the back of his head. His hair fell down to his jawline with a slight kick at the ends. He rubbed his face, feeling the shortened hair. He had trimmed his beard too, it was starting to look uneven and just a little bit too long.

He stood up straight and buttoned up his shirt, looking somewhat impressed that it wasn't as tight as he remembered. He winked at himself in the mirror, pointing his fingers into finger guns.

"Lookin' good, handsome!" He said to his reflection before slipping on his leather jacket and boots. He opted for ordinary boots this time, black and ankle-high, pulling his jeans over the top of them. He locked the door behind him and headed for his truck.

Jesse’s truck was blue, rust starting to appear where the paint had chipped. It was only five years old, he bought it brand new for himself after his last truck bit the dust. There weren’t too many trucks in Boston, the city folk favoured small cars.

In Santa Fe though, especially out in the country where Jesse lived, it was truck central. He had moved in with his sister when things went south with his parents. They lived together for eight years, but before that Jesse lived on his parent’s ranch. While they were busy playing perfect butcher and store manager, he worked on their ranch, helping with the cattle and general farm duties. Had been doing that since he was in his twenties, right through until he left them all behind. 

Jesse had become familiar with the Boston city streets. He only lived about a mile away from Hanzo. He likes to think that some divine being was telling him to stay in Boston because of Hanzo. That it was destiny. Not that he believes in any of that. He was raised like that though, his parents going to Church every Sunday, making him go with them when he and his sister were kids. 

Jesse shook his head, coming back to reality when making the final turn onto the street Hanzo's bar was on. He stopped in front of the bar, jaw dropping at the beauty in front of him. He put the car in park and hopped out, a little more enthusiastic then he would have liked, but he didn't care. He opened his arms, wrapping himself around Hanzo, taking in his scent, that familiar lemongrass scent he didn't realise he was longing for until now.

“God, I missed you,” Jesse whispered. He stepped back from Hanzo, eyeing him up and down. “Fuck, Han. You’re sizzlin’ tonight.”

Hanzo smirked, eyeing off Jesse. “I did not think you owned anything that was not plaid.” Hanzo ran a hand up Jesse’s torso, feeling his abs underneath before settling on his left pectoral. His cock twitched as he bit his lip, noticing how the shirt hugged his body; not like his loose plaid shirts.

Jesse scoffed, replying in a sarcastic tone. “Yes, I _do_ own clothes that aren’t traditional cowboy. See,” He said, kicking a foot towards Hanzo and pulling up his jeans. “I have normal boots too!”

“You look very nice.” Hanzo said quietly to Jesse's chest.

“Oh, only very nice? I call you sizzlin’ and I’m very nice.” Jesse teased, walking Hanzo to the passenger side and opening the door so Hanzo can step in.

“'Very nice' is quite the compliment from me.” Hanzo teased back, getting comfy in the large seat. Jesse smirked, closing the door and walking to the driver’s side. He took a seat, opening his phone to the map to check for traffic hazards.

“Alright, Leans lives on the other side of town. Should take about twenty minutes to get there. Settle in, bud!” Jesse turned up the volume for the music and looked over at Hanzo.

Hanzo stared at the radio in shock. He was certain his jaw was in his lap. It was banjo. That fast, hillbilly banjo he had seen in the movies. He was into the cowboy look, but this was too much.

“I believe I have made a mistake with you.” He looked at Jesse, straight face.

Jesse turned down the music, shaking his head slightly. He grabbed Hanzo’s arm. “Hey, it was a joke. You can pick whatever you want to listen to.”

Hanzo couldn’t help but smile. “I was joking. But thank you, Jesse.” Hanzo picked a radio station that had pop music and turned the volume down so it was just background noise.

“You sonofa… Jesus, Hanzo, you know how to give a man a heart attack.” Jesse placed his hand over his heart for a moment.

“I am surprised you did not realise sooner. I smiled.”

“You smiled as you said it was a joke.”

Hanzo leaned forward, grabbing Jesse’s shirt and pulling him in close enough that their noses were just touching. “You have made me soft, Jesse McCree.” He planted a kiss on Jesse’s lips.

“The only one who’s made you soft  _and_  hard, hey?” Jesse smiled, and noted Hanzo’s smile. Jesse looked back up at Hanzo through his lashes, getting lost in those dark eyes, _black as coffee._ He looked down at his soft, moist lips, just begging for more attention. He grabbed Hanzo behind the neck and pulled him in again. The small peck turning into a passionate kiss.

“I have missed you, too. And you look appealing.” Hanzo whispered before shifting back into his seat.

Jesse sat back, adjusting himself so his erection sat more comfortable. “Appealing, huh? Haven’t been called that before.” Jesse chuckled, shifting the gear to drive and continuing on their way.

“So, which sake did you settle on?” Jesse asked, looking at the bottle in Hanzo’s lap.

“This one, you can drink either before or after a meal. I did not know what we would be eating so I could not pair up a sake to match.”

“You could’ve texted them.”

“I did. They said it was a surprise.” Hanzo said, deadpan.

“Oh, a surprise. I like surprises!” Jesse bounced in his seat. 

Hanzo grumbled, looking back out the window. “I do not.”

They pulled up to Lena and Emily’s apartment building. Hanzo looked at the building, noting the cracks along the brick. It was old. Very old. He got out of the car and followed Jesse up to the door. He buzzed their apartment number, number 11, and Lena’s familiar British voice cracked through the intercom.

“Jess, that you?”

“Sure is, hon. Hanzo too.”

“Great! Come on in!”

The door unlocked and Jesse pulled it out, letting Hanzo through first. Hanzo stepped through and waited for Jesse to lead the way. The building was worse on the inside, cracks everywhere, numbers falling off doors. They walked up to apartment 11. Hanzo sighed, squeezing his eyes shut as Jesse knocked on the door. His anxiety was going into overdrive now.

Jesse looked over at Hanzo, eyes shut and breathing heavy. He placed a hand on his shoulder.

“Everything OK, Han?”

Hanzo opened his eyes. “Yes. I am just… nervous.” The nerves of being in an unfamiliar place. Out with friends. Never in his life had he been in this situation, even though he had longed for this exact thing for all his life. If Jesse did not drive him, he would probably double back, retreat to the familiar surrounds of his bar. He grabbed Jesse’s hand on his shoulder and took a deep breath.

Jesse smiled. “Don’t be, they don’t bite”

“A fact!” Lena said, standing at the door, arms outstretched. Jesse reached into the hug, picking up the much shorter and skinnier girl and carrying her into the living room, her legs wrapped around Jesse. “Happy birthday, Jess.” Lena kissed him on the cheek and unwrapped herself from Jesse, who placed her on the ground. 

“Thank you, darlin’, and you look lovely this evening!” Jesse said, She was wearing a navy blue and white floral dress that just covered her bum with black tights.

"Cheers, love!" She curtsied.

Jesse looked around the room. It was decorated with balloons, streamers and a big ‘Happy Birthday, Jess’ banner hanging in front of the TV.

“You really didn’t have to go to this much effort. I woulda been happy with pizza and beer.”

“It’s nothing for a friend,” Lena said, leaning into Jesse, wrapping an arm around his waist. She looked up at Hanzo, gesturing him in. “Hanzo! Get in here!”

Hanzo was standing in the doorway. He took a step in, closing the door behind him. He was pleasantly surprised at what he saw. Modern furniture and art on the walls. Union Jack rug underneath the coffee table. Hanzo smiled, holding out the bottle of sake. “I did not know which one to bring, but we can have this either before or after dinner.”

Lena walked towards Hanzo, giving him a hug. “You didn’t have to bring anything, sweetie. I told you three times!” She said, taking the bottle and running a finger over the Kanji characters.

“Nonsense, you do not go to a party empty handed.” A tip he read on the internet.

Lena smiled. “Well, dinner is still an hour away. We can open this now!” She turned and headed into the kitchen.

Hanzo took off his jacket, between the nerves and the heat of the apartment, he was sweating. He folded it neatly and draped it over his arm as his eyes fixated on the painting of a small brown bird. A sparrow. _Genji_. Hanzo thought about how much Genji hated the nickname, how he would tease him with it all of the time when they were kids.

Jesse’s heart skipped a beat. Hanzo’s shirt hugged his figure. His biceps so large, the sleeves would offer very little room if he tensed up. His tattoo teasingly disappearing up his sleeve, like the first night in the bar. Jesse took a breath, his cock half hard, and joined Hanzo who was looking at the painting of the sparrow. He placed a hand on his ass and squeezed, kissing him on the cheek. Hanzo looked at him, glaring but with a small smile.

“There’s the Hanzo I know. Come on, let’s see what’s for dinner!” Jesse grabbed Hanzo’s hand and headed into the kitchen.

Jesse walked up to Emily who was stirring a wooden spoon through a large saucepan. He placed his hands on her shoulders and kissed her cheek.

“Happy birthday, sweetie!” Emily said, placing a hand on Jesse’s face.

“Thanks lovely.” He peered into the pot and licked his lips. “Looks good! Smells better!”

“Spaghetti and meatballs' on the menu tonight. Hope you’re hungry!”

“Starvin’,” Jesse said, patting his belly.

Emily tapped the wooden spoon to the side of the pot, tapping away the excess sauce and placed it on the bench. She turned to face Hanzo, arms outstretched.

Hanzo chuckled at her apron. Bright pink, words “kiss the cook” adorning it. Hanzo hugged her, giving her a kiss on the cheek.

“Welcome to our home, Hanzo.”

“Thank you, Emily. It is... cosy.” Hanzo turned to face the dining table, barely a metre away.

Emily giggled. “Yeah, she’s a small one. One bedroom, tiny bathroom. But the rent’s good.” She walked up to Lena, giving her a kiss on the cheek. “Perfect for us.”

Lena handed everyone a glass of sake and held it up in the air. “To Jesse. You’ve been a light in our lives and made our days brighter. Happy birthday, sweetie!”

Hanzo watched on in semi disbelief as the trio in front of him, instead of taking a gulp, smelled the sake and took a sip. Hanzo took a sip, and they sat in an uncomfortable silence for a moment.

“You don’t remember us, do you?” Lena teased.

Hanzo shook his head. “No. But I have served many people.”

“We made our way to your bar once, you had been open for only a couple of weeks. You taught us how to correctly drink sake after we skolled the first glass you gave us. Our hair was different back then. I was blonde, and Em was… brunette?”

Emily nodded, smoothing out Lena’s short brown hair from where it had been ruffled by Jesse. “Sure was.”

Hanzo smiled. “Yes, I remember now. The two drunk British girls who would not stop giggling. You were not the first to do that, and will not be the last.”

“Well, Hanzo,” Jesse started, placing an arm around his shoulder, “gave me the lesson before I could make a fool outta myself.” He turned to face Hanzo. “And I would have downed that entire glass had you not said anything!” He kissed his cheek.

“You are lucky that you said you had not had sake before. Our night would not have ended up as it did had you drank that entire glass.” Hanzo smirked, leaning into Jesse.

“Whoaaaaaaaa,” Lena and Emily said simultaneously, before breaking down into a fit of giggles.

“You’re just a sake snob,” Jesse smirked, taking another sip.

“It is my life now…” Hanzo said, trailing off, getting lost in Jesse’s eyes. Those striking chocolate brown eyes. He smiled, biting his lip from continuing that statement. _As are you._ He finished in his mind, taking a sip of sake. He had thought about spending the rest of his life with Jesse, had practically planned it all out in his mind. He shook his head, trying to bury those thoughts. The internet said not to get too invested in someone so early on.

“And Leans, great speech. Nearly brought a tear to m’eye,” Jesse said, walking over and hugging her.

“You’re welcome, love. It’s true. We’re here for you, through thick and thin.” She gestured to the dinner table. “Take a seat, please.”

The four of them, and the bottle of sake, sat at the table. Hanzo draped his jacket on the back of his chair before taking a seat. It was dressed nicely, soft yellow table cloth with red London style double decker bus placemats. Red phone booth salt and pepper shakers sat in the centre of the table.  _So much London crammed into a small space._

“So, Hanzo, tell us about you!” Lena started.

Hanzo mulled on the question. He did not know what to say. “What do you want to know?” He eventually settled on.

“Well, where in Japan are you from, for start!”

“I am from Hanamura. It is rather traditional, many pagodas, temples and castles. The weather in Hanamura is similar to Boston, nights like tonight remind me of home. I moved to the United States fifteen months ago, settling in Boston a month later.”

“And what do you do in your spare time? Aside from the gym, of course!” Emily asked.

“I meditate. Prepare food for the customers at the bar. I teach Kyūdō," Hanzo paused for a moment, the three of them lost on the word. "Archery, to a student. Gym.” Hanzo said with a smile.

“Meditate, huh? Haven’t seen you do that!” Jesse exclaimed.

“I go most mornings. The park near the bar is an adequate place.”

“Maybe I can join you one mornin’?” Jesse nudged Hanzo.

Hanzo smiled. “If you can keep quiet for long enough!”

“Ohhh burn!” Emily said, getting up and turning her attention to the stove to stir the sauce before sitting back down.

Jesse nudged him, taking a sip of sake. “For the record I can be quiet when I want to be!”

“Oh, you can choose?!” Lena giggled. She turned her attention to Hanzo. “So why'd you move?”

Hanzo pursed his lips, looking at his glass before taking a sip of sake. “I moved for a change. To get away from my old life.” He paused, he knew they’d probe further, so he figured he’d spare him the question. He felt Jesse’s hand on his thigh, he looked at him, Jesse looking back with his soft eyes, those eyes saying _I’m here for you._ Hanzo smiled at him, and turned his attention back to Lena.

“I left after my brother died. I could not stand the thought of being home without him.” He paused again, taking another sip of sake. He swirled the glass, the sake climbing up the walls of the glass. “I miss him.”

Lena lept out of her chair, giving Hanzo a hug, the best she could anyway considering Hanzo was sitting flush with the table. “I’m so sorry, love.”

“His name was Genji. He was thirty three.” Hanzo looked over to the painting of the sparrow. He smiled. “His nickname was Sparrow. He hated it. I liked to rub it in every chance I got.”

“Can I ask. How…?” Jesse trailed off. His hand was still on Hanzo’s thigh.

Hanzo brought his hand down to Jesse’s and squeezed. _The laughter. The smell of copper in the air. The feeling of blood trickling down my face. The blade at my neck. "Your Father would be so disappointed in you..."_

“He was murdered.” Hanzo said, scratching above his right eyebrow.

“Jesus. Fuck, Hanzo. I…” Jesse trailed off.

Hanzo looked back at Jesse, vision blurring due to the tears in his eyes.

Jesse pulled Hanzo into the crook of his neck. He looked around the room, both Emily and Lena had their hands over their mouths. “I’m so sorry, Hanzo.” He finished.

Hanzo’s mind was racing. He had never told anyone what happened to Genji. He _had_ become soft since meeting Jesse. For a moment, he cursed himself for being so open. But then a wave of realisation. He was not angry. For the first time, since Genji, since the Clan was brought down, he was not angry. He was surrounded by people – friends – who did not judge him. Who did not know the old Hanzo Shimada or the things _that_ Hanzo had done. Hanzo nuzzled into Jesse’s neck, controlling his breathing so he could face the group in front of him.

Hanzo sat up straight, wiping his eyes and sniffling. “I apologise for being a mess. And for being a dampener on the mood.”

“Nonsense, love!” Emily said, bringing over a box of tissues. Hanzo took one, Jesse took another.

“Did they catch the bastard?” Lena asked, voice louder and higher pitched than normal, laced with anger.

Hanzo snickered. “They have paid for what they did.”

Jesse’s mind was running a million miles a minute. He wanted so badly to take away the pain Hanzo's in, to stuff it in a bottle and throw it to the bottom of the ocean, never to be dealt with again. He’d give anything to go back in time, to that moment and stop Genji from whoever robbed him of his life, so Hanzo could be happy. Seeing Hanzo upset was something Jesse never wanted to see again. He wiped his eyes and blew his nose.

Hanzo chuckled, looking over at Jesse. He rested his arm around Jesse's shoulders and kissed his cheek. “Do not carry this burden, Jesse. I do not want your sympathy. What is done is done.”

Jesse smiled, resting his head against Hanzo’s. “Do you believe this guy?” He said with a smile. He cleared his throat, bringing his voice down to a whisper, so only Hanzo could hear. “Thank you for sharing that with us, I can see it wasn’t easy, and please don’t feel like you have to talk about something you’re not comfortable with.” He tried to kiss his cheek, but Hanzo turned around, so the kiss landed on his lips. They held the kiss for a moment, before Jesse pulled away, resting his forehead on Hanzo's.

“Well, on to something lighter then!” Lena said, bringing over a present. It was wrapped in blue wrapping paper with a black bow on it.

Jesse smiled. “Ladies, you didn’t have to get me anythin’.” He held the gift in his hands, it was light. He gave it a gentle squeeze, it was soft. He smiled, carefully opening the wrapping paper, revealing a teddy bear, dressed in full Queen’s Guard attire – tall black fuzzy hat, red jacket and black pants, holding a little plush rifle.

Jesse laughed, playing with the hat. “That one time I said I wanted a teddy to sleep with!”

“Yep, got my Mum to ship it from London! She wasn’t happy going into the tourist shop!”

“Well, thank her for me.” Jesse smiled.

Lena held up her phone, camera ready. “Smile!” Jesse sat the bear on his shoulder and smiled, and the phone snapped the photo. Lena fiddled on her phone for a moment. “And sent!” She joined Emily in the kitchen to set up for dinner. Emily was passing a ball of dough through a pasta machine, flattening it out. 

Jesse looked at the bear again and handed it to Hanzo.

“It is very cute.” Hanzo said, pushing its nose.

“You’re my teddy,” Jesse said, wrapping his arms around Hanzo.

Hanzo couldn’t help but scoff. He brought his voice down to a whisper. “You are the more hairy of the two of us. You would be the teddy in this relationship.” He kissed Jesse’s cheek. He reached into his jacket pocket, pulling out the present he got for Jesse. It was wrapped in white tissue paper. “Happy birthday.” He said, handing it to him.

“Oh, darlin’, you didn’t have to get me anythin’. You were my present, remember?” Jesse nudged Hanzo, who rolled his eyes. Jesse unwrapped the present, a bronze keyring in the shape of a black bear.

“I researched the New Mexico state animal.” Hanzo said, placing a hand on Jesse’s thigh.

“Thank you, Hanzo.” Jesse got out his keys and put the keyring on, before leaning into Hanzo and giving him a kiss. He turned in his chair to face Hanzo, giving him a hug. Jesse rested his head on Hanzo's shoulder, listening to the sound of the girls in the kitchen before closing his eyes. He smiled, feeling a sense of love from the people around him. For the first time in a long time, he felt loved.

“If you two are done canoodling, we’d appreciate a hand!” Lena called from the kitchen.

Hanzo grabbed the wine glasses from the bench and arranged them at the table, along with the cutlery. Jesse helped with the garlic bread while Lena and Emily dished up the spaghetti and meatballs.

They laughed and talked over dinner. The girls spent most of it talking about life in London in their teens. Not that it bothered Hanzo. He had told them enough of his past that he was comfortable sharing. He had a way with words, if the conversation shifted his way, he would direct it back at whoever asked, or Jesse would take over and steer it into another direction. Jesse had his back, made him feel safe. Made him relax.

Jesse paced himself slowly, extending the single glass of wine out over dinner, being designated driver. He felt good. He let himself get comfortable, without fear of the night turning sour. He knew it wouldn't, he was surrounded by people who loved him. Accepted him. Parts of his wall started to melt away, the tough exterior giving way to a softer side, something that either would never happen or would take a long while to happen, depending on the people he was with. He'd been too badly damaged to let himself get this way so easily. 

Learning more about Hanzo helped. He knew Hanzo had a damaged past, just like him. _Two broken people who fit together almost seamlessly,_ he thought, arm wrapped around Hanzo. He squeezed his shoulder, Hanzo turned to face him, smile wide from a joke Jesse missed. Jesse smiled, leaned in to Hanzo and kissed his forehead. 

Lena and Emily brought out the cake, red velvet with cream cheese frosting, “Happy Birthday, Jesse” written in red frosting on the top. Several photos later, dishes done and drying on the rack, and the evening was done.

“Thanks again, Em, dinner was delicious. And Leans, great job on the cake. But seriously, you didn’t have to.”

“It was nothing, Jess. We should do this again, though. Double dates are the best!” Lena suggested.

“Perhaps I can host the next one at the bar. I can cook you traditional Japanese food and pair them up with the appropriate sake.”

“That sounds amazing, Hanzo!” Emily said, leaning in for a hug.

“Definitely count us in!” Lena said.

They said their goodnights and Jesse and Hanzo drove back to the other side of town, to Hanzo’s bar. They pulled up out the front.

“I had fun tonight.” Hanzo said, grabbing Jesse’s hand. “Would you like to come inside? For tea, of course.”

Jesse smiled. “Absolutely, Sugarplum.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading :-)


	6. The Talk

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Warning! Discussion of past child abuse and injuries**
> 
> And now to add a couple drops of fluff to balance it out...
> 
> *knocks bottle of fluff all over chapter*

Hanzo looked at the city below him, the lights twinkling like stars in a cloudless night sky. The sun was setting, the sky glowing a dusky pink-orange hue. The smell of orange blossoms carried on the warm spring breeze. Hanzo closed his eyes, taking a deep breath. He was home.

He was sitting in the farthest garden. His favourite garden. The small shishi odoshi slowly filled with a gentle stream of water before overflowing, tapping on the rock as it emptied in the koi pond to his right. He used the predictable rhythm to calm his mind and aid his meditation; something he had done countless times before.

Two large orange trees and ten cherry blossom trees in full bloom were arranged in a semi-circle behind him, meeting in the middle to a stone footpath which leads up to the Castle, and segregating the garden from the rest of the grounds.

The sound of footsteps clicking on the stone footpath, then crunching lightly against the short grass put a smile on Hanzo's face.

“’Sup, loser?”

“Sparrow.” Hanzo watched his brother take a seat next to him.

“Well, I gotta say, it’s been a while.” Genji leaned back on his elbows and closed his eyes as he took a deep breath, inhaling then exhaling slowly.

“Yes.” Hanzo said simply, lying on his back and resting his head on his hands. They sat in silence, watching the sun set. Hanzo took another deep breath, noting the faint smell of rain. He knew he did not have long before the storm approached. The storm that always comes.

“I met someone.” Hanzo finally said, breaking the silence.

“Oh, do tell!” Genji said excitedly, turning onto his stomach and placing his hands under his chin, kicking his feet absently behind him.

“He is tall. Charming. He tells the worst jokes... He makes me laugh. Makes me feel safe.” Hanzo smiled, looking at Genji. “I told him about you. The first person I have told.”

“Hmm, must be someone special. You've slept with him, then?” Genji waggled his eyebrows.

Hanzo turned onto his stomach, reaching for Genji who rolled away laughing.

“You are getting slow in your old age, brother.” He laughed as he sat back up, resting his forearms on his knees and looking out at the city below.

Hanzo smiled. He stood up, dusting himself off. He walked towards Genji, sitting cross-legged next to him.

“Well?” Genji prompted.

“Well?” Hanzo repeated, smiling. “You know the answer to that one, brother.”

Genji laughed. “We don’t do things slowly, do we?”

“Shimadas do not wait. We take what we want.” Hanzo rolled his shoulders, pulling them back as he sat up straight.

Genji looked Hanzo up and down. “You finally got the piercings you wanted I see. Nice haircut too.” He touched a finger on Hanzo’s chest, outlining one of the birds on his shirt and narrowing his eyes. “But what are you wearing?”

“I am embracing your style of dress.” Hanzo said, batting Genji’s hand away.

Genji laughed. “This?” He reached out for Hanzo again. “I would _never_ wear this.”

Hanzo grabbed Genji’s arm, pulling him in and wrapping his arm around his head in a gentle headlock. Genji pushed Hanzo away, laughing.

The sound of thunder in the distance broke their mood. They looked behind them, the bright lights of Shimada Castle atop a hill contrasted against the black clouds. Lightning arched across the sky. The smell of rain intensified. The storm was getting closer.

Hanzo looked at Genji, the mood turning sombre. “I was not lying when I said I missed you.”

Genji turned back to the city below them. “Don’t go there, brother. Stay out of the darkness.” He chuckled softly “Tell me, what’s his name?”

“Jesse McCree.” Hanzo said, a small smile creeping over his lips. “I have feelings for him.”

“What feelings?”

Hanzo smiled. “I want him at my side always. I want to have breakfast with him every morning, I want to go to sleep next to him and wake up next to him. Every day.”

Genji shouldered Hanzo. “Ooh… Sounds like you are in love.”

“Love..." Hanzo breathed, smiling. "I do not know what to do.”

“My advice? Play it cool. DO NOT tell him you love him too early or you’ll just scare him away. This is shit you should know, brother.”

“I would know it if Father had let me out of those fucking walls.” Hanzo gestured back to the Castle.

A thunderous boom startled the both of them. They stood up, knowing Hanzo needed to shelter from the storm. The air grew thick from the moisture of the rain. The sunset hues disappeared behind black clouds. A fog rolled in, the city disappearing behind it. The wind picked up, petals from the orange and cherry blossoms blew past them, leaving the trees completely bare. Dead.

Hanzo grabbed Genji, holding him tight.

“The storm approaches. Go somewhere safe.” Genji said, embracing Hanzo. “Stay out of the darkness.”

Hanzo held on to Genji, squeezing him tight. He buried his head into the crook of his neck. Large rain drops fell on them, the cold water penetrating through his shirt. “I love you, brother.” He whispered.

Genji sighed. “I love you, too.” He pushed Hanzo away playfully. “Loser.” He smiled, pointing his fingers into finger guns and walked back down the path, towards the Castle. Into the storm.

\----

Hanzo’s eyes opened. He inhaled sharply and sat up, taking in his surroundings. He placed a gentle hand on Jesse’s shoulder, his back towards Hanzo. _Asleep._ He brought his hands up to his face and rubbed his eyes, rubbing so hard he saw stars. He got up and walked to the sink in the bathroom and splashed his face with water. He looked at himself in the mirror, pulling back his hair and noting the dark circles under his eyes.

_Genji._ It had been almost a year since Hanzo had the dream with Genji. He had the dream almost every night until he learned of the fall of the Shimada Empire. He and Genji would talk about life on the run. About what Hanzo would do with his life when he gained freedom from the Clan. But every time it ended the same way. With the storm. Hanzo had stayed in the darkness of the storm once. The first time he had the dream. The night Genji died.

The darkness was exactly that. The place where Hanzo had to watch Genji fall again and again. _The mocking laughter. The blood, slowly pouring out of the wounds. Life extinguished. “You couldn’t make this easy, could you?”_ Hanzo balled up his fists, bringing them in front of him.

He looked at himself in the mirror. He saw the anger in his eyes, the same anger from that night. “ _Stay out of the darkness.”_ He closed his eyes and took a deep breath, relaxing his muscles and opening his hands, laying them by his sides.

Hanzo shook his head, grabbing his towel to pat dry his face before climbing back into bed. He shuffled in close to Jesse, pressing his body against his and draping his arm around his waist. 

“Everythin’ OK, Sugarplum?” Jesse shimmied in a little closer to Hanzo, pressing his back into his chest. 

“Yes. I just had a dream.” Hanzo rested his head against the back of Jesse's neck.  _Safe_ , he thought, closing his eyes.

“About your brother?”

Hanzo's breath caught in his throat.  _Shit._ He opened his eyes, pulling his head back.

“You were mumblin’ in your sleep. Heard you say you missed him.” Jesse said softly.

Hanzo closed his eyes tight. “Did you hear anything else?”

A pause. Hanzo heard Jesse take in a bit of air and then silence, like he had intended to say something but didn't, getting caught on the thought. After a moment, Jesse finally said, “I heard everything. Well, your side of the conversation, anyway.”

_Fuck_. Hanzo's breathing turned fast and shallow. His mind was racing, he had just unknowingly told Jesse he's in love with him. He felt Jesse try to turn, but he held him down tight. Embarassed, he did not want to look him in the eye.

“Han, it’s OK. It was just a dream.” Jesse said, voice full of compassion. Like a father to their child.

But it was not just a dream, not something said in jest. He threw caution to Genji's advice, whispering, “But it was the truth.” 

Jesse took a breath and held it again before speaking. “I think we’re on different pages, Han. Don’t get me wrong, I like you, I really do. I want to continue this.” He paused for a moment. “You have to understand, the way we started… sleeping together first, it ain’t the usual way a relationship starts.”

Hanzo chuckled. “Nothing has ever been usual about my life. I like you, Jesse McCree. More than you probably like me.” Hanzo paused. He could feel the nerves building and the desperate need to explain himself.

“I’ve been where you’ve been, Han. I know what you’re feeling right now. Please don’t think that I don’t like you. I wouldn’t be here if I didn’t like you.” Jesse explained. “Love… Love is a strong word. You have to mean it, otherwise it just hurts you.”

“I have never been in love with someone before. My family were… different to other families.” Hanzo paused. He never told anyone about his family. Ne never told anyone what his life was truly like. Everyone had their perceptions, though. Perceptions of royalty, freedom, riches. Material things. Hanzo had none of that. His family were not royal. His family did not give him freedom. His family did not shower him with material things. His family taught him how to maintain the family business. Kept him caged up like an animal. Taught him how to _kill._

He closed his eyes, continuing. “My family, my ancestors, built an Empire. I was groomed to take over from my Father, like he was groomed to take over from his Mother. My life was spent training. Attending meetings. Overseeing my Father and his work. I did not have friends. I was never given the opportunity to meet people. It was decided for me. _Everything_ in my life was decided for me.”

He paused as Jesse grabbed his hand. He wanted to tell him everything. His family of criminals. Of killers. But those thoughts melted away, taking him from the tangent he was on and back to the path. Back to him. _Jesse_. He could feel himself trembling, his anxiety going into overdrive now. He brought his voice down to a whisper, “I have feelings for you, Jesse. Not just physical feelings. I want to wake up next to you every morning and go to sleep next to you every night.”

Jesse squeezed Hanzo’s hand. “I would like that too. But I’m not there yet. My last relationship… it ended badly.” He took a breath. “I fell for the guy, much like you have with me, and he was just a piece of work. I’m just protecting myself right now. But you don’t have to worry about me runnin’ away.”

He tried to roll over again, Hanzo lifted his arm, allowing him to do so. Jesse grabbed Hanzo’s hand and placed his other hand on his face. “You’re the first person who didn’t go runnin’ off when you realised my tattoo was gang related. You didn't treat me like a criminal. So I’m gonna hold on to you as long as you want me.”

Hanzo smiled. He opened his mouth to speak, but stopped when Jesse held out his hand.

“That doesn’t mean that I’m gonna dive head first. I want to take this slow. Get to know you good and proper. Take you out on a proper date, for one! Just you and me.”

Hanzo closed his eyes, he could feel his cheeks burning. He felt Jesse’s hand under his chin, pushing his head up. Before he could look at Jesse, Jesse’s lips were pressed against his. Hanzo could feel himself melt into him. A wall had been torn down. He had told Jesse a portion of what his life was like and he did not judge or mock him. Jesse was someone that Hanzo could be himself around. _Safe._

Right now, the talk was done. Hanzo took a breath and relaxed. Every tense muscle in his body relaxed. “I was not aware I spoke in my sleep.” Hanzo kissed Jesse’s forehead and rested his forehead against Jesse’s. “I am sorry that I woke you.”

“S’nothin’ at all, Sugarplum.” Jesse smiled. “Can I cuddle you?”

\----

Hanzo turned around, pushing into Jesse slightly as Jesse pressed his body against his. Jesse draped his arm over Hanzo, grabbed his hand and squeezed tight, kissing Hanzo’s shoulder. 

“Y’know, I didn’t think someone out there had a more fucked up childhood than me.” Jesse paused, closing his eyes and taking a breath. “He used to beat on me. ‘Til I broke his nose.”

“That is why you rebelled?”

“The rebellin’ came first. Got mixed in with the wrong crowd. ‘You’ve tarnished the proud McCree name’, he used to say, like it was a justification to beat on his own son.” Jesse sighed. He squeezed Hanzo tight. “I don’t wanna pretend like I understand your childhood. Just know that when you’re ready to talk about it, I’m here.” He nuzzled his head into the back of Hanzo’s neck.

“I extend the same offer to you, Jesse. You will always have my ear if things get tough. The sorrow in your eyes in the diner last week, I never want to see that again. I do not want to see you that hurt again.” He brought Jesse's hand up to his mouth and kissed his knuckles.

Jesse’s eyes welled up. He squeezed them shut tight to stop the tears. The tide of emotion bubbling deep down started to overflow. He sobbed into Hanzo’s neck, squeezing him tight. He sobbed for himself, remembering the pain he’d been through. The beatings. The bruises. The broken bones.

He sobbed for Hanzo. The deprived child who was told what to do and when. The boy with no friends. The man who has never been in love. 

He sobbed that they were both robbed of a normal childhood. Innocence stolen.

Jesse rode out the wave of emotion, knowing that keeping it in would make him feel like crap. Moments passed, the wave disappeared back in the ocean. Jesse let out a breath, whispering, “Thank you, Han.”

Another kiss from Hanzo on Jesse’s hand. They laid in bed as the sun rose. They stayed in bed long after the sun would normally wake them. They laid there, in silence, in the comfort of each other. In each other’s arms. 

They both chuckled when Jesse’s stomach rumbled. Hanzo turned around and faced Jesse, bringing his hand up to his face and brushing his hair neatly off to the side. “Would you like breakfast? I have eggs and bacon in the fridge.”

“I would love some breakfast.” Jesse leaned in and kissed Hanzo; a sweet, gentle, tender kiss.

Hanzo smiled. “Stay here. I wish to cook breakfast for you.”

“And what did I do to get such wonderful treatment?” Jesse smiled.

“You did not do anything. I just want to cook you breakfast.” Hanzo grabbed a pair of black sweats and a grey t-shirt out of his dresser.

Jesse sat up in bed, watching Hanzo get dressed. “If it’s all the same to you, I’d prefer to join you. I don’t much like being waited on.”

Hanzo thought about it for a moment. “Very well. However I have a small kitchen space, it will not be comfortable.”

“It’ll be cosy.” Jesse said, walking up to Hanzo and kissing him. “Just give me a minute to pee.”

Hanzo smiled, and headed downstairs. Jesse relieved himself, rinsing his hands in the sink before splashing his face with water. He looked at himself in the mirror, cursing himself internally for crying in front of Hanzo. “You’re too damn sympathetic for your own good, McCree.” He mumbled before grabbing his jeans and t-shirt, putting them on.

He proceeded downstairs, his concerns disappearing as the smell of bacon cooking made his mouth water. The door behind the bar was open, the sound of the sizzling was like music to his ears.

“You weren’t kidding about small!” Jesse said, poking his head through the door and leaning on the doorframe. A single bench, with a six burner stove top - frying pan and pot of boiling water sitting on top. Next to the stove top was a sink and dishwasher, and a small bench space and oven took up one wall. The other wall was floor to ceiling pantry space, full to the brim with various packaged foods, as well as cooking utensils. There was enough room lengthways for two people, but no way for them to walk past each other without it being a tight squeeze.

Jesse pointed to the door at the other end of the kitchen space. “What’s through there?”

Hanzo looked at the door briefly. “The fridge and where I store the sake.” He cracked four eggs into the pot of boiling water. “I hope you like poached eggs.”

“If it’s food, I’ll eat it.” Jesse answered. “Can I help with anythin’?”

“No, I am fine. Please, take a seat.” Hanzo said, gesturing to the bar. He flipped over the strips of bacon and put a tea pot of water on the stove to boil. He headed into the fridge for butter, and waited for the bread to finish toasting on the grill.

Jesse took a seat at the bar, waiting for Hanzo. He watched him cook, noting how fluid he was in his motions. Someone who knows their way around a kitchen. A few minutes passed, and Hanzo came out with a tray carrying two plates, two cups and a black ceramic tea pot. Hanzo placed the plates down at the bar, leaving the tea and cups on the tray and joined Jesse on the other side.

Jesse looked in awe of the effort Hanzo put in. Two slices of toast cut into four triangles and stacked in a diamond pattern, eggs on top, with the bacon, pickled ginger and cherry tomatoes on the side.

“Han, you didn’t have to go to this much effort.” Jesse gushed.

“Nonsense. This is nothing.” He handed Jesse a knife and fork.

Jesse turned in his stool to face Hanzo. “You said last week you don’t do breakfast. You put in the effort.”

Jesse caught the blush in Hanzo's cheeks as he turned his attention to the tea pot, pouring the tea into the two cups. “Sencha. I apologise, I do not have coffee.”

Jesse grabbed Hanzo’s hand when he placed the tea pot down, pulling him in for a kiss. “Thank you, Hanzo. No one has done anything like this for me before.” 

Hanzo looked at Jesse, brow furrowed in confusion. “No one?”

“Most folks I was with ate cereal out of the box.” Jesse said, cutting into the egg and watching the yolk ooze all over the toast.

"Ugh," Hanzo cringed.

"Not a cereal fan?"

"I will never understand the appeal of soggy wheat." Hanzo said dryly.

“So you do all your own cooking, then?” Jesse asked, using his best table manners with the bacon, even though the urge to pick it up with his hands was unyielding.

“Yes. I prepare appetisers for the bar every day.” He smiled. “My Father taught my brother and me. He would say that the way to a woman’s heart was the ability to cook and clean.”

“Ah, so you’ve got the domestic side down, then?” Jesse smiled.

“That side, yes.” Hanzo said, taking a sip of tea. “What about yourself? Do you cook?”

“I can cook a decent barbecue. Other than that I can burn water.” Jesse shrugged.

Hanzo laughed. “Perhaps I can teach you then.”

“You can try, but others before you have failed.” Jesse picked up a piece of bacon with his fingers and stuffed it in his mouth. “So what do you do on Saturdays?” He licked his fingers.

“I am surprised it took you as long as it did to eat with your hands.” Hanzo said smiling.

“God gave us hands for a reason!” He grabbed his tea cup and took a sip to taste. He then took a gulp, nodding in approval. “Not bad.”

Hanzo shook his head, turning back to his plate. He shrugged, grabbing his egg yolk soaked toast with his hands and taking a bite.

"Embracin' your wild side there?" Jesse asked with a smirk.

Hanzo winked. “I have a strict routine-”

“Why am I not surprised?” Jesse drawled.

Hanzo pushed Jesse playfully. “I meditate, tutor my student, then come back here and prepare food before the bar opens.”

“Maybe you can show me how to meditate before you play teacher. And since it’s…” Jesse grabbed his phone out of his pocket, noting the time. “...9:35am, we’ve got quite a few hours of things to do before we come back here and get ready for tonight.”

“We?” Hanzo questioned.

“Well, if you’ll have me. I haven’t seen you prepare and serve food. Thought that maybe I could be one of your customers.”

“I would like that,” Hanzo leaned in and kissed Jesse. “Though my regulars think I went on a date with a woman, and they will be here to ask about last night.”

Jesse leaned back as far as he could without falling off the stool; smile beaming. “Dinner and a show!” 

Hanzo stood up, standing between Jesse’s legs and draping his hands over Jesse’s shoulders. “You are enjoying this too much.”

“I am.” Jesse leaned forward, sweeping Hanzo’s long, untied hair behind his ear.

“They only assumed a woman. I did not tell them otherwise. I have not…” Hanzo trailed off.

“Come out?” Jesse finished.

Hanzo nodded. “I have slept with women in the past. However I always preferred the company of men. I do not think I am not ready to talk openly about it.”

“It’s fine. You do it when you’re ready. I can just act as a customer, keep my hands,” Jesse’s hands trailed down to Hanzo’s ass and squeezed. “To myself. How about I invite Leans and Em to join me, if they’re free. That way, you won’t be distracted.”

“I will reserve a table for you.” Hanzo pressed his body into Jesse’s and kissed him. He pulled away, noting Jesse’s empty plate. “How was your breakfast?”

“Best damn breakfast I ever did have.” Jesse smiled, kissing Hanzo’s cheek. “Please, allow me to clean.” Jesse stood up and collected the plates and cups, placing them on the tray and walking into the kitchen before Hanzo had a chance to say otherwise. Jesse placed the tray down on the bench, looking at the dishwasher. He opened it, a single dirty mug was inside. “Just in the dishwasher?” Jesse called out to Hanzo.

“Yes, that is fine. Except for the tea pot. That has to be washed by hand.”

Jesse nodded. He emptied the big pot of water into the sink and turned on the taps to wash the dishes. Hanzo grabbed a sponge and disinfectant to wipe down the bar. 

“I left your tea pot. I didn’t want to break it.” Jesse said as Hanzo returned to the kitchen. He stood aside as Hanzo cleaned it.

“It is fine.” He placed it next to the other dishes to drain. “So, do you want to join me for meditation?”

“I would love to.” Jesse looked out the front window, leaning forward on the bar. “Y'know, I actually repaired that footpath across the road about five or so months ago.”

“I remember, it was disruptive. I did not realise you were there.”

“It was my first job here, actually.” Jesse smiled as Hanzo approached him from behind, wrapping his arms around his waist and resting his head on his shoulder. “And to think, you were just across the road.”

Hanzo kissed Jesse on the cheek. He pulled away and headed upstairs.

Jesse got out his phone and texted Lena. “Dinner at Hanzo’s bar tonight if you and Em are free.”

“Ready?” Hanzo asked approaching Jesse, gym bag over his shoulder.

Jesse stuffed his phone in his pocket. “Sure am. I have to stop by my place first, though.” Jesse said, grabbing his jeans in his hands. “I don't imagine these wouldn’t be too comfortable to meditate in.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I'm trying to have chapters be either from Hanzo's or Jesse's perspectives, but I'm kind of struggling with it. I've just come off the back of a reader perspective fic, so maintaining two individual stories - with emotions, thoughts, actions -and keeping it clean is something I'm still trying to wrap my head around. So I apologise if the chapters so far have been a bit all over the place. I wrote many of the upcoming chapters weeks ago and it's taking a bit of editing to clean them up. I apologise if something slips through.
> 
> I have also found that I much prefer to write from Hanzo's point of view, but there is a nice big Jesse story arc coming up, so it'll balance out a bit.
> 
> And finally, thanks for reading!


	7. Being Bad Together

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello folks! Welcome back to The Incoming Tide.  
> First, the warnings:  
>  **Implied domestic violence. Referenced drug use and alcohol abuse.**
> 
> Referenced cause we learn more about the boys past! 
> 
> This chapter is long, and it's heavy. Though it's one of my favourite chapters.
> 
> Author admission! I don't drink, so I've relied heavily on research for types of sake and appropriate food pairings. Apologies if it's amiss. 
> 
> I hope you enjoy the read :-)

“ _This_ is where you live?” Hanzo asked as they pulled into the parking lot; eyes wide and mouth open in disbelief.

He looked at the motel sign, eyes drawn to the large jagged hole appearing as if a rock had been deliberately thrown at it. He looked at the motel itself. Sky blue paint was flaking off the walls. Rusty guttering leaving trails of dirt down the walls. The mere look of the motel made him feel dirty.

“Yeah, this is where I call home.” Jesse turned off his truck and headed for his room, dancing with the lock before stepping through. “Now, don’t mind the mess.”

“Jesse McCree!” Hanzo placed his hands on either side of his face. “How do you live like this?!” Between the many piles of clothes, old pizza boxes and empty beer bottles on the couch, the old, stained cream coloured carpet and abhorrent yellow paint on the walls and ceiling in the single room, he could barely hold it together. He felt disgusted. Embarrassed for Jesse that he has been living in this manner. He shook his head, looking back at Jesse. “You are a nightmare.”

“Ah, it ain’t that bad.” Jesse closed the door behind Hanzo and started going through piles of clothes, trying to find a pair of sweat pants. He tossed clothes behind him, forming new piles. “Uh, Han. We might have a problem.” Jesse said, turning to Hanzo, holding up his light grey sweats which had a ketchup stain on the knee. “All my clothes are dirty.”

“Here,” Hanzo opened his gym bag, jeans, spare long sleeve shirt and hoodie spilling out onto the bed. “Put the worst in here. We will do your laundry. Then we will clean this room, from top to bottom. And after that, we will find you new accommodation.”

“But I like it here,” Jesse pleaded in a childish manner.

“Jesse, you cannot live in a motel. It would not bother me if you m-” Hanzo stopped in his tracks, realising where he was going with the statement. He looked at his feet. He could feel the heat rush to his face, his pulse in his ears.

Jesse brought over a pile of clothing and stuffed it in Hanzo’s bag. “Wouldn’t bother you if..?” Jesse asked, looking at Hanzo. He stood up straight and smiled.

 _It would not bother me if you moved in with me;_ Hanzo repeated in his mind, cursing himself for nearly uttering the words without thinking. One of his flaws – speaking without thinking, and it was going to get him in trouble one day. He felt Jesse’s hand under his chin. “It would not bother me… to loan you some money… If you… required it.” Hanzo stammered his way through the sentence, still looking at his feet.

“Nice save,” Jesse whispered, pulling Hanzo in for a hug. With a breath, Hanzo relaxed into it, bringing his arms up and around Jesse’s back.

“I’ve been meanin’ to look into accommodation once I picked up work. But I just got comfortable here," Jesse sighed. "Mrs. Romano is a lovely woman, and I didn’t want to commit myself to an apartment if things fell through and I needed to move on. I probably would’ve moved in with Leans an’ Em if they had the space. They offered their couch.”

“Their couch is tiny,” Hanzo mumbled against Jesse’s chest.

“Yeah, m’legs woulda been danglin’ over the edge.” Jesse chuckled.

Hanzo smiled at the image of Jesse trying to sleep on their couch. Lying awkwardly on the two-seater, butt pressed up against the armrest and legs spilling over the edge. Mumbling something obscene, most likely.

He looked up at Jesse, resting his chin on his chest. “I have also been meaning to find new accommodation. The room above the bar has no heating and is freezing in winter.”

“Ah, a cold bedroom is something I don’t deal with.” He chuckled. “So expect plenty of cuddles.” He squeezed Hanzo tight.

Hanzo placed his head against Jesse’s chest again and listened to his heartbeat. The gentle thumping was enough to calm his mind. He closed his eyes, thinking of the shishi odoshi, slowly filling and emptying.  _Predictable._ He took a breath. “I was sincere in my offer of a loan.”

Jesse kissed the top of Hanzo’s head and rested his cheek against his forehead. “I know, Han. Money’s not an issue. Just didn’t know how long I’d be in Boston for.” Another kiss on Hanzo’s head. “How about we find you a place to live, hey? I can survive in the motel just fine, and I’ve been doin’ my fair share of sleepin’ at your place, so it’s not like I spend _all_ of my time here.”

Hanzo chuckled. He looked up at Jesse, stretching and rolling onto the balls of his feet so he could kiss him. He pulled away, taking another look at the messy room and shaking his head before his eyes were drawn to a photo in a black frame on Jesse’s bedside table, walking up to it for a closer look.

The photo was of Jesse and a woman, hugging each other, faces pressed together and smiling in the camera. Jesse was younger in the photo, taken a number of years ago, ten years he guessed. He felt Jesse’s hands on his shoulders.

“That’s Julia.” Jesse smiled. “Got the looks and the brains of the family.”

“She looks like you.” Hanzo smiled. Jesse was clean shaven and his hair was longer, nearly up to his shoulders. Julia’s hair was long and wavy, same dark brown in colour as Jesse’s and the same chocolate brown coloured eyes. Though her skin was a shade lighter.

Jesse laughed. “She’d probably hit you if you said that to her.”

“Well, you do not look alike now.” Hanzo smiled. “I prefer you with your beard, it suits you much better.”

“Yep, I don’t look like a sixteen year old.” Jesse smiled, rubbing his face. “That was our thirtieth birthday. Her boyfriend had just proposed to her. I couldn’t’ve been happier.” Jesse paused, wrapping his arms around Hanzo’s torso and pressing against him in so their bodies were flush. “One of the last times I was happy. Until now.” Jesse kissed Hanzo’s neck and rested his head on his shoulder.

Hanzo placed his hand behind Jesse’s head and ran his fingers through his hair. He turned, giving him a hug. He wanted to say something… anything. He struggled with words. He struggled with showing signs of empathy. He cursed himself, hoping the hug was enough. After a moment he asked, “Is she now married?”

“Not yet. She’s gettin’ married in a couple months, actually. Thanksgiving weekend.” Jesse chuckled. “She figured one large sitting with the family would be easier on me. She’s always lookin’ out for me.”

Those words shook Hanzo to his core. He always used to look out for Genji. The best he could, anyway, given his tendency to disobey their Father’s rules. He should have been there for him when he needed him. Done more for him when he needed him most…

“I think we’re gonna be doin’ laundry all day.” Jesse sighed as he pulled away. “Sorry to put a kink in your plans.”

Hanzo shook his head, coming back to reality. “It is fine. Knowing you have clean clothes to wear will be enough.” Hanzo pulled his phone out of his pocket, noting the time. “Though you will have to do it on your own, my lesson with my student is in an hour.”

Hanzo grabbed his jeans and the long sleeve shirt, getting changed out of his sweats in Jesse’s bathroom.

\---

“Every man and his dog are here doin laundry. This is gonna take F O R E V E R. They’re gonna find my skeleton stuck to this seat, I tell ya!”

“Stop being dramatic. This is what you get for not keeping on top of your laundry.”

Hanzo looked up from his phone. The thud of arrows hitting targets filled the room. Laughing and cheering carried from the public range, the sounds of people having fun. The sound of instruction from the two other instructors in the training room.

His student was half way through her bundle of arrows. He looked at her stance and posture, nodding in approval. Her movements when she drew the arrow and loosed looked good. He followed the arrow into the target, hitting the inner red ring. The rest of her arrows in the red or blue rings. He nodded again, her aim was improving.

He looked back down at his phone when he received another text.

“Ouch. I’ll just have to stay on top then ;-)”

“You are not funny.”

“Yea I am. I know you’re smilin.”

_“Sensei.”_

Hanzo was indeed smiling. “I am not.”

“I always make you smile. I’ve softened you good. You’re like a marshmallow now. All soft and squishy and delicious ;-)”

_“Sensei!”_

Hanzo rolled his eyes. Smiling, he typed, “Yes. Though soft is not always good.” He looked at the message. He bit his lip, the excitement building up in him, he felt like a rocket about to take off. He finished the message with “;-)”  and sit send.

_“HANZO!!”_

Hanzo looked up and instinctively took a step back; his student was practically face to face with him. Her face was red, her fists balled up and shaking at her sides. He could see himself in her when he was her age. Hanzo shook his head, placing his phone in his back pocket. “I am sorry, Hana.”

“You should be!” She yelled, pointing at the target. “I got a bullseye and you missed it! My first bullseye!” She huffed and stamped her foot.

Hanzo looked at the target, “Excellent work.” He bowed his head. “I apologise for being distracted.”

Her anger was evident. Hana certainly had a temper on her. Just like him. Though he wondered if he was ever this theatrical...

She closed her eyes and took a deep breath, her gestures relaxing before opening her eyes and smiling. “It’s alright. I’ll just do another one.”

She headed back to the shooting line. Looking at her feet, she rocked back and forth until her feet were spread a shoulder length apart in an open stance. She nocked an arrow, straightening her back as she drew, resting before releasing the arrow. It caught the edge of the yellow centre circle. She turned jumping up and down on the spot and pointing at the target. “I’m claiming that one!”

Hanzo smiled and applauded her. She shot the remaining four arrows, getting close to hitting the centre but missing, all catching the outer yellow circle or inner red circle. Hanzo joined her at the shooting line, waiting for the other students to finish.

“Your aim is improving.” Hanzo said folding his arms over his chest as he analysed her shots.

“It is, right!” She paused, turning to face Hanzo and smiling. “So who were you texting, your boyfriend?”

“Hana!” Hanzo exclaimed. He looked down at the shorter Korean girl, granted not too much shorter than him. He stood up straight, pulling his shoulders back to gain more height and a sense of authority. The nineteen year old knew how to push his buttons.

“I’m right, aren’t I?” The cute smile turning into a devilish smirk.

Hanzo took a deep breath, lowering his voice. “How did you know? I have told no one.”

She chuckled, nudging him in the arm with her elbow. “You just told me.”

Hanzo rolled his eyes, cursing himself for foolishly falling for Hana’s trap. The old Hanzo would never have given away information so easily.

“He is…” He started, thinking about Jesse. Were they boyfriends? Another spark of excitement. He looked at the target, thinking about the way Jesse made him feel. _Safe. Happy. Loved._ He frowned, remembering the conversation they had this morning. Jesse did not love him. _He used the word 'like'. He said he would not leave. How is that not love?_ He shook his head, looking back at Hana. “This is new. We are still trying to figure out what we are.”

“Well he seems to make you happy." She shrugged, folding her arms across her chest. "I noticed your attitude changed a couple of lessons back.”

Hanzo narrowed his eyes. “Changed? How?”

“Well, you’re smiling for one. You’re _much_ nicer now. And you haven't been on my back about every little thing.” Her tone turned mocking, bringing her hands up in front of her and doing air quotes. “‘Hana, you are slouching! Hana, your stance is off by one millimetre! Hana, work on your breathing!” Her tone then returned to its usual shrill sound as she folded her hands back over her chest. “I figured you just got laid, but it stuck. So I knew it had to be something more. Today though, the way you were distracted, the twinkle in your eye from those texts, looks to me like you really like him.”

The call was given that arrows could be collected, and Hanzo and Hana proceeded to the target. Hanzo felt his phone vibrate in his pocket; he reached for it, but pulled his hand away, helping Hana with the arrows. He’ll deal with the text later.

“I had not realised I was being so tough on you, Hana. You should have said something. You do not have to be afraid of me.” Hanzo said, pulling arrows out of the target and placing them into the quiver Hana was holding.

“You’re my Sensei, I’m not gonna poke the bear!" She pointed at Hanzo with an arrow, waving it up and down. "You’re an intimidating looking dude.”

“Hardly,” Hanzo scoffed, unpinning the target sheet and applying a new one. He was intimidating when he was younger, in his kyūdō, tattoo proudly displayed, bow slung over his shoulder. He thought that he had lost that with his new look, keeping the tattoo hidden under long sleeve shirts and hoodies unless required. He still had his attitude to work on, apparently. He tugged on the sleeve of his long sleeve shirt on his left arm, bringing the sleeve from his wrist to over his hand. “In any case, please do not be afraid to speak your mind. I respect honesty.”

Hana nodded and smiled. “So what’s his name?”

“I believe it is now time for your stretches.” He placed a hand between Hana’s shoulder blades and pushed gently, walking back to the bow stand. He checked his phone briefly, the preview of Jesse’s text read: “!!!!!!!! A winky face?! Where’s my Hanzo?”

Hanzo smiled, shaking his head and placing his phone back in his pocket.

\---

Hanzo placed the three plates of food down in front of Jesse, Lena and Emily. “Tonight we have Gyoza, Yakitori and Teba Shio.” He then placed the three glasses of sake down.  “It is accompanied by Tengumai Yamahai Junmai.” Hanzo smiled at Jesse, who winked back at him. “Enjoy your meal.” Hanzo placed the tray at his side, bowed and walked away.

“This looks amazing.” Emily said, grabbing a pair of chopsticks and picking up a gyoza.

Jesse watched Emily and Lena with the chopsticks, copying their finger placements. He fumbled with the chopsticks, getting them between his fingers awkwardly before dropping one. He frowned, “Shoulda probably had some practice with these things.” He tried again but gave up after unsuccessfully trying to pick up a gyoza. He huffed, stabbing it with a single chopstick and shoving it in his mouth. He looked over at Hanzo, a look of shock on his face: eyes wide, mouth open and shaking his head. Jesse shrugged, picking up one of the Teba Shio with his hands and winking.

The bar was full. All four tables and six stools occupied with people. The sound of Japanese conversation filled the bar, obviously a popular spot with Japanese expats. It was the middle of food service, running between 6:30pm and 8:00pm. He and Hanzo had prepared enough for thirty people earlier – the current capacity. After this, it was drinks only.

“So how are things going with you two?” Lena asked, taking a sip of sake.

“Pretty good. We had a lengthy chat this mornin’. Reaffirmed what we want from each other.” Jesse took a sip of sake, holding it up towards Hanzo, who held up his own glass from behind the bar. “He’s…” Jesse started, pausing for a moment, trying to figure out how much he wanted to tell the girls. They’d been a shoulder to lean on, and he could use some advice. “We’re on different pages. He’s in love with me.”

Lena elbowed Jesse in the ribs. “And you’re not? Look at him! He can cook, he knows his way around booze. Free food and drink, can’t go wrong!” They watched Hanzo for a moment; he was deep in conversation with a patron at the bar, smiling and laughing.

Lena placed a hand on Jesse’s knee. “He makes you smile. You smile every time you talk about him. I’ve only known you for six months, but in the two weeks he’s been in your life, it’s the happiest I’ve seen you.”

“I like him. I really like him.” Jesse gushed. And he did. He enjoyed making him laugh. He enjoyed his company. He enjoyed lying in bed with him, cuddling and talking about nothing and everything. He appreciated it when Hanzo agreed to take things slow. He appreciates that he hasn't pushed for sex.

He took a breath, shaking his head. “Robbie messed me up. I don’t want to dive in head first and have it fall apart. I can’t go through that again. That pain, that sadness. It nearly killed me.”

“Robbie was a shit.” Emily interjected.

“Hmm.” Jesse nodded in agreeance, taking a sip of sake. _Robbie Lancaster._ The man Jesse fell head over heels for; love at first sight. The last person Jesse was in a relationship with – an embarrassing four and a half years ago.

The relationship started off great; he showered Jesse with gifts, love, and affection. Jesse told him he was in love with him after three weeks. The feeling wasn't mutual, and that’s when things started to unravel.

The man was controlling and abusive. He needed to know where Jesse was at all times. He Googled Deadlock, though he didn’t tell Jesse straight away, but that’s when Robbie’s violent tendencies kicked up. _“You’re a piece of shit. Not even They wanted you! You’re lucky you have me. I’m the only one who puts up with your bullshit.”_

Jesse broke it off; he couldn’t be with another abuser. He’d been through enough of that garbage in one lifetime. The relationship was over when month three ticked over. Jesse shook his head, he had an annoyingly bad habit of being attracted to the scum of the Earth.

He looked at Hanzo and smiled, the anger simmering away and disappearing. “He nearly asked me to move in with him today.”

“You showed him the motel, didn’t you?” Lena asked deadpan.

“Yeah-”

“Anyone in their right mind would ask you to move in with them at the sight of that place. We did!” Lena interjected.

Jesse chuckled. “I’m not gonna lie and say that the thought hadn’t crossed my mind.” Jesse paused, taking another sip of sake. “It’s not too soon, is it?” He shook his head, answering his own question. “It’s too soon. Haven’t taken him out on a date yet. I barely know anything about him. Hell, he barely knows anythin’ about me!”

He ran his hands through his hair and leaned back in his chair. He was doing it again – falling hard and fast for someone. For Hanzo. “Fuck… sleeping with him before getting to know him has messed my mind up proper.”

He needed to take a step back, assess the situation from a distance. Protect himself as best he could. He made a mental checklist in his mind. _One, arrange a first date. Two, talk about my past. Three, learn about his past._

“Has Hanzo given you any reason to think he’ll hurt you?” Emily asked.

Jesse smiled. “Emotionally? Nah. He’s sweet. He made me breakfast this mornin’, he said he wanted to just because. No one I’ve been with has done anythin’ like that.” Jesse looked at Hanzo, this time noting his physique, the way his long sleeve shirt hugged his figure, he could see his biceps, his pectorals. He bit his lip. “Physically… He is rough in bed.” Jesse said with a smirk.

Emily giggled, glancing at Hanzo. “But he’s so nice and quiet and gentle at the diner. For two months he would call me Ms. Emily even though I insisted he didn’t.”

“He is respectful, isn’t he?” Jesse said, taking a sip of sake then reaching for the yakitori. “A proper gentleman.”

“I think you’re protecting yourself from nothing, love. Em and I moved in pretty quickly.” Lena said, bringing the conversation back. She grabbed Emily’s hand.

“But you two knew each other from school.”

“We weren’t friends, though. We were polar opposites,” Emily said, turning to Lena and grabbing her hand. “You hung out with the cool kids and I was the nerd, complete with bracers and glasses and frizzy hair.” She kissed Lena on the cheek, before directing her attention to Jesse. “And I only moved in with Leenie ‘cause my Mum was moving to France to be with her new boyfriend.” Emily kissed her hand. “And we’d been dating for about two months by that stage.”

“And we’ve been together for six years and counting.” Lena said to Emily, grabbing her behind the neck and kissing her passionately.

Jesse chuckled. “Alright. So two months, then?” He looked at Hanzo and smiled. “Let’s see how the next two months go.”

\---

The bar was quiet. The lively atmosphere of earlier long gone. The bar was empty, except for Hanzo, Jesse Lena and Emily.

“Alright, I’ll drive these lovelies on home. See you tomorrow?” Jesse said, placing his hands on Hanzo’s hips and kissing him.

“Don’t worry about us. We’ll take a taxi.” Lena said.

“Are you sure?” Hanzo asked. “Please, allow me to cover the fare.”

Emily grabbed Hanzo’s arm as he went to walk away. “Don’t be daft. You gave us dinner and drinks for free.”

“You did me a favour by sitting with Jesse all night. I understand that nights you have together are rare.”

“It’s nothing. That’s what friends do.” Emily said, giving Hanzo a kiss on the cheek. Lena skipped over to Hanzo, kissing his other cheek. He grabbed them in a hug, and the next moment he was nearly pushed backwards as Jesse joined the group.

“Ah, I love me a good group hug.” Jesse drawled.

After the giggling subsided, they separated, said their goodbyes and Jesse escorted them onto the street to hail a taxi. Hanzo tidied up, grabbed two beers from the fridge, turned off the lights in the kitchen and closed the door behind him. He flicked off the caps and walked around to the front of the bar as Jesse walked back in.

“Ah, I was wonderin’ if you drank anything other than sake.” Jesse smiled as Hanzo handed him a beer. He looked at the label. “Asahi Kuronama. Never had this one.”

“It is not bad.” Hanzo sat at one of the tables behind the window and took a short pull. “How was your evening?”

“Very good.” Jesse said taking a seat opposite him. “You’re an amazing cook, Han. Did your regulars bother you about me?”

“They did. They figured out you were at the table because I could not stop looking at you. And then they noticed the girls’ affections for each other.”

“So… you told them? About us?”

“I did. I just told them that it was still new.” Hanzo took another pull. “I did not want to lie to them. And honestly, I do not care what they think.”

Jesse held up his beer, Hanzo clinked his bottle against it and they both took a long pull.

Jesse rolled up the sleeves on his red plaid shirt to above his elbows. He could feel the hear in his face and the sweat under his arms. He was nervous about the upcoming conversation, thinking about his checklist. _One, date night._ He wanted to make date night a regular thing, and Hanzo was busy on weekends, if tonight was anything to go by.

“So, with you teachin’ your archery on Wednesdays, is the bar shut?”

“No, I open at 8pm and only serve drinks. Though Wednesdays tend to be my quietest days.”

“Maybe you could just stay shut on Wednesdays? We could make that our date night. If that won’t break the bank.”

Hanzo smiled and grabbed Jesse’s hand. “I would like that very much.”

Jesse smiled. _Check. Two, learn about his past._ “So did you do much instructing in Japan?”

“I did. It was one of my duties to make my family connect with the general public. I would instruct many children at one time.”

“Connect?” Jesse furrowed his brow in confusion.

Hanzo took a long pull. “My family were not well regarded amongst the population. They were fearful of us.” He stared at the Deadlock tattoo on Jesse’s forearm, changing the conversation abruptly. “How old were you when you got your tattoo?”

Jesse looked at it. The image of the skull, eye patch over one eye. Wings on either side of the skull. ‘Deadlock Rebels, Est 1976’. Chains, padlock and stars. The once dark ink was dull, showing its age.

“Woulda been seventeen. I made the decision to drop out of school and commit myself fully to the gang. Stupidest fuckin’ decision of my life.” _Three, tell him about my past._ He took a long pull of beer. He ran his fingers over the tattoo. “Was pretty much the final nail in the coffin for my folks, they declared me a lost cause and practically ignored my existence. The gang took me in, got me hooked on drugs so I wouldn’t leave. They owned me; made me do their dirty work.”

Hanzo squeezed Jesse’s hand. “When did you realise it was a mistake?”

“After about a year. Got my ass thrown into jail for…” Jesse trailed off. The memory almost bubbling to the surface. _Not yet._ He shook his head, pushing it back down. “I got bailed out by a family friend. Gabe Reyes. He was military, gave me the option to join him or rot away in maximum. I chose the former; served three tours over eleven years. My unit was discharged after he got caught up in an ambush.” He took a pull of beer. “Don’t know what happened to him. He’s listed MIA. But two things I know for certain. He saved my life, and was more of a Father to me than my actual Father.”

Jesse smiled. _Gabe Reyes, the tactician_. A natural born leader. Gabe took Jesse under his wing. Showed him true hardships. Orphaned kids, homeless and starving due to war. Made him appreciate that running away from his problems wasn’t the answer. To his credit, he tried to be the bridge between Jesse and his father, but that bridge was burned, dead and buried, never to be rebuilt.

Jesse held up his beer again. “To Gabe. Wherever you are.” He took a long pull. “So, how about you? How old when you got yours done?”

“I was thirteen when it was started, when I commenced my Kyūdō training.”

Jesse shook his head. “Jesus, Han. Thirteen? You know what I was doin’ when I was thirteen? Waggin’ school, gettin’ drunk and stealin’ shit.” He took a long pull. “Shit, Han.” He breathed, shaking his head again. _Tattooed at thirteen. Branded at eighteen. Kept hidden from a normal life. Never granted a decision in_ anything  _in his life._ “I’m gonna go out on a limb and say your family’s Empire is less King of England kind and more criminal kind.”

Hanzo looked at the label of his beer, running his thumbs over the sweating glass. One of the corners of the label started to peel. He sighed, making eye contact with Jesse. “You are correct in your assumption.”

“Not surprising based on the hints you’ve been dropping.” Jesse took a long pull. He sighed. “So does it hold any special meaning?”

“Hatachi.” He took a pull of beer. “It signifies my coming of age, the completion of the design coincided with my twentieth birthday and the completion of my training.” Hanzo pulled up his sleeve, revealing the dragon’s head. He thumbed over it. “The tattoo was completed in sections, each addition coinciding with the completion of a ranking." He scoffed. "Legend says that a Shimada can control dragons. This specific design," he tapped on his wrist with his index finger, "has been in my family for generations, granted to the first born child. We were all kyūdōka.”

“So you weren’t even given a choice in that either.” He breathed. A statement, not a question.

Hanzo chuckled. “I was not given a choice in _anything_ in my life. Genji, on the other hand...” Hanzo trailed off, frowning like he was caught in a bad memory. He shook his head before continuing, “Genji had a tattoo also.” Hanzo reached over his shoulder. “On his back.”

“Like yours?”

“Similar. His was green and covered most of his back, the tail of the dragon finished on his left hip. I got the one on my back on the anniversary-” Hanzo paused. He took a pull of beer, thumbing at the peeling label. “In memory of him.”

“A noble gesture.”

Hanzo nodded, focussed on playing with the label of the bottle. Jesse could see that whatever memory he’d pulled up, it wasn’t a good one. His breathing was fast and shallow, his eyes glistened in the light. He was fighting back tears. Jesse moved to the seat next to him, taking him around his arm and pulling him into his shoulder.

“I am not a good person, Jesse.” Hanzo whispered.

“Come on, now. Don’t go sayin’ things like that.”

“I did things in the name of my family. Truly dishonourable things, I realise now that I am no longer in their shadow. I should have protected Genji. I should have had his back. I did not… I could not…” Hanzo cried in Jesse’s shoulder.

“Shhh…” Jesse started, hugging Hanzo that little bit tighter. “It’s all right, now. I don’t care about the person you were. The person you are now, the gentleman who makes me breakfast and dinner, who insists I don’t live in a run-down motel, who sees me for who I am now, not who I was, that’s the person I see.” He paused for a moment, resting his head on Hanzo’s. “I did some downright awful things in Deadlock. Shit I’m too ashamed to even think about. So you can say that I too am not a good person.”

Hanzo chuckled, wiping his face and voice croaky. “We can be bad people together, then.”

Jesse kissed Hanzo on the head. “The worst.”

They sat in silence from that moment. The low rumble of cars driving down the street. A car alarm in the distance. The sound of beer sloshing in the bottle with each pull.

"Jesse?" Hanzo broke the silence, barely audible.

"Yeah, Han?" Jesse whispered back.

"Are we boyfriends?"

Jesse chuckled, squeezing Hanzo tight."Yeah, Han, I think we are."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I had this idea for Hanzo to teach Hana archery for months. I tried to work it into my other fic but it didn't work out. Then I binge read NedStarks's fic 'modern courtship' (which I recommend btw - so fkn good), and they have the same thing. I swear I didn't copy! I just love the Hanzo/Hana pairing - disciplined meets chaos. 
> 
> Thanks for reading!


	8. Just Like in the Movies...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello folks! 
> 
> So given how heavy the last couple of chapters were, I figured we were long overdue for some silly fun.
> 
> Full disclosure: This chapter is porn hidden behind thinly veiled plot.
> 
> Hope you enjoy the read!

_“Be ready at 8, wear something comfortable and warm and bring snacks.”_

Hanzo looked at the time on his phone - 7:55pm - before closing the message app and putting his phone in his back pocket.

He looked into the grocery bag he was holding, a bag of sea salt and black pepper potato chips and hazelnut chocolate sitting inside.

He looked at his reflection in the bar window. He had settled on his black Converse, baggy dark grey jeans, a relaxed black long sleeve shirt, and his slate blue hoodie.

Hanzo nodded, turning back to the street. This was their first date. Jesse was determined to make it happen, saying, _“We ain’t official until we go on a date.”_

Hanzo smiled, though the knot in his stomach told of his true feeling. He was nervous. He did not know what Jesse had planned. He wondered if this was a common thing, where one party organises a date and the other is surprised.

Standing on the street, waiting for Jesse, he thought about what exactly it was that Jesse had planned. Snacks and comfortable clothing obviously implied it is not a dinner date at a restaurant.

Hanzo looked west, at the low setting sun over the skyline. He squinted, holding his hand up to his face to shield from the harsh orange burn. The gentle breeze carried a touch of warm air; it had been a picture perfect autumn day. Wispy clouds moving slowly illuminated the sky a fire orange.

 _It could be a picnic_ , Hanzo thought, but he shook his head, _that would be more appropriate in the middle of the day, when it would be warmer_. He looked back down the street, the street lights illuminated one after another, the LED lights still dull against the dusk sun.

He smiled as his eyes fixated on Jesse’s blue truck turn down his street. He ran his hand over the top of his head and up to his bun, smoothing out his hair and pushing his fringe behind his ear.

Jesse pulled up in front of the bar, getting out of the truck with a smile and outstretched arms. Hanzo walked up to him, embracing him, taking in that familiar waxy musky scent; his natural scent.

“Good evenin’ Han.” He gave Hanzo a kiss on the cheek. “Good, you’re wearing casual clothes.”

“Good evening, Jesse. You did say to wear something comfortable.” Hanzo’s eyes were drawn to the two duffel bags in the tray of the truck, before he looked Jesse up and down; he was wearing his trademark cowboy hat, a black hoodie, red plaid shirt - collar poking through. Dark blue jeans sat atop… sneakers?!

Hanzo’s eyes widened in disbelief. “No cowboy boots? Jesse McCree, what have you got planned?”

Jesse looked at his sneakers, then at the truck, then back at Hanzo with a smile. “Oh, just a little surprise.”

“Jesse, I told you –”

“Yeah, yeah, I know. You don’t like surprises. But give me just one, hey? It’s something you’ll enjoy, I promise!” Jesse leaned into Hanzo, giving him a peck on the lips.

Hanzo grumbled as he pulled away from Jesse, walking around the tray to get a look at what could possibly be in those bags… and a sleeping bag? Red and rolled up in its pouch. He shook his head, climbing into Jesse’s truck.

Jesse hopped into the driver’s seat and pulled out his phone. “We just have to make a quick stop first.” He looked at Hanzo. “Do you have a preference for pizza?”

“Pizza?” Hanzo repeated, thinking of toppings. Pizza was a true indulgence food, something he’d had just a handful of times before. “I do not mind a pepperoni pizza.”

Jesse smiled. “Perfect.” He ordered the pizza on his phone and drove off.

“So, how was archery this evening?” Jesse asked.

“It was good. Hana is improving. She is still insisting that she meet you. She wants to meet the person who, and I quote, ‘stopped you busting my balls.’”

Jesse laughed, “She sounds like a real firecracker.”

“She is too smart for her own good,” Hanzo grumbled. “But she is a talented student. How was your day?”

“Ah, it was alright. Bobcat training’s fun, though it’ll mean I’ll get more nightshift work in the future. More highway work too.”

“So that means that you will have fewer working daytime hours?” Hanzo asked, hopeful.

He wanted as much time as he could get with Jesse. Just time alone, the two of them. Not meeting at the bar every other night, having to divide his time between patrons and Jesse. He wanted to spend time in bed, more than the two days of the weekend.

“Sure will,” Jesse drawled. “We’ll be able to spend days together.” Jesse smiled at Hanzo and grabbed his hand. “So, how does the apartment hunt go?”

“There is nothing on the market to my liking at the moment. Either too far away from the bar, or not what I am looking for.”

“You need to widen your search criteria, Han.”

“Is it too much to ask for a bedroom with its own bathroom?" Hanzo asked defiantly. "I will not share a bathroom with guests.”

“Apparently so. Especially if you want that bathroom to have a hot tub,” Jesse smiled.

Hanzo closed his eyes, imagining soaking in a tub. The hot water melting away the tension in his muscles, the smell of sandalwood incense burning slowly, sending thin ribbons of scented smoke through the room. Candles providing mood lighting, leaning against Jesse, back to chest. His arms wrapped tenderly around him. Comfortable. Safe.

Jesse squeezed Hanzo’s hand, drawing him from his mind. “You right there?” Jesse smiled.

“Yes, I am fine. I was imagining soaking in a bath. It has been too long.”

“I didn’t take you as a bath kind of guy,” Jesse smirked. “Was there room enough for the two of us?”

Hanzo chuckled, “There was.”

Jesse pulled in front of the pizza shop. “Mmm, I like the sound of that,” He leaned in to Hanzo, giving him a kiss. “Alright, just give me a sec,” he kissed Hanzo’s hand and hopped out of the car and into the shop.

Hanzo looked back through the back window, into the tray, still trying to work out what Jesse has planned. He eyed the red sleeping bag again. _Surely not camping?_ He looked down at himself, then shook his head. He looked back at the driver side as Jesse hopped back in.

“Here you go,” Jesse said, handing Hanzo the pizza. He put the truck in drive and headed off again.

Hanzo lifted the lid and looked at the pizza. Golden yellow cheese and round pepperoni slices. He smiled as his stomach rumbled, he was looking forward to eating a few slices. He then frowned, noting the sheen from the grease. He would need to eat healthy and not skip on the gym in the following days.

Jesse parked the car on a busy street. Hanzo watched as he hopped out of the car, grabbing the two duffel bags and the sleeping bag which he slung over his shoulder. He stood outside the passenger side door, looking in. “You comin’?” Jesse smirked.

Hanzo stepped out of the car, pizza and bag of snacks in hand. “What are we doing here, Jesse?” Hanzo asked, the slightest tinge of annoyance on his voice, watching the stream of people walking into the Boston Public Garden.

“Well let’s find out, shall we?” Jesse smiled, gently nudging Hanzo with an elbow and walking towards the footpath.

The sun had disappeared behind the skyline. The sky was now a dark indigo, half filled with wispy clouds and a sliver of a crescent moon was low in the sky. The gentle breeze carried a touch of coolness to it now.

Street lamps illuminated the path, Hanzo could hear the sound of crickets chirping and music in the distance, barely audible over the sound of conversation in the line of people walking to a single destination.

They too were carrying an array of items – camp chairs in their cases slung over shoulders, blankets, pillows, sleeping bags, coolers. Whatever Jesse had planned, it was a social event.

The footpath curved around a large oak tree and revealed their destination.

A large white screen was set up, a picture of a cartoon hotdog, bucket of popcorn and drink with a straw out the top stating there is still time to buy snacks was projected onto it. Large speakers on either side of the screen and along the perimeter, the sound of an old pop song played in the background. People with their belongings were set up in front of the screen. A small line of people were queued up at the two hot dog stands at the back of the waiting crowd.

“Well, whaddya think?” Jesse asked.

“Outdoor cinema,” Hanzo said with a smirk.

“Yep. I remembered you said you didn’t mind the occasional sci-fi flick. And this one’s a classic,” Jesse looked at Hanzo. “The Terminator.”

Hanzo smiled, “I have not seen this one.”

“Oh, you’re gonna love it. I figured you’d want to see somethin’ that wouldn’t have kids runnin’ amok." Jesse shrugged, "Even though it's a school night."

Hanzo held the pizza box against his hip, grabbed Jesse behind the head and pulled him in for a kiss. “Thank you,” he whispered.

 Jesse furrowed his brow. “For what?”

“For this,” Hanzo gestured to the screen. “I have never seen anything like this. It is a pleasant surprise.”

“Outdoor cinema? Yeah, they pop up over summer and fall. This is one of the last screenings before it gets too cold.” Jesse set his eyes over the crowd, pointing in the distance. A spot at the back of the crowd, not too close to the speakers. “How about there?”

Hanzo nodded and followed Jesse. Out of one bag, Jesse pulled out a red and white chequered picnic rug, laying it over the grass. A single pillow and the unrolled and unzipped sleeping bag over the top, a makeshift blanket. Jesse pulled a second pillow and two smaller blankets from the other bag, placing the pillow next to the other.

Jesse unfolded the two blankets, one was brown with cream coloured striped pattern on it, and the other was red with an orange hexagonal pattern on it. Both were well worn, the fabric was starting to fray at the edges.

“Allow me,” Jesse said with a smile, draping the brown one around Hanzo’s shoulders. “In case you’re wonderin’ this ain’t a blanket. It’s a serape. Used to wear them all the time back home.”

Hanzo watched as Jesse wrapped his serape around his shoulders. He looked down at his, rubbing the soft woollen fabric between his thumb and fingers, before bringing it up to his nose for a smell. He smiled, it was a little musty from being packed away, but it had Jesse’s waxy musky undertones. “It smells like you.”

“I would hope so,” Jesse smiled as they took a seat on top of the sleeping bag. Jesse reached into the second duffel bag, grabbing two beers. He twisted off the tops and handed one to Hanzo. “To our first date,” Jesse held out his beer.

Hanzo clinked his bottle against Jesse’s and they both took a pull. He noticed some containers hidden inside the second duffel bag. “So what else have you packed?”

“Oh, in there?” Jesse looked at the bag, before bringing his attention back to Hanzo. “I thought we could indulge in some strawberries and whipped cream later,” Jesse answered sheepishly with a smirk.

Hanzo raised an eyebrow. “We are here to watch the movie, yes?”

“Of course. Though if a bit of cream ends up on that perfect nose of yours…” Jesse leaned forward and kissed the tip of Hanzo’s nose. Jesse pulled away slightly, smiling and bringing his hand up to Hanzo’s face, gently caressing his cheek with his thumb. He looked down at Hanzo’s lips, leaning in for a passionate kiss.

Hanzo relaxed into the kiss, closing his eyes and tasting that familiar taste of cigarillo on Jesse’s tongue. The sound of the crowd and music disappeared. Being in this moment now, he was more relaxed then he had ever been. No concerns. No worries. Just him and his man. His boyfriend.

Hanzo pulled away with a smile, opening his eyes. He reached up and swept Jesse’s hair behind his left ear and cupped his face. Jesse reached up to Hanzo’s hand, grabbing it and kissing his knuckles.

The floodlights dimmed and the background music stopped, pulling them back to reality.

“Pizza?” Jesse suggested, looking at the screen as it lit up with a cartoon character phone saying ‘Please put your phones on silent’.

“Yes," Hanzo breathed. "I am famished.”

\---

Empty packet of potato chips and half the block of chocolate behind them, Jesse, as silently as he could, reached into the bag next to him and grabbed the whipped cream and strawberries.

The movie was about half way now, playing in front of the small audience, lights bouncing off the trees surrounding them. The occasional sound of an owl hooting could be heard over the more quiet scenes of the movie.

Jesse rolled onto his side, resting his weight on his elbow and adjusted the sleeping bag on top of them, creating a dip between them. He opened the container of cream and strawberries, placing them between him and Hanzo.

Hanzo was also lying on his side, head propped up on his arm under the pillow. He looked down at the cream and sat up, resting his weight up on his elbow and leaning in close to Jesse. “This is not store bought cream?” He whispered.

“Nup. I bought a bowl and whisk and real cream. I figured you wouldn’t like that fake canned stuff. I don’t like that canned shit.” He held out his left hand and rolled his wrist. "Gave my wrist a bit of a workout, but nothin' I hadn't done before."

“Jesse, you did not…” Hanzo trailed off, watching Jesse dip a strawberry into the cream and put it in his mouth, seductively sucking the cream off the tip before taking a bite of the strawberry. He felt a pang of pleasure through his body, his cock twitched. His mind wandered to dirty thoughts, how much he desperately wanted those lips around his cock.  

Jesse placed the stem in the container before dipping his finger in the cream. “You were sayin’, Sugarplum?” Jesse whispered with a wink, bringing his finger covered in a large dollop of cream up to his mouth.

Hanzo’s voice caught in his throat. His heart dropped to his stomach as Jesse stared at him with heavy lidded eyes, plush lips parted. He could live in this moment forever.

Was this it? Was this the invitation that Jesse wanted sex? He had been aching for his touch, the feel of Jesse's lips, his mouth, his fingers, his cock inside him. He was desperate for contact. For release. Because, for whatever reason that perplexed him, the thought of masturbation felt like cheating.

Now though, the teasing, the implication of that action, is as good a time as any to test the theory.

Without thinking more about it, he grabbed Jesse’s hand, and while maintaining eye contact, put the cream-covered finger in his mouth. He watched Jesse gasp and bite his lip.

He held steady for a moment before flicking his tongue over his fingertip. He noted the alcohol in the cream, whiskey, Hanzo guessed, making the act just that bit more sinful. He hollowed his cheeks seductively before slowly pulling Jesse’s finger out of his mouth. He kissed his fingertip before intertwining his fingers between Jesse’s.

“Fuck me, Hanzo,” Jesse breathed through closed eyes.

“Well I am not going to do that here,” Hanzo chuckled.

“I didn’t mean literally,” Jesse smirked. “But hoo boy d’you know how to tease a man.”                        

Hanzo grabbed a strawberry and dipped it into the cream, taking a bite. “I could say the same to you.” Another bite. “It is a good thing we have this blanket over us.” A final bite, he placed the stem in the container and licked his thumb and index finger from a bit of juice. “Otherwise I would have a very visible problem.”

Hanzo grabbed Jesse’s hand and brought it under the sleeping bag. He placed Jesse’s hand on his chest and moved it down his torso slowly, before stopping on his hard cock, pressing almost uncomfortably against his jeans. He smirked as Jesse bit his lip and threw his head forward, resting on his chest.

Jesse pulled his head up, placing the strawberries and cream behind them with his free hand. He shuffled closer to Hanzo, reached behind his neck and kissed him passionately. He palmed Hanzo through his pants as subtly as he could, his movements long and slow.

Hanzo moaned softly between breaths, trying with all his might to not roll his hips into Jesse’s hand. If they had been anywhere else, his pants would be undone and Jesse’s hand would be tightly wrapped around his cock.

He pulled away from Hanzo and brought his hand up to his waist. “There’s nothin’ I want more right now than you in my hands, but this ain’t the time or place,” He said, turning his attention to the movie briefly. “Only cause I wanna hear you moan.”

“I was thinking the same thing,” Hanzo nodded, rolling onto his back, pulling Jesse down with him. He rested his head on Hanzo’s chest, bringing a hand up to his left pectoral. Hanzo grabbed it and focused his attention on the movie, not on the strain of his cock against his jeans, or the dampness from pre-cum he could feel in his underwear.

\----

"So, whaddya think of the movie?" Jesse asked, rolling the sleeping bag back up.

"I enjoyed it. It did not look as dated as I thought it would," Hanzo answered with a slight chattering of his teeth. The cold night had well and truly settled, and now standing by his lonesome, away from the heat of the sleeping bag, the heat of the serape he shouldered off just moments ago, the heat of Jesse, he felt the cold more than he normally would.

"Yeah, not bad for a half-century old movie," Jesse chuckled, slinging the sleeping bag over his shoulder before grabbing the packed up duffel bags. 

They picked up their rubbish and tossed it in the bin on the walk back to the car, discussing the highlights of the movie, arranging a time to watch the second one, deliberating on whether to watch the rest of them. They drove back to the bar, holding hands, laughing, chatting about little things.

Hanzo directed Jesse to park in the loading bay behind his bar, away from prying eyes; not that many people would be walking around this late at night. Jesse turned off the truck, settling down and creaking as it cooled in the cold of the night. He plucked off his hat and placed it on the dashboard, turning in his seat to face Hanzo with those heavy lidded eyes that Hanzo could not say no to.

The moment played like a scene from those romantic movies Genji used to tell him about. Those scenes that Hanzo found cheesy but would spend countless hours thinking about.

They stared into each other’s eyes. Leaning in slowly, closer and closer, noses brushing on cheeks, warm breaths caressing faces until lips pressed against lips. The kiss deepened slowly, long and drawn out, passionate as tongues danced together, laced with the taste of strawberries and cream and whiskey undertones.

Hands cupping faces or running through hair, the kiss intensified. Soft moans filled the truck, lips moved from lips to cheek to neck as he grabbed a handful of Jesse’s hair as Jesse sucked on his neck, teeth grazing against the delicate and sensitive flesh, rousing a shiver down Hanzo’s spine.

Hardened cock pressed against jeans, even the loosest pair offered no room. Desperate for more body contact, they hopped out of the truck.

Jesse grabbed his belongings from the tray as Hanzo fumbled with his keys to open the back door of the bar. He tilted his head to the side, giving Jesse access to his neck as he kissed and sucked. A soft moan escaped his lips as Jesse wrapped an arm around his torso, grinding his hard dick against his ass.

Hands shaking, Hanzo opened the door. He stepped through into the storage area and opened the door to the kitchen, swinging and hitting the doorstop with a small thud. Jesse dropped the bags on the floor of the storage area, shouldered off the sleeping bag, grabbed Hanzo around his waist and pulled him in for another passionate kiss.

Jesse kicked the door closed behind him, shrouding them in darkness.

They shuffled awkwardly through the dark kitchen, unwilling to part from each other. Elbows knocking food off the shelves. A pot clanked on the ground. Moaning between kisses and deep breaths, hardened dicks grazing against hips or thighs or each other, the friction tantalising.

They hit the door at the opposite end with a heavy thud. A breath escaped Hanzo as Jesse’s weight pushed into him, his thick bulge grinding against his hip. With a chuckle and a grunt, Hanzo reached for the handle behind him, sliding open the door to the bar.

They spilled out onto the bar, Hanzo bent backwards awkwardly against it. A chuckle from Jesse as he pulled him up.

An intermission; they stared into each other’s eyes. No words spoken. No words needed to be spoken. 

The streetlights painted the room a dark grey, casting long shadows from the tables and chairs under the window. The light enough to see; Jesse's face was almost grey in the low light, his eyes twinkling like stars in the night sky, and enough to illuminate their path around the bar and to the stairs.

Biting his bottom lip, Hanzo reached for the zip of Jesse’s hoodie, unzipping it before bringing his hands up his torso, feeling the muscle underneath before settling on his shoulders. Pushing the jacket over his shoulders, it dropped to the floor of the bar behind him.

Hands on Jesse's biceps, he pulled Jesse down, kissing passionately again. Jesse’s hands trailed down Hanzo’s back, over his ass and onto the back of his thighs, picking him up with a grunt and walking him to the wall of the stairwell with another heavy thud.

Laughing turned to quiet. Hanzo was pinned between the wall and Jesse, his feet back on the floor and hands held above his head by the wrists. A gasp as Jesse pressed his body into him, grinding against his erection. He rolled his hips into it, desperate for more friction.

Hanzo kept his hands above his head as Jesse’s hands trailed down his arms, settling on the zip of his hoodie, unzipping it in one fast single stroke. Hanzo shouldered out of the hoodie and let it fall to the floor by his feet.

Another shudder as Jesse kissed his clavicle. He was unaware at just how sensitive his skin was under kisses and beard. Jesse’s hands trailed down his torso, settling on his waist, calloused fingers teasing the bare skin underneath his shirt.

A quick lift of Hanzo’s shirt, and it was flung over one of the chairs under the window. Large hands on his shoulders felt simultaneously like silk and rough stone, soft palms and calloused fingers, as Jesse’s hands trailed down his shoulders, over his pectorals and onto his abs, feeling every curve of muscle under his fingertips.

Eyes heavy and lips parted, Hanzo sucked in air as Jesse winked, unbuttoning his jeans and reaching inside. A jolt of pleasure coursed through him, a soft grunt escaped him as Jesse grabbed him. He rolled his hips into his hand.

With steely focus and patience, Hanzo unbuttoned Jesse’s shirt, one annoying pearl snap after the other, pushing down the urge to rip it off him and send the buttons flying everywhere. He huffed, now facing his undershirt instead of bare chest. He pulled the undershirt up to his armpits, feeling Jesse’s toned abs under his fingers, every curve of every muscle, exploring each rise and dip.

His hands trailed down and toyed with the large gold ‘BAMF’ belt buckle that always made him chuckle when he wore it, unclasping it and pulling the belt in one fluid motion, dropping it to the floor with a heavy thud.

He bit his lip as he unbuttoned and unzipped Jesse’s jeans, reaching in and grabbing his hard, thick cock. A long drawn out moan from Jesse had Hanzo’s voice catch in his throat, the delicious noise was like music to his ears as his low moan turned into a heavy grunt.

Hanzo reached around with his other hand, grabbing a handful of Jesse’s ass and squeezing. Jesse rested his head on his shoulder, and he rested his head against Jesse’s. Hips rolling into hands; heavy breathing and moans filled the bar.

A desperate whimper from Jesse as Hanzo pulled his hand away, reaching and cupping Jesse's face, pulling him in for a kiss. Those large hands trailed up Hanzo’s torso, one on each pectoral, then a gasp and a moan as Jesse’s calloused fingertips swept across his nipples, pinching gently.

Pulling on Jesse’s shirt, Hanzo led them upstairs. The thud of Jesse’s footsteps turned to shuffles of socks on floorboards as he kicked off his sneakers before reaching the stairs. Half way up, Jesse’s plaid shirt was gone.

On the landing, Hanzo grabbed Jesse’s undershirt, flicking it over Jesse’s head and throwing it down the stairwell. He pushed Jesse against the wall, hands feeling the carpet of chest hair between his pectorals.

Hanzo licked his lips as he leant in to kiss his nipple, the hardened nub already present due to the coldness of the room. Gentle kisses turned into licks, tonguing over the nub, rousing soft moans from Jesse’s lips.

A gentle tug on his hair as it was yanked from the hair tie, it fell to the side of his face before being swept up in a handful. Hanzo fell to his knees, tugging on Jesse’s pants and the band of his underwear, both falling to the floor. With one hand, Hanzo grabbed Jesse’s length, pumping slowly, and with the other, he reached into his own pants.

Beads of pre-cum pooled at the slit. Hanzo licked it up before taking Jesse in his mouth, tongue encircling the glans before starting a rhythm, hollowing his cheeks and pumping to match his rhythm.

Soft moans from Jesse as his rhythm quickened, going as deep as he comfortably could. The flat of his tongue running on the underside of his cock, his spit acting as lubricant to aid the pumping.

He could feel the burn on his scalp from the grip Jesse had on his hair. He stood up, hand still stroking Jesse as he kissed him roughly, the sting of beard along his tongue sent another shiver down his spine.

With a wink and the bite of his bottom lip, Hanzo reluctantly let go of Jesse and removed his hand form his pants. He walked over to his dresser, grabbing a condom and the lube with one hand, while untying and throwing off his shoes with the other. He flicked off his socks and walked over to Jesse, who was kneeling on the bed and stroking himself slowly, watching Hanzo's every move.

Jesse placed his hands on Hanzo’s hips, slipping his jeans and underwear down, cock springing free. “Just perfect,” he breathed, a whisper barely audible as he took Hanzo in to his mouth.

Hanzo moaned as soon as those lips were around his cock. A little desperate, but he did not give it more thought. Eyes rolling to the back of his head, he grabbed a handful of Jesse’s hair, gently guiding with every motion. Another moan as Jesse grabbed his balls, massaging them gently in the palm of his hand.

He was about to come undone as Jesse pulled away, reaching for the bottle of lube which was tossed onto the bed. Jesse poured the viscous liquid onto his fingers, reaching around and inserting two fingers into Hanzo.

A sharp grunt then heavy breathing followed as Hanzo relaxed, throwing his head back as Jesse took him in his mouth again, licking and sucking shallowly. Jesse pulled away, handing Hanzo the condom and lying on his back on the bed.

Hanzo unwrapped the condom and rolled it down Jesse’s length. A generous squirt of lube and Hanzo climbed onto Jesse, resting his weight on his knees between Jesse's waist.

Leaning forward, staring into each other's eyes, Jesse lined at his entrance. In a slow, fluid movement, they came together.

Another shiver, surging along his spine from the base of his skull down to his tailbone. Hanzo started a slow pace, bracing his weight on Jesse’s shoulders, fingernails digging into flesh.

Jesse brought his hands up to Hanzo’s waist. He thrusted upwards, meeting and guiding him with each thrust.

Soft moans filled the room. Hanzo’s cock bobbed against Jesse’s torso, the slapping sound lost in the grunts and heavy breathing as the pace quickened.

Hanzo gasped as Jesse grabbed his cock and pumped. Jesse’s torso glistened from pre-cum and sweat, feint street light coming through the small window on Hanzo's right side provided dim mood lighting.

He watched his man, his lover, beneath him, hair stuck on his face from sweat, eyes squeezed shut, mouth open, breathing heavy and moaning with each thrust. A precious sight only he was privy to, the man beneath him was his; his life and his world. 

His gasp turned into a moan as his hot seed spilled out onto Jesse’s chest, rousing a moan from Jesse’s lips and a final thrust as the man underneath him came undone.

Hanzo smiled, leaning forward and sweeping Jesse’s hair out of his face, a few stubborn strands getting caught on his sweat covered forehead. He kissed Jesse’s forehead, tasting the sweat on his lips before resting his forehead on his and catching his breath.

Another passionate kiss, slow and deep and perfect.

A groan as Hanzo climbed off Jesse, walking to the bathroom for a face washer and a tissue for the condom. He cleaned off Jesse, making sure to get every drop of himself. He tossed the wrapped up condom and towel aside, climbing into bed next to Jesse, nuzzling his head on his chest as Jesse wrapped his arms around him.

Jesse looked at the stairwell, chuckling before lying back on the pillow. “We’ve left quite the mess. A nice trail of clothing, like breadcrumbs.”

Hanzo hummed. “We shall worry about it in the morning.” He yawned as he closed his eyes, relaxing his muscles and breathing in Jesse’s after sex waxy scent with a smile.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We have these outdoor cinemas in Melbourne during summer in the Botanical Gardens. They're the best!
> 
> I definitely sit in the 'Jesse is left handed' bandwagon. Not really important in this fic, but he is left handed in all my fics.
> 
> Fun fact! The original idea I had in mind for the sex scene involved a ton more food play. But I shelved it for something a little bit more sensual.
> 
> Thanks for reading!


	9. The Archer and The Cowboy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Howdy!
> 
> So I know I promised story in this chapter, but yeah... 
> 
> I regret nothing.
> 
> Enjoy!

“Jules!” Jesse waved to his phone. He was video chatting with his sister, scheduled in every Sunday morning, 10am on the dot since Jesse settled in Boston – not too early for Jules to deal with given the time zone differences. This call however was the first in three weeks, she had been busy with wedding arrangements and work.

“Good mornin’, Jesse. How have you been?”

“Good, my lovely. I like what you’ve done with your hair. Blonde certainly does suit you!”

"Thanks!" She exclaimed as she ran her fingers though her hair. "I think I’ve settled on what I want for the wedding, might add a few more highlights though." She grabbed a lock and looked at it before letting it fall to her shoulder in its natural loose ringlet.

“And how are the wedding preparations going?”

“Ugh... Finally done!” She rolled her eyes. “Now we just have to wait for the big day! Less than a month!” She jumped up and down on the spot excitedly. “So tell me how things are goin’ with Hanzo.”

“So fucking good,” Jesse beamed. “We just fit together so well.”

“How long has it been now?”

“Six weeks. We’ve talked, we’ve learned so much about each other. I didn’t think there was someone out there that I would mesh with so well, you know?”

“I do.” Her smile turned to a frown as she narrowed her eyes. “Where are you? Are you outside? On a Sunday morning?!” Her voice going up an octave with each question.

“I am," Jesse drawled. "Hanzo n’ I have just finished meditatin’. We’re in a park not too far from Hanzo’s. Don’t let the sun fool you though, it’s cold out here!”

“It is forty eight degrees,” Hanzo called from a few feet away, sitting with his back against the oak tree, his favourite tree as he calls it, basking in the morning sun.

Jesse looked at Hanzo with a smirk, then back to his phone. “It’s fucking cold is what it is! I’m not prepared for this!” Jesse shivered overdramatically.

“Baby brother! Meditation? You? I must meet this man who has got you to sit still and think!”

Jesse smiled. He looked back at Hanzo. “She wants to meet you.”

Hanzo smiled and nodded. Jesse scooted next to Hanzo, resting the top of his head against Hanzo’s temple.

“Julia, this is my boyfriend, the reason I get up in the mornin’. Hanzo Shimada.” He kissed Hanzo’s cheek. “And this is my sister, Julia.”

Hanzo bowed his head. “It is a pleasure to meet you. I have heard much about you.”

“Nice to meet you too, darlin’. Jesse talks about you all the time. It’s good to finally put a face to the name," She smiled. "So what’s this I hear about meditation?”

“I have taught Jesse how to meditate. It has helped immensely with his sleep.”

“Eight hours a night, Jules!” Jesse exclaimed.

“That’s great. I haven’t seen you this happy in a long time, Jesse,” She gushed. “I’m so happy for you two.”

Jesse smiled and gave a small nod. “So, Jules and I have been talking,” Jesse started, looking at Hanzo. “With the wedding coming up, we were wondering if you would be my plus one.”

Hanzo smiled. “Of course,” He turned to Julia. “If you have the space for me, I would be honoured to attend your wedding.”

“Anyone who’s made my brother this happy is welcome at my wedding,” Julia smiled warmly.

“I have not attended an American wedding before, so it will be an experience. I do not know what attire is appropriate.”

“Oh, you just wear a suit and tie,” Jesse offered, turning to Hanzo. “Do you have one?”

“I do not… We shall have to go shopping.” Hanzo replied with little enthusiasm in his voice.

“Not a problem. I’ll have to buy one too. Don’t wanna run the risk of my suit at home not fittin’.”

“So you’re not gonna wear…” Julia trailed off.

“Nah, I ain’t goin’ traditional.” Jesse brushed off with a shake of his head. “I don’t wanna piss Him off more.”

“Double edged sword, baby brother,” Julia frowned.

“Yeah, I know.” Jesse scratched his forehead and sighed. “I don’t have one, and I ain’t gonna ask His permission for one.”

Julia frowned, shaking her head as if she was going to press on, before deciding against it. “Anyway,” Julia smiled again. “We’d also love to have you for Thanksgiving. Dave and I are hosting this year.”

Hanzo smiled. He looked at Jesse who gave him a quick peck on the lips.

“We’ll be there,” Jesse smiled.

“Oh, I should warn you, Jesse’s staying at my place, and we’ve got a lot of animals – Dogs, cats, horses... I hope you’re not allergic?”

“I am not. Thank you for asking.”

“Perfect!” Jesse smiled. “You got any plans for tonight?”

“We’re going to keep it quiet this year. Dave and I have an evening of pumpkin carvin’ ahead of us though. How about you?”

“We’re gonna keep it quiet this year too. We’re gonna crash at mine, put on some old horror movies, eat tons of candy, and drink ourselves silly!”

Hanzo rolled his eyes and groaned.

“Halloween not your thing, darlin’?” Julia asked.

“It is not celebrated in Japan.”

“So this is his first Halloween!” Jesse kissed Hanzo on the cheek. “And the best part of it is I have tomorrow off work, so there’s no holdin’ back!”

“Don’t eat too much or you’ll end up with a stomach ache,” She laughed. “Have a great evening, boys. It was nice to finally meet you, Hanzo.”

“Likewise. I am looking forward to meeting you in person.” Hanzo bowed his head.

Jesse looked at Hanzo, a pang of anxiety shot through him. “Just give me a minute.” Jesse stood up and walked far enough from Hanzo so he was out of earshot.

“So…” Jesse took a breath and held it. “What do you think?”

“He seems lovely. He makes you happy, and that’s all that matters.”

“Do you think Dad will have a problem?”

She opened her mouth to speak but paused. Jesse knew she was hiding her true feelings, and he knew what those feelings were. Yes, she liked Hanzo, she was sincere in that regard. But the issue would be more with his appearance than anything else –

“Jesse, Dad will always have a problem. You could bring a nice, quiet and obedient Catholic girl and he’d find somethin’ to hate on. Don’t worry about him. I’ll deal with him. You just get your butt here so I can hug you!”

Jesse smiled, “I miss you, Jules.”

“I miss you too. Same time next week?”

“Absolutely. Love you.” Jesse blew her a kiss, and she blew one back.

The call ended. Jesse took a breath, the anxiety washing away as he walked back to Hanzo, taking a seat next to him.

“So, you ready to meet the family?”

Hanzo nodded. “I am looking forward to meeting your sister. And seeing the town you grew up in.”

“Excellent! I booked my flights before I met you, but you’ll be able to get seats on the same plane,” Jesse opened his phone to the airline’s webpage, typed in the flight number and brought up the seating chart. “See, you’ll even be able to get the seat next to me. I’ll be stayin’ in Santa Fe for a week, though. Will you be able to do that?”

“It will not be a problem. I will just let my patrons know.” Hanzo stood up, dusted his ass and grabbed his gym bag before extending his hand out to Jesse. “Now, follow me. I have a surprise for you.”

They left the park and walked hand-in-hand down the street, fingers intertwining and arms swinging loosely with each step. Hanzo’s concerns about public displays of affection were long gone.

“Where are we going?” Jesse asked looking around as they turned a corner. “I’ve never been down this end of town. You’re not gonna kill me and dump m’body here, are ya?”

“Hush. We are nearly there. And I remember you saying that you like surprises.”

“I do. But if _you’ve_ planned a surprise, I’m scared!”

“There is no reason to be.” Hanzo kissed Jesse’s cheek as they turned another corner.

He looked at Hanzo’s gym bag in his other hand. “So is whatever’s in your bag part of the surprise? You’ve been guardin’ the thing like your life depended on it.”

“You will have to wait and see,” Hanzo smirked as they approached a building, the automatic doors opening into a hallway. They proceeded through a locked door. Hanzo pocketed the keys in his hoodie pocket and walked behind the counter.

The room was cold. Jesse shivered, stuffing his hands in his jumper pockets. It was also dark, there were no windows allowing natural light to flow through. A low hum filled the room, the heater, Jesse guessed, followed by the buzzing of the lighting, the lights turned on one by one, the bulbs dim and humming as they warmed up.

Jesse looked down the length of the dimly lit room. There were six archery targets set up on the opposite end of the room. “Archery,” Jesse said with a smile.

“You said you wanted to see my archery when we first met. This is where I tutor Hana. I thought I could give you a private lesson.” Hanzo walked up to Jesse, placing his hands on Jesse's hips. “No customers. No staff.” He kissed Jesse’s neck. “Just us.” Another kiss. “For two hours.” His lips brushing against Jesse’s neck with each word spoken.

“Han, I’m… speechless. This is amazing.”

“Have a feel of the bows,” Hanzo pointed to the bows mounted on the stand. “I will be back in a moment.”

Jesse watched Hanzo walk into the change rooms. He scratched his head in confusion. “So you’re gonna put somethin’ on then?” He mused, before he wandered over to the bows. He looked at each one, different in make, shape, size and colour. He eyed one that looked like Hanzo’s in shape and size, picking it up and feeling its weight. He drew the string and simulated firing an arrow.

He felt hands on his shoulders and a kiss on his neck. Jesse leaned into it and turned around. His jaw hit the floor, he felt a pang of pleasure in his core, his dick twitched at the sight of Hanzo in front of him. The black silks loosely draped on his body, the gold ribbon in his hair. He didn’t think he could be more attracted to Hanzo than he already was.

“What…” Jesse started, resting the bow against the wall.

“This is my kyūdō-gi and hakama,” he said, pointing to his chest and thigh respectively. “I would wear this when training.”

“You would wear…” Jesse placed a hand on Hanzo’s bare pectoral, raising his eyebrows. “This. All the time?”

“Yes. All day. Every day,” Hanzo smirked.

Jesse took a step to the side and walked slowly around Hanzo. He grabbed the gold ribbon tying up his hair in a ponytail, twirling it around his finger loosely before tracing a finger along his shoulders. He grabbed the blue silk hanging from Hanzo's hip, letting it fall back against his body. He noted the design on the right sleeve of the kyūdō-gi, the clouds and lightning, matched his tattoo.

Now facing Hanzo again, Jesse traced his fingers on the tail of the dragon, then down his tattooed arm, his fingers interlocking with Hanzo’s. He swallowed the lump in his throat, his voice low and husky, “I could imagine folks runnin’ away scared at the sight of you.”

Hanzo laughed. “Yes, between myself and Genji, we were a force to be reckoned with.” Hanzo paused for a moment, before grabbing his phone from his gym bag. He scrolled through some photos, settling on one and showing Jesse. “This is Genji.”

“Well you can certainly tell you two were brothers,” Jesse acknowledged, noting they had the same nose, the same high cheekbones, the same eyebrows.

Hanzo chuckled, “We had been training for almost twelve hours. I bet that he could not keep up with me. He did. I lost.”

“Well that explains his victory pose, and you pouting with your hands folded over your chest,” Jesse smiled. Genji was resting an elbow on Hanzo’s shoulder, with the other fist in the air, above his head. Both of his feet were off the ground and kicked off to the side, mid jump. “How old were you here?”

Hanzo paused for a moment, analysing the photo. “I would have been twenty nine and Genji twenty six.”

"You look so young without your beard," Jesse chuckled, rubbing the back of his fingers through Hanzo's goatee, ruffling it. “So what was the bet?”

“The loser had to do one hundred push-ups,” Hanzo groaned, smoothing the hairs on his chin. “Straight after that photo was taken.”

“Twelve hours of training, then you had to do one hundred push-ups?” Jesse scoffed.

“Yes, it was not fun.” Hanzo rolled his shoulders.

“Push-ups in general aren’t fun. It’s no wonder you’re so fuckin’ ripped!” Jesse exclaimed, squeezing Hanzo’s biceps. He looked back at the photo. “So did Genji use a bow too?”

“No. He used a katana mostly, but also utilised a wakizashi and shuriken.”

Jesse scoffed, “Ninja stars?!”

Hanzo chuckled, “Yes, he was trained in ninjutsu.”

“That’s fucking cool. The both of you with your bows and ninja stars and katanas,” Jesse gushed. He looked at the photo again, this time analysing Hanzo. He zoomed in on the picture. “You don’t have your piercings there.”

“No, I got them after I left Japan.”

“Mid-life crisis?” Jesse teased.

Hanzo pushed him playfully. “I always wanted piercings when I was young, but my Father would not allow it. I only fulfilled what I could not get when I was younger.”

“Sounds an awful lot like a mid-life crisis to me.” Jesse pressed his body up to Hanzo’s and kissed his neck, slowly making his way down his chest to his exposed nipple, taking it in his mouth, tonguing over the erect bud.

Jesse trailed a hand down his torso, palming Hanzo through the silks. His cock was already rock hard. Hanzo let out a soft moan and threw his head back, placing a hand behind Jesse’s neck and grabbing a handful of hair.

“Didn’t wear underwear when training, huh?”

“It is not customary to wear western style underwear when dressed so formally,” Hanzo whispered through heavy breaths.

Jesse got down on his knees, and looked up at Hanzo. “So what if I just…” Jesse said, tugging on the long blue silk around his waist, unravelling the knot and pulling on the silk until it was in his hands. He dropped it on the floor beside him.

Hanzo’s kyūdō-gi opened loosely, falling to his sides. Jesse’s heart fluttered, he kissed his torso, planting soft kisses on Hanzo’s abs. He placed his hands on his waist, pulling the silk back so it draped beside him.

He looked at the series of knots, bows and ribbons tied around his waist, frowning in confusion on where to start. He untied the first, the black straps attached to the back of the hakama fell.

He started on the second, the neatly tied bow was sitting just on top of his erection. “Just like a present,” Jesse smirked, shaky fingers pulling on the bow until it unravelled. The statement earning Jesse one of Hanzo’s trademark scoffs. The straps wrapped around his waist, then back into a second knot.

“You sure didn’t make this easy, huh?” Jesse shook his head, working on the knot.

“It is to ensure the hakama would not fall easily when I would train,” Hanzo brought his voice down to a near whisper, low and husky. “Do you think it would be appropriate for me to be so easily exposed?”

Jesse smirked, finally unravelling the knot and once again, the straps wrapped around his waist, until finally, the hakama fell around his feet.

An overwhelming surge of pleasure radiated through Jesse, watching Hanzo’s cock bob. His dick twitched again, straining in his underwear. Jesse grabbed Hanzo from the base and licked the beads of pre-cum off the tip of Hanzo’s cock before taking him in his mouth, licking the underside of his shaft and encircling his glans with his tongue.

Hanzo threw his head back and grabbed a handful of Jesse’s hair. “I have wanted this for many years,” Hanzo breathed. A growl escaped his lips as Jesse deepthroated him and hummed, the vibrations causing his dick to twitch in his mouth. Jesse slowly pulled back, licking his shaft from base to tip, his cock pressed against his stomach for a moment.

“Tell me more about this fantasy of yours,” Jesse encouraged, taking him in his mouth again.

Hanzo closed his eyes. “I would be taking a break from my training, seeking refuge from the summer sun under the shade of a tree. You would walk over, place a hand over my chest, take my nipple it in your mouth.” Jesse hummed, causing Hanzo to moan. “You would take off my obi and hakama, exactly like you have done just now. Ahh…” Jesse hummed again, deepthroating once more, causing Hanzo’s hips to buck. “And then you would suck me off, for the entire world to see. Ahh… Jesse! Jesse…” Hanzo exclaimed, the only warning Jesse got as his hot seed filled his mouth.

Jesse closed his eyes, swallowing the initial load. He took a breath, swallowing the rest before leaning back, gently kissing and licking away the dribbling cum, each slight touch causing Hanzo to gasp, still oversensitive from his orgasm.

Hanzo pulled Jesse up and kissed him passionately. “I… I am…” He started, taking a breath. “Thank you for fulfilling that fantasy.” He rested his forehead against Jesse’s. “It was not my intention when I decided to wear this.”

“Well you kinda made it easy. Who wouldn’t jump you in that?” He kissed his cheek, bringing his voice down to a whisper, “I fucking hope this will be makin’ an appearance tonight.”

Hanzo slid his hands on Jesse’s waist, fingers slipping onto the bare skin of his hips. “It can be arranged.” Hanzo kissed Jesse passionately again and tugged on the waistband of his sweats. Jesse grabbed his hands. “Not now, darlin’. I got plans for you tonight,” He leaned into Hanzo, kissing him passionately once more.

“What plans?” Hanzo asked suspiciously, narrowing his eyes.

“That’s a surprise, Sugarplum.” Jesse winked, readjusting his cock in his pants, feeling the dampness from pre-cum. He frowned for a moment, second guessing his decision at turning down a quick blowjob. He was showing surprised restraint, but perhaps just part of him was afraid of being caught, literally, with his pants down in unfamiliar surrounds. He’s never been one to shy from public sex, but not knowing the layout of the room, where all of the entry and exit points were, it make him just that little bit uneasy.

Getting caught will do that to a man.

He shook his head and smiled as he took a step aside. “Now, show me just how good you are with a bow and arrow.”

Hanzo grabbed the hakama and obi from the floor, draping the obi over his shoulder as he quickly tied the hakama around his waist. He wrapped his kyūdō-gi around his torso before wrapping the obi around his waist.

He grabbed a bow from the wall and brought over a bucket of arrows. He stood on the shooting line, and in a swift but fluid movement, he nocked an arrow, pulled it up to his cheek and loosed, hitting the bullseye.

“Impressive,” Jesse said with approval.

Hanzo nocked another arrow and drew, this time looking at Jesse and winking as he loosed, hitting the target just millimetres from the first arrow.

“Well now you’re just showin’ off,” Jesse drawled, folding his arms across his chest.

Hanzo raised an eyebrow, standing up straight with a smirk. “I told you I was the best.”

“It seems easy enough,” Jesse shrugged, reaching for the bow. Hanzo handed it over along with an arrow.

Jesse copied Hanzo’s stance as he stood in front of his own target. He felt Hanzo’s hands on his shoulders, and his foot kicking against his. “Stand shoulder width apart.”

Jesse rocked back and forth until his stance was correct. “Like this?”

“Yes. You may proceed.” Hanzo said, taking a step back and placing his hands behind his back.

Jesse nodded, looking at the target. He took a breath and held it as he nocked the arrow, drew and loosed. It hit the outer edge of the target. He released his breath and smiled.

Hanzo nodded, walking up to Jesse. “You are not bad yourself. Is this your first time with a bow and arrow?”

“Sure is,” Jesse smiled.

Hanzo handed Jesse another arrow. “This time, take a breath when you draw, then release it when you loose.”

Jesse checked his stance, nocked an arrow, took a breath as he drew and released it as he loosed, hitting the bullseye. He turned to face Hanzo and threw his fist in the air.

Hanzo smiled as he walked up to him, wrapping his hands around his waist and kissing his cheek. “You are an extremely quick study.”

Jesse shrugged, “I have a good teacher. Though it wouldn’t surprise me if that was just luck.”

Hanzo took a step back, giving Jesse the space to try again. He repeated his actions, and hit the target, only about a centimetre or two from the bullseye.

Jesse chuckled, “Seems like it was more than just luck. It’s not too dissimilar from shooting a gun, even though I haven’t done that in quite the number of years.” He walked up to Hanzo. “Now how about we have ourselves a good ol’ fashioned shoot off?” He smirked.

\---

“Hey, Sugarplum.” Jesse called from the door of the bar as he walked through. The spurs on his boots jangled with each step. He walked up to Hanzo, who was sitting in his seat, giving him a kiss on the cheek before leaning on the bar on an elbow. “And hello Mr. Tanaka.”

The balding middle aged Japanese man bowed his head. The only patron in the bar tonight and Hanzo’s most loyal. Every night, the chef would slip out from his restaurant after dinner service and chat with Hanzo for half an hour. Usually Hanzo’s last customer too.

Hanzo got up and poured Jesse a glass of sake and handed it to him. “How are the girls?”

“Flat out. The diner’s full of half-drunk college kids stumblin’ in for a greasy hit. They looked great though,” Jesse smiled, grabbing his phone and showing Hanzo a picture. “Zombie theme.”

“Impressive,” Hanzo said with a smile.

Both girls were dressed in their pale blue diner uniforms which were ripped and covered in fake dirt and blood. Their hair was messy and pale skin was also covered in dirt and fake blood. Emily had a gruesome looking bite on her left bicep and Lena had one on her neck. Both were wearing yellow contact lenses to complete the look.

Jesse swiped to a second photo, the girls putting on their best zombie impressions, arms outstretched, mouths open, mid shuffle. “Very impressive. The best two there.” Jesse showed the pictures to Mr. Tanaka, who nodded.

“Who did their make-up?” Hanzo asked, swiping back at the first picture.

“Emily. She did a hair and make-up course in London. She’s been tryin’ to get work here but it’s provin’ a bit difficult. Woulda been easier if they were in LA.” Jesse put his phone in his jacket pocket. “They said to say hi back, and…” Jesse trailed off, before kissing both sides of Hanzo’s face.

Hanzo chuckled. He looked Jesse up and down, he was dressed in his full cowboy getup – his boots with spurs, jeans, dark blue plaid shirt, leather jacket and cowboy hat. He placed his hands on Jesse’s hips, “Hmm, I have not seen you dressed to this degree since we first met.”

Jesse smiled, placing his hands on Hanzo’s waist, leaning down to kiss him.

“Hanzo, if this is what attracted you to him, then I worry for you,” Mr. Tanaka said, taking a sip of sake.

“I don’t know whether to be offended or not,” Jesse frowned.

“Me either.” Hanzo followed.

They watched Mr. Tanaka finish his sake and stand up. He waved a hand, “I am too old for young love. Hanzo, be sure to enjoy whatever surprise the cowboy has for you. You must lighten up.”

Jesse smiled, “Oh, he will.”

Mr. Tanaka nodded and walked to the door.

“G’night!” Jesse called, smiling as Mr. Tanaka held his hand up to wave before he walked out of the bar. “He has to be my favourite customer of yours,” Jesse said smiling before taking a sip of sake.

“You only like him because he agrees with you on everything,” Hanzo nudged Jesse.

“It’s my southern charm,” Jesse drawled, grabbing Hanzo and kissing him passionately. His dick pressed hard on his jeans, desperate for attention after this morning’s activities. “Damn, Sugarplum, I’m gonna come apart so easy tonight,” He whispered, grinding his bulge on Hanzo’s hip.

Hanzo hummed, kissing the tip of Jesse’s nose. “You should have taken my offer for some fun at the archery range.”

“And miss out on seein’ you in your element? Nah,” Jesse kissed Hanzo’s cheek before looking around the empty bar. “So are you expectin’ anyone else tonight?”

“I do not believe so. It has been quiet this evening.” Hanzo sighed, eyes snapping back to Jesse, “Is your room clean?”

“Yep, clothes are in the closet, no pizza boxes clutterin’ the room.” He leaned in to Hanzo, bringing his mouth to his ear, whispering, “I even bought new sheets, so you won’t be sleepin’ on those crappy motel sheets.”

Hanzo hummed as Jesse kissed his neck, taking in the slight lemongrass scent on his skin, planting kisses across his neck and on his throat. Gentle kisses as he felt Hanzo’s Adam’s apple bob as he swallowed, kissing across to the other side of his neck, lips brushing against his quickening pulse.

“So how about we gather your things, and get this show on the road?” Jesse whispered against Hanzo’s neck. He could feel Hanzo’s grip on his hips tighten, he stood up straight and looked at Hanzo, his eyes heavy lidded, biting his bottom lip.

Hanzo pulled him down, his warm breath against his neck and ear, his lips ghosting the outer shell of his ear. Jesse could cum here and now if he wasn’t careful.

“If you did not have other arrangements, I would bend you over this bar right now and fuck you,” Hanzo whispered against his ear.

Jesse groaned, resting his head on Hanzo’s shoulder. Pleasure radiated through him, his dick ached for attention, friction, anything. “Fuck, baby… you’re too damn fucking sexy for your own good,” He whispered against Hanzo’s neck. He lifted his head, his hand behind Hanzo’s head, pulling him in for a passionate kiss.

“Now, go get your things before I let you bend me over this bar.” He slapped Hanzo’s ass as he walked away, watching him disappear up the stairwell.

Jesse leaned against the bar on his elbows, resting his head in his hands. “Fuck,” he whispered to himself, adjusting himself, feeling the wetness from pre-cum in his underwear. His dick was throbbing now, and probably wouldn’t go down until he came.

He finished the last of his sake, picked his hat off the floor and dusted it with his hand absently, not knowing whether it fell off, or if Hanzo took it off, and put it back on his head. His eyes were drawn to the window, the roar of heavy rain battered the road, the haze visible under the street lighting. He sighed, he hated getting his leather jacket wet.

He heard Hanzo’s footsteps coming down the stairs and walked around the bar to meet him. His heart fluttered, Hanzo was dressed in his kyūdō-gi again. He placed a hand over his heart and swayed, “Han, I think you’re tryin’ to make me cream my pants.” He wrapped his arms around Hanzo, feeling the bare skin on his back, feeling the curve of his muscles under his fingertips.

“You are filthy, Jesse McCree,” Hanzo shook his head.

Jesse smirked and pulled away, running his hand down his bare tattooed arm and held his hand. “Look at us, the Archer and the Cowboy," He smiled and bit his lip. "I am one lucky son of a bitch,” he muttered, looking Hanzo up and down. “You make me weak in the knees, Han.” He sighed, “But as much as I don’t want to cover up your sexy body, you might want to put on your jacket, it’s rainin’ a storm out there.”

He let go of Hanzo’s hand, walking towards the door and turning off the neon sign. He opened the door as Hanzo approached and stepped outside, the sudden cold was welcome relief, enough to get him out of his lusty stupor.

The rain had settled down slightly. He unlocked his truck and turned it on, allowing it to warm up. He may have only been parked for a few minutes, but the cold night had cooled the cab right down.

Heater blaring, they drove over to the motel. Holding hands, Halloween themed songs playing softly on the radio in the background. They arrived at the motel, mad dashed over to the door and hopped into the room.

“Jesse…” Hanzo started, staring at the bed. Jesse stood next to him, smirk on his face. He’d bought navy blue silk sheets, matching blue bedspread, six pillows arranged neatly at the head of the bed, all in the same silk pillowcases.

“Only the finest for my man,” Jesse kissed him on the cheek before getting his match book out, lighting the array of candles around the room – the two on each of the bedside tables, three on the dining table, three on the coffee table by the couch. He turned on the old oil heater by the front door to heat up the room.

Hanzo took a seat on the bed, feeling the silk under his fingers. “This is not cheap silk.”

“Oh, it most certainly is not. I even bought a mattress protector, so there's an extra layer between you and the mattress.” Jesse took a seat beside Hanzo, rubbing his hand on his lower back. “This is what I imagine your bed in Japan looked like,” He said with a smirk.

Hanzo nodded. “You are not too far off. Though my sheets were dark grey.”

“Dang, I was gonna get the grey ones, too.” Jesse smiled, leaning in to kiss Hanzo.

Hanzo climbed into Jesse’s lap, grabbing his cowboy hat, placing it on the bed next to them and pushed him down onto the bed. He brought his face up to Jesse’s, his nose brushing against his cheek, his lips kissing his neck.

“So, uh, have you done it on silk sheets before?” Jesse whispered.

“I have. When I would bring women back to the castle.” Hanzo said against Jesse’s pulse before kissing and sucking again.

“I have too, but I assume you haven’t experienced the feeling of silk.”

Hanzo looked up at Jesse, frowning and look of confusion on his face. Jesse smirked, bringing his hands up to his face.

“I’m gonna take that as a no, then.” Jesse pulled Hanzo down, kissing him passionately, tongues dancing together. Jesse moaned as Hanzo started grinding on his cock, his dick twitching at the friction.

Hanzo pulled away, sat upright and looked at the candles on the bedside table, taking a deep breath. “Sandalwood.”

“Mmhmm,” Jesse pulled his weight up on his elbows. “I noticed your room had a subtle sandalwood smell to it, I figured you’d used candles or somethin’ like that.”

“Incense, for when I meditate in the room when the weather is not favourable. You are very observant, Jesse.”

“It’s a gift,” he answered with a smirk. “Now how about you show off that fucking toned body of yours.”

Hanzo raised an eyebrow, unzipping his jacket and dropping it to the floor. He started grinding in Jesse’s lap, his cock rubbed between his ass cheeks. Jesse brought his hands up to Hanzo's waist, squeezing and guiding him with every movement. Long, slender fingers trailed up Hanzo's right arm, up to his shoulder. A finger inside the silk, Hanzo looked at Jesse, eyes heavy and pouting slightly, that look alone sent a jolt of pleasure through Jesse, almost bringing him to orgasm. He bit his lip, watching as Hanzo teased the silk off his shoulder. His arm slipped out of it and it fell to his lap. 

He grabbed Hanzo’s hands, pulling him down for a kiss, his hard body pressed against his, Hanzo's bulge pressing against his stomach as he continued grinding.

Using all of his force, Jesse rolled them over, pinning Hanzo between him and the bed. “Sugarplum, I had wanted to take this nice and slow, but I don’t think I can hold out much longer,” he thrusted upwards, grinding against Hanzo’s hip. He stood up, swept his hat off the bed and grabbed one of the pillows, placing it in the centre of the bed.

He got undressed, getting out of his boots and placing them by the door. His leather jacket draped over the arm of the couch.

Hanzo helped him out of his shirt, unbuttoning each button and shouldering it off. He lifted Jesse’s under shirt, exposing his torso and planting kisses on the muscle.

Jesse took the shirt off and dropped it on the floor before getting to work on his belt, unclasping the belt buckle and unzipping his jeans, dropping them to the floor and kicking them away.

Hanzo brought his hands down to the waistband of Jesse’s underwear, kissing along his waist. He slid them down slowly, Jesse’s cock bobbing freely and glistening with pre-cum. He kissed along his shaft before taking him in his mouth, grabbing handfuls of Jesse’s ass.

Jesse grabbed Hanzo’s hair, untying the gold ribbon from his hair. He held it in his hands, making a mental note that it would double as a fantastic blindfold one day. He dropped it to the floor and grabbed a handful of Hanzo’s hair, enjoying the velvety soft feeling of his tongue on the underside of his cock.

He pulled Hanzo up to standing, really needing him to stop before he came in his mouth. He helped him out of his silks, kissing him passionately before walking to his bedside table to fish out a bottle of lube and a condom.

He walked back over to Hanzo, grabbing his hands and kissing him again. “Alright, do you wanna lie down on your stomach, pillow under your groin?”

Hanzo looked back at the bed, then at Jesse. “I will make a mess all over your pillow.”

“Nothin’ a wash in the mornin’ won’t fix,” He gave him a kiss on the cheek. “It’ll be worth it, trust me.”

Hanzo smirked, lying on his stomach as Jesse instructed, adjusting himself until he was comfortable.

Jesse climbed on top of Hanzo, resting on his knees between his thighs, planting soft kisses down his back, along the dragon staring back at him, all the way down to the two dimples on the small of his back, a kiss for each. He opened the bottle of lube with his thumb, applying it to three fingers and pressed them into Hanzo, smirking as the man beneath him shuddered.

“Sorry if it’s cold,” He smiled, starting a slow rhythm, kissing his neck and back while slowly pumping his own cock, leaving spots of pre-cum on the curve of Hanzo’s ass.

“How does that feel?” He whispered, increasing his rhythm slowly.

“It is an interesting sensation,” Hanzo said through heavy breaths.

“Interesting good?” He smirked.

“Hmmm,” Hanzo hummed, turning into a growl as Jesse withdrew his fingers.

Jesse opened the condom wrapper, best he could with slippery fingers, rolling the condom down his throbbing length and lubing up. He lined himself at Hanzo’s entrance, inserting himself slowly, the slow drag rousing a shiver down his spine and a spark of pleasure exploding from deep within. He knew it wouldn’t take long for him to come.

He started a slow pace, thrusting shallowly as Hanzo met him with each thrust, fucking the pillow underneath him. His gasps and soft moans filled the room, Jesse bit his lip trying to delay his orgasm for as long as he could.

“How does it feel now?”

“Fuck, Jesse…” Hanzo trailed off into a moan.

“That good, huh?” Jesse smirked.

Hanzo nodded, stretching his arms in front of him to grab a pillow while pressing his forehead to the bed.

Jesse quickened his pace, making sure not to get too carried away. Hanzo matched his rhythm as he leaned down, kissing the back of his neck through thrusts.

Hanzo’s hips bucked against his, Jesse recognised him as being close. He thrusted harder, kissing between Hanzo’s shoulder blades, teeth grazing on the muscle, biting down gently, panting and moaning as he rested his forehead on his back, the pleasure building faster and heavier, spilling over and surging through his body.

“Hanzo… baby…” he growled as he came, shallowing his thrusts, groaning as Hanzo tightened around him.

Soft whispers in Japanese as his hips stopped bucking. _A beautiful first_ , Jesse thought. He’d not heard Hanzo speak in Japanese outside of the bar.

“Jesse… just… fuck…” He whispered, trying to catch his breath.

“I don’t think I’ve heard you cuss that much before, Sugarplum,” Jesse whispered, leaning down and kissing the bright red hickie he left on his shoulder.

Hanzo chuckled, grabbing Jesse’s hand and kissing his knuckles. “You are a bad influence, Jesse McCree.” Hanzo brought his arms under him, propping himself up and looking back at Jesse with a smirk. “I would not recommend we sleep on this pillow.”

“Probably not the greatest of ideas,” Jesse chuckled, kissing the back of his neck. “Hey, maybe next year, we can celebrate Halloween? You dressed in your kyūdō-gi, and me in my boots and hat. Make 'The Archer and The Cowboy' our thing. Whaddya think?”

Hanzo chuckled, “Perhaps. Though I would prefer to leave the kyūdō-gi for your eyes only.”

“Hmm, that works too,” Jesse smiled, kissing between Hanzo’s shoulder blades. “So are you up for some horror movies and candy?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah, this ended up being much more pornographic than originally intended. 
> 
> I had written the phone call with Julia and the archery range stuff nearly two months ago now, but the second half of this chapter was left unwritten until a week ago. I had ten different ideas in mind, wrote four of them down but they seemed forced. All of them were going to involve Emily and Lena to some degree. 
> 
> But then I had a shit week and I fell back on writing porn. 
> 
> Next chapter, though, there will be more of Hanzo's and Jesse's backstory - including the answer to what that 'traditional' dress he and Julia were discussing him not wearing to the wedding! Then after that, I'm so excited to share what I've written. We're in for one hell of a ride. At this stage, I don't imagine this fic being longer than 20 chapters, but we'll see what happens.
> 
> Also, I've added a heap of new tags, all for upcoming chapters. I just want you to be prepared for what's coming up. Some of it ain't pretty. But I'll have warnings before each chapter.
> 
> I hope you enjoyed the read!


	10. Triggers

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Howdy! 
> 
> So I've got a suit kink. It shows in this chapter. It'll show in later chapters too.
> 
> Also, warning for mentions of child abuse and emotional manipulation. Nothing major, but I'd rather warn than not.
> 
> Enjoy!

Hanzo groaned as they pulled into the parking lot. He could feel throbbing behind his eyes and his throat was still parched, even though he had a litre of water to drink already. The remnants of his hangover.

The night before, thankfully, was still present in his mind. After that phenomenal sex, he and Jesse did indulge in too much candy for two people in their late thirties to eat, along with the beer and three-too-many shots of whiskey.

That was partly the reason for the groan. Mostly, though, owing to his present location. He despises malls, only going if he absolutely required clothing and could not find what he required online. And today, he was going to buy a suit. 

Two years. The length of time it had been since Hanzo had last worn a suit, wearing them when attending meetings with partners of the Shimada Empire or out secretly clubbing with Genji. He actually quite enjoyed wearing suits, most notably the level of respect a good suit commanded.

Jesse had somehow convinced him to look at suits off the rack, something he had not experienced in Japan. Instead of devolving into an argument, he decided to give Jesse the benefit of the doubt and look at the suits to which he says will be 'good enough'. For Hanzo, though, good enough is not good enough.

“Just relax, Sugarplum,” Jesse reassured, grabbing his hand.

Hanzo closed his eyes and took a breath, trying to relax. He could not though, his thoughts drawn to how dirty malls are, the large amount of people filling its walls. He shook his head, staring at the trunk of the red car parked in front of them, “I apologise now if I am in a mood.”

Jesse smiled, “This’ll be fun. I ain’t seen you in one of your moods.”

Hanzo rolled his eyes and smiled, trying to keep a level head as he turned to Jesse. “Are we going?” He asked sardonically.

“Yeah, yeah, hold your horses,” Jesse smirked, pulling Hanzo’s hand to his mouth and kissing his knuckles before hopping out of the truck.

Hanzo could have sworn he held his breath from the moment he left the truck until they reached the store. To his surprise, however, the mall was not as dirty, nor as crowded, as he had imagined. However, looking at the suits hanging off the racks, he knew it would be difficult to show restraint. He proceeded to a light grey suit, feeling the fabric between his thumb and fingers.

“This material is cheap,” he grumbled quietly while eyeing off the retail assistant, shaking his head disapprovingly. _Too young to have any knowledge in suit etiquette._

“How often are you gonna wear a suit?” Jesse asked. “No sense in spendin’ too much money if it’s only gonna be worn once.”

“That is not the point. I have high standards, Jesse.”

Jesse burst out laughing, throwing his head back before slapping his knee. “Oh, I’ve noticed. You don’t hide it, y’know?”

Hanzo huffed, crossing his arms across his chest.

Jesse held out his hand, extending a finger with each statement. “Sake. Cereal. Every time you walk into my motel room…” He smirked. “Suits, now.” He pointed to the suit Hanzo had been holding.

“Well not all of us were raised in a barn,” Hanzo smirked, pushing Jesse playfully. He did not want to channel his frustration at Jesse, and was glad that he was catching himself.

“And just where you raised, Mister Fancy Pants?” Jesse placed his hands on his hips.

“In a castle,” Hanzo answered, drawing his shoulders back.

“Y’know, you said that last night, and I forgot to ask you about it.” Jesse’s tone turned more solemn now, “Seriously, you lived in a castle?”

“Yes, a castle,” Hanzo repeated mockingly. Even now, he realised he was being more dramatic than necessary. He took a breath, trying to re-centre himself. “My family were quite affluent.”

“Apparently fucking so. So I’m datin’ royalty, then?” Jesse said with a level of sarcasm once again.

“Hardly,” Hanzo scoffed, turning his attention back to the suit. He brought his voice down to a near whisper, “My family just had the money and a lot of influence.”

Jesse approached Hanzo, placing a hand on his back. Hanzo looked at him and smiled, before drawing his attention back to the suit. “I would not feel comfortable wearing…" Hanzo felt the fabric between his thumb and finger again, "...this. I imagine I would break out in a rash from it itching against my skin.”

“Well, there are more expensive suits up the back,” Jesse pointed.

Hanzo grumbled under his breath, making his way to the back of the shop. He settled on a black suit, feeling it between his fingers again. “These are only marginally better,” Hanzo proclaimed to Jesse, who was still standing in the middle of the shop.

“Can I help you, Sir?” The assistant asked happily, walking three steps from the counter to join Hanzo.

“Are these your most expensive suits?” Hanzo asked sharply.

“Uhh… yes, Sir,” The man answered quizzically.

“Well they are of inferior-”

“Ah ha ha,” Jesse interrupted, racing from the middle of the store, apparently settling on anything to interrupt Hanzo. He placed his hands on Hanzo's shoulders. “Don’t mind him. We’re fine here. We’ll sing out if we need anythin’.”

The assistant nodded and turned away, awkwardly rearranging some shirts on a rack.

“Easy, now,” Jesse whispered. “It ain’t his fault that the suits are cheap. He sells 'em, he doesn’t make 'em.”

“Then we will find a place that makes them,” Hanzo stated, louder than necessary. He took a deep breath. “Is there a tailor close by?”

Jesse furrowed his brow, grabbing his phone and searching. “Yeah, there’s one on the street.”

“Excellent,” Hanzo grinned, storming out of the shop. Jesse looked back at the assistant, yelling “thanks for your help,” as he walked out.

They made their way through the mall and out onto the street, to the tailor just a few shops down.

“We should have been wearing more appropriate footwear and a dress shirt for our measurements,” Hanzo stated as he walked through the door.

“We?” Jesse asked, following behind. He looked at the prices listed for a full suit. “Han, there’s no way I’m spendin’ this amount of money on somethin’ I’m only gonna wear once.”

Hanzo was busy looking at and feeling different fabrics. Feeling the quality of the fabric, eyeing the quality of the stitching, and not paying attention to Jesse. He murmured with a wave of his hand, “It is fine, I can pay for yours.”

“Han,” Jesse pulled up alongside Hanzo. “I… I’m not gonna let you do that. These things are more than a month’s pay.”

Hanzo held up his hand again, his attention focused on the fabric. “Nonsense. It is fine.”

“Hanzo,” Jesse said frustrated as he grabbed his arm.

Hanzo shook his head and looked at Jesse - his brow furrowed, breathing deep. Hanzo turned his full attention to Jesse, placing a hand on each bicep.

Jesse took a breath. “Please, Han, these things are way too expensive. I’ll just get one of the cheap ones from the store.”

Hanzo shook his head and smiled, his hands trailing down Jesse’s arms and grabbing his hands. “No boyfriend of mine will be seen dead wearing one of those things. It is a gift, please allow me. Money is not an issue.”

Jesse closed his eyes, shaking his head. Hanzo placed a hand on his cheek, causing Jesse to flinch and squeeze his eyes shut tighter. Hanzo pulled back, giving Jesse some space. Hanzo looked down at their hands, shaking his head. He had been behaving like he used to, with no regard to anyone else around him. Like he had been taught. He thought about Jesse, the way his behaviour changed when entering the store, the way he flinched. It was obvious the contact triggered a memory, no doubt something involving his father’s hands.

After a moment, Jesse whispered, choking back tears, “You spoil me, you know, Han. I don’t deserve to be spoiled.”

“Hush,” Hanzo whispered, giving Jesse a hug. “You deserve the best.” Hanzo did not let go until he felt Jesse relax. He had never seen Jesse be triggered by his hand before, and while it had been a number of years since Jesse had been on the receiving end of his father’s hand, the psychological scars were still present. _They will probably be present for the rest of your life..._

Hanzo reassessed his behaviour, and honestly he was behaving like a child. He needed to apologise. "I am sorry, Jesse, for behaving poorly and not taking your opinion into regard," Hanzo whispered, squeezing Jesse tighter.

"Nah, it's fine. No need to apologise, Sugarplum. You said you'd be in a mood." Jesse pulled away, wiping his eyes. He looked at Hanzo. “You know, you’re much more relaxed in here than in the mall. I take it you got fitted for all your suits?”

Hanzo smiled and nodded. “Every single one. I had quite the collection. It was a shame to leave them behind.” He grabbed Jesse’s hand, fingers interlocking. “Come, we shall get you fitted first.”

Jesse stood on the podium, his measurements taken by the elderly balding Italian man who owns the store, his simple nametag read ‘Angelo’. Jesse looked at his reflection in the mirror. “Han, what if I put on weight? Or lose weight?”

“Do not think about such things,” Hanzo said, looking at the shirts, before realising he was ignoring Jesse again. He looked at Jesse's reflection in the mirror and smiled.

“He is right,” Angelo agreed, scribbling down measurements on a notepad. "What colour do you want to wear?"

“I was thinkin’ of wearin’ black, actually.”

He wandered off, grabbing a pair of black pants from a hanger. “Try these,” he pointed to the fitting room in the corner. Jesse took them and headed to the change room, disappearing behind the curtain.

Hanzo continued looking at the shirts, grabbing a white one to start, what he would wear at the wedding. Then a navy blue, black and finally lavender – he was always partial to the colour.

Jesse stepped from the changing room, the sound of the too-long pants dragged on the ground as he approached the podium. Angelo poked, prodded and pulled on the fabric, hemmed up the pants and noted the adjustments required.

“The wedding is in three weeks, will you have enough time to have both suits ready by then?” Hanzo asked, shirts draped over his arm.

“I can have them done by then,” Angelo answered. He stood up straight, grabbing a white shirt and black jacket and handing them to Jesse. “These next.” Jesse shook his head, heading back to the fitting room.

Hanzo focussed on ties next, picking a simple black neck tie. He held it up against his shirts, nodding that it looked good against all of the colours. 

Jesse stepped back out to the podium and Angelo went back to work taking his measurements. “The shirt is the correct size, the jacket will need amending. You have long arms.”

“Uhh… Thanks?”

“We can buy the shirts today,” Hanzo said, looking at Jesse’s reflection.

“What, I don’t get a say in what colour I wanna wear?” Jesse smirked.

Hanzo looked down at the shirts, then back to Jesse. “These are mine, you can pick whatever colour you want when your measurements are complete.”

“Why do you need four shirts?” Jesse smiled.

“So I do not have to endure this again,” Hanzo barked. Angelo looked back at him. “I mean no offence.”

He waved his hand. “We are done here. You, next.” He pointed at Hanzo, then at the podium, clicking his fingers.

\---

Jesse got dressed back in his clothes, leaving the fitting room and draping the suit over a chair next to the podium. He looked at Hanzo’s reflection as he made his way past, noting how he was standing; shoulders back and chin high. _Definitely in your element here._

He felt a little ridiculous in this store, with its fancy materials and podium in the centre of the shop. And he sure as shit had never spent this amount of money on clothing. He looked at his reflection in the mirror, he was wearing a red plaid shirt and years old jeans with worn knees and frayed hem from dragging on the ground. He looked back at Hanzo, who even though was dressed just as casually in a long sleeve shirt and jeans, he still looked like he belonged in this environment.

He shook his head and sighed. He wasn’t lying when he said that he was being spoiled, and it extended beyond the suits. No one had treated him like Hanzo does, with kindness, respect and love. He took a deep breath, he needs to work on his gratitude, and accept that Hanzo is not like anyone he has dated before. Hanzo would never hurt him, physically or emotionally.

He took another deep breath and looked at the shirts, arranged based on colour and size. His eyes were drawn to a burgundy one which he thought he’d look great in, but settled for practical, a crisp white one. “You wearin’ the white shirt for the wedding?” Jesse asked over his shoulder.

“I will be, yes.”

“Right, me too,” Jesse murmured. “You don’t think we’ll look the same if we’re both in a black suit with a white shirt?”

Angelo scoffed, Hanzo smiled. Jesse looked at the both of them, smiling and shaking his head. “Yeah, stupid question.”

“You may pick more than one shirt if you wish,” Hanzo offered.

Jesse looked back, eyes snapping to the burgundy shirt that initially caught his eye. He held it up for Hanzo to see, and he nodded in approval.

“Go,” Angelo pointed to the change rooms, handing Hanzo a pair of black pants.

Jesse looked over the ties, glancing at the neck ties before settling on a bow tie. He smirked, feeling the silky black fabric between his fingers. Hanzo walked out in a pair of oversized pants and Jesse held the bow tie up to his neck, “What are your thoughts on bow ties?”

“I prefer neck ties, but if you wish to wear a bow tie, please do so.”

“I reckon I’d look pretty damn smart in a bow tie,” Jesse smiled, looking at his reflection.

“Sekushī,” Hanzo smirked, standing on the podium.

Jesse frowned, repeating the word in his mind over and over until it twigged. S _exy is damn right,_ he thought, pointing finger guns at Hanzo.

Hanzo shook his head, face turning serious as he looked at his own reflection.

“You OK, Han?” Jesse frowned.

“Yes. Though if you start calling me loser, I might have some confusing feelings to deal with,” Hanzo said, rubbing his chin and smoothing his beard.

Jesse furrowed his brow in confusion. “Why would I call you loser?”

Hanzo sighed, “That is what Genji used to call me. He was Sparrow and I was Loser. He would point his fingers like that,” Hanzo mimicked the action, “when he would say good bye. He was the only person I knew to do such a thing.”

“Shit, I didn’t know. I’m sorry,” Jesse apologised, walking up to Hanzo and holding his hand.

“It is bad enough that you remind me so much of him with your mannerisms,” Hanzo whispered. “The two of you would have got along so well. I wish you had the opportunity to meet him.”

Jesse stood up on the podium and embraced Hanzo, much to the annoyance of Angelo who huffed loud enough. He could have sworn he heard his eye roll too.

“Please do not stop doing that, I do not wish to control what you can and cannot do,” Hanzo whispered.

“Alright, but you can bet your ass that I won’t call you loser,” Jesse whispered, giving Hanzo a peck on the lips before stepping off the podium.

Angelo shook his head, muttered something under his breath in Italian and looked back at his measurements, before handing Hanzo a shirt and jacket to get changed, gesturing with his head towards the change room.

Jesse turned his attention back to the ties, sighing heavily. _I’d give anythin’ to take away your pain_ , he thought, flicking through the rainbow of neck ties in front of him.

Hanzo emerged from the changing room, the shirt and suit jacket fitting perfectly, aside from arm length – the sleeves were too long in Hanzo’s instance. Jesse chuckled, a product of broad shoulders and thick biceps. Angelo made the last few measurements before sending Hanzo back to the change room to get changed.

They put a deposit down for the suits, Hanzo ordered two pairs of black pants, and paid for the shirts and ties.

“Well, that was a productive morning,” Jesse said as they stood on the street. “Feel like lunch?”

Hanzo was holding the shirts and ties in a garment bag draped over his arm. He nodded, and Jesse led them to a café which he knows serves fairly decent sandwiches. They ordered at the counter and took a seat at a four seater table. Hanzo draped the garment bag over one chair, and Jesse took a seat next to Hanzo.

“When we spoke with Julia yesterday, you discussed wearing a suit over something traditional,” Hanzo started, taking a sip of iced tea.

“Yeah,” Jesse frowned. “Should probably explain my heritage. My Dad was born in the States, but his folks were from Scotland. My Dad takes his Scottish heritage _very_ seriously. Traditionally, the men will wear kilts instead of suits.”

“Your father will be wearing a kilt?”

“He will, as will his Dad,” Jesse played with the napkin in front of him. “I decided not to, considerin’ he practically disowned me. That, and I’d have to ask him for the pattern and get it made, it’s just easier if I don’t bother.” Jesse rolled his eyes and shook his head. “I’ve never even been to Scotland and I have no connection with any of the family up there, distant cousins and such. So it feels almost disrespectful to wear one.”

“Julia is right, it is a double edged sword,” Hanzo murmured.

“Yep, so I may as well just wear somethin’ I’m comfortable in. Santa Fe will be cooler at the end of the month anyways, and I don’t really wanna feel that cold desert air literally blowin’ up my skirt,” he chuckled.

Hanzo chuckled, taking a sip of iced tea. “Is your mother from America also?”

Jesse chuckled, shaking his head. “No, she is not. She was born in Mexico, though her mom was Mexican and her dad was American. She moved to the States when she was in her twenties.” Jesse took a sip of water. “They’re an odd combination, Dad doesn’t take to people of…” Jesse trailed off. He didn’t know how he was going to explain to Hanzo that his dad’s a racist but has no issue with his mom. He shook his head, “…but he loves my mom. I think if he lived anywhere else other than Santa Fe, it’d be different.” He looked at Hanzo and smiled. “Anyway, I don’t think I’ve heard you ever talk about your mom.”

“No, I have not. She is passed also.”

“I’m sorry, Han. I shouldn’t –”

“It is fine," Hanzo interrupted with a wave of his hand. "It was a long time ago. She was involved in an accident while out shopping.”

“Not the reason why you hate malls, is it?” Jesse bit his lip, bracing himself for the response, hoping it wasn’t _the_ reason.

Hanzo chuckled. “No. I dislike malls because they are dirty places.”

Jesse rolled the edge of the napkin between his fingers nervously. “So… how old were you when she…” he trailed off.

“I was ten.”

“Jesus, Han. You grew up without your mom.”

“Yes. I often wonder how different my life would have been if she had been present in my life. Before her accident, I would freely roam outside the castle walls.”

“Do you think your dad kept you hidden away because he was afraid you’d get hurt?”

“Physically, no. We were trained to look after ourselves. His reasons for keeping me hidden were numerous." Hanzo paused for a moment. "One of which was he would say that people would manipulate me, use me to get inside the castle and do damage to us that way.”

“Sounds an awful lot like he was manipulatin’ you.”

“You do not know the half of it, Jesse.” Hanzo shook his head, lost in his thoughts for a moment. He looked down at his glass, then back at Jesse. “She was hit by a tram. He would say ‘She should have seen it coming.’ He always thought her death was intentional. He would state it whenever myself or Genji would ask about her.”

“What do you think happened?”

Hanzo took a deep breath and closed his eyes for a moment, before looking at Jesse, “My mother loved us. She would not have left us.”

“Then it was an accident, Han. Don’t let whatever shit your dad said cloud your judgement.” Jesse grabbed his hand, Hanzo nodded and placed his hand on top of Jesse’s. “God we had shit Dads, didn’t we?”

“We did, Jesse. So bad you cannot even say they had their reasons.”

“Hmm,” Jesse agreed. “Anyway, enough about them. What was your mom like?”

Hanzo smiled, he opened his mouth to speak, when the high-pitched voice of a girl filled the café.

“Sensei? Hey, Sensei!”

Hanzo shot a look over to the short girl walking towards him, big smile and waving, wearing light blue skinny jeans with red ballet flats, and a big, bright pink oversized jacket with a picture of a cartoon rabbit’s face on it. He looked back at Jesse, leaning in to him and covering his mouth. “Hana,” he whispered.

“You didn’t mention anythin’ ‘bout goin’ by Sensei yesterday,” Jesse smiled, looking back at Hana who moved the garment bag to the other chair and took the seat next to Hanzo.

“Hi, I’m Hana,” she extended her hand towards Jesse.

“Jesse,” he shook her hand. “I’ve heard a lot about you. I hear you’re a talented student.”

“Oh, am I now, Sensei?” She nudged Hanzo with an elbow.

Hanzo rubbed his chin, his tone showing a hint of annoyance, “Why are you not in class, Hana?”

“Got cancelled,” she shrugged, digging through her handbag and pulling out a stick of gum. “So is this the man who has you distracted during my lessons?” She smirked.

“Distracted?” Jesse smirked, leaning on the table with one elbow while looking at Hanzo.

“It was one time.” Hanzo rolled his eyes before looking at Jesse and sighing loudly. “The Saturday I made you do your laundry.”

Hana laughed, unwrapping the stick of gum and shoving it in her mouth. “That’s classic!” She looked Jesse up and down, analysing him. “Sensei, I didn’t think he’d be your type.”

Jesse rubbed his hands together, leaning forward in his seat, “Oh, this is gonna be fun. What were you expectin’ darlin’?”

“Definitely not a country bumpkin!” She giggled and chewed her gum loudly.

Jesse screwed up his face, “Hey, that hurts.”

“You literally just called me ‘darlin'’”, she put her hands up in air quotes, putting on her best southern drawl. “You’re probably from down south, Texas or something.”

“New Mexico,” Jesse answered flatly.

“Close enough,” she shrugged, looking at Hanzo. “I was expecting someone more…” she tapped her finger on her chin in contemplation before clicking her fingers, "sophisticated!”

“Hey! I can be plenty sophisticated!” Jesse folded his arms across his chest, before resting them in his lap. Was he seriously letting a teenager get the better of him?

“Says the man in red flannel,” she answered without taking a breath. She looked him up and down again. “You look like a lumberjack.”

“I am not a lumberjack,” Jesse answered quickly. “I work in construction.”

“See –”

“Hana, I know I said I valued honesty, but I also value respect,” Hanzo interjected sternly, sitting up straight.

Hana huffed. “Sorry, Sensei.” She looked at Jesse, bowing her head, “Sorry.”

Jesse smiled, letting her 'attack' slide. “It’s alright darlin’”

She giggled. “So why are you guys at the mall? Don’t you have jobs?”

“We were suit shopping. Jesse’s sister is getting married at the end of the month.”

“Oh, congratulations to your sister!” She said to Jesse before drawing her attention back to Hanzo. “I think you’d look very nice in a suit, Sensei.” Hana looked Hanzo up and down, letting her gaze linger.

“Hana, please call me Hanzo when we are not at the archery range.”

“OK, Hanzo,” she smiled, continuing her stare before shaking her head and snapping out of it. “Anyway, who I _was_ expecting was someone who works in a suit and tie, like a lawyer.” She turned her attention to Jesse. “See, he has told me literally _nothing_ about you, so I had to go on what I thought he’d be in to.” She looked back at Hanzo, then Jesse once more. “He’s so strict and serious, so I was expecting someone equally strict and serious. You’re like the complete opposite. You look like you’ll be much more fun than a suit and tie type.”

“Oh, believe me, darlin’, I am _much_ more fun,” Jesse smirked.

“I can’t believe _you_ can be fun, Hanzo!” She said to Hanzo, before looking down at her phone then back to Jesse. “Well, in any case, thanks for being the person who got him off my back.”

Jesse laughed, “Yeah, he told me that you’d noticed a change in his attitude when we started dating.”

“Before that, I figured –”

“Hana!” Hanzo yelled, earning the attention of those around them. Hanzo bowed his head in apology and brought his voice down, “Do you not have studying to do?”

Hana frowned. “No.”

Clearly she wasn’t getting the hint.

The waitress approached with their sandwiches, placing them down on the table in front of them. Hana looked at their plates, then at them.

“Well, I should leave you to eat in peace. It was nice meeting you, Jesse.” She stood up to leave. “See you on Wednesday, Sensei,” she winked and skipped out of the café, waving down a charming fellow with an infectious smile and crazy dreadlocks tied in a high ponytail. The two of them did a small dance before walking away hand-in-hand.

They both looked down at their plates and let out a long sigh.

“Fuck, she’s intense,” Jesse said, bringing his hands up to his face and rubbing his temples. “She needs to lay off the caffeine.”

Hanzo chuckled and nodded in agreeance. “She is not normally like this in my classes. She actually has some restraint.” He smiled and looked at Jesse. “I had not considered you as a lumberjack.”

Jesse laughed, “I have done my fair share of log splittin’ in my time.”

“I can imagine it now, you swinging an axe with all your might, splitting logs with ease like cutting paper, you would wipe the sweat off your brow…” Hanzo trailed off, staring at Jesse.

Jesse held half of his sandwich up to his mouth, staring at Hanzo, waiting for him to finish that statement.

Hanzo shook his head. “No matter, how is your food?” He poked at his sandwich with his finger before picking it up and taking a bite.

Jesse smiled, taking a bite, chewing and swallowing, “Pretty good. Yours?”

“It is very nice.”

“So, uh… you gonna finish that thought you were havin’ of me?” Jesse asked, leaning forward and wiping the corner of his mouth with his thumb.

Hanzo smiled, taking another bite of the sandwich, carefully chewing it and swallowing. “Perhaps one day I will tell you.”

“I’m just gonna imagine that it devolves to us havin’ sex then,” Jesse smirked, nudging Hanzo.

Hanzo winked, nudging Jesse’s foot with his. They fell into a comfortable silence. The murmur of conversation in the background, knives and forks clinking on plates. Their knees touching, occasionally rubbing against each other, a bit of contact as a thought was had. A glance and a smile, a mutual understanding that all they need right now is each other’s company.

Hanzo placed his folded napkin down on the empty plate and finished the last of his iced tea. He placed the empty glass down and looked at Jesse, finally breaking the silence. “She was gentle and kind.”

Jesse looked at Hanzo, pushing his plate to the side and grabbing his hand with both of his. He placed his hand on top of Jesse’s as he continued. “She would never raise her voice at us. She would laugh with us. She would be strong if we had hurt ourselves. She would make the world better if we were having a bad day.” Hanzo’s voice started to waver slightly as he focussed his attention on scratching lightly at a freckle on the back of Jesse’s hand.

Jesse watched as he smiled, chuckled to himself, then as he frowned and shook his head, like he was remembering something awful. He scooted in his seat closer to him, wrapping an arm around his shoulder.

He looked back at Jesse, eyes watery and full of sadness. The same look he had when he talked about Genji all those weeks ago in Emily and Lena’s apartment. Jesse pulled him in, his head resting on his shoulder as he stroked the back of his head.

“I have not spoken of my mother in twenty years,” Hanzo whispered. “I had been so consumed by my father’s words that I started to believe her to be the person he was painting.” He looked up at Jesse, smiling now, “Thank you for asking what she was like, because now I can see her for the person she was.”

Jesse kissed Hanzo’s forehead. For once, he didn’t beat himself up for dredging up a memory. He took a deep breath, thinking of his mom, how she was the same, how she was kind, and caring and strong.

But then he thought of the negative things, how she didn’t protect him from his dad, how she just stood by and let it happen. How he couldn’t tell her anything because whatever he said to her, she would tell him and that would result in a beating. How she showed no interest in his life.

He shook his head, not wanting to get consumed by those thoughts. He kissed Hanzo’s forehead again and squeezed him tight. He thought about the wedding, looking at the garment bag draped over the chair. A realisation, “I don’t suppose you have shoes to go with your suit?”

Hanzo chuckled, “I do not.”

“You’re not gonna make us go to a fancy shoe maker, are ya?” Jesse chuckled.

Hanzo sat up and punched Jesse lightly in the arm, “No, I will not make us go to a ‘fancy’ shoe maker. But I will not buy cheap shoes.”

“’Course you won’t,” Jesse smiled, standing up and pushing his chair back in. “I should buy a pair too. I think the last time I wore shoes that weren’t either boots or sneakers, I was still in school.” Jesse shrugged, rubbing the back of his head.

Hanzo closed his eyes, shaking his head. “You are a worry, Jesse McCree.”

Jesse smiled and shrugged, racing to the counter to pay before Hanzo spent any more money on him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I feel like I should apologise to any Brits reading, I tried using the words trousers or slacks instead of pants but it felt unnatural.
> 
> So this chapter is the end of act two, I feel. (Act one was chapters 1 - 4, I don't think I mentioned it in the notes.) I'm excited and anxious about the next lot of chapters, some serious stuff goes down and they really solidify their relationship. I can't wait to share them with you!
> 
> As always, thanks for reading!


	11. Santa Fe

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hiya!
> 
> First off, I'd like to thank [JUSTAKnightInDesguise](http://archiveofourown.org/users/JUSTAKnightInDesguise/pseuds/JUSTAKnightInDesguise) for the heads up on what Santa Fe is _actually_ like. I've stalked the tourism page, and it's been super helpful too. I could probably write a report on Santa Fe if I wanted XD
> 
> I do hope I've done it justice, please let me know if something isn't right and I'll fix it right up. Constructive criticism welcome!
> 
> We'll be in Santa Fe for quite a while now, so strap yourselves in, folks!
> 
> No warnings to note, just some fun conversation and a little sexy time ;-)
> 
> Hope you enjoy the read!

The sun was bearing down from the cloudless sky, however there was barely any warmth to it. The wind carrying from the desert had an icy sting that permeated through layers of clothing, sending a chill to the bone.

Hanzo zipped up his hoodie right up to his chin before grabbing his gym bag, Jesse’s backpack and the garment bags containing their suits from the trunk of the cab. He shivered and nodded; glad that he had packed his thermals.

“Good day to you, kind sir,” Jesse said, tipping his hat to the driver before joining Hanzo on the sidewalk. He grabbed his backpack from Hanzo, slinging it over his shoulder before taking a deep breath and closing his eyes. “Ah, smell that fresh air!” Jesse exclaimed. “No exhaust fumes, no big ugly grey buildings, just this gorgeous architecture!” He looked at Hanzo, nudging him with his elbow.

“Yes. The air is certainly cleaner here,” Hanzo agreed, taking a breath and feeling the burn from the cold air in his lungs. “The architecture is remarkable. It reminds me of Spanish architecture.” He looked at the smooth, red-brown coloured buildings lining the street, the same colour of the desert-scape he observed on the drive from the airport. Cafes and restaurants as far as the eye could see, full of people sheltering from the cold.

“Oh, you’ve been to Spain?”

“I visited Spain after I left Japan. I have seen most of Europe.”

“And you haven’t seen any of the States.” Jesse shook his head and nudged Hanzo again. “Well, Santa Fe was a Spanish colony which merged their architecture with the existing Native American architecture. Pueblo Style.”

Hanzo nodded. “So there is rich history in Santa Fe.”

“Certainly is,” Jesse drawled.

Hanzo smiled. “I look forward to learning much about it.”

They turned to face the shop in front of them. It was a little bakery, “Isabella’s” the large lettering in a semi-circle on the window read. He could see through the window that it had a fireplace in the corner, a staff member throwing another log on the fire.

Jesse pulled out his phone, noting the time. “Ok, it’s currently two-thirty, so Jules won’t be here to pick us up for close to three hours. She’ll finish her shift at the hospital before headin’ over.” He put his phone in his pocket and looked into the bakery. “Come on, let’s get warm!” Jesse said, nudging Hanzo with his elbow.

Jesse opened the door, gesturing Hanzo in. He walked up to the counter, looking at their selections of coffee, teas and hot chocolates.

“Oh, you gotta try the chili hot chocolate. It’s the best here!” Jesse smirked at Hanzo.

Hanzo pulled a face like he had just been offered a bowl of cereal. “Disgusting.”

“Ah, don’t knock it till ya try it!”

“Jesse McCree! Is that you?!” The voice of a woman called from the back of the bakery. The large woman, in height and build, made her way around the counter, dusting her floury hands on her apron. Her silver shoulder length hair bobbed with each step, a pair of frameless glasses sat perched atop her head.

“Sure is. Hello Isabella!” Jesse gave the woman a hug. “How have you been, lovely?”

“I’ve been good, cariño. Goodness, it’s been a while since I last saw you.” She said, dusting his shoulders and smoothing his leather jacket over his chest.

“It has. It’s been near on nine months now.”

She pointed a finger at Jesse, shaking it disapprovingly. “Too long. Tell me, what have you been up to?”

“I’ve actually settled in Boston.”

She turned up her nose and folded her arms over her chest. “Too many city folk there. Why on Earth would you settle there?”

“Because of this fine gentleman,” Jesse wrapped his arm around Hanzo’s shoulders. “Isabella, I would like to introduce you to my better half, Hanzo Shimada.”

“Oh, Jesse, he’s a nice one, ‘ey?” She stood in front of Hanzo, grabbing his biceps. “El es hermoso!” She gave them a squeeze, looking at Jesse. “Tan fuerte!”

Jesse chuckled, rubbing his hand on the back of his neck. “Sí, Isabella.”

Hanzo looked up at the woman; she was almost a foot taller than him. She outstretched her arms and gave him a hug. He awkwardly brought his hands up and pat her back; the best he could do given his arms were pinned to his sides.

“ _Folks’ll wanna give you a hug.”_ Jesse’s words repeated in his mind, the warning given on the plane ride over.

“It is nice to meet you,” Hanzo smiled. He took a step back when she relinquished her grip, bowing his head.

“Nice to meet you too, cariño. I trust you treat my Jesse well!” She winked at Jesse.

“Oh, he takes plenty good care of me.” Jesse kissed Hanzo’s cheek. “Makes me breakfast and dinner when I stay over.”

She nodded in approval, “Good.” She leaned in close to Jesse. “You keep this one close, ‘ey. So what can I get you? Your regular?”

“Absolutely, Isabella.” Jesse smiled, before looking at Hanzo.

“I will have the cinnamon hot chocolate,” Hanzo bowed his head to Isabella.

“Oh, good choice, Han.” Jesse brought his arm down from Hanzo’s shoulders and wrapped it around his waist.

“Good, good. Take a seat, I’ll bring them out.” She gestured to the tables at the back of the bakery.

“Thank you Isabella,” Jesse drawled.

Hanzo exhaled slowly, watching her walk around the counter and disappear in the back room.

Jesse smiled, squeezing him tight. “I hope you don’t mind Isabella, she can be very… handsy.”

Hanzo shook his head, “It is fine. It is not the first time that has happened.”

“Oh, really now?” Jesse asked amused.

“I am apparently popular with older women,” Hanzo smirked. “You have competition, Jesse.” Hanzo winked, wrapping his arm around Jesse’s waist.

“Well they’ll have to just pry you from my cold, dead hands, then.” Jesse kissed Hanzo on the cheek before looking at the empty tables in the bakery. He picked a table at the back of the bakery, in the corner next to the fireplace. “I used to come here all the time.” He placed his bag on the floor, took off his hat and placed it on the bag. “Remember I told you about my friend, Gabe Reyes?”

Hanzo nodded, draping the garment bags over a chair.

“Isabella’s his sister. I’d talk to her about everythin’ after Gabe…” He paused, smiling, shouldering off his jacket and draping it over his chair. “She’s been there for me, more times than I can count. I missed her more than my actual mom.” Jesse shook his head, taking a seat, back to the fireplace and glancing at the little menu on the table as distraction.

Hanzo took a seat, watching Jesse flicker through a series of emotions: frowning, shaking his head, rolling his eyes, and then smiling. “Anyway…” Jesse said, breaking from his thoughts and looking at Hanzo. “You lookin’ forward to meetin’ the family?”

“I am nervous, actually.” Hanzo admitted. He unzipped his hoodie and shouldered out of it, draping it backwards over the chair. The heat of the fireplace was certainly welcome. He clasped his hands on the table, watching the fire consume the log from his seat.

Nervous was an understatement. Anxious is definitely the word he would use to describe his current state, but he dare not let Jesse know. Jesse barely spoke of them, and from what he had said, had not painted a good picture of either of them. Not that there was apparently anything good to say about them, it seemed.

Jesse grabbed Hanzo’s hand. “Don’t be, Han. They’ll…” Jesse trailed off, looking down at the table. “Just don’t worry about it, hey?” He looked back at Hanzo, offering a sympathetic smile. “I got you, and Julia’s got me.” Jesse paused, before widening his eyes. “Hey, I have an idea. Hang on a sec.” Jesse pulled out his phone and started tapping at the screen furiously before placing it on the table. “I’ve asked Jules if they’re workin’ today. If they are, I’ll send you into the butcher, you can check them out; see what they’re like without me. Then tomorrow night, you’ll see what they’re like around me. Difference’ll be night n’ day.”

Hanzo furrowed his brow. He knew this was a bad idea. What would his parents think if they saw him skulking in the shop and then at their ‘first introduction’ the following night? Anger? Betrayal, perhaps? Either way, it would not be good for Jesse. He opened his mouth to speak but stopped when Jesse’s phone vibrated.

Jesse picked up his phone and read the text silently. “Cool, they’re workin’. We’ll send you in to pick up somethin’ for dinner,” he said as he texted back.

Hanzo squeezed Jesse’s hand. “Jesse, I do not like this. I do not want to get you into any trouble.”

Jesse looked up  from his phone, eyebrows knitted together. He sat up straight in his seat, appearing to make the same assumptions Hanzo had just made. He shook his head and smiled. “Alright, Han.” He placed his other hand on the table, reaching for Hanzo’s hand. “You’re too good for me, you know that?”

Hanzo chuckled, “How so?”

“Anyone else I’ve been with would’ve just followed along with my plans. And we would have copped it big.” Jesse shook his head and squeezed Hanzo’s hands. “You though, you look out for me. Even when I don’t realise I’m bein’ stupid.”

Hanzo scoffed. “You must have dated truly dishonest people before me.”

“You don’t know the half of it, Han.” Jesse looked out to the street. “Heads up, we might run into a couple of ‘em while we’re here,” Jesse shuddered.

“Alright,” Isabella started as she approached the table. “One chili hot chocolate, and one cinnamon hot chocolate.” She put the mugs down on the table. “Lo siento, am I interrupting something?” She said, pointing to their hands.

“Nah, Isabella.” Jesse said, leaning back in his seat and placing his hands around the mug. “Just Hanzo lookin’ out for me.” He scoffed. “Again.”

“Again?” Isabella questioned. “Definitely don’t let this one go, ‘ey cariño?” She squeezed Jesse’s shoulder.

“And you,” she turned her attention to Hanzo, pointing a finger at him. “Thank you for looking out for my Jesse. I can see in his eyes that he loves you.” She patted Hanzo’s shoulder as she walked back to the counter.

Hanzo looked at Jesse, trying to read him. His cheeks were turning a slight shade of rouge. He was looking down at his hot chocolate. He shook his head, causing his hair fell in front of him, like a curtain being drawn and obscuring his face.

 _Was there truth to what Isabella said?_  Hanzo thought. He had almost blurted the words out more times than he could count now, and he has found that Jesse was remarkably good at hiding his true feelings. While Jesse had opened up about many facets of his life, and was all round more comfortable around Hanzo, love was something that he could not get a read on.

Hanzo looked down at his hot chocolate, pulling the cinnamon stick half out, then placing it back, before pulling it out again. “What do I do with this?” His lips turned upwards slightly, trying to suppress his smile.

Jesse looked up, brushing his hair out of his face to reveal a small smile. “You just use it to flavour the hot chocolate, stir it through as you drink.”

Hanzo nodded, smiling now, unable to contain it.

“But you knew that, didn’t ya?” Jesse’s smile widened.

“I did." Hanzo looked at Jesse for a moment. "I do not know how to approach awkward silences,” He clasped his hand around Jesse’s, “Especially when you will not look at me.”

Jesse looked down at his hot chocolate, then looked back up at him. He took in some air to speak, however Hanzo held up his hand to stop Jesse from speaking. “It is fine. You do not have to explain yourself.” Hanzo smiled, holding out his hand. 

Jesse grabbed Hanzo’s hand and squeezed. After a moment, he took a sip of hot chocolate, closing his eyes as the familiar taste filled his mouth. “God, same as I remember. You wanna try?” He held the mug up to Hanzo.

Hanzo looked at the mug for a moment, before shaking his head and reluctantly reaching for the mug. He gave it a smell and took a sip. The rich chocolate filled his mouth and a subtle hit of chili followed. “That is actually not as bad as it sounds.” He handed the mug back to Jesse.

“Told ya!” Jesse pointed a finger at him.

Jesse’s phone vibrated again. He read the message, chuckling to himself.

“What did she say?” Hanzo asked before taking a sip of his hot chocolate.

“What you said. That I shouldn’t antagonise.” He looked back at his phone and replied before placing his phone on the table. “Told her that you said the same thing.” He paused as another message came through. He held it up to Hanzo to read. “And she said that you’re too good for me,” Jesse sighed.

“I feel like that is something I am going to hear _a lot_ over the next week,” Hanzo said slightly disapprovingly. “Tell me, just how bad were you, Jesse McCree?”

“Oh, I was the worst, darlin’,” Jesse started, picking up his chair and sitting next to Hanzo, both now facing the fire. “And have I told you how much I love it when you say my full name?”

“Jesse McCree?” Hanzo questioned.

Jesse closed his eyes and smiled. “I could listen to you read the phone book, you know that?” Jesse rested his head on Hanzo’s shoulder.

“Do not be absurd,” he smirked, stirring his hot chocolate with the cinnamon stick before taking a sip. “They do not make phone books anymore.” He rested his head on Jesse’s.

They enjoyed each other’s company as they drank their hot chocolates; Jesse filled Hanzo in on the history of Santa Fe. Now, empty mugs on the table, a single plate with two spoons sitting on it, crumbs left from the strawberry cheesecake they had shared. Feet up on seats, watching the fire burn slowly, wasting the day doing nothing.

Perfect.

“Baby brother…” The woman’s drawl filled the bakery.

 Jesse sat up in a rush and looked behind him, like a meerkat alerted to a predator.

“Big sister!” Jesse beamed as he stood up, arms outstretched, walking towards her.

Julia did a run up in her last steps, leaping into Jesse’s arms and wrapping her legs around him.

“Hey, lovely,” Jesse whispered.

“Hey, darlin’.” She unwrapped her legs and took a step away from Jesse, looking him up and down. “God I missed you! Once a week video chat is not enough!” She kissed his cheek. “I like this short trimmed look.” She rubbed a hand over his beard.

“Yeah, when you’re datin’ someone who has a perfect beard himself, you gotta pull up your socks.”

“Speaking of!” She widened her eyes. “Introduce me this man who’s making sure you’re not getting into any trouble!”

Jesse grabbed her hand and led them to their table. Jesse held out his hand, Hanzo took it and stood up. “Jules, meet the light of my life. The one who’s got my back, so everyone says. Hanzo Shimada.”

“C’mere, you!” She outstretched her arms and Hanzo embraced her.

“It is nice to meet you in person," Hanzo said as he pulled away. She was dressed in a black hoodie with blue hospital scrubs underneath. Her blonde hair, a shade or two darker compared to when he and Jesse video chatted with her last week, was tied up in a high ponytail.

“Same to you, darlin’.” She looked Hanzo up and down. “Not a bad catch, Jesse,” She squeezed Hanzo’s hand before letting go, pulling up a seat from another table and taking a seat next to Jesse.

“So, all ready for tomorrow?” Jesse asked.

“Yep, best we can be. Got the turkey marinatin’ in the fridge, and with your hands helpin’ us in the kitchen, we’ll be sorted.”

“Ah, well Hanzo knows his way ‘round a kitchen,” Jesse smiled.

“So I’ve heard. Spoilin’ my brother by cookin’ for him, hey?” She smirked at Hanzo.

“Someone has to look after him.” Hanzo wrapped his arm around Jesse’s shoulder.

“I am perfectly capable of lookin’ after myself, thank you very much!” Jesse sat up straight.

Feeling cheeky, Hanzo smirked, revealing a secret. “Has he told you that we do our laundry on the same day, so I know he has clean clothes to wear?”

“No, he hasn’t!” She leaned forward, resting her forearms on the table. “Tell me more!”

“I’m sittin’ right here!” Jesse exclaimed, folding his arms over his chest, looking at Hanzo to his left then Julia to his right.

Hanzo looked at Jesse, then back at Julia. “I cook him breakfast when he spends the night, so I know he is eating healthy.” He looked at Jesse again, that rouge from earlier returning to his cheeks. He sighed softly and smiled, saving him from further embarrassment. “He is also helping me work through some tough issues. So he is there for me as much as I am there for him.” He placed a hand on Jesse’s thigh.

Jesse turned to face Hanzo, smiling, and leaned in for a kiss, their lips meeting for a small peck.

Isabella walked over, placing a take-out cup on the table.

“Ah, thank you, Isabella. Alright, ready to go?” Julia stood up, picking up the cup.

“Yep.” Jesse stood up, sliding into his leather jacket before picking up his bag and hat. “Isabella, good to see you again.” He embraced the woman, giving her a kiss on the cheek. “You’re coming to the wedding, right?”

“I am. But make sure you come back before you leave, OK cariño?”

“Will do, Isabella.”

Hanzo shrugged on his hoodie and zipped it up before picking up his bag. “It was nice to meet you.” Hanzo bowed his head to Isabella.

“Same to you, cariño. Adiós.” Isabella waved as they left the bakery.

Dusk was upon them, the headlights from the car illuminated their journey. Although it was only a twenty minute drive from the city centre, the road gave way to a dirt road on a lonely street, before they turned off down a gravel driveway, the only indication given was a lonesome letterbox on the road.

“Alright, here we are.” Julia said as they pulled up to the house.

Hanzo looked out the window. The house was Spanish style, double-storey with white stucco and red clay roof. A large front yard with crushed rock and small bushes planted along the path to the door and against the house. No immediate neighbours, a large plot of land with no fenced boundaries in sight. He nodded in approval, small smile on his face. The seclusion, the silence, the view of the mountains, It reminded him of...

“Home,” Jesse breathed, smiling.

“You’ll be happy to know your room is exactly as you left it.” Julia smiled before hopping out of the car with her coffee.

“Oh, you’re gonna love it,” Jesse said to Hanzo. “Come on.”

They walked up the path and stepped through the front door. The house was warm, fire place burning in an inviting living room with couches in front of a large TV. They headed through to the kitchen, Julia placed her keys and phone on the bench, draping her jacket over a chair in the dining area.

“Dave,” Jesse nodded at the man standing in the kitchen. He outstretched his hand and Dave shook it. He was in business slacks and a light blue buttoned up shirt. An accountant, Jesse had told him. Even though he was captain of the football team in their high school, he was good with numbers. “This is Hanzo,” Jesse gestured at Hanzo.

Hanzo outstretched his hand, getting a good look at the man. Short brown hair, clean shaven, muscular, and tall, a good three to four inches taller than Hanzo. Apparently everyone in Santa Fe is taller than him. He smiled, “A pleasure to meet you.”

“Same to you,” Dave said, shaking his hand. He looked Hanzo up and down, making similar judgements about him, no doubt, before letting go of his hand.

Jesse took off his leather jacket, draping it over another chair. He grabbed the top of the chair, leaning into it and looking around. “You’ve redecorated.”

“Yeah, we updated the kitchen. We got sick of those old white appliances.” She filled the kettle with water and put it on.

“It’s much nicer than it was.” He nodded, pointing to the couches. “You can see into the living room too.”

“Yeah, you know how much I hated being closed off when entertaining.”

“Mmm,” Jesse agreed. He turned his attention to the back door. “Han,” he outstretched his arm. “You’re OK around dogs, yeah?”

“I am,” Hanzo said, following Jesse to the door. He switched on the two floodlights under the porch, illuminating the backyard. It was large and fenceless, crushed rock faded into dirt in the distance. An outdoor dining table was set up under the porch, decorated with various plants in pots.

Jesse opened the door to the backyard, put his fingers in his mouth and whistled. He looked back to Hanzo and smiled as he crouched down.

Three Labradors came running from the distance. A black one, a brown one and a cream one, all running for Jesse. They leaped up, licking his face and nudging him with their noses. He laughed and stood up, holding his hand in front of him. “Easy, sit.”

The dogs sat in front of Jesse, tails wagging. “Still got it, I see,” Jesse smiled. “Han, I’d like to introduce you to Charcoal, Biscuit and Marshmallow.”

Hanzo smiled. He extended his hand in front of them, the three of them sniffing and licking his hand, before crouching down in front of them and giving each a pet.

“You’ve been around dogs?” Jesse asked, impressed.

“Yes. My mother had two Shiba Inus. Their names were Toshi and Yori.”

“How about cats?” Jesse smirked.

“No, we never kept cats,” Hanzo said, scratching Biscuit behind the ears. “Genji was allergic.”

“How’d he figure that out?” 

Hanzo smiled as Marshmallow licked his hands. “He had a friend who owned a cat. He would come back sneezing and with puffy eyes.” 

"Right..." Jesse trailed off, shaking his head before smiling. “Well Jules has a cat. The fat thing will be in front of the fireplace upstairs, most likely.”

Hanzo stood up, following Jesse back inside. The dogs sat at the door wagging their tails, watching in. Hanzo picked up his bag and followed Jesse upstairs. The stairs opened up to an upstairs living room, and just like Jesse said, a fat ginger cat was lying on its back in front of the fireplace.

“This is Garfield. Lazy thing. He eats and sleeps all day,” Jesse pointed to him.

“Does he eat lasagne?” Hanzo smirked.

Jesse nudged him, smiling. “You know Garfield?”

“Yes. Father used to read the newspaper when we were young. When he was finished, we would read the comics. Garfield was our favourite.”

“Well, I see you’re not _completely_ oblivious to pop culture,” He smirked, pointing to the cat. “Don’t touch him though, he _will_ scratch. He acts all cute then all of a sudden he’ll pounce and dig those claws into your leg.”

“Sounds delightful,” Hanzo mused, following Jesse down the corridor, past three closed doors to the last room.

“And this is us,” Jesse said, opening the door before placing his bag by the dresser. He smiled, looking around the room. “Yep, hasn’t changed a bit.” He sat down on the bed.

Hanzo looked around the room, queen size bed, neatly made with a blue and white striped bedspread and six pillows. Two doors, next to each other on the wall to the right.

“Wardrobe and our own personal bathroom.” Jesse stood up, opening the door to the ensuite, a toilet, shower and hand basin inside. Hanzo hung the garment bags on the door handle of the wardrobe and placed his bag down before heading into the small bathroom to wash his hands. He looked at the dresser on the opposite wall, making his around the bed for a closer look at the mirror. The mirror had photos stuffed in the border, so many there was barely enough space for his reflection. There were pictures of Jesse and Julia from when they were kids, posing with pets and on horses.

“You were a cute child,” Hanzo smiled, pointing at a picture of Jesse smiling, a big toothless smile from milk teeth that had just fallen out. Hair much the same now, down to his jaw line. He was crouching down next to a dog, a border collie, arms wrapped around the dog.

Jesse smiled. “Yep. How do I fare now?” Jesse pulled the same smile as in the photo.

Hanzo rolled his eyes. “Please.”

Jesse pushed him playfully. He closed the bedroom door and leaned against it. “Feelin’ naughty?” Jesse smirked, waggling his eyebrows.

Hanzo raised an eyebrow and folded his arms across his chest. “What are you thinking, Jesse?”

Jesse walked up to Hanzo, grabbing his folded arms and placing them on his ass. He wrapped his arms around Hanzo’s neck, smiling, he leaned in close, his lips brushing against Hanzo’s.

Hanzo squeezed Jesse’s ass, meeting the kiss, the small peck turned into a slow passionate kiss, tongues dancing together as heavy breathing filled the room.

Jesse pushed Hanzo onto the bed, lying on top of him and kissing him passionately again, faster and more rough now. He pulled away, sitting up and pulling up Hanzo’s jacket and shirt, exposing his abs and exploring the muscle under his fingertips. He pushed off the bed, crouching between Hanzo’s legs before kissing his abs and trailing a hand up Hanzo’s thigh and onto his crotch, feeling his hard cock through his jeans. He grazed his teeth against Hanzo’s bare skin, rousing a small moan from him. He unbuttoned and unzipped Hanzo’s jeans, pulling them and his underwear down to his thighs and freeing his erect cock.

Hanzo propped himself up on his elbows, watching as Jesse licked him from base to tip before kissing the glans gently, causing his cock to twitch with the touch. He flicked his tongue over the slit, licking up the beading pre-cum before taking Hanzo in his mouth and starting a steady rhythm.

He fell back onto the bed and draped his arm over his face in an attempt to stifle his moans. He reached down, grabbing a handful of Jesse’s hair and gasping as Jesse wrapped his hand tightly at the base of his cock.

Jesse quickened his rhythm and deepthroated; Hanzo had to bite his bicep to keep that moan down. Jesse pulled away for a moment, stroking Hanzo slowly before took him in his mouth again.

Hanzo looked at Jesse, who winked at him. A spark of pleasure shook through him causing his hips to buck. Jesse winking was a weakness, especially with his lips wrapped around his cock. He lay back down on the bed, bringing his hands to his face. “Jesse…” he breathed, a warning for Jesse’s sake as his hips bucked a final time, the wave of pleasure exploding through his body as he came.

After a moment, he sat up on his elbows, watching Jesse slowly pull away and swallow his load. He sat up, pulling Jesse in for a passionate kiss and tasting himself on his tongue before standing up and pushing Jesse against the bedroom door, landing with a thud.

Hanzo grabbed Jesse’s belt, unhooking the 'BAMF' belt buckle. He knelt down, unbuttoning and unzipping his jeans, pulling them down to his knees. He grabbed Jesse’s cock, pumping slowly before taking him in his mouth and starting a steady pace matching with his hand.

Jesse rested his head against the door, moaning softly. He looked down at Hanzo, making eye contact and letting out another moan as Hanzo tightened his grip and increased his speed slightly, encircling the glans with his tongue to change up the rhythm.

“Han… Han…” Jesse moaned softly as he came, his orgasm filling his mouth. Hanzo pumped slowly before stopping and letting go and swallowing. Jesse pulled him up, kissing him passionately before resting his forehead against his.

 _“A hand with dinner would be great if you two are done foolin’ around,”_ Julia called from the top of the stairs.

“We ain’t foolin’ around,” Jesse yelled with annoyance in his voice. He looked at Hanzo, shrugging and smiling. “Lucky guess. Probably based on the door bein’ closed. Don’t worry, we didn’t make much noise.”

Hanzo zipped up his jeans and looked at Jesse, flicking his head slightly to get his hair out of his eyes.

“Fuck I love that little flick you do.” Jesse placed a hand around Hanzo’s neck, pulling him in for another kiss, one on his lips and one on his cheek. He pushed the hair behind his ear before grabbing his hand. “C’mon, we should make an appearance.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed the read!


	12. Sweet Nothings

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey hey! 
> 
> Are we in the mood for some fluff? Cause we're getting fluff!
> 
> This chapter, and the next two are very conversation heavy. I'm just playing around with different styles of writing. As always, constructive criticism welcome!
> 
> And some warnings, for referenced child abuse and homophobia.
> 
> Hope you enjoy the read.

Jesse’s eyes fluttered open, hazy vision focussing on the white ceiling above him. He pulled his head up, taking in his surroundings – the blue striped bedspread, the dozens of photos on the mirror, and finally Hanzo next to him.

He rolled onto his side, propping his weight onto his elbow and resting his head on his closed fist. He smiled, watching Hanzo sleep peacefully. He gently brushed a lock of Hanzo’s hair off his face and behind his ear, holding his breath for a moment as Hanzo shook his head slightly and frowned, those gorgeous wrinkles above his bridge piercing showing before relaxing again.

Jesse released his breath slowly, smiling again. His heart was full, those three words that he’s been afraid to even think in conjunction have been on the tip of his tongue for days now. Apparently written all over his face, since Isabella picked up on it yesterday.

Ultimately he knew the reason why he was holding back, his haunting past, the memory which sometimes bubbles to the surface. He quashed it down, looking at Hanzo sleeping. He was anxious enough as it was and he didn’t need _that_ biting at him too.

He sighed, looking around his old room again, looking between the photos on the mirror and the striped bedspread. Things that belonged to a younger version of Jesse. _Jesse the screw up._ He frowned, annoyed that he still beats himself up. Annoyed that he’s getting annoyed.

And naturally, he thought about the day ahead of him. Battling Thanksgiving dinner with the family. He chewed his bottom lip, it’ll either go bad or it’ll be a total disaster. The other reason he didn’t want to commit himself to Hanzo. His dad _will_ make a scene. It’s a God-damned guarantee.

He nodded, knowing he’d be civil for Hanzo’s sake. For Julia’s sake, with the wedding in three days. It didn’t stop him from thinking of how he would respond to his dad’s behaviour, whether he’d fight back or sit frozen and let it happen like every other time.

He has never stood up for himself, even when he made the decision to leave Santa Fe. What do you say to someone who won’t listen? Who has the ability to talk over you? You walk away, that’s what. And on that day, he walked away and never looked back.

Until today. He frowned, chewing his bottom lip and rolling his eyes when he could taste blood. A bad habit he’s still yet to break. Today will be the first time he’s seen his parents in nine months, the first time he’s talked to them in seven months.

He was pulled from his thoughts by Hanzo, who was stirring in his sleep. Frowning again, breathing deep before relaxing. Jesse smiled, he could get used to this. A life with Hanzo. Sharing a big, proper bed on a bed frame – not on the floor. A king size bed. Storm Bow and Peacekeeper mounted on the wall, pictures of him and Hanzo on the mirror. Their clothes in the wardrobe.

This week is the test. They’ll be together for the entire week – spending every waking moment together, sleeping in the same bed. Together at the hip for the week. He would imagine himself in apartments Hanzo was looking at. Inserting himself into Hanzo’s life would be seamless, really. He didn’t have very many things, but the things he has bought, most notably the silk sheets, he bought them for Hanzo. For them, if and when they moved in together.

He looked down at Hanzo again, a whimper drawing him from his thoughts. His breathing quickened as he opened his eyes, looking up at Jesse.

“Good morning, Sweetness,” Jesse whispered, kissing Hanzo’s forehead.

Hanzo groaned, closing his eyes for a moment before propping his head on his hand, his weight on his elbow, mirroring Jesse. “Good morning.”

“Sleep well?” Jesse asked.

“A little restless,” Hanzo yawned. “I get like this when I am in unfamiliar surrounds.”

“Happens to the best of us.” Jesse grabbed Hanzo’s hand, kissing his knuckles before interlocking his fingers between Hanzo’s.

“How long have you been awake for?” Hanzo asked, voice still groggy from sleep.

“Only ten or so minutes. I was watchin’ you sleep,” Jesse smiled. “You fidget a lot.”

Hanzo closed his eyes, dread laced in his voice, “I did not say anything, did I?”

Jesse smiled. “Nah, not this time.” He lay down on his back, extending his arm out, inviting Hanzo in.

Hanzo rested his head on Jesse’s chest. He brought an arm up to Jesse’s torso, absently rubbing his fingers through Jesse’s chest hair. “How are you feeling? About today?”

“Well, I ain’t gonna lie... my anxiety’s through the roof,” Jesse chewed his bottom lip before stopping, feeling the sting from the broken skin. “But I’ll be fine, ‘cause you’re here.” He kissed the top of Hanzo’s head, reaching up to his head and running his fingers through his hair.

“Perhaps we could spend the morning doing something you would like to do.”

Jesse chuckled. “I’d love to spend the mornin’ doing you, but I ain’t got that kind of stamina anymore, Sugarplum.”

Hanzo looked up at him and rolled his eyes. “Always about sex with you.”

“What can I say? You drive me crazy.”

“You are filthy, Jesse McCree,” Hanzo said with a smile, no offence hidden behind the words.

“Hmm… you’re goin’ the right way about gettin’ laid, Han.”

Hanzo leaned up, their lips meeting in a tender kiss.

Jesse hummed, resting his head back on the pillow. He followed Hanzo’s gaze to the mirror, looking at the photos.

“Tell me about that boy,” Hanzo whispered, stroking Jesse’s chest with his thumb.

“That boy,” Jesse started, inhaling then exhaling slowly, “He loved superheroes.” Eyes drawn to the photo of Jesse when he was five and playing with a Batman figurine. “He loved animals. Horses were his favourite.” Eyes moving to a picture of Jesse when he was seven, riding a horse, dressed like a Sherriff, complete with hat and badge. “He had an aura of innocence back then. He had the whole world ahead of him, until it came crashing down.”

“You do not have many pictures of when you were older.”

Jesse narrowed his eyes, searching for one of the two photos. “There,” he pointed to a picture of him and Julia, faces covered in chocolate. “We were eleven then. Mom made a chocolate cake with chocolate frosting for our birthday. We ate over half of it. Had a tummy ache that night.” He chuckled, grabbing Hanzo’s hand. “We used to fight all the time back then.” He sighed, remembering life when he was eleven. The overwhelming loneliness was at the forefront, followed close by jealousy. “Perfect Julia,” he sighed. “That’s what I’d call her. She could do no wrong… She sang in the church choir, she was popular at school. Everyone loved her.”

“And you?” Hanzo asked quietly.

“Me? Other than bein’ on the receiving end of my dad’s fist, I was that kid no one wanted to be around. I had friends, but we were the misfits, the ones who formed a group because we didn’t fit into any other group. School probably woulda been worse if Julia hadn’t stopped them.” Jesse sighed, turning his attention to Hanzo, bringing his hand down to his waist. “How about you, what were you like at school?”

“Genji and I were tutored at home, so we did not attend a school.”

“Ah,” Jesse nodded. “That actually doesn’t surprise me.”

“Yes, between lessons, we would train.”

“Bein’ ninjas?” Jesse chuckled.

“Yes,” Hanzo breathed, shuffling closer to Jesse and laying his leg on top of his.

Jesse thought for a moment, he’d not heard much about Genji, about him and Hanzo as kids. And this seemed as good a time as any to swap stories. “Were you two close?”

“We were when we were children. We were very competitive… he tried to best me at everything, and succeeded on occasion.”

“Like your twelve hour marathon training session,” Jesse smirked.

Hanzo nodded, “Yes,” before his voice turning quiet, “However when we grew older, I aided my father with his work, and Genji was freely allowed out of the castle walls. He would go to gaming parlours, he made friends. He had a life.” Hanzo paused, grabbing Jesse’s hand, interlocking their fingers. “Then we grew apart. The more he went out, the more I resented him for having what I could not. He would sneak out at night, go to the clubs and return before we woke up.”

“How’d you figure that out?”

“I had caught him sneaking out one night. I followed him to the clubs and then returned home. The next night, he snuck out again and I followed, intent on getting him in to trouble.”

Jesse smiled. “Well this isn’t going to go down like I think, is it?” He fully expected Hanzo to have got Genji in trouble, resulting in Hanzo getting in trouble for sneaking out.

Hanzo chuckled. “No. He was a ninjutsu expert. He was good,” he said with a nod, “Very good. He knew I was following him. He was about to enter the club, he was chatting with the bouncers. They knew him by name, which blew my mind because he had obviously been sneaking out for a long while before I discovered him.” He paused for a moment, taking a breath. “I was standing on a rooftop, about to take a picture, when he looked straight at me, calling me down, telling the bouncers that his brother would also like entry.”

“So what did you do?”

Hanzo sighed. “Part of me wanted to run away. Go back to the castle and never speak of it again. The other part of me, the _deprived_ part of me, took over. I climbed down and stood next to him. He wrapped his arm around my shoulder, and said, ‘This is my brother. He looks after me at home, and I will look after him here. Tell anyone we were here, and it will be the last thing you speak.’”

“So he bought them off in threats?”

Hanzo looked up at Jesse, smirking, “We.”

Jesse smiled, “Ah, so it wasn’t a once off?”

“He opened my eyes to a life I thought I would never experience until it was time for me to take over from my father – alcohol, music, women, sex…” Hanzo trailed off.

“Ah, a womaniser?” Jesse smirked.

“When the patrons of the night club saw the two heirs of the Shimada clan, they could not keep their hands off us. When Genji snuck into the bathrooms with a woman, I was beside myself. I thought he was just drinking and having fun. I did not think he was sleeping around too.”

“A true male,” Jesse drawled.

“Yes. He returned, the woman was hanging off him. His hair was messy, he had lipstick on his collar. I looked at him as he sat down next to me, he encouraged me to have some fun, take the woman who I was with into the bathrooms.”

“So you did?”

“Yes,” Hanzo chuckled. “Would you like to take a guess as to how old I was?”

Jesse rocked his head back and forth in thought. “I’d guess… twenty one.”

Hanzo laughed. “Try twenty eight.”

“A twenty eight year old virgin,” Jesse chuckled, kissing Hanzo’s head. “So given how experienced you are in bed, I’m gonna guess that this wasn’t a once off.”

“No, he opened my eyes to a secret life. _Our_ secret life. We became close again after that. We hardly fought. Though he still had a relatively normal life outside the castle, and I was still trapped within its walls, I did not resent him. If anything, I wanted a normal life more.”

“Did you ever get caught?”

“No. My father was too busy running the clan to notice.” Hanzo nuzzled his head into Jesse’s neck, his nose brushing against his jawline. “How old were you when you lost your virginity?”

“Thirteen. He was the only reason I would go to school.”

Hanzo gasped. “So young.”

“Yep,” Jesse chuckled. “They’d call us ‘JJ’, ‘M ‘n M’ or my personal favourite, ‘The Outlaws’. James MacAlister. Sweet kid, he was quiet, shy… loved to draw.” Jesse pointed to the photo on the mirror, the two of them with their arms wrapped around each other’s shoulders.

“What happened to him?”

“He moved away. His Dad got a job up in Montana, took the family with him. We stayed in contact for a little bit, but just drifted apart.” Jesse frowned, sighing, “I looked him up online a few years ago, for curiosity’s sake. He’s got a family now, a handsome partner, a couple kids they adopted from Somalia. I thought about reachin’ out, but I was in a bad place at the time. Just broken up with an awful human being.” Jesse shook his head. Anyway…” Jesse kissed Hanzo on the head, not wanting to ruin their moment. “…When did you realise you had an eye for men?”

“Genji and I were at the clubs. This was later, at a time where he would go to the clubs and not return until the following morning –”

“And you were still sneakin’ around?”

Hanzo nodded, “I was.” He paused for a moment. “Genji was on the dancefloor with three women… One on each hip and another in front of him. They were all over him because he had dyed his hair green.”

“Green!” Jesse said in disbelief.

“Yes. It was awful. He did it without permission–”

Jesse rolled his eyes and smiled. “Of course.”

“-and it got him into a lot of trouble from Father. He did not care, however.” Hanzo shook his head. “They were on the dancefloor, it was a mess of gyrating and grinding and hands down dresses and inside pants. When they had enough of their public display, they wandered off into a back room. I imagined myself in that situation, but the more I thought about a woman’s hand down my pants, the more I wanted it to be a man’s hand.”

“Dirty,” Jesse chuckled.

“There was one man who would make advances when we were there. That night, I took him into the bathrooms. I was taken aback by his muscles, his strength. I did not have eyes for women from that moment on.” Hanzo trailed his hand down Jesse’s torso, resting it on his hip, bringing his voice down to a near whisper, “That made the last five years of my life in Japan a near living hell.”

“How so?” Jesse frowned.

Hanzo inhaled and exhaled slowly. “I had been forced into marriage. Part of the ritual was dinner and sex to ensure we would be compatible, be able to live a long and happy life together. Have children, continue the Shimada name.” Hanzo paused for a moment. “Have you tried having sex with someone you have no interest in? Arousal in the bedroom became a problem.”

Jesse laughed, “Well I’m glad it ain’t a problem no more.”

Hanzo hummed.

There was a moment’s silence. Jesse brought his hand back up to Hanzo’s shoulder, gently stroking with his thumb, thinking about the question before finally gaining the courage to half-ask, “So did you... you know?”

“Get married?” Hanzo finished, looking up at Jesse.

Jesse nodded.

“No,” Hanzo shook his head, “Father became ill, so that was put on hold. It was never revisited.”

“So you dodged a bullet,” Jesse kissed Hanzo’s forehead. He imagined Hanzo, married to a woman, unhappy as all hell. He nodded, glad that Hanzo didn’t end up down that path.

Marriage was something he wasn’t interested in himself. Who needs a piece of paper anyway? He thought about Jules, how essentially for her and Dave, it was just going to be a piece of paper, considering they’re already living together and that she wasn’t even going to take his name.

He thought about the ceremony. The speech he agreed to give when they first announced their engagement. The piece of paper he’s been carrying around for almost a year, tucked away in his bag. He glanced at it, a pang of anxiety washed through him. _Great, more anxiety,_ he thought. He shook his head, thinking of the ceremony again. “Hey, speakin’ of. Have you been inside a church before?”

Hanzo shook his head, “I have not.”

“Right… well my folks are plenty religious. Part of the reason why my dad has issues with me. Still stuck in the old ways of men should only marry women,” He rolled his eyes, repressing the urge to go on a tirade and ruin the moment. He closed his eyes, taking a breath before continuing, “We’ll arrive at the church before Jules gets there and we’ll take a seat, probably behind my folks. It’ll go for a while, and it’ll be boring as hell with all the religious jargon goin’ on.”

“I am sure I will be able to hold my attention. It will be interesting observing another religion.”

“Oh, I didn’t realise you were religious yourself.”

“I am not. I was taught Shinto and Buddhism, but never practiced them.”

“Ah, right. Well, tonight, we’ll say grace before eatin’.”

“Grace?”

“Yeah, just a little prayer to bless the food or some nonsense. Just…" he trailed off. It was getting harder to repress the anger. "Just don’t eat anythin’ until it’s done. Dad might literally flip the table if you do.”

“It sounds like he takes religion quite seriously.”

“Some of it, yeah. For instance, accordin’ to the Good Book, Jules and Dave shouldn’t be livin’ together until they’re married. They sure as shit shouldn’t be sleepin’ together either. But he doesn’t care.”

“It seems hypocritical of him.”

“And therein lies the problem, Han. He cherry-picks what he wants to enforce. I guess when he sees his son as a gay screw-up, his daughter livin’ in sin is nothin’.” Jesse sighed. “Anyway, that’s enough talk about that. Just follow my lead if I nudge you,” Jesse nudged him in the arm.

“You always nudge me,” Hanzo nudged him back.

“Oh, is that right?” Jesse nudged his head against Hanzo’s.

“Yes it is,” He nudged back, leaning up and kissing Jesse on the cheek before he nuzzled down on Jesse’s chest again. He opened his mouth to speak, but closed it, before opening his mouth again and taking a breath, but holding it.

“Penny for your thoughts?” Jesse smirked.

Hanzo exhaled. “Jesse, please forgive me if I am overstepping, but Julia is… older. Does she not want children?”

Jesse sighed. “She can’t.”

“Jesse, I apologise for asking.”

“It’s alright.” Jesse grabbed Hanzo's hand, running his thumb across his knuckles, recalling the memory. “She was in an accident when she was nine. Fell off her horse awkwardly. She ended up under him and he trampled her. Did some pretty significant damage, enough that she can’t have kids. She’s lucky it didn’t kill her.”

“It is,” Hanzo said softly, wrapping his arm around Jesse’s torso.

“But she can adopt if she wants, there are other options,” Jesse nodded.

He thought about telling Hanzo more, the reason why his dad beat on him, that the ridiculous reason all boiled down to the McCree name dying out with him. He chewed his lip, deciding against it, not wanting to scare him away before he’s met the man. _It’ll be easier to explain when he’s met him._

Jesse sighed before continuing on. “So she focussed on her career. Started nursing, then moved on to bein’ a doctor. She works the emergency room, head doctor in charge. And it worked well with Dave. He doesn’t want kids either, and he got to focus on his accounting firm. And here we are today,” Jesse smiled, kissing Hanzo’s head.

They fell silent again. Jesse thought about everything Hanzo told him about Genji, trying to get him into trouble, going to the club for the first time… “Hey, when you followed Genji to the club and got caught, you weren’t wearin’ you Kyūdō-gi, were you?”

Jesse felt Hanzo smile against his chest. “I was wearing a pair of sweat pants and a t-shirt.”

Jesse scoffed. “And they let you in the club wearin’ that?”

“We had a lot of influence.”

“You’ve said.” Jesse smiled, “I take it you were more appropriately dressed after that?”

“Yes, I wore my suits. I felt somewhat empowered wearing them outside of meetings.”

Jesse chuckled. “Did your dad always conduct business in the castle?”

“Not always, often we would attend meetings in different prefectures within Japan or in other countries.”

“So you weren’t as confined to the castle as you led me to believe?” Jesse nudged Hanzo.

Hanzo scoffed. “It was _barely_ leaving the castle walls. Business would be conducted in restaurants or conference rooms, my father and our security in tow. Outside of those times, I was confined to the hotel, working. No opportunity to go sight-seeing. No freedom to do what I wanted.”

“Right,” Jesse breathed, kissing Hanzo’s head. “You know, you’re pretty fuckin’ sexy in a suit.”

Hanzo chuckled. “As are you. All dressed up, clean and proper. It will be hard to keep my hands off you,” Hanzo kissed Jesse’s chest.

“Same with you, darlin’,” Jesse smiled, placing a hand under Hanzo’s chin, gesturing him to look up and leaning to meet him, kissing him, slow and sensual.

“God, I love mornings like this,” Jesse nuzzled his head against Hanzo’s, breathing in the lingering lemongrass scent from his shower the morning before. There were those three words again, hovering in front of him. He closed his eyes, he could see them, but forbade himself from thinking them. From making them real. He couldn’t commit. He refused to commit. He’s already too invested in Hanzo and it would already be painful if they broke up.

But, at the very least, he hadn’t said those three words.

Hanzo hummed. “Do we have to get out of bed?” He slipped his fingers on the inside of Jesse’s underwear, teasing at his pubic hair.

“Ah, Sweetness, I would love nothin’ more than to stay holed up here all day with you.” He placed a hand over Hanzo’s. “But I need to pee. And I’m kinda hungry too”

Hanzo chuckled. He kissed Jesse’s chest and sat up, allowing Jesse to get out of bed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sweet Nothings. AKA The Calm Before the Storm.
> 
> This chapter was a late addition, a lot of the stuff covered here was originally going to be in Chapter Nine before it turned to smut. I felt it fit nicer here, using the photos as prompts for conversation and for them to open up a bit more about their families.
> 
> Also, that description of Jesse and his friends being the group of misfits that didn't belong in any other group, that was an actual description one of my high school teachers said about me and my friends. We didn't know if it was offensive, but it's something that's stuck with me for well over a decade.
> 
> Anyway, hope you enjoyed the read!


	13. Waking Nightmare

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yikes! *wipes sweat off brow*
> 
> This is the chapter, folks. Get ready to meet the parents.
> 
> I will admit, writing this messed me up more than I thought it would. I want to stress that in no way, shape or form does my writing reflect who I am as a person, or my own personal beliefs. When I sat down and created Jesse's dad, I wanted to create a villain. Someone we could all hate. The language used, his actions, him in general, are pure fiction to create a villain. I _do not_ condone racist or homophobic behaviour (or any hurtful behaviour with regards to one's religion, colour, appearance, gender or sexuality), it is abhorrent and it has absolutely no place in society.
> 
> Having said all that, here are the warnings. There is a very graphic description of a panic attack. There's self-deprecation. There's explicit language. There's racism. There's alcohol abuse. There's verbal abuse. There's referenced drug and alcohol abuse.
> 
> I'll see you on the other side.

_“Jesse, would you please sit down?! You’re going to wear a hole in the floor!”_

A woman’s voice. Julia’s voice. It was distant, like an echo in a cave.

Eyes darted to the dining table. Six chairs around a rectangular table, dressed with plates and cutlery and red napkins folded neatly. Wine glasses and tumblers, a sweating jug of water leaving a wet ring on the coffee coloured table cloth.

Eyes looked out the back door, to the horizon. _I could leave. Just go. Take Hanzo. Spare him this train wreck of a dinner._

Turning around, back past the table. Another glance. _Dad will sit at the head. Staring everyone down._

Into the kitchen. Pots on the stove. Turkey just out of the oven and resting on the bench.

Into the living room. Eyes darted to Garfield sitting in front of the fireplace in the corner. Hanzo in his periphery. Standing. Watching. A quick glance, navy blue silk buttoned shirt tucked into black pants, shiny Italian leather shoes. _Any other family and you'd make the best impression. You_ _don’t deserve this._

Eyes back to the front door, walking closer to it. Stopping in front of it, hand reaching for the handle. He pulled it back, grabbing his hand and massaging his palm with his thumb, digging in until it hurt. He turned around, back through the living room. Into the kitchen.

_“Jesse. Please stop.”_

Her voice, so close but sounding farther away now.

“Can’t. Gotta keep movin’.” He didn’t know if he thought it or said it aloud.

He saw Julia threw her hands up in frustration, shaking her head and turning her back, leaning against the bench. _Said it aloud._

His forehead tickled. He swept his hair aside before looking down at his fingers, wet with sweat. He pawed at his forehead, trying to wipe away the stuck hair and brush it aside.

Past the dining table, to the back door. Turning around once more. He interlocked his hands behind his head. “Can’t do this. Can’t do this.” He muttered to himself through the kitchen, shaking his head.

He stopped in the living room, Hanzo blocking his path, worry on his face. He felt strong but soft hands on his shoulders.

“Han, we made a mistake. Ain’t too late to leave.”

“Hush.” Hanzo grabbed his wrists, separating his hands. He fought Hanzo’s grip and let his arms fall to his side.

Hanzo ran his hands down Jesse’s arms and grabbed his hands. He looked up at Jesse, concern on his face, frowning, wrinkles showing above his bridge piercing. “Jesse, you are trembling.”

“I can’t do this, Han. I can’t face them.” He shook his head, eyes darting around the room. Fireplace. Garfield. Couches. The staircase in his periphery darkened, everything around the room started to darken.

_“Jesse.”_

He looked at Hanzo. His sweet face, chiselled features, bridge piercing, those gorgeous wrinkles above his nose. The features started to fade into the darkness. He shook his head, closing his eyes.

_“Jesse McCree!!”_

Jesse opened his eyes and looked at Hanzo. Stars popped like fireworks around him like a halo before fading away. He brought his hand up to his chest, pounding. He gasped for breath. _Hard to breathe. Can’t breathe. Can’t breathe._

He was led into the backyard by strong but soft hands on his biceps. He closed his eyes. _Hanzo doesn’t deserve this. I don’t deserve Hanzo. I don’t deserve to be happy._

_“Jesse, just breathe. Like when we meditate. Deep breath in through the nose, then out through the mouth.”_

He did as he was told. _Like I’m always told._ He took a deep breath in, then out.

_“Good. And again.”_

Deep breath in, and out.

_“Good. One more time.”_

Deep breath in, and out. His eyes shot open. He patted his chest, the previously loose burgundy shirt stuck to him like glue with sweat. He patted down his chest, searching for a pocket that wasn’t there.

He rolled his eyes, his hands trailed down to his front pockets of his pants, then around to his back pockets. _Finally._ He fished the tin out, opening it and grabbing a cigarillo, placing it between his lips with shaky hands. He grabbed his matchbook, picking a match, striking it but snapping it instead. “Son of a fucking bitch!”

“Here, allow me.” Hanzo said gently, grabbing the match book out of his hand, striking and lighting the match. Jesse inhaled as Hanzo brought the match up to the cigarillo, it lit up and filled his mouth with that delectable taste, taking a long drag.

“Fuck,” he breathed, blowing smoke out of his mouth and closing his eyes. “Fuck, fuck, motherfucking fuck.”

He shook his head. The cool air was much welcome relief. Fifty degrees, he guessed. The sun provided no warmth this late in the afternoon. He looked up at the cloudless sky. It was going to be a cold night.

A strong but soft hand trailed across his back, pulling him into his man’s chest. Hanzo kissed his shoulder gently. “Please, Jesse, talk to me.”

He shook his head, taking another drag and looking out to the horizon. “They’re gonna hate you. I don’t know why I care. I don’t need their approval.” Smoke billowed out of his mouth with each syllable before exhaling the rest.

“Perhaps a part of you is seeking their approval?” Hanzo suggested.

Jesse laughed mid-drag, choking and coughing large puffs of smoke. “No, Han,” He croaked. “You are probably the _worst_ person I could have brought around. My perfect man is their nightmare.”

He looked at Hanzo. He was frowning. _Those wrinkles. You don’t deserve this. You didn’t deserve that. I’m a fuck up. A fucking fuck up._

The three large dogs came trotting up, sniffing at their pants and shoes. Hanzo patted Charcoal, scratching him behind his ears. “What can I do to ease your anxiety?”

Jesse scoffed. “Well a good fuck might fix it, but I don’t think we got time for that.” He looked through the door into the house. _Good, not here yet._

He looked back out at the horizon again. He took another long drag, closing his eyes. _Hanzo. My perfect Hanzo. Puttin’ up with my shit. Fuck, I’m sorry. Sorry for everythin’._

He grabbed Hanzo’s hand draped over his shoulder, and rested his head on Hanzo’s forehead. “I’m sorry, Han. I’m sorry for freakin’ out. I’m sorry for sayin’ you’re the worst person I could have brought. You don’t deserve that. You’re perfect.” Jesse turned to face Hanzo, giving him a hug. “You’re mine, and you’re perfect.”

Hanzo grabbed Jesse tight, rubbing his hand up and down his back. “You have no need to apologise, Jesse. I do not require their approval. I do not care about what they think of me. I only care about you and your wellbeing. So if at any time you need to leave, just do. Do not worry about them. I am sure Julia will understand.”

“Yeah, she will,” Jesse sighed as he parted from Hanzo, taking one final drag of his cigarillo. He snuffed it out on an ashtray on the outdoor setting by the door.

Looking at his reflection in the glass door, he brought his hands up to his head, smoothing his ruffled hair. The shirt moved with ease again; he’d stopped sweating. He gave his armpits a sniff, turning to Hanzo. “I don’t smell too bad, do I?”

Hanzo walked up to Jesse, sneaking a sniff. Jesse smirked as Hanzo closed his eyes and smiled; he knew that look. “Not too bad. The smoke masks it.”

Jesse nodded. “Good. Not what I wanted to smell like, they’ll probably nit-pick on that too. But fuck ‘em.” He turned around, looking through the house. Julia was standing at the front door, hand on the handle as she turned to face them and nodded, before turning back to the front door. “Alright, well I guess its show time.” Jesse closed his eyes and took a deep breath, before opening the door and stepping inside the house.

Hanzo followed, sliding the door shut behind him.

Jesse’s mom walked in first, giving Julia a hug. She hadn’t changed much in the nine months. If anything, her hair was more silver than grey now. But still straight and short, shorter than his. Same red horn-rimmed glasses. She took off her coat, handing it to Dave and giving him a hug next. She was wearing her favourite purple dress, black cardigan over the top.

Jesse’s eyes fixated on the man in the doorway. His pulse quickened, he could hear it throb in his ears. That same tan leather jacket. That same bronze bull skull bolo tie. He had put on more weight in the nine months, his large gut hanging low over his pants. He gave Julia a hug, then shook Dave’s hand.

All eyes were on Jesse, then Hanzo behind him. An awkward silence filled the room, the tension so thick it could be carved like a Christmas ham. Jesse froze. _Too many eyes. Too hard. Can’t do this._

Jesse’s mom started tearing up, finally breaking the silence, speaking in Spanish _. “Oh my God, come here Jesse!”_ She outstretched her arms walking towards Jesse, he met her half way in the kitchen, embracing her. “ _I missed you, my baby boy_ ”.

_“I missed you too,_  mom _.”_ Jesse responded in Spanish. _Not entirely a lie._ He’d missed his mom’s cooking most of all.

Jesse’s dad stood next to her. Jesse pulled away, taking a step back. His dad looked him up and down, then extended his hand. Jesse took it, his dad pulling him in sharply and wrapping an arm around him.

“Dad,” Jesse breathed before taking a step back.

“Your mother has been worried sick, boy.” His father said, his voice like thunder in a storm – deep and booming. He definitely hadn’t missed that voice.

“Yes, Jesse.” She placed a hand on his bicep. “We do not appreciate hearing about your life through your sister.” She frowned, looking at him before taking a step to the side, looking at Hanzo.

Jesse looked back at Hanzo standing by the dining table. He stood up straight, drawing his shoulders back. Jesse smirked, he hadn’t seen Hanzo stand like this before, like a snake ready to strike. _You’re sizin’ them up._

Jesse extended an arm towards Hanzo, he walked forward, standing next to Jesse. “Mom, Dad, this is Hanzo.” He directed his attention to Hanzo. “Han, this is Sandra and Lewis McCree.”

Hanzo bowed his head, extending his hand and looking up at his dad. His dad looked him up and down, shaking his hand and nodding. He turned his attention to his Mom, she too looked him up and down, critiquing his appearance most likely, before extending her arms out. Hanzo leaned in for the hug, Jesse now noting that she was the same height as him.

“It is an honour to meet you both,” Hanzo said, taking position next to Jesse.

“Same to you,” his mom said with a smile.

“Yes,” his dad grumbled before walking into the kitchen.

Hanzo narrowed his eyes, following them as they walked through the kitchen and settled at the dining table.

“Fuck,” Jesse whispered, bringing his hand up to his forehead. “Well that went much better than it did in my head.”

“Your father is a man of few words,” Hanzo noted.

“Well clearly he hasn’t had anythin’ to drink yet. And he was sizin’ you up.” Jesse turned to face Hanzo. “And you did a fuckin’ good job, standin’ all tall and regal and important like. I don’t think I’ve seen anyone do that to him before.”

“He does not scare me, Jesse. I have dealt with far worse than him.”

“Yeah, well just you wait and see as the night goes on.” They stood there for a moment, watching his dad pour a glass of whiskey. “The first of many, just warnin’ ya.” He shook his head. “Anyway, we should help in the kitchen.”

Jesse, Hanzo and Julia grabbed the sides – cranberry sauce, stuffing, potatoes and gravy, sweet potatoes, corn, and cornbread, while Dave followed behind with the turkey. He placed it in the centre of the table.

“Great work guys!” Jesse said rubbing his hands together, taking a seat at the foot of the table, sitting opposite his dad. Hanzo took a seat on his right, and Julia took a seat next to Hanzo. His mom took a seat on his left and Dave rounded out the table.

Dave carved the turkey, placing slices on everyone’s plates. Julia poured everyone a glass of wine. Everyone helped themselves to sides, filling their plates. They said grace before tucking in, Jesse gave Hanzo a wink and a nudge with his knee to tell him it was safe to eat.

“Jesse,” his mom started, “tell us about Boston. What are you doing there?”

Jesse swallowed the lump in his throat, and took a gulp or two more of wine than intended. But fuck did he need it. “I took a job in construction. Road and sidewalk repair and such.”

“Honest day’s work for an honest day’s pay,” Jesse’s dad said surprisingly quiet. “So why Boston?”

Jesse looked down at his plate, grabbing his knife and fork, in an attempt to delay the conversation as long as he could. He closed his eyes and took a breath before finally answering, “Seemed like a nice enough place. The folks there are nice.”

“And that’s where you met…” Jesse’s Dad looked at Hanzo, “...Him?” He practically spat.

A twinge of anger surged through Jesse. He gripped his knife and fork just that little bit tighter.

“Yes, I too reside in Boston.” Hanzo answered.

“So how did you meet?” Jesse’s mom asked.

Jesse paused, looking at Hanzo and nudging him with his knee. He shook his head subtly before turning to his Mom. “Hanzo owns a bar. I went out with friends, they had been to his bar previously and said it was a good place. We hit it off almost instantly.”

“What kind of bar?” His dad asked. Jesse knew _why_ he was asking that question.

“A traditional Japanese bar,” Hanzo answered.

He grumbled something under his breath, too quiet to make out, knocking back his third whiskey and pouring his fourth. Something racist no doubt. Probably homophobic, too.

“Hanzo is a great cook, I hear,” Julia said, trying to lighten the mood.

“Yeah,” Jesse smiled, trying to relax. “He makes food for the bar every night, sometimes I help out too.”

“And where was that help when you were here?” His dad asked, voice booming like thunder again.

Jesse looked at his Dad, slowly shaking his head. Another twinge of anger. It was getting harder to keep under wraps. “In case you don’t remember,” Jesse started slowly and calmly, “I was helpin’ out plenty with the ranch. And doin’ it for barely any wage too.”

“You remember your place, boy.” He pointed his knife at him.

Jesse shrunk down into his seat, retreating from everyone’s eyes. He focused his attention on his food from then on, avoiding whatever conversation was happening between Julia, Dave and his parents. He’d glance at Hanzo occasionally, who would offer a smile, or a gentle nudge of his knee against his.

Dinner was finished, plates cleared and pecan pie brought out and served with whipped cream.

“So how long have you been in America for, Hanzo?” Jesse’s mom asked, directing the conversation back to them.

“Seventeen months.”

“You speak decent English for someone not born here,” She commented.

“I was taught English at a young age. I would use it often when I would conduct business with my father.”

“Your Father,” His dad interrupted.

“Dad…” Julia trailed off. She looked to Hanzo, then Jesse.

Jesse looked at his dad, stunned. This was it. This is where the train would derail.

“Sojiro Shimada, yes?”

Hanzo narrowed his eyes, anger laced in his voice, “How do you know this?”

“The internet is a resourceful tool,” he said, knocking back another whiskey and pouring another. Jesse had lost track of the number, but it was somewhere in the double digits. “You can dig up some useful dirt on there.”

“Dad, whatever it is you’re thinking, please stop,” Jesse pleaded. He looked at Hanzo, he could see he was tensing, if the white knuckled iron grip on his water tumbler was anything to go by. He placed a hand over Hanzo’s. He was aware of how strong Hanzo was, and was convinced he could break that glass in his hand. He took the glass and placed it on the table, and Hanzo balled up his fist tight, shaking under the tension.

His Dad looked at him, then back at Hanzo. “So how much has Jesse told you about his past?”

“Fuck, Dad-” Jesse yelled.

“Has he told you he joined that gang? How about being hooked on drugs? Dealing them?”

Silence. The room started to spin. Jesse buried his head in his hands.

“Has he told you he’s killed someone?” He looked down at his napkin, folding it neatly in front of him.

Jesse was speechless, his mind in overdrive, he couldn’t think of a single thought. Then, one thought popped into his head. _Not again._

His dad looked back at Hanzo. “And what the internet is claiming, you two are perfect for each other.” He leaned forward, pointing a fat finger at Hanzo and knocking back another glass of whiskey. “See, Hanzo Shimada of the Shimada Clan. What I found out was the youngest Shimada died at the young age of thirty three, not six months after your father’s death. It does seem particularly odd that the heir to the Shimada Clan would leave it all behind so abruptly. I think the pressure was all too much for you to handle. You’re weak. About as weak as _him_.” He gestured to Jesse. “So you killed them and fled.”

Hanzo slammed his hands on the table and stood up, the chair falling behind him. “How dare you speak of my brother?! You do not have the right!”

“Know your place, boy!” He directed to Hanzo.

“Or what? You will lay a hand on me? Like you did your own son?”

“Please stop.” Jesse’s voice barely a whisper.

“You are nothing but scum, Mr. McCree. A weak little man hidden behind a façade-”

His Dad stood up, towering over everyone at the table. “How dare you speak to me like that in my own home!”

_“Please…”_ Jesse mouthed.

“Why don’t you just take that piece of shit,” He gestured to Jesse, “And go back to where you came from!”

“Get out.” Julia stood up slowly, hands balled at her sides and shaking.

His Dad folded his arms over his chest, looking at her then at Hanzo, smug smile on his face. “See, you’re not welcome here.”

“Not them,” She said calmly, but her voice was thick with anger. “How dare _you_ come into _my_ home and behave like that. How dare you?!”

“Julia, no-” Jesse reached for her hand but she pulled it away.

“No, Jesse,” she interjected, holding her hand in front of him. “I’ve had enough of this. Of the taunting. The ruined dinners. Our broken family. Seriously, Dad. Forgive and forget. That’s what we’re taught, right? So either apologise to Jesse and Hanzo or leave.”

His Dad shook his head, grabbing the almost empty bottle of whiskey. “Fuck you all. I don’t need this, especially from you, girl. This was all your fault for inviting _them_. Come on, Sandra. We’re leaving.” He grabbed the jacket off his chair, pulling the chair with him, falling to the floor with a heavy thud. He muttered something under his breath as he stormed to the front door, swinging it open with enough force it bounced off the wall.

Everyone looked at Jesse’s mom. She stood up and grabbed her coat.

“Mom, you shouldn’t go with him,” Julia pleaded.

“It will only be worse if I stay. We will see you on Saturday for the rehearsal dinner, yes?”

Julia huffed, rubbing her forehead with her hand, exasperated. “See you on Saturday, then.”

They watched as his mom walked out the front door, closing it behind her. They all sat down, Hanzo picked his chair up off the floor and took a seat. They sat in silence, processing just what had happened.

Jesse could feel the white hot rage burning inside him. _I fucking knew this would happen._ He shook his head, stood up and grabbed his leather jacket from the coat rack by the back door and headed into the back yard.

He walked around to the side of the house to the fire pit. Just a hole in the ground, a metal brazier which he welded together with some scrap metal sat in the middle. The area was decorated with six chairs around it, a large wall of logs, enough to see them through winter, sat not too far away.

He piled on some straw and kindling in the bottom of the brazier, lighting a match from his matchbook and got the fire started. Once the fire had taken hold of the wood, he threw on a couple of logs, grabbing a couple more and placing them beside him as he took a seat in the lounge chair, sinking into the plush seat, watching the fire burn.

He knew tonight would be bad. He knew it wouldn’t be all smiles and laughter. He knew it would be a waking nightmare. And yet, he was still shocked by what had happened. Jesse had long list of what his dad would freak out over, but looking Hanzo up on the internet, and _then_ digging around was something not on there.

His attention was drawn to the figure walking around from the house. The bridge piercing sparkled as it caught the flickering flames. He noticed he’d changed his clothes, he was now in a pair of jeans and sneakers and his hoodie with two blankets draped over his arm.

Hanzo walked towards Jesse, taking a seat next to him and held out a packet of marshmallows.

Jesse stared down at it and scoffed, before a rush of emotion burst forth like water breaking dam banks. He held his head in his hands, crying, cursing, holding back the need to scream, even though screaming would feel fucking good right about now.

He felt one strong but soft hand on his shoulder. One caressing his face. Those soft, plush lips pressed onto his forehead. The anger started to melt away, embarrassment now taking its place.

“Jesus Christ, Han,” Jesse breathed through sobs. “I knew it was gonna be bad. But not _that_ fuckin’ bad.”

“Hush, do not worry about it, Jesse.”

Jesse looked at him stunned. “How are you not pissed off?”

“I am. But what am I going to do? Behave like a child? Smash something? Beat on someone?”

Jesse shook his head, covering his face again. “Doesn’t stop him.”

“And that is the difference between him and me. He is a child who cannot control his emotions. Meditation has taught me how to control mine.”

Jesse chuckled, thinking back all those months ago, when Hanzo was a one night stand, how for three days he stalked him. How much he wanted him. “’Cept for me?” Jesse choked, hot tears rolling down his cheek.

Hanzo chuckled, “Yes, except for you.” Hanzo placed a hand under Jesse’s chin. “You and your marks. Making me soft.” He kissed Jesse’s temple.

Jesse leaned back, rubbing his eyes. “Fuck, Han. I’m so sorry he brought you into this. I can’t believe he fuckin’ googled you.” He looked up at the sky, at the cloudless night, stars shining brightly. The fire crackled, the howls of coyotes heard somewhere in the distance. He took a deep breath. “What a fuckin’ prick.”

Intent on not letting his dad ruin more of their night, he stood up and dug his way through the pile of twigs and kindling, finding two sticks. He handed one to Hanzo and opened the packet of marshmallows, placing one on his stick and another on Hanzo’s. “Have you had toasted marshmallows before?” He put his stick just above the fire, watching it turn from white to brown before turning it over.

“I have not.” Hanzo copied Jesse, turning the stick over as the marshmallow went brown.

“Key is to not let it get too burned. Unless you’re one of those folks like my sister who likes to set the thing on fire.” Jesse pulled his marshmallow out of the fire. “See?” He popped it into his mouth, humming and nodding in approval.

Hanzo smiled, copying, nodding with each bite. “Very nice.”

Jesse smiled, grabbing two marshmallows and handing one to Hanzo. He looked into the fire, he had to address the elephant in the room... Or in this case the elephant sitting between them. He took a breath before speaking quietly, “I was gonna tell you about what he said.” He put his stick over the fire again.

“About killing someone?” Hanzo put his stick over the fire.

Jesse scratched his head, rotating his stick. “Yeah, but I wanted to wait till the right time. I didn’t wanna upset you… ‘cause of Genji.”

Hanzo inhaled and exhaled deeply. “Was it in self-defence?”

“That would’ve made things much easier to talk about.” He paused, pulling the marshmallow out of the fire and eating it. “No, it wasn’t self-defence. But it was an accident.”

He prodded at the ground with his stick, drawing swirls in the dirt absently. “I was in the gang, high on meth and weed and I was probably drunk too. They brought me along to a gun deal, sellin’ cheap pistols to some kids. One of ‘em kept starin’ me down. He reached into his jacket pocket and I panicked, drew my gun and shot him right in the chest.” Jesse pointed to his heart. “Fell like a sack o’ potatoes. The rest of the kids scattered. We walked up to the poor kid to see what he was gettin’ out of his pocket. It was his phone." He looked into the distance, the dark distance, and choked back a sob. "He’d got a text from his mom askin’ him when he’d be home for dinner.”

Jesse paused and shook his head, looking back at his feet. “They left me there. They took off and left me there while I stayed with this kid, pleading to get him to a hospital or somethin’. Didn’t realise he was dead.” Jesse kicked at his swirls in the dirt with his shoe. “I heard sirens in the distance and took off. I wandered around for a couple of days on no sleep and the withdrawals from the drugs damn near killed me. They found me on the side of the road, pickin’ a fight with those old telephone boxes.” He chuckled, shaking his head. “They put me in holding for my safety. Then they realised the kid on the security footage who killed that kid was me, so they arrested me.”

Hanzo placed a hand on his knee. “I would imagine murder would carry a maximum sentence in America. How were you let off so leniently?”

“Plea deal,” Jesse nodded. “The gang would leave me in alone in the back room when they would go out on rides, or retaliate on some other gang. Or celebrate with hookers, after that one time I threw up on one,” he chuckled. He looked at the fire, watching it consume the log briefly before continuing. “I read everythin’ they had in that room to pass the time. Their bases, their dealings, gun stashes. I told that to the cops. I had to stay in jail till they were taken down. Took near on a year, but Deadlock got taken down.” Jesse looked at Hanzo. “A seventy year old gang, taken down by an eighteen year old kid.”

Hanzo looked back at him nonplussed. “How did you remember such details while inebriated?”

“I’ve got his ability to retain information. I remember pretty much everythin’ I read, hear, come across.” Jesse shook his head. “My folks used to say that it was a wasted skill. That I could have been an astrophysicist. That I could have saved the world.” He shook his head again, looking up at the starry night sky. “After this though, the gang, that kid, me bein’ in jail… My folks wanted nothin’ to do with me. And that’s when Gabe stepped in. Threw his big military weight around and gave me the option to join him. Told me that he had to call in a few favours to get me into his hands.”

Jesse turned to face Hanzo. “That kid still haunts my nightmares. Woulda been a year or two younger than me.” He frowned. “He wasn’t a good kid, I heard he was wanted for a string of B ‘n E’s and arson, but that doesn’t excuse the fact that _I_ killed him. That’s why I’ve kept the tattoo,” Jesse tapped his forearm with a finger. “I’ll never forgive myself for that.”

Hanzo grabbed his wrist. “You should not beat yourself up over it, Jesse. It will only eat away at you.”

“It’s made me who I am today,” Jesse sighed. “His death led Gabe to intervene. He showed me real shit. Opened my eyes.” He grabbed two marshmallows, placing one on his stick and giving the other to Hanzo. “No doubt I’d be dead if it wasn’t for him." He put his stick over the fire, turning it as the marshmallow toasted

He thought about where his life would be if Gabe wasn’t there. That he would probably still be in jail. That he probably would have died in jail. He shook his head, pushing those thoughts away before handing Hanzo another marshmallow after he had eaten his and adding another to his stick to toast.

Hanzo rolled the marshmallow between his thumb and fingers, looking in the flames and lost in thought. After a moment, he said, “I think it is time I tell you what happened to Genji.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ...


	14. That Fateful Day...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi!
> 
> UGHHHH it's been a looong week. Feels like I posted last week's update months ago.
> 
> Anyway, warnings for minor violence and mentions of blood. I think they're minor, but gore doesn't get to me. I don't think it's majorly over the top, but warning because I know some folks can get quite squeamish.
> 
> Also mention of child abuse.
> 
> And a big, massive thanks to Magisey for soothing my poor anxious soul!
> 
> Hope you enjoy the read!

Hanzo stared into the flames, watching them lick the cold air, following the smoke as billowed up and dissipated in the still night. The logs crackled and shifted as the kindling underneath gave way, sending embers up into the air, chasing the smoke until they flickered out.

The fire provided enough warmth yet he still shivered.

He grabbed the two blankets, handing one to Jesse who draped it over his lap, while Hanzo wrapped it around himself, bringing it close to his chest and over his lap. He fussed with the blanket, more than required, but what he was about to tell Jesse was monumental. And he was putting it off as long as he could.

How much would he tell him? All of it? Just Genji? The Elders? The betrayal? How the empire fell? What he did when he fled?

He opened his mouth to speak, but closed it again, thinking of where to start. Jesse turned his chair, now facing Hanzo, leaning forward and resting his elbows on his knees. Hanzo did the same, shifting his chair, facing Jesse and bringing it close, so close that his knees were nestled between Jesse’s.

He grabbed Jesse’s hands and closed his eyes, inhaling then exhaling slowly, an attempt to keep his anxiety at bay. He did not think much about how much he was going to share from that moment, just settling on speaking, and stopping when it felt appropriate.

“Genji…” Hanzo started, taking a deep, nervous breath. “Genji was a self-described playboy. He made it clear to our father and myself that he wanted nothing to do with the Clan or the business, both legal and illegal. He wanted a normal life. And Father gave it to him. By the time…” Hanzo trailed off, shaking his head, trying to re-order his thoughts. He was getting ahead of himself.

“Genji owned a Lamborghini, had six different Rolexes, owned the most expensive suits and shoes –”

“And I’m willin’ to bet you had all that too, minus the car?” Jesse said sarcastically.

“Yes. But that is not my point. I am trying to paint a picture of who Genji was,” Hanzo barked.

“Sorry.” Jesse shook his head and looked at their hands.

Hanzo shook his head and sighed, trying to get back on his train of thought. “He had all those material things and freedom… He had these things, and it was not enough to keep him at bay.” Hanzo shook his head, looking back into the flames.

“His ‘normal life’ consisted of him partying, mouthing off to girls about our dealings and getting into trouble with law enforcement. He was reckless, but he was protected behind my father.” Hanzo paused, a pang of anger shot through him, remembering what Lewis had said. “Until he got sick, eventually dying. It was sudden. The doctors claimed it was pancreatic cancer.”

“The kind that’s too late to do anythin’?”

“Yes,” Hanzo nodded. “There was one month between diagnosis and death. He worked every single one of those days. Even on his last, confined to his bed,” Hanzo scoffed, choking back tears and looking up at the night sky, “he was still ordering us around. He was strong, right up to his last breath.”

Hanzo closed his eyes and took a breath, quashing the sorrow of the memory. For as much as his father was a manipulator, kept him confined to the castle, he was still his father. The man who taught him how to cook. How to use a bow. How to run a business. He opened his eyes and looked at Jesse. “In that moment, I was made leader of the Clan, to be guided by the Clan Elders –”

“Wait…” Jesse interrupted. “Like a literal bunch of old guys sittin’ in some back room and controllin’ your every move?”

Hanzo chuckled. “Yes. A very good analogy. What I had discovered after Father’s death, was that the Clan Elders were very unhappy with the way he was coddling Genji.” Hanzo looked back at the fire. “See, all Genji had to do was ask for something, and he would get it. In my father’s eyes, he could give Genji what he wanted, because I would take over, have children, carry on the Shimada name. As soon as I bore a child, he would no longer be second in line. The only way Genji would assume power was if something happened to me before that.”

Jesse shook his head and frowned. “So is that why your dad kept you locked away? He knew Genji was a lost cause, so he invested all of his time and effort into making sure you wouldn’t do somethin’ stupid and get hurt?”

“That is the assumption,” Hanzo sighed. “What he did _not_ realise was that he had pushed me so far, that I no longer wanted anything to do with the Clan either. When I took over, the Clan Elders were pushing me to deal with Genji, to bring him into line, so the both of us, together, could lead the Clan. However, the more they insisted I talk to him, the more I wanted to leave, because _they_ saw Genji as a liability.” Hanzo paused, bringing a hand up to his face and rubbing his chin. “I did not realise the pressure my father would have been under to deal with Genji. He, at least, had a buffer.”

“You.”

Hanzo nodded. “He used me as a shield. He had apparently said, ‘Hanzo will take over, let Genji do as he wishes.’ When he died, and I was made leader, I did not have a buffer. So they were blunt. They said that if I could not bring him into line, measures would have to be taken to ensure he would not do something stupid to damage the Clan.”

“Like kill him?”

Hanzo nodded and shifted in his seat, looking towards the fire. He chuckled, a measure to keep the bubbling sadness at bay. “We had planned to run away together. Leave it all behind, and have normal lives. We had the money, passports, aliases, all ready to go. We had the knowledge to stay on the move. We were trained to be assassins.”

Hanzo looked at Jesse, giving him a moment to process that last statement, giving him a chance to question it. After a moment of silence, Hanzo continued, “We would be able to stop anyone the Clan sent our way, assassins sent to kill us because we defected from the Clan.”

Hanzo shook his head for a moment. Or a few moments, he was unsure just how much time had passed. Anxiety washed through him. This part of the story, he rarely even thought about. When he eventually did speak, his voice came out in a whisper. “We had other family within the Clan. My father had a younger sister, and she had a son.” He cleared his throat, the saliva thick in his mouth. “Shimada Kaito. He was older than me by four years. The three of us, however, were very close. Kaito trained with us, was tutored alongside us.”

“Did he have a tattoo like yours? Bein’ first born would mean he was trained in Kyūdō too, yeah?”

“He was trained in Kyūdō and granted a tattoo. It was also on his left arm, but the detail was not as intricate as mine. Once our training was complete, we were granted the ‘Power of the Dragon.’”

“Hmm…” Jesse smiled. “Sounds ominous.”

Hanzo chuckled. “It was nothing more than the Clan Elders reciting a prayer, and the final detail added to the tattoo; the storm clouds and lightning. It was said that it would give us the ability to control dragons.” Hanzo pulled up his sleeve, revealing the dragon’s maw. “He did not have his tattoo completed because he did not complete his training.”

“Why’s that?”

“Kaito felt the old ways of the Clan were just that – old. He would talk about how this is the twenty-first century, that using a bow and arrow was archaic. That dragons were nothing more than mythical creatures in children’s stories. So he discontinued his training.”

“He sounds like more of a liability than Genji,” Jesse said flatly.

“Kaito was invested in the Clan, unlike Genji,” Hanzo sighed, covering his wrist and looking at Jesse.

“The Empire was a criminal organisation. ‘There is no profit in legitimate business’, Father used to say whenever I would question him on our dealings. It was entrenched in the Clan for centuries. He oversaw it all. I oversaw it when I took over.” He paused, taking a breath before continuing, “Kaito and his mother were also involved with these business dealings.”

“Can I ask… What were these illegal dealings?”

“Arms, illicit substances and assassination.”

“Guns, drugs and murder? Your Clan was just Japanese Deadlock,” Jesse scoffed. “Dad would have an absolute fit over that one. More so than earlier tonight.”

Hanzo nodded. “I could not stand it the illicit side of the business. It was without honour. I would talk with Genji and Kaito about dismantling it when I gained power, but Genji made it clear that he wanted nothing to do with any of it, and that we should just leave it all behind.”

Jesse shook his head, realising where the story was heading.

Hanzo took that moment to take a breath and control his anger. “We trusted Kaito with our plans. And he betrayed us. He told his mother and the Clan Elders about our plans. When we made the final decision to leave, we were reprimanded.” Hanzo closed his eyes, replaying the moments in his mind as he spoke them aloud. Those moments he had not thought about since that day. Those moments he endured in the darkness of the storm.

The moments Genji shields him from when he dreams.

For the first time in over a year, Hanzo allowed himself to remember those moments.

“I remember hearing Genji laughing. It was not his standard laugh, there was no humour behind it, but rather it was laced with bitterness. I was walking with Kaito to the grounds outside the temple, I had just finished training for the day. I was dressed in my Kyūdō-gi and hakama, I had my bow with me, quiver strapped to my back.

“Kaito was bothering me, like he always did, about how I should just give up on my training, that there was no need for me to train considering I was Clan leader. That I had the power to do what I wanted. I ignored him, like I always did.” Hanzo allowed himself to chuckle at that memory.

“I heard Genji laugh as we approached the lawns just outside the temple. It was late afternoon, warm and humid in the height of summer. There were two bodyguards shadowing us, which was odd, because we would not normally have an escort within the grounds. This, coupled with Genji’s laughter, I knew something was wrong.

“I set eyes on Genji, and I remember the anger I felt.” Hanzo balled his fists, inhaling through his nose and exhaling through his mouth, intent on remaining calm. “Genji was kneeling on the ground, his face bloodied, grasping at his left side. One of the guards was holding his wakizashi, dripping with his blood. The blood was soaking through his clothing and pooling on the ground. To his credit, he showed no weakness, no pain,” Hanzo shook his head, “just that bitter laugh.”

He took a moment to inhale and exhale slowly, allowing a wave of nausea to pass. “I immediately nocked an arrow and loosed it on the guard who had the wakizashi. By the time I had nocked the second, I was knocked to the ground by Kaito.” Hanzo reached up to his right eyebrow, tapping it with a finger. “I remember the pain, the blood trickling down my face. He had hit me with the butt of his gun.

“I looked at Genji, the second guard held a gun to his head. Kaito was the only one who spoke. Kaito was melodramatic with everything. His words, his actions. He would always wear a suit. That day, he was in an appalling brown pinstripe suit. He wore the most cheap and awful smelling aftershave. His hair was long, wiry and oily and he would wear it down. He was weak,” Hanzo spat.

Hanzo closed his eyes and inhaled and exhaled slowly, trying to keep a lid on his anger. “So in true Kaito fashion, he talked about how ungrateful we were. How he should be the rightful leader of the Clan because he was older than me. How he was more loyal to the clan than I. How he devised the entire plan unfolding before us.” Hanzo opened his eyes and looked at Jesse. “And I should have picked up on it. He never had the mind of an assassin. He was too invested in the drug trade.” Hanzo rolled his eyes. “I suppose his melodramatic nature was suited well within that arm.

“He was pacing up and down, talking nonsense about how he should be in charge. I chose to mostly ignore him, focussing on Genji, trying to work out how to get to him and take out the guards and Kaito also. I was planning our escape, when he realised I was not listening to him. He punched me in the face.” Hanzo grabbed his jaw, set it before continuing, “He was furious now. He stopped equivocating. He said…” Hanzo trailed off, his anger starting to boil over and evident in his words, “He said as punishment for attempting to leave, _I_ had to kill Genji.”

“Fuck, Han.”

“He took my bow, and handed me Genji’s katana. He said that it was bittersweet, that Genji would die by his own sword, but not by his own hand. I refused to do so, dropping it to the ground. One of the guards behind me pointed their gun at my head, pressing the muzzle to the back of my head. I looked at Genji, and he smiled.” Hanzo smiled, shaking his head, “He said that I should do it, that by killing him I would be truly setting him free. He said that he would no longer be a burden to me, that it was my destiny to lead the Empire, and it was his destiny to be a screw up.”

Jesse shook his head. “Sounds an awful lot like me.”

Hanzo smiled and nodded, grabbing Jesse’s hands. “Exactly like you.” He then sighed, continuing on. “I refused again, Kaito gave me one more chance, his life or my life. At this stage, Kaito had pushed away the guard standing over Genji, grabbed him by his hair and pressed his gun to Genji’s temple. He threatened to pull the trigger. I wagered that he would not have the balls to kill someone. He failed in that instance previously…” Hanzo trailed off, recalling that he did indeed fail at assassinating a target, hence why he was tasked with dirty drug dealing instead.

He looked at his hands, clasped between Jesse’s, continuing on. “He gave me one last chance… and I refused. Kaito nodded at the guards standing behind me, my head was pulled back and a blade was pressed against my throat.” Hanzo reached up and rubbed his neck. “He laughed, saying ‘You couldn’t make this easy, could you?’ Those words ring in my ears, even now. I looked at Genji, I nodded at him, thinking ‘we will both be free,’ and he smiled and nodded back, like he understood me. Then I closed my eyes, awaiting my fate…” Hanzo’s voice caught in his throat. He paused, swallowing the lump in his throat.

He looked at the fire. He felt surprisingly calm, given the circumstances. Given that moments ago he was losing control of his anger. This was the first time he had spoken to anyone about that day. He felt comfortable enough around Jesse, that he could talk about this… this single defining point in his life.

The event that changed his life.

He looked at Jesse, squeezing his hands. He took a breath before continuing on. “I closed my eyes. I could feel the pressure of the blade on my neck. I could feel the skin separate from the cut. I could feel the pain. The trickle of blood down my neck. Then, a single gunshot went off. I opened my eyes, Genji fell to the ground. Blood flowing out of a single wound.” Hanzo tapped his right temple.

Jesse closed his eyes, squeezing Hanzo’s hands, his voice barely a whisper. “Jesus Christ.”

Nausea. An overwhelming feeling of nausea. He felt it in that moment, and he felt it now. He closed his eyes, inhaling through his nose and exhaling through his mouth. Pushing down the urge to vomit. Inhaling again, then exhaling.

“I remember being frozen,” His voice quivered. “I tried with all my might to move, but I could not. I can remember the smell of blood, so extremely thick in the humid air. I will never forget that smell.” Hanzo paused, biting down the rapidly rising anger. “I remember Kaito’s laugh. His maniacal laugh. His words, ‘Your father would be so disappointed in you.’ The disappointment of the family, saying that to me. _To me!”_ He spat.

He inhaled and exhaled once again, before opening his eyes and looking at Jesse, allowing the anger to subside. “Two more things that I can remember as clear as day. But most of all, even now, the overwhelming sense of regret. I should have fought back. I should have protected Genji. Instead I sat there and let him die.”

“Han, you had a knife to your throat and there was a gun at Genji’s head. It wouldn’t have mattered, Genji would have still died. And you would have, too.”

“But we would have been together…” Hanzo trailed off. He closed his eyes, thinking of the deep depression, the survivor’s guilt that endured in the months after. That the only reason he did not succumb was to live the life Genji would have wanted.

He shook his head, re-centring his thoughts. “Before I had a chance to retaliate, they knocked me out. I woke up tied to a chair. Kaito interrogated me, demanded to know why we were planning on deserting the Clan. They believed it was more than for a normal life. That perhaps we were defecting to another rival Clan in Japan. I spent days tied to this chair... three or four, perhaps. Ultimately, there were two paths I could have taken. Defy them, push them to the point where they killed me. Or I could accept my chosen path and rule the Clan.”

“Well they clearly didn’t kill you,” Jesse smiled weakly.

“After they were convinced I would assume my role as leader of the Clan, they let me go. And I avenged Genji. I killed them all. All of the Elders. Kaito. His mother. Twelve people, with no remorse. Then I left. Ran away with my bow and the clothes on my back.”

“Your Kyūdō-gi?”

“Yes. The only two things I have from home.”

“So did you… take care of everyone in the Clan?”

“No. There were some lower ranked members who tried to take over, but they did not have the experience or knowledge to lead. Without the Elders guiding them, they did not have a chance. They focussed their efforts on capturing me instead of stabilising the business. Other gangs took control of the area and the Clan fell.”

Jesse chuckled. “From what you’ve told me, Han, there was no hope of catchin’ you.”

“They had absolutely no hope. It took thirteen months for the Empire to fall. In that time, I moved from Japan through China, India, Pakistan, and Saudi Arabia. All through Africa – Sudan, Tanzania, South Africa, Nigeria, Egypt and Turkey. Then into Russia, Poland, Germany, France, Spain, England, Iceland, Canada, then finally the United States, New York first, then finally Boston.” An overly simplistic list of the countries he had crossed, some he cannot even remember, all blurring into one by the end of it.

“I learned of the fall in Boston. And chose to remain there. I was tired of moving, of always being on the run, of always looking over my shoulder and sleeping with one eye open. I did have plans on seeing most of the US, before making my way into South America.”

“Santa Fe on your list?” Jesse smiled.

Hanzo shook his head. “Truthfully, no.”

“Bah. Missin’ out on the best,” Jesse nudged Hanzo’s knee with his.

“Well I am here now,” Hanzo smiled.

“That you are,” Jesse smiled. He looked at the fire. “So, not to sound all negative, but why not just kill you?” He looked back at Hanzo. “Then Kaito could’ve taken control of the Clan.”

“I assume the Elders had a say in the matter. Kaito was almost as reckless as Genji, the difference between them was that Kaito did not get drunk every other weekend. He was also not a leader. He would not listen to anyone. Not Father, not his mother. So even if he was guided by the Elders, I doubt he would have listened to them either.

“Though I think part of it might have been to keep some sort of stability within the Clan. To have Kaito assume leader, the third leader of the Empire in six months, would show that the Empire was in disarray. We had to show strength. My Father was in charge of the Empire for forty years.” Hanzo shook his head. “They had spent thirty six years training me. And I took it down.”

“An under sight on their part. Surely they should’ve known you’d retaliate.”

“I was trained to control my emotions. In the eyes of the Empire, the Elders, Genji was a liability. And truthfully…” Hanzo trailed off, hating himself that he was having the thought, “…he was. Father should have done more to reel him in, but no matter how many times he caned him, he would not learn. Eventually, he wore the bruises as a badge of honour. How can you discipline one who does not take to the disciplining?”

Jesse nodded. “I understand completely. He was a smart kid. I used to hide my bruises and broken bones, afraid that if I told the world what a monster my dad truly was, that he might have killed me. And fuck, Han, there were days where I’d hoped he would throw me just that little bit harder. Hit me that little bit harder. To end the abuse, once and for all. But he wouldn’t.” Jesse paused, looking at the house. “He threatened Julia, and that’s when I broke the fuck’s nose.” He looked back at Hanzo. “Then it was all verbal and emotional abuse, but when he knew I could fight back, he didn’t lay a single hand on me ever again.”

Hanzo nodded, and silence fell between them. A somewhat comfortable silence, given how heavy their conversation had steered. The fire popped again, drawing their attention. A pale comparison of the roaring beast from earlier. Jesse grabbed a log sitting behind him and threw it on the fire, prolonging their session in the dead of the night.

The night had not cooled much from earlier, and Hanzo was unaware of how much time had passed since joining Jesse. He looked up at the starry sky, a cloudless night, full moon high in the sky.

The fire crackled as it took hold of the log, burning bright and hot. Hanzo felt the radiating heat and welcomed it, suddenly feeling the cold after finishing his story.

Hanzo looked back at Jesse, trying to get a read on him. He was looking into the fire, lost in his thoughts. Switching between frowning and smiling, occasionally chuckling. His face relaxed as he looked back at Hanzo.

Hanzo looked at Jesse, hopeful that he had not scared him off. Hopeful that by opening this door, that he would understand just who he was. And did he not only open the door, he chocked it open. Pouring his heart, leaving no detail behind. He made the decision to tell Jesse most of everything from that day and the days that followed.

The rest of it; that would come another day.

Hanzo looked at Jesse, nervous again. The nausea from earlier returned, his breathing quickened. He steadied it, breathing in and out slowly, hoping that he had not scared him away. Hoping that this would not be the last conversation they had.

Hanzo looked at Jesse, and Jesse smiled back.

“Look at us… a couple o’ fools reminiscin’ about the time we killed some folks,” Jesse joked, squeezing Hanzo’s hands. “I was worried you’d find out about what I did and leave me. That’s what I was protectin’ myself from. Everyone finds out eventually, either from lookin’ me up on the internet or from my…” Jesse trailed off, chuckling and shaking his head, “…loud mouth fuckwit of a father.” He smiled, looking at Hanzo. “Han, you’re the first who hasn’t run away. Or been shocked by my transgressions.”

Hanzo smiled. “I imagine I am the only person you have dated who has killed also.”

“Right you are, Han. But I don’t care about that either. If someone had treated Jules like Genji, I would have done the exact same thing.” Jesse paused, looking down at their hands, fingers interlocking. “Han, I’ve wanted to say this for a little while now. And I’m sorry for keepin’ you at arms distance.” Jesse looked up at Hanzo, eyes welling with tears. “I love you, Han. I love you so fucking much.”

Hanzo’s eyes widened, his vision blurring from the forming tears. He was stunned for a moment. The nausea disappeared. He smiled and leapt forward, embracing Jesse, kissing his cheek and lips and forehead. Kissing every inch of his man’s face. “I love you too, Jesse,” he whispered.

Jesse chuckled, “I already knew that.”

“Yes, but you have never heard me say it. I love you.” He looked at Jesse, cupping his face in his hands. “I love you, Jesse McCree.”

“Hmm, get here, you.” Jesse grabbed Hanzo, bringing him into his lap. He kissed down his neck, big, wet, sloppy, happy kisses, causing Hanzo to laugh.

Hanzo shifted his weight on Jesse’s lap, swinging his legs across the arm of the lounge chair. He grabbed his blanket off the ground, draping it over him before resting his head on Jesse’s chest, watching the fire burn. He replayed the night’s events in his mind, remembering how dinner had ended. “Will your mother be alright?”

“Yeah. She’s a tough cookie. He never beat on her, or Julia.” He brought his hands up to Hanzo’s hair, toying with the knot. “May I..?”

Hanzo nodded. His hair was pulled from the bun and into a ponytail before falling to the side. Jesse ran his fingers through it gently. “He’s probably home right now, smashin’ something into a million pieces. He’ll get it out of his system. Though it might be worth avoiding him as best we can while we’re here. He won’t try anythin’ with other people around. Got too much of a reputation to maintain.”

Hanzo hummed. He nuzzled his head against Jesse’s neck. He closed his eyes, his heart was full and bursting. Those three words he nearly let slip countless times before. All of the times Jesse had surprised him. All of the times they had sex. All of the times they laid in bed. Sat in the truck. Meditated in the park. Sat under the oak tree. Looked up at the sky. When they talked about nothing and everything. When he made him laugh. When he was there for him in the early days. In Emily and Lena’s apartment. When he asked if they were boyfriends. When they went suit shopping. When they talked about their mothers. This morning in bed.

Those three words. Always thought but never said.

Until now. Now and forever.  

He looked up at Jesse, brushed his lips against his neck, a gentle kiss before whispering, “I love you, Jesse.”

“I love you too, Hanzo.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let's all let out a collective 'Awwwwww!'
> 
> So I knew from chapter two that Genji would die in this fic, and that it wouldn't be by Hanzo's hand. Creating Kaito came much later, and boy, he was a blast to write!
> 
> Hope you enjoyed the read.


	15. The Day After...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hiya!!
> 
> So we're changing gears in this chapter with some fluff and smut and then more fluff. These poor boys need to recover from their huge discussion!!
> 
> And a huge thank you to Magisey who's given the chapter a once-over!
> 
> Hope you enjoy the read!!

The soft sounds of glasses clinking roused Jesse from sleep. The feint smell of coffee drifted through the bottom of the door. He pinched the bridge of his nose, it was too early to get up, but he knew he wouldn’t get back to sleep.

Gently, he rolled out of bed, grabbing his sweats and hoodie sitting atop the dresser and tip-toed over to the door. He looked back at Hanzo with a smile, his sleeping prince, before exiting the room.

He headed to the bathroom and relieved himself before getting dressed. He glanced at the tub, sizing it up, imagining himself and Hanzo in there. He was fully aware that Jules and Dave use it, so they’d fit nicely too, if not a bit snug. He opened the cupboard under the sink, finding some bath bombs and candles. He smirked, closing the cupboard and headed downstairs.

“Hey, lovely. Did we wake you?” Julia asked from the dining table, hands wrapped around her coffee mug. She was wearing pink scrubs today.

“Yeah, but its fine. I was barely asleep anyway.” He yawned and rubbed his eye with his palm, grabbed a mug from the cupboard and poured himself a cup of coffee before joining them at the table.

“Are you okay?” She reached out and placed a hand on his wrist. “You came in after we went to bed.”

“Yeah, I’m fine. We spent the night talking about everything.” He looked down at his coffee, smiling, thinking about how lucky he was that Hanzo didn’t run away scared. “Oh, sorry for not helpin’ with the dishes.”

“It’s nothin’, lovely,” Julia said with a caring smile. She really would have made a great mom. “Hanzo helped clear the table and the dishwasher handled the worst of it. How is he?”

“He’s fine. He’s a strong guy,” he smiled. “He said he’s dealt with worse than Dad.” He took a sip of coffee, savouring the bitterness.

“I can’t believe there’s worse than Dad out there,” she sighed.

“Hmm.” Jesse nodded and looked at her, leaning forward on the table. “Are you alright? I don’t think I’ve ever seen you that angry at him.”

She shook her head and rolled her eyes. “Ugh. I can’t believe he said all that. We paid him back the loan on the house, for fuck’s sake. I still can’t believe he made a spectacle in front of Hanzo. He must have been mortified.”

“Well, I gave him fair warning,” Jesse chuckled.

“You found a good man, Jesse,” She stroked his wrist with her thumb. “No one has stood up to Dad like he did.” She glanced over at Dave and shrugged. “Sorry, babe.”

Dave held his hands up in front of him. “No way am I getting in the way of him and whatever he’s angry over.”

Jesse shook his head. Dave treated Julia like a queen, but never defended her in an argument with their dad. He smirked though, knowing that she could handle herself, she didn’t need anyone fighting her battles for her.

“Anyway, Dave and I are going to hit the mall before work, was there anythin’ you wanted?”

“Nah, we’re all good.” He looked over his shoulder to the stairwell with a smile on his face. “What time do you think you’ll be home?”

“Usual time… after five. Why?”

Jesse smirked, folding his arms over his chest and waggling his eyebrows.

“Ah, never mind. I don’t want to know,” she shook her head. “Just take the horses for a walk; they’ve been cooped up in the stable for a couple days. Do it sooner rather than later, they’re predicting a storm in the afternoon, if you can believe that.” She looked over to Dave. “Ready, babe?”

“Yeah.” He grabbed his plate and mug, walking it into the kitchen.

“Don’t worry about it,” Jesse called out over his shoulder, “I’ll clean up. Least I can do for last night.”

Julia stood up, giving him a kiss on the top of his head. “Don’t beat yourself up about last night,” She whispered. “It wasn’t your fault. I have zero regrets about inviting Hanzo. You just have a good day, and help yourselves to the leftovers.”

“You too, my lovely. See you tonight.” He stood up, giving Julia a hug and watched them leave the house.

He let out a long, drawn out sigh, heading into the kitchen to unload the dishwasher and re-load it with dirty dishes. He wiped toast crumbs off the bench and put on a fresh pot of coffee. He looked through the pantry for tea, finding a box of jasmine tea and two tea strainers, also placing them on the bench.

He looked through the fridge, trying to think of something to make for breakfast. Eggs, milk… with a smirk, he grabbed ingredients for pancakes. He looked up a recipe on his phone, intent on getting them perfect for Hanzo.

Most of the way through cooking, the air thick of burnt butter and pancake batter, he heard the familiar creak of that second-last step. He smiled as Hanzo walked into the kitchen, wearing black sweats and his blue hoodie, hood up. He walked up to Jesse, giving him a kiss on the cheek and placing his hands on Jesse’s waist.

“Good morning, Sugarplum. I hope you like pancakes.”

“Good morning, Jesse.” He stood on his toes and rested his chin on Jesse’s shoulder. “I cannot believe you are cooking,” he said with slight sarcasm behind his words.

Jesse turned his phone on, showing Hanzo the recipe. “I found a recipe and everythin’. And I’ve picked up a few tips from a certain someone.” He kissed Hanzo’s cheek before flipping the pancakes over. “There’s fresh coffee in the pot or some jasmine tea on the bench if you were in the mood for tea.”

“Have I told you that I love you?” Hanzo whispered, kissing Jesse’s neck.

Jesse smirked, “You might have mentioned it once or twice.”

Hanzo pulled away from Jesse, grabbing two mugs from the cupboard. “Tea or coffee?”

“I’ll have whatever you’re feelin’, Sugarplum.”

Hanzo chuckled, opening the box of tea and smelling it. He clicked on the kettle before adding a small amount of tea to the strainers. By the time the water was boiling, the pancakes were on the table.

“So what do you want to do today?” Hanzo asked, cutting into the pancake stack and taking a bite. His eyes widened, “Jesse, these are great.”

“I have a few ideas in mind,” Jesse said with a smirk. “And thank you.” He leaned over, giving Hanzo a peck on the lips.

“What are these ideas?” Hanzo asked, taking another bite of the pancake.

Jesse cut into his pancake stack, shovelling it in his mouth and nodding in approval with each bite. Turns out he can cook damn fine pancakes. “Well, Jules wants us to take the horses for a walk, if you wanted to check them out.”

Hanzo smiled. “I would like that very much.”

“Excellent,” Jesse said, grabbing another two pancakes from the stack sitting in the middle of the table, even though he was only half way through his first short stack. “Jules is at the mall at the moment, was there anythin’ you wanted her to pick up? There’ll be some great deals at the moment.”

“It is fine,” Hanzo said taking a sip of his tea. “I do all of my shopping online, so I will browse the emails later, see if there is anything I am in need of.”

“’Cause you hate malls,” Jesse smirked.

“They are dirty places,” Hanzo smirked back.

Jesse shook his head and winked at Hanzo. He grabbed his mug in both hands, looking out into the back yard. The morning sun was streaming through and warm on his feet resting on a chair. The dogs were eating their breakfast from a large bowl, happy faces and wagging tails.

He let out a long, happy sigh. This. He could get used to this. Sharing breakfast, in a house, dogs outside, sitting hand in hand as they drank their morning tea. He wondered if Hanzo would be up for moving to Santa Fe.

He looked at Hanzo with a smile. They’d move to Santa Fe. One day.

\---

“You’re gonna need to put on tight jeans and warm clothes,” Jesse said as he dug through his wardrobe, grabbing two pairs of chaps and tossing them on the bed. He grabbed his two pairs of riding gloves and a pair of cowboy boots.

Hanzo stared at the chaps, pointing at them, mouth open wide. He shook his head and swallowed the lump in his throat. Images from that cowboy fantasy he had played in his head so many times were flashing before his eyes, his cock threatening to swell.

“What’s up?” Jesse grinned, taking off his hoodie and putting on a white undershirt and a sky blue plaid shirt over the top.

Hanzo shook his head, looking at Jesse. “You have these?”

Jesse narrowed his eyes, looking between the chaps and Hanzo. “Uh… yeah? Are you OK? You’re blushing.”

Hanzo smiled. “Yes. You truly are a cowboy now.” He very quickly got out of his sweats and into his black jeans, trying not to draw attention to his half hard cock.

“You too, you’ll be wearin’ them too,” Jesse said, taking off his sweats and putting on his jeans. He tucked the shirt into his jeans before zipping them up.

“Here,” Jesse tossed Hanzo a red plaid shirt from his wardrobe. “Trust me, those thin long sleeves you wear won’t be enough.”

Hanzo frowned, getting out of his long sleeve shirt and digging through his bag for a t-shirt. He put it on, slipping the plaid shirt over the top, buttoning it up. He grabbed at both sides, while the shirt fit quite snug around his broad shoulders; it was baggy around his waist. “Jesse, this is too big.”

Jesse smiled, biting his lip and walking around the bed to Hanzo, placing his hands on Hanzo’s waist. “Han, no one has looked this fucking good in my clothes.” He walked Hanzo up to the wall, kissing him with burning desire. “And now all I want to do is rip them off you,” Jesse purred through closed eyes, brushing his nose against Hanzo’s jawline.

“Not until you are in your chaps,” Hanzo whispered, trailing his hands up Jesse’s torso, settling on his shoulders.

Jesse looked at Hanzo, brow furrowed in confusion. “Why’s that?”

Hanzo bit his lip, rolling his eyes. “I might have a..." he trailed off. Why was he so nervous? He shook his head and pushed through. "...strong sexual attraction to cowboys.”

“Cowboy kink,” Jesse waggled his eyebrows. “Is that why you fell for me?”

“I did not realise I did until after I had slept with you.”

“Generally you don’t,” He chuckled, leaning in to Hanzo again. “How about I get properly dressed, then?” He whispered, kissing Hanzo’s neck before stepping away.

Hanzo rested his head on the wall, his hard cock pressing uncomfortably against his jeans. He looked at Jesse, one pair of chaps in each hand deciding which one to wear. He settled for the black pair, handing the tan pair to Hanzo.

Hanzo grabbed his hoodie, ‘accidentally’ dropping it on the floor so he could find an excuse to quickly dig through his bag for a sachet of lube and a condom and stuffing them in his pocket. Just in case.

They grabbed the chaps, boots and gloves, putting them on by the outdoor setting outside. Jesse wore the boots without spurs that he wore on the plane, and grabbed a spare black cowboy hat from the coat rack, giving Hanzo his usual tanned hat.

It was mid-morning, the sun shining brightly, large fluffy clouds filled the sky. Jesse looked into the distance. “We might only have a couple hours to kill, they’re predictin’ a storm this afternoon,” Jesse said, pointing to the sky as they walked towards the stables. “Enough time to go for a quick ride.”

Hanzo snorted, nudging Jesse with his elbow.

“On the horses,” Jesse clarified. “Now who’s the one with sex on the mind?”

“It is hard not to when you are dressed like that.” Hanzo slowed his pace, biting his lip as he stared at Jesse’s ass. He laughed when Jesse swished his hips with every step.

They entered the stables, the smell of hay exploded Hanzo’s senses; the dust in the air caused him to sneeze. Two horses greeted them with soft neighs and light stamps of their hooves on the wooden floor.

“These are Jules’ and Dave’s horses,” Jesse started, patting the snout of one. “This is Cinnamon, and that…” he pointed to the horse in the next stall, “Is Chestnut.”

“I am noticing a food theme with your animal names,” Hanzo said with a smile, gently patting Chestnut.

“Us McCree’s love our food,” Jesse drawled. “Have you done much ridin’?”

“I do not think I have seen a horse in person before today.”

“Right,” Jesse scratched his head, fingers pushing his hat back before he readjusted it on his head. “I can teach you the basics. I hope you’re a quick study.”

“I am,” Hanzo smiled.

“Alright, you can ride Cinnamon, she’s the most placid horse you’ll ever meet.” Jesse grabbed a saddle and reins off the wall and handed the brush to Hanzo. He opened the stall door and put on the reins, leading the horse out of the stable.

“Give ‘er mane and coat a brush, let her get to know you,” Jesse said, checking over the saddle.

Hanzo approached the horse, running the brush through her mane. She neighed softly, shaking her head and stomping the ground.

“I believe she is restless,” Hanzo said, moving on to brushing her back.

Jesse glanced up, then looked back at the saddle. “Yeah, they haven’t been out in a couple days.”

Hanzo brought his hand up to Cinnamon’s snout, petting gently. _“Oh, you poor thing. It is fine; you will get some fresh air now,”_ He said softly. The horse nudged his face; the wetness left on his cheek made him laugh.

Jesse walked over, smiling. “What did you say?”

Hanzo furrowed his brow and shook his head.

“You were speakin’ in Japanese,” Jesse smirked, placing the saddle on her back and strapped it on.

Hanzo looked at his feet, he could feel the heat rising to his face, and Jesse’s eyes on him. “I cannot say… it is too embarrassing.”

Jesse placed his hands on Hanzo’s waist. “Well it sounded absolutely adorable. I’ve never seen this super soft side to you.” He wiped Hanzo’s cheek from dirt and horse slobber, and kissed his other cheek. “I like it,” he whispered in his ear.

Hanzo smiled, kissing Jesse softly on the lips. “I just reassured Cinnamon that she would be getting some fresh air. Then she kissed me.”

Jesse chuckled, patting the horse on the back. “Well, she’s definitely taken to you. Keep brushing, I’m gonna get Chestnut set up.”

Hanzo continued brushing, talking sweet nothings in Japanese to Cinnamon. Jesse returned with Chestnut, got the saddle on, gave her a quick groom and showed Hanzo the basics. Mounted and commands shown, they started their slow trot to the dam.

The small dam sat at the properties edge, a waist-high wooden fence in desperate need of repair separated the properties. Small shrubs, weeds and cacti littered the area. “So my folks live on this neighbouring property,” Jesse pointed in front of them.

Hanzo nodded, noting the house he could see in the distance. Similar in appearance to Julia and Dave’s with white stucco and red clay roof. They dismounted, letting the horses move at their own pace and eat at the weeds.

Hanzo spun around, taking in his surroundings. The near midday sun was warm, but the air still had coolness about it, barely feeling like sixty degrees. Jesse was correct, wearing warmer clothes was definitely a good idea.

His eyes fixated on the hitching post. Of course there is a hitching post out here. He shook his head and smirked, his fantasies were brought to the foreground in his mind once more.

“What’s up, Sugarplum?” Jesse asked, standing behind Hanzo, wrapping his arms around his torso and kissing his neck.

“Promise not to laugh,” Hanzo said, biting his lip.

Jesse could barely contain his smirk, Hanzo could feel it on his neck and his amusement was thick on his voice, “Alright, I promise.”

Hanzo drew in a breath. “I have this fantasy that I play out in my mind…”

“Hmm, I like where this is going,” Jesse whispered, planting gentle kisses on Hanzo’s neck.

Hanzo tilted his head to the side, giving Jesse more access. “…it is of you…”

“Mmm,” Jesse said through a smile between kisses.

Hanzo turned around, his hands trailed down Jesse’s back, settling on his ass. “…shirtless, glistening in sweat, leaning over a hitching post, wearing nothing but jeans and chaps…”

“Sexy image,” Jesse’s lips fluttered against Hanzo’s neck.

“…I walk over, hands trailing all over your body. Then I unzip your pants and fuck you over that hitching post.”

A low moan escaped Jesse’s lips. He leaned forward, pressing his erection into Hanzo’s hip. “You have quite the overactive imagination, Han.”

Hanzo whispered, “When my imagination was all I had for decades, it is not unexpected.”

“Well, I assume you came prepared, then?”

Hanzo nodded, squeezing Jesse’s ass tight.

“Alright, how about we let this little fantasy play out,” Jesse whispered into Hanzo’s ear, lips ghosting the shell. “Though I’d have to stay clothed, it ain’t summer out here.”

Hanzo nodded as Jesse stepped away, leaned against the hitching post on his forearms, ass sticking out. He grabbed his hat off his head, fanning himself with it. “Boy, I’ve been workin’ up quite the sweat. Good thing I’ve got this hitchin’ post to rest on.”

Hanzo shook his head and smiled as he walked up to Jesse, pressing himself against his ass. He grabbed his hips and gyrated against his ass, getting off on the friction. He reached up, grabbing Jesse’s jacket and pulling it off him, draping it over the end of the hitching post as Jesse worked on getting his jeans undone.

Hanzo took off his gloves, stuffing them in his hoodie pocket before reaching into his jeans pocket, grabbing the sachet of lube and the condom. He unbuttoned and unzipped his jeans, reaching for his cock and grabbing it out. He opened the condom pack, unrolled it over his cock and opened the sachet, spreading the viscous liquid down his length.

“Ooh, that’s a bit cold on bare skin,” Jesse chuckled as he pulled his pants down just past his ass.

Hanzo lined himself at Jesse’s entrance and pushed slowly until their bodies were flush. He started a slow pace, wrapping his arms around Jesse’s torso and kissing down his back.

Quickening his pace after a few moments, his body screamed for release, and he knew he could not hold on much longer.

Bringing his hands down to Jesse’s waist and slipping his hands under his shirt and onto bare skin, he squeezed Jesse’s hips tight. He thrusted faster, turning erratic as the pleasure in his core built closer and closer to release, to fulfilling this fantasy he had in his mind for months, the single image over and over in his mind which he jerked off to more times than he could count; more times than he could remember. All culminating to this moment, Jesse, bent over a hitching post and Hanzo, fucking him. His man. His love.

Hanzo’s thrusts shallowed and he threw his head back, whispering Jesse’s name as he came. He rested his head on Jesse’s back, kissing all over as his man jerked off, biting his arm so he would not moan. Heavy breathing and a gasp a moment later, then silence.

Hanzo slipped out, unrolling the condom and tying it off, wrapping it in a tissue and shoving it in his pocket. He would have to remember to throw it out when they got back to the house. He fixed himself up, zipping up his pants as Jesse turned around, leaning back on the hitching post and pulling Hanzo in for a slow, passionate kiss.

“I hope that was as good as it is in your imagination,” Jesse whispered.

“Better,” Hanzo smiled, kissing Jesse’s cheek.

Jesse reached for his jacket, putting it back on before Hanzo turned around, his back to Jesse’s chest. Jesse wrapped his arms around Hanzo’s waist, Hanzo grabbed Jesse’s hands and interlocked his fingers between his.

They stood there in each other’s arms in silence for countless minutes, watching the horses eat another patch of weeds. Birds chirped in a nearby tree, hopping from branch to branch. More clouds passed overhead, filling the sky before the sun disappeared behind patchy clouds ahead of the approaching storm front.

“We should get a move on, unless you wanna get caught in the rain,” Jesse kissed Hanzo’s cheek. “And given you’re a beginner rider, I want to make damn sure you make it back in one piece.”

Hanzo nodded, pulling away from Jesse. They mounted the horses and headed back to the stables, a gentle trot this time.

It was spitting when they arrived at the stables. They untacked the horses, brushed them down, put a blanket over them, gave them fresh hay and water, and locked them up so they wouldn’t wander off in the storm.

It was pouring when they made their mad dash from the stables to the house. Dripping wet on the tiles of the dining room, they took off layers of clothing, jackets, boots, hats and gloves; laughing and shivering. They opened the door to the garage, letting the dogs inside to roam free in the house.

“Fuck this rain is so unseasonal!” Jesse said through chattered teeth, looking out the window. “Of course, the week we’re here it rains.”

“The weather has been off this year,” Hanzo mused, watching lightning arc across the sky, the low rumble of thunder followed moments later. “We should have a hot shower before we freeze.” Hanzo turned and walked towards the staircase.

“Actually, I have a better idea,” Jesse smirked, grabbing Hanzo’s hand and leading him upstairs and into the bathroom.

“Jesse, you have a bath and this is the first I am hearing about it?” Hanzo shook his head.

“I wanted to wait for the right moment. This seems appropriate.” Jesse turned on the taps, testing the water before putting in the plug and getting undressed. Jeans stuck to their skin, they took off their shirts and undershirts and underwear, a messy, wet pile sitting in the corner of the room.

Jesse opened the cupboard, grabbing a bath bomb and the candles, lighting them with the lighter stashed away. Once the bath was adequately full, Jesse threw in the bath bomb, watching it dissolve in a purple fizz, filling the room with a subtle lavender scent.

Jesse hopped into the bath first, adjusting himself before Hanzo hopped in, back to stomach. He rested his head on Jesse’s chest and let out a long drawn out breath. He had been itching for a bath, and it could not have come at a better time. “This was the right moment,” Hanzo moaned, letting every muscle relax from the top of his head to the tips of his toes.

“It would’ve been better with some beer, but we can do that another time,” Jesse kissed Hanzo’s shoulder.

“Hmm, wine and cheese, perhaps?” Hanzo hummed, closing his eyes. He felt Jesse reach up to his hair, untying the messy knot and running his fingers through it, untangling a large knot gently. Once satisfied his hair was knot-free, Jesse wrapped his arms around Hanzo, resting his head on Hanzo’s shoulder.

“God, I love you,” Jesse breathed, his lips brushing the shell of Hanzo’s ear.

Hanzo nuzzled against Jesse’s chest, reaching for Jesse’s hands and interlocking his fingers between Jesse’s. “I love you, too.”

\---

The storm raged outside. It probably wasn’t the safest thing to do, sitting in the tub during a storm, but Jesse didn’t think much of it. The occasional flash of lightning, and the few seconds it took for the thunder that followed indicated they were a fair bit away from the storm front.

Jesse looked at Hanzo pressed against him, kissing the top of his head. He looked at the twisted flesh of two dragons chasing each other on his right bicep, that horrid brand. He knew the damage a branding iron could do, being accidentally burnt by it once. He looked at the small scar on his left forearm, a small line between his elbow and the tattoo, barely visible now as he was able to get ice on it straight away.

He ran his fingers over Hanzo’s brand, the flesh was bumpy underneath his fingertips. He wanted to ask Hanzo more about it since they first discussed their tattoos, but he’d been afraid of the answer.

He mulled on their conversation from the night earlier. Many things stood out in his mind, a list of questions he wanted to ask, over time. Though one thing stuck out the most. Hanzo had mentioned that he was a trained assassin. He sighed, he simultaneously needed to know, but didn’t want to know.

He closed his eyes, running his fingers over the brand, he could feel the dragon’s head taper off into its tail, then another dragon’s head. An endless loop of dragon chasing dragon.

He opened his mouth to speak, but it was Hanzo that spoke.

“There is a story behind the brand. I was waiting for you yesterday to interject, but you did not…” Hanzo paused, taking a breath. “It was a rite of passage. There were three branches of the Clan – illicit substances, arms and assassination. We were all trained to defend ourselves, however Genji and I were trained specifically into assassination. The brand was granted when we made our first kill.”

“So you’ve killed more than those twelve you mentioned yesterday,” Jesse said calmly, trying to process the information. He didn’t want to come across as angry unintentionally.

Hanzo took a deep breath. “Countless more. Most of the work I – we, Genji included – did away from home involved assassination. I would dispatch enemies from afar, atop rooftops where it was safe and controlled, where I could be monitored, and Genji would get in close. We did this until I was thirty, when my father started grooming me to take over from him.”

“I’m kinda surprised your dad let you get your hands dirty.”

Hanzo chuckled. “He trusted in our training. We were very good at what we did. I was told that they were our enemies. Us or them.”

“So Genji was branded too?”

“Yes. Kaito was not. He showed weakness and could not kill… Until…” Hanzo shook his head, bringing his hand up to his face. He leaned forward and turned around, facing Jesse. Water sloshed around and spilled out of the bath. “I… I wanted to tell you. Know that I have closed the door on that part of my life. I am not that… boy… anymore.”

Jesse looked at Hanzo, at those wrinkles above his bridge piercing, adorable and needing a kiss. He reached behind Hanzo’s head, pulling him in and kissing those wrinkles away. “Hanzo, that part of your life… I accept it. It’s in the past. It happened, and there’s nothin’ I can do to change that.” He grabbed Hanzo’s hands. “I can also see that that shit eats away at you. Just like my past eats away at me. I don’t think I’ll be truly free till Dad…” Jesse trailed off. The rain had died down; however the low rumble of thunder in the distance could be heard. He looked out the window, shaking his head and saying the words aloud to Hanzo for the first time, “…till Dad’s gone.” Jesse outstretched his arms, and Hanzo smiled, turning around and lying against him again. “Have you been back to Japan? Since the fall?”

Hanzo shook his head. “I have not. I do not think I can do it.”

“So you haven’t seen Genji since… that day?”

“There was a funeral. As much as the Clan may have despised his actions, he was still a Shimada and he was given an honourable funeral. I have not visited his grave, however.”

“Not even when you left?”

“No, I suspected that would be the first place they would look. When I escaped, I barely made it out. I just had to keep moving.”

Jesse kissed Hanzo’s head. “Hanzo, please know that I’m here for you. You don’t have to work through this alone.” Jesse chuckled and squeezed Hanzo tight. “You’re stuck with me now.”

Hanzo chuckled and nodded. “I have thought about going back to Japan. To pay my respects. Perhaps in time, when the memories are not as fresh in my mind.” He paused, nodding at a thought, before bringing his voice down to a whisper, “I think it will be easier with you there.”

“Of course, Han,” Jesse smiled, kissing Hanzo’s head. He’d never been to Japan before, and he would have the best tour guide. He then frowned and sadness washed over him, the realisation that Hanzo hasn’t paid his respects to Genji fully hit. He chewed his bottom lip, hoping that when they made their way to Japan, that Hanzo would finally be free.

He thought about Hanzo’s escape and a question dawned on him. “Hey, when you left, was it reported on? I would have thought that if Dad found who you were, he’d find that twelve people had been murdered too.”

“No,” Hanzo said with a shake of his head. “The Clan had deep ties with the media. I reported to them that I was stepping down, following the untimely death of my father and brother. The Clan would have been too proud to report that the Elders had been cut down, to show more weakness when they already were so severely weakened would have been an advertisement to other rival Clans within Japan, so it was hidden from the public. It allowed me to roam freely.”

Jesse nodded. “Smart.”

Hanzo took in a breath and held it for a moment. “You do not think I should be reprimanded for my actions?”

Jesse shook his head. “Nah. Like I said, if anyone had treated Jules like they did Genji, I’d have done the same thing.” He squeezed Hanzo tighter, kissing his shoulder. “And besides, I wouldn’t consider your thirty six years of life in the Clan as a life. You were a prisoner, Han. You’ve served your time.”

Hanzo chuckled, grabbed Jesse’s hands and kissed them. “I had not considered it that way. Thank you, Jesse, for allowing me to talk freely about this. I have kept it bottled up inside me for far too long.”

“S’nothin’ at all, Sugarplum,” Jesse kissed Hanzo’s neck. “I’m here, whenever you need to talk. Now and always.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hanzo in Jesse's clothes was a recycled idea from chapter nine too.
> 
> AND I ONLY RECENTLY REALISED THAT JESSE HAD THAT 'ON THE RANGE' SKIN AND IT IS ONE OF MY FAVOURITES IN THE GAME!
> 
> Hope you enjoyed the read!


	16. Round Two

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welcome back!!
> 
> So if you missed the title of this chapter, it's called 'Round Two'. That can only mean one thing. He's baaaaack.
> 
> So warnings for mentions of depression, mentions of alcohol abuse and verbal abuse.
> 
> And a big huge thank you to Magisey for reading over this chapter!
> 
> Hope you enjoy the read!

“Don’t move,” Jesse said, big grin on his face. “Just let it happen.”

“It hurts!” Hanzo complained, hands up in front of him like he was surrendering. He winced with every movement.

“He has chosen you! You’re his bitch now!” Jesse erupted into laughter.

“Jesse!” Julia exclaimed, backhanding Jesse’s bicep.

“His claws hurt,” Hanzo gasped. “Do cats usually do this?”

They watched Garfield knead on Hanzo’s lap, turning circles before plopping himself down, curled into himself.

“Darlin’ you’re the first person Garfield has taken to,” Julia smiled.

“Why me?” Hanzo whined.

“Cause he knows you hate him,” Jesse smirked, sitting on the recliner on the opposite side of the living room, legs crossed at the ankles.

“I do not hate him. I just… prefer to ignore him,” Hanzo corrected, placing his hands down beside him, fists balled up. 

“You can pat him, darlin’. He won’t bite,” Julia said, sitting next to Jesse on the couch, resting her weight on her elbow on the armrest with her legs folded by her side.

Hanzo looked between Jesse and Julia. “Jesse said he will.”

“Only if you pat his belly. Just give him a scratch on his head,” Jesse encouraged.

“Jesse, if he hurts me, I _will_ hurt you,” Hanzo smirked.

“He won’t darlin’. Just give him a little scratch behind his ears,” Julia pointed before curling her fingers like she was scratching him.

Hanzo looked at the cat on his lap. He brought a hand up, and with minimal hesitation, gently scratched behind his ears. He let out a breath he didn’t realise he was holding and smiled as the fat car purred.

“There you go,” Jesse smiled. “You’ve made a new friend.”

“Though he’ll still be temperamental if you try and rub his belly,” Julia warned.

“He is very cute,” Hanzo smiled as the cat lifted up his head, stretching for scratches under his chin. “Oh, aren’t you just adorable… You love your scratches, don’t you?”

“You’re doin’ it again,” Jesse smirked.

“Doing what?” Hanzo mumbled, bringing his other hand up and patting the cat's back, his undivided attention given to Garfield.

“Speakin’ in Japanese,” Julia answered.

Hanzo shot a look up at Julia, then Jesse. “I… am not aware that I do this.”

Julia turned to Jesse. “So does he talk to you in Japanese when you’re in bed?”

“He does not, actually,” Jesse smiled, looking at Hanzo. “Well, sometimes, but that isn’t directed to me… I think.” He smirked, winked, before continuing on, “But he’s not all cutesy like that in bed.” 

“Well, I can either be ‘cutesy’ in bed, or I can be rough. And you like things rough, don’t you, Jesse McCree?” Hanzo winked back, throwing it back at him.

“Oh, Jesse McCree?” Julia backhanded Jesse’s bicep again. “That your sex name?”

“His is sugarplum,” Jesse blurted, pointing at Hanzo.

“So _you’re_ the cutesy one then?” Julia laughed, grabbing Jesse’s hand and shaking it excitedly.

“How did this happen?” Jesse said, exasperated. He looked at Hanzo, shaking his head but with no heat in his words, “You turned my own sister against me.”

Hanzo tried to keep a serious face, but burst out laughing, covering his mouth to try and contain his laughter.

“Baby brother, between you and your boyfriend, I’m _always_ gonna side with him,” she laughed.

“What’s so funny?” Dave asked, coming down the stairs.

“Oh, just these two sharin’ their pet names for each other,” Julia answered, wiping her eye.

“I do not want to hear it,” Dave said, entering the living area with his hands up in front of him. “Hey, Garfield made a friend.” He pointed to the cat on his way into the kitchen. “Can I get anyone a beer while I’m here?”

The three of them chimed a communal “yes please” in unison, then devolved into more laughter.

Dave handed the beers around and took a seat next to Hanzo. “So, reckon there’ll be a round two tonight?”

“Nah, Dad’s too proud to make a fuss about me in public,” Jesse said, running his fingers through his hair.

“You are the first person to stand up to him though, Hanzo,” Dave pointed to him with his beer before taking a pull.

“I will not pick a fight with him unless he provokes myself or Jesse,” Hanzo said, scratching Garfield behind his ears again, inciting a loud purr from the cat.

“And I don’t plan on bein’ alone with him at all,” Jesse said, taking a pull.

“Nor do I intend on leaving your side,” Hanzo smiled at Jesse.

Jesse chuckled. “We probably don’t wanna go to the bathroom at the same time, though. Folks might get the wrong idea.”

Hanzo shook his head, taking a pull.

“Well that’ll set Dad right off,” Julia shook her head.

“So, we went suit shoppin’ about a month ago, and Hanzo bought a whole bunch of shirts. He bought a black shirt, to go with his black suit and black tie. He looks fuckin’ amazing in it, d’you think-”

“Yes, Dad will say somethin’ along the lines of…” She trailed off, deepening her voice, “…‘This isn’t a funeral!’”

“But do you think it’ll be worth it? I think it’ll be worth it,” Jesse smirked.

“Anyone else’s wedding, baby brother, and I’d be all for it. Please don’t piss him off on my wedding day. Please,” she pleaded, bringing her hands together like she was praying.

“Jules, my being there will be enough to piss him off. Bringin’ Hanzo is probably enough for him to make a scene.”

“But do not concern yourself,” Hanzo redirected the conversation, “I did not bring the black shirt. I will be wearing a white shirt for the wedding.”

“Excellent,” Julia breathed, taking a pull of beer.

“And he looks fuckin’ amazing in that too. Hell, you look fuckin’ amazing in anythin’, sugarplum,” Jesse winked.

“Hey, what did I say about pet names?” Dave piped up.

“Oh, quiet honey bun!” Julia winked at Dave.

They looked at Dave, waiting for retaliation.

“Not gonna…” Jesse trailed off. He turned his attention to Julia. “What does he call you?”

She bit her lip, looked at Dave who shook his head. “Sweet cheeks,” she covered her face and laughed.

“Fuck, Han, I thought we had it bad,” Jesse laughed.

Dave rolled his eyes. “Fine, what do you call him?” He asked Hanzo.

“Jesse McCree.”

“Just… his name?”

“It is enough,” Hanzo whispered.

Dave frowned, shaking his head. “You two are fuckin’ weird.”

“Says the person who was afraid to utter two words,” Hanzo said without skipping a beat, taking a pull of beer.

Dave chuckled, glancing at Jesse and Julia. She shook her head.

“I’m goin’ for a smoke,” Dave mummbled, getting up and walking to the backyard, his footsteps heavy on the tiles as he stormed off.

Hanzo turned back to Jesse and Julia. “Should I have not said anything?”

“Ah… it’s alright. He’s just not used to gettin’ snark from anyone but me,” Julia said.

“I hope he does not treat you poorly,” Hanzo said softly.

“He does not.” She shook her head. “I would not be with him if he treated me like crap.”

“That’s my big sister,” Jesse nudged Julia. “Anyway, I might go out there and diffuse whatever he’s workin’ on,” Jesse pushed the recliner in and stood up, fishing his cigarillo tin out of his pocket and placing one between his lips before walking away.

Julia stood up and took a seat next to Hanzo. She waited for the door of the backyard to close before she spoke. “You are nothing but good for my brother, you know that?”

“I have heard many people say that,” Hanzo smiled.

“I haven’t seen him this happy in near on a decade.” She looked through the window of the back door. “I was worried about him for a long time. Worried that every time I said goodbye on the phone, it’ll be the last goodbye…” she trailed off, pursing her lips.

Hanzo frowned, a pang of sorrow washed through him. “Was he self-harming?”

She looked back at Hanzo. “I don’t think so, not intentionally hurtin’ himself anyway. But he was reckless; he’d drink to get drunk. He’d get in fights and end up in the emergency room.” She shook her head. “The amount of times he’d come into the emergency room… concussion, black eye, busted lip, broken nose, bruised ribs, bleeding knuckles… I think he was doing it to feel something. So he settled on pain.”

Hanzo closed his eyes and shook his head. “Did he not discuss his feelings with you?”

“He shut down," she sighed. "He’d work on the ranch while Mom and Dad were at the butcher shop, then he’d come home and drink. I tried to keep him inside, which worked when I was at home. But if I was workin’, he’d go out and I knew,” she shook her head and winced, closing her eyes, “I always knew, that he’d show up in my ward.” She paused, looking to the back door. “Then one day, he up and left. Said he had enough of everyone. I’d never seen him so defeated. That’s when I was bracing myself for _that_ phone call. That he’d be gone.”

This part of Jesse's life Hanzo had not heard before. He knew that Jesse left on bad terms. He knew that the decision to leave was a split decision. Jesse would never talk about it, even when asked. It seemed wrong to find out this way. He felt that he should find out through Jesse himself. 

He looked at Julia. One thing he knows, though, is how close they are. “He told me that the two of you are close. Did he not contact you on his travels?”

“The first time he contacted us after he left was to tell us he’d settled in Boston. The two months between him leaving here and settlin’ in Boston was the shittiest two months of my life. I tried callin’ him, messaging him. Nothing. Even when he was in the military…" she trailed off, swallowing before taking a pull of beer. That was when Hanzo realised that Julia needed to get this off her chest. "He’d contact at least once a week. Those two months were the longest we’d ever gone without speaking.” She shook her head, then chuckled. “When I tried to convince him to come home, he said somethin’ was keepin’ him in Boston. Said it was enough to put his road-trip around the country on hold. He talked about these two British girls and their hopeful optimism.”

Hanzo chuckled, “Emily and Lena.”

“Yeah, he said that they helped him work through some stuff.”

“They have been a good shoulder for him to lean on.” Hanzo looked at the back door, at Jesse sitting with his back to the door, shaking his head about something. “The both of us.”

“We started talkin’ weekly after that. That angry, depressed man who left here slowly disappeared. Then our birthday rolled around.” She grabbed her necklace, holding the infinity pendant between her thumb and fingers. “We have this little tradition, been doin’ it since we were eighteen. I’d buy him a belt buckle, and he’d buy me pendants for my necklaces. This one is my favourite; he got it for me for my thirtieth. And I got him that BAMF belt buckle he’s wearin’ now.”

Hanzo smiled. “He wears that all the time.”

She laughed and nodded, before fading into a frown. “I knew that he’d be off. He always retreats back into his shell, drinks heavily, gets into some kind of trouble around our birthday…” she paused for a moment, before smiling. “So I sent him this ridiculous over-the-top awful belt buckle. Has he shown you?”

“He has not. I will have to ask him about it.”

Julia smiled. “That day, I received my pendant - a gorgeous silver horseshoe with tiny obsidian stones. Don’t tell him, I’m gonna wear it tomorrow.”

“Your secret is safe with me.” 

Julia looked out the back door once again. “So he called me two days after our birthday. It was out of character, I’d thought he’d got in trouble or somethin’." She looked back at Hanzo. "He told me that there was someone he’d slept with, who was shadowin’ him at the diner where the British girls worked at. They told him that this person was interested in him. He called me to ask if he should pursue them.”

Hanzo could not help but smile. “What did you say?”

“I said, ‘if you’re sure your heart wants it, then go for it,’” she smiled. “You see, he hadn’t been in a relationship for over four years, and I thought it would be good for him to meet other people.”

“Well, I am glad he listened to you.”

“He made quite the impression, huh?”

“He drove me crazy,” Hanzo admitted, saying the words without thought. “He did not leave a way to contact him. So I went to the diner, I knew he would go there. He was the first person I felt a connection with,” Hanzo shook his head, taking a breath and choosing his words carefully, “I… My upbringing was centred on taking over my family’s business. I did not have the opportunity to meet people. When he came back –”

“You had the most awesome, mind blowing sex of your life?” She smirked. “His words.”

Hanzo chuckled, “Something like that. When he came back, I fell in love with him. I have been in love with him from that day." He looked at the back door, Jesse was crouched down, patting Marshmallow. Hanzo's voice quietened down, the words came out just above a whisper, "He really has helped me battle my demons.”

“And he’s said the same thing about you, darlin’.” She grabbed his wrist. “We might have a fucked up family, but know that you’re always welcome here. Don’t feel like you have to walk on eggshells because you might offend someone. The way you handled yourself in front of Dad, literally _no one_ has done that. And it was fuckin’ bad ass,” she giggled.

“I was just defending mine and his honour. I would have done so to anyone.”

“And that means the world to him. The shit he’s been through, he deserves to be looked after. So you look after him, Hanzo Shimada. If not, I’ll hunt you down.” She squeezed his wrist. 

Hanzo looked at her hand on his wrist then back at her. “You have my word, I will not hurt him.”

She smiled, “Good.”

The back door opened, and Jesse walked through. She looked back at him and then to Hanzo and stood up.

“I’m not interruptin’ anythin’ am I?” He asked approaching the couches.

“Nup, just tellin’ him that I’ll hunt him down if he hurts you.”

“Jesus, Jules, don’t scare him away!” He took a seat next to Hanzo, wrapping his arm around Hanzo’s.

“It is fine,” Hanzo smiled. “I have no intention of hurting you.”

“Me neither,” he leaned into Hanzo, kissing his cheek.

“Right, well we should get ready for tonight, then.” Julia said, placing her beer bottle on the bench and heading upstairs.

“How was your chat with Dave?”

“Fine. It’s just his personality. Cause he’s a beefcake, he’s not used to bein’ treated that way. Well, he hasn’t been treated that way in a long time, sometimes the nerds he’d used to pick on would throw him some sass every now and then.”

“Do I need to apologise?”

“Fuck no!” Jesse exclaimed. “Don’t you dare apologise for speakin’ your mind. We were all thinkin’ it, you just had the balls to say it.”

“Perhaps I should think before I speak in the future then. I do not wish to create unnecessary tension.”

“Nah, fuck him. He called _us_ weird, remember?”

Hanzo chuckled, “Yes, he did.” He looked down at Garfield on his lap, scratching behind his ear, before looking back at Jesse. “Jesse, I need to use the bathroom.”

Jesse smiled, “Alright, come here, fatso.” Jesse picked up the cat and placed him in front of the fireplace.

Hanzo stood up and stretched, rubbing his thighs, still tender from the cat’s kneading before heading upstairs.

\---

The small room erupted with applause with the conclusion of the speeches. Eighteen people sat around a long, rectangular table, Julia and Dave sitting in the middle and their respective families sitting on either side of them, wrapping around the table. Bridesmaids and groomsmen sitting opposite them.

Jesse and Hanzo were at the end of the table, Jesse seated next to his mom, although they barely spoke any words.

“This is like a weird high school reunion,” Jesse whispered to Hanzo with a shudder. “Though these people were all the cool kids,” he pointed to the bridal party opposite them, “The guys were part of the football team and the girls were the cheerleaders. All so cliché it fuckin’ hurts.”

“I cannot believe your father allowed your sister to be a cheerleader,” Hanzo whispered in Jesse’s ear, ensuring no one else heard that statement.

“Like I said, Han,” Jesse whispered back, “When your son is a monumental screw-up, you tend to be a little less strict on your daughter.”

The wait staff entered the small room, collecting empty dinner plates from everyone. Other members of staff topped up wine glasses, replaced jugs of water with fresh ice-water, took down tea and coffee orders and set down cutlery ready for dessert.

The room was dimly lit with four free-standing lamps in each corner. Tea candles in small cast iron lanterns lined the table, six in all. The room was decorated with a hanging garden, filling the room with a subtle earthy smell. Spanish guitar played softly in the background, barely audible over the conversation and laughter of the group.

This restaurant would serve as the reception after the wedding tomorrow night – though the entire restaurant would be in use. The decorations would be much of the same, if Julia’s descriptions were anything to go by. An enchanted garden theme, not unexpected considering she’d been fascinated by rainforests and fairy gardens for as long as Jesse could remember. Something completely opposite to the harsh desert she’d spent all her life in.

Everyone was dressed in their best attire. Jesse was wearing a dark blue shirt with black pants, suit jacket hanging on the chair. Hanzo was dressed much the same, wearing his lavender shirt and black pants, jacket also draped on the chair behind him.

Jesse looked at the bridal party, remembering each and every one of them from high school. Jules was lucky to have maintained these friendships for two decades. She’d dated Dave when they were in high school, but college saw them try their hand at long distance, and to their credit they survived it. It wasn’t until five years later that they’d picked up where they left off, and the rest is history.

For a moment, Jesse thought about what his life would be like if James didn’t move away. Would he have fallen so badly? Would he have joined Deadlock? One thing’s for certain, the thought in the foreground as he grabbed Hanzo’s hand, that in that life, he wouldn’t have met Hanzo, and right now, he couldn’t imagine life without him.

“Is everything okay?” Hanzo asked.

Jesse looked at him, smiling. “Yeah, Han. It’s all good.” He looked at their hands, before letting go. “Gotta pee,” he said, standing up. He did a quick scan of the room, and made his way to the bathroom.

The restaurant bathroom didn’t have urinals, so he relieved himself in a stall. He zipped his pants back up when he heard someone walk in. He could tell by the heavy breathing that it was his dad. His breathing was more laboured than Jesse remembered. All owing to the extra weight he's carrying now. Jesse guessed he'd be over 350 pounds now.

He could also tell that he was standing in front of the door, not having moved since he closed it behind him. Meaning he wasn't here to use the bathroom.

Jesse froze. He knew that if his dad was going to make a scene, it would be in a place isolated from everyone. He now regretted telling Hanzo not to follow him to the bathroom, because dealing with prying eyes would have been so much easier than dealing with whatever shitstorm was about to occur.

Jesse wondered just how long it would be before his dad would make his presence known. Cause he sure as shit knew he wasn’t going to make the first move.

“I know you’re finished in there, boy.” His father’s voice echoed in the small bathroom, each reverberation sounded like nails on a chalkboard, causing Jesse to shudder and shrink down on himself.

Jesse closed his eyes. His two options were to wait until someone else entered the bathroom, breaking the tension, or face his dad head on. If he was lucky, Hanzo would be here any moment.

“Stop hiding in there like the pussy you are!”

Jesse jumped out of his skin. He was convinced that the entire restaurant heard that, given how loud he spoke.

On autopilot, as much as he tried to fight his body, he flushed the toilet and exited the stall, making his way to the sink to wash his hands. He kept his eyes low, not even making eye contact with his dad, though he could see him in his periphery. He turned off the taps and grabbed some paper towel, drying his hands and placing it in the bin.

“Julia tells me that you plan on making a speech tomorrow,” his dad took a step forward, resting a hand on the second sink. “I think it would be beneficial for the both of us that you don’t do that.”

Jesse could feel his blood starting to boil. Here he was, his dad, still trying to control his life. He rested his weight on the porcelain sink, grabbing both sides.

“If I had it my way, you wouldn’t even be here. I tried to convince your sister otherwise, but for whatever reason she has a soft spot for you.”

Jesse closed his eyes and tightened his grip on the sink.

“I’d prefer it if you weren’t here. You’ve turned your back on us enough times. So much so I can say with an air of confidence that I have no son,” his father continued.

Jesse clenched his jaw, trying to keep his emotions in check. Not the first time he’s heard that statement.

“But here you are, staining my life once again. And not only that, you brought _him_ ,” he seethed, before spitting in the sink. Jesse watched as the glob slowly slid down the wall of the sink.

This was it. The rope keeping his anger in check just snapped. Surprisingly calm, Jesse stood up straight and smoothed his hands down his shirt. He let his hands fall to his side, open palmed, and he looked up at his father.

“How dare you. How fucking dare you come in here, away from all those people,” he pointed to the room to his left, “and say that? And have the fucking nerve to not only have a go at me, but at Hanzo. Behind his back.” Jesse could feel himself shake, he’d never taken it this far before. Ignoring the niggling urge to stop, he looked his dad up and down, “And you call me the pussy.”

“Watch your place, boy!” His father stood up straight, at his full height he is almost a foot taller than Jesse.

“You fucking watch your place,” Jesse pointed a finger at him. “I’m willing to bet you won’t lay a single fucking hand on me. You know why? Because if I walk out of here all bloodied, they’ll know you’re a piece of shit who beats on his own son.”

Jesse watched his father’s expression turn from shock to anger. His face turned red, his hands balled into fists, shaking at his side.

Jesse extended his hands out on either side of him, “So take your best fucking shot, you fucking pussy!”

This was it. The standoff. Who would make the move? Seconds passed, Jesse couldn’t tell how many, he could barely tell if time was moving fast or slow. He smirked, it felt fucking good talking back at him, though he’s surprised he’s kept it relatively tame.

He brought his hands back down to his sides and chuckled. “That’s what I fucking thought.” He took a step forward, now almost face to face with his father. “If you _ever_ say anything – _anything_ – to Hanzo, or about Hanzo, I will tell everyone your dirty little child abusing secret. Then we’ll see who’s tarnished the proud McCree name.”

Not giving his dad a chance to respond, Jesse proceeded out the bathroom. He thought about slamming the door, but let it close with a gentle thud on its own momentum. He held his breath as he walked back into the small dining room. He looked at Hanzo, and with a wink he grabbed his jacket off the back of the chair. Hanzo stood up and grabbed his jacket and followed him out to the terrace adjoining the dining room.

“Jesse, I am sorry I did not go after you. When he followed you –”

“Han, it’s fine. I did it,” he said, giddy, bouncing on the spot.

Hanzo shook his head slowly, frowning in confusion “Did… what?”

“I fuckin’ stood up to him,” Jesse poked Hanzo’s chest with a single finger. “Fuckin’ put him in his place. Fuck, I’m so happy I could scream!”

Jesse’s attention was drawn to Julia walking through the door.

“What’s happenin’ out here?” She asked as the door closed behind her. She wrapped her green shawl tighter around her from the sudden cold.

“I finally put him in his place. He crapped on about how I – how we”, he put a hand around Hanzo’s shoulder, “weren’t welcome here. But I fuckin’ ripped into him. That’s what he gets for playin’ his hand in a public place.” Jesse looked back inside the dining area, his dad scowling at him before taking a seat at the table.

Jesse sighed, a happy sigh. “Ah, I feel so fuckin’ good!”

Julia smiled warily, “Baby brother, know that I am happy for you, but could you try to contain your excitement, just a little bit? Just until we get home?”

Jesse opened his mouth to speak, but closed it, settling on a nod instead. He screamed internally. He screamed for all the times he wanted to say something but didn’t. After a moment and a deep breath, he said, “Yeah, I can do that.”

Julia placed a hand on his bicep and rubbed it up and down. “I truly am happy you got what you needed off your chest,” she smiled before looking back at the dining room, wait staff were serving desserts. “Come on, let’s have some cake.”

Julia headed inside and Hanzo turned to face him. “I am very proud of you.”

Jesse nodded, embracing him tight. “He said some downright awful shit. Most I’ve heard. But some… You stood up and defended me on Thursday, so I returned the favour. That, and if you can stand up to him, then I can too.”

Hanzo nodded and looked up, Jesse kissed his forehead and looked into the restaurant, boring a hole into the back of his dad’s head. He followed the wait staff leaving the room, then looked at the two plates in front of their empty chairs. Cake and sex. That’s how he’d celebrate this win. “I’m thinkin’ we celebrate tonight.”

Hanzo laughed, shaking his head. “You truly do not stop, do you?”

“I meant by drinkin’ some fine whiskey. Who’s the dirty one now?” Jesse joked. Cake, whiskey and sex, then.

“I do not for a second believe you were not thinking about sex, Jesse McCree.”

Jesse chuckled, bringing his voice down to a whisper, “You got me there.” He leaned down, meeting Hanzo and kissing him with burning desire, not even caring if anyone looked through the window. A small part of him hoped that his dad turned around.

He grabbed Hanzo’s hands, resting his forehead on his before kissing his forehead and pulling away. “Come on, we should have some of that cake.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Writing Jesse fighting back was so rewarding for me. I hope you felt it too!
> 
> Thanks for reading!


	17. The Wedding

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welcome back!!
> 
> This chapter... she's a beauty. Potentially the longest one so far. I had fun writing this chapter; giving Julia the wedding she deserved, albeit perhaps not the one she wanted... More in the chapter itself.
> 
> No warnings here today. Just enjoy this celebration!!
> 
> And a huge thank you to Magisey for giving this chapter a once-over.
> 
> Hope you enjoy the read :-)

The sound of giggling filled the house. Julia and her bridesmaids were in the living room; champagne breakfast laid out on the coffee table. An assortment of baked goods – croissants, muffins, cupcakes, scones – sat atop a tiered tower, generously donated by Isabella.

Jesse and Hanzo were in the kitchen, making a batch of his now famous pancakes after Hanzo couldn’t stop talking about them, drinking coffee and listening to the sound of pop songs from his childhood on the stereo, a playlist he and Julia had composed the day before.

Dave was at his brother’s place with the groomsmen. The girls had stayed the night, not giving Jesse the opportunity to _truly_ celebrate making his peace with his dad. While the whiskey was nice, there’d be plenty of time for sex later.

Now, as an old Taylor Swift song played on the stereo, he and Julia had their moment – their thing – pointing to each other through the kitchen, Jesse couldn’t be happier.

He shoved the flipper in Hanzo’s hands, dancing his way over to Julia, where the both of them belted out the song at the top of their lungs, danced to the tune in perfect choreography, like they had done when they were eleven. On their eleventh birthday.

The bridesmaids all cheered and laughed, and whenever Jesse could, he’d sneak a glance over to Hanzo, who – to his credit – hadn’t exited the room from embarrassment, but rather, watched on, arms folded over his chest and smirking.

“Well, if that didn’t scare you away, nothin’ will,” Jesse smiled, placing a hand on Hanzo’s shoulder to catch his breath.

“I was thinking the same thing,” Hanzo smirked, turning his attention back to the pancakes, checking the underside before adding them to the growing stack. With a teaspoon, he flicked a glob of butter on the hot pan, spreading it before pouring more batter and adjusting the heat slightly so they wouldn’t burn.

“Gotchya hook, line and sinker, hey?” Jesse said, placing his hands on Hanzo’s waist and kissing his neck.

“Indeed,” Hanzo whispered, turning his head to kiss Jesse.

An early naughties love ballad played next, and a collective “Aww” came from the living room. Jesse rolled his eyes and shook his head, knowing this song would be stuck in his head for the next three days.

“Did you listen to much music growing up?” Jesse asked, swaying to the song.

“Mostly classical music, both from Japan and around the world. Otherwise I would hear the more modern offerings at the clubs, or if Genji made me listen to something he liked.” Hanzo flipped the pancakes, readjusting the heat again.

“And what did he like?” Jesse pressed his body flush to Hanzo’s, brought his hands down to his hips and applied pressure to get him to sway. He was resisting, though it didn't stop Jesse from swaying, feeling the curve of Hanzo's ass against his dick.

“He liked that electronic dance music. He was particularly fond of Daft Punk.” Hanzo looked down at Jesse’s hands on his waist.

Jesse wrinkled his nose. “I wasn’t into that stuff. I was into those pop songs, wouldn’t mind a good country song either.” He kissed Hanzo’s neck softly and finally felt him relax enough that his hips did indeed start swaying. “I thought I’d have to put up more of a fight to get you to move,” Jesse whispered, kissing the back of Hanzo’s neck.

“You are very persuasive,” Hanzo whispered, placing the pancakes on top of the stack and turning off the stove. He turned around, facing Jesse, and put his hands on his waist and swayed to the ballad.

Jesse pulled Hanzo in close so their bodies were flush, swaying in unison. He cupped Hanzo’s face and kissed him slow and deep, tasting the lingering coffee on his tongue. Eyes closed, the sound of the room disappeared, all except for this ballad, swaying and kissing like no one was watching.

The ballad finished, crossfading into another pop song that had the girls screaming. Jesse smiled and opened his eyes, planting a kiss on Hanzo’s forehead before embracing him. He rested his head on his shoulder, whispering, “I love you, Han.”

“I love you, Jesse,” Hanzo whispered back.

The doorbell rang, and Jesse closed his eyes, calling out, “I’ll get it,” as he reluctantly stepped away from Hanzo. He opened the door, the flower delivery for the wedding – three small white rose bouquets, a larger red rose bouquet and three single red rose corsages.

Jesse carried them in and the girls swarmed him, taking a bouquet each. Jesse placed the corsages on the kitchen benchtop. They are for his mom, Dave’s mom – they’d come and collect theirs when it’s time to do hair and makeup - and one for himself. He toyed with the red rose, gently brushing at a delicate petal with his finger.

Hanzo wrapped an arm around his waist, kissing his cheek as he carried two plates expertly in his single hand, one with pancakes, and the other with strawberries, cream and hazelnut spread. He placed them down on the table, the girls gushing and thanking him profusely.

“Jesse did most of the work, I merely finished cooking the last of them,” he said modestly before bowing and walking back to the kitchen. “Come, I have ours here,” Hanzo winked, grabbing the two plates and placing them on the dining table.

Jesse grabbed their mugs, filling them with more coffee before joining Hanzo at the table. He set his eyes on the pancakes and his heart fluttered; Hanzo had decorated the top of the pancake stack with a love heart made from hazelnut spread.

He took a seat next to Hanzo, even though Hanzo had placed his plate opposite him, and kissed him, slow and passionate, before kissing his cheek and forehead. If he hadn’t said those three words already, he’d have certainly said them now.

“You are the most amazing, thoughtful, sappy boyfriend I could ever ask for,” Jesse whispered, kissing his cheek again and wiping his eye. “I love you so, so much, Han.”

Hanzo chuckled, grabbing Jesse’s hand and kissing his knuckles. “As are you, Jesse. I love you more than words can describe,” He smiled, looking at the stack, “So I put it on the pancake.”

“And it’s damn near too perfect to eat,” Jesse smiled. He grabbed his phone and took a picture of it. “So I can look back and see just how much you love me.”

Hanzo smirked, “And to show Emily and Lena, yes?”

Jesse scoffed, looking up at Hanzo, unable to contain his smile. “They’ve been askin’ how our time together has been. I’ve actually been pretty bad at keepin’ them informed.” Jesse rubbed the back of his neck. “How did you know?”

“They messaged me last night asking for an update.” Hanzo grabbed his knife and fork.

Jesse chuckled, “Well maybe we could give ‘em a call later… tomorrow probably. I think today will be very hectic!”

\---

“Fuck, we look sharp!” Jesse grinned, looking at his and Hanzo’s reflections in the bathroom mirror. “We scrub up extremely well.” Jesse looked at Hanzo, then back at himself. “Well, I do at least. You though, much as the rest of you looks the same, you are fuckin’ sexy in a suit.”

Hanzo’s hair was tied up in its usual smooth top-knot, all of it, his usual fringe was pinned back also. His beard neatly trimmed, his neck freshly shaved, not a hair out of place. Absolute perfection.

Jesse himself was still much of the same. Though in his standard hairstyle, his hair was clean. He had a bad habit of going days without washing it, much to Hanzo’s disgust. His beard was trimmed, neck shaved, and he even avoided cutting himself!

He reached up and adjusted his bow tie as Hanzo grabbed the corsage, pinning it to his lapel before smoothing his hands over his buttoned up suit jacket.

“Fuckin’ smart,” Jesse said, turning to Hanzo and picking off a stray hair from his shoulder. “Sorry, I shed hair like a cat,” he smiled, letting the hair drop to the floor.

“One of the drawbacks of having long hair,” Hanzo smirked, adjusting his black, skinny tie. He smoothed his hands over his suit.

Jesse nodded at their reflections once more. “Alright, shall we see if Jules is ready?”

They left Jesse’s bedroom and made their way to the other end of the hall, to Julia’s bedroom. The door was slightly ajar, the smell of perfume wafted through. The sound of sobbing could be heard, Jesse recognised it as his mom’s.

He reached for the handle before pulling back and knocking on the door. “Hey, lovely? It’s me.”

A moment passed before she answered, “Yep, come on in. Just you! Sorry, Hanzo.”

Jesse looked back at Hanzo, who nodded, “I will wait in your bedroom.” A good choice, given Jesse’s dad was downstairs.

Jesse swallowed the lump in his throat nervously before slowly opening the door. Julia was sitting on a chair in front of the mirror, his mother standing behind her with her hands on her shoulders. Bridesmaids were sitting on the bed, wearing red satin dresses, fully sleeved and full length, black heels on their feet. Jesse nodded at them.

Jesse’s mom turned to the bridesmaids. “Come, we should give them a moment,” she held out her hands and the three bridesmaids got up, leaving the room. Jesse’s mom stopped in front of Jesse, smoothing her hands over his shoulders. “You look very handsome, Jesse,” she said, her voice hitching as she held back a sob.

Jesse embraced her, whispering, “Gracias, mamá.” He chuckled to himself; he was feeling somewhat sentimental today. The last time he wore a suit was to his confirmation when he was eleven. The last time his mother had said he looked handsome. The last time he called her mamá.

She grabbed a handkerchief from her purple blouse pocket, wiping her eyes. She nodded, before walking out of the room, the door closing with a soft click.

Jesse looked at Julia, eyes welling with tears. Her blonde hair was swept to one side, a silver floral hairpiece with obsidian flowers kept it in place. She giggled as she stood up, her white long sleeve embroidered lace dress with a sweetheart neckline hugged her figure, tapering off into a small train. Natural makeup, modest diamond stud earrings and the horseshoe necklace he got her for her birthday.

Jesse sobbed and smiled, grabbing her hands. “You’re wearin’ the horseshoe,” he whispered.

She nodded, choking back her own sob, “It’s my somethin’ new.”

“God, you look beautiful, my lovely.”

“And you look very handsome,” she said, reaching for his bow tie. “You pull off a bow tie very well.”

Jesse smiled, clearing his throat. “How are you feelin’? No cold feet, I hope?”

“Ahh I’m so nervous! But I’m good. It’ll be fine. I’m not stressin’.” She said all without taking a breath.

“Whoa now,” Jesse chuckled. “You’ll be fine." He brought his hands up to her shoulders, cupping them. "You look beautiful, everything will be fine.”

She closed her eyes and took a breath before opening them again. “Thank you, baby brother.”

“You’re welcome, big sister,” he whispered, embracing her. “And don’t you worry about me either.”

“I always worry about you." She pulled away and looked at him. "Tell me something good about you and Hanzo.”

Jesse chuckled. “Why?”

“Just… tell me and I promise not to worry about you.”

“Well…” Jesse trailed off. What to say? He smiled. “I told him I loved him on Thanksgiving.”

She punched his arm. “And you’re only telling me now?!”

“Hey! It was personal,” he whined, rubbing his arm. More for show, she never hits him with force.

“Before or after dinner?”

“After. I explained what happened with the gang and after..." He paused. 'After' being jail, and _no one_ talks about that. Jesse frowned, then shook his head getting back to his story, "...and he told me about his brother. I’d been thinkin’ of sayin’ it for a couple of weeks anyways, but fuck, Jules. He didn’t run away at the disaster. Someone who doesn’t run away at that, you hold onto them and keep them close!”

“So I take it he said it back?”

“That he did,” Jesse chuckled. “But he’s been in love with me from the start. I was just playin’ catch up.”

Julia smiled. “Do you see a future with him?”

Jesse nodded. “I do. I’m gonna ask him if I can move in with him. I think he’s the one, Jules. He’s just so kind and gentle and sweet, and hasn’t judged me for my past. He hasn’t had the best run in life either, so we just complement each other." He took a deep breath before saying, "And I love him so fuckin’ much.”

“He’s definitely a calibre above the rest you’ve dated.”

“Miles ahead, Jules.”

“Good. You deserve to be happy, Jesse. After the shit you’ve been through…” she trailed off, frowning and looking down at their hands for a moment. When she spoke, her voice was barely a whisper, “I just wish He didn’t threaten to not come if you were part of the bridal party.”

“It’s fine,” Jesse caressed her cheek with his thumb softly and she looked up. “I know Him being here means the world to you. And if that means I have to watch from the sidelines, then that’ll do.”

“You’re too good, Jesse," she whispered, "I wish he would see that.”

“Instead of the gay screw-up?”

She nodded. “Fuck, Jesse.” She closed her eyes and shook her head slowly.

Jesse squeezed her hands. “Hey, how about, if Hanzo and I get married, I make you my best man?”

She laughed, wiping away a tear. “You? Talking about marriage? I never thought I’d see the day.” She paused, looking at him. “Have you two discussed marriage?”

“Only that he was nearly forced into marriage. With a girl.”

She looked at him, mouth gaping open and eyebrows knitted together. “Jesse, what kind of life did he have?”

“A one possibly more fucked up than mine,” He sighed. “He’s got a tortured soul.”

“Go get him.”

“Now?”

“Yeah. Bring him in here.”

Jesse nodded, leaving the room and quickly running down the hall into his room. Hanzo was sitting on the bed. “Jules wants to see you.” He smiled and held his hand out for Hanzo, he stood up and took it, Jesse lead them back to Jules’ room.

“Hey, Hanzo. Sorry about not lettin’ you in earlier, I needed a moment with my baby brother.” She held out her hand and Hanzo took it.

“It is fine. You look beautiful, Julia.”

“Thank you, darlin’. And you look great in a suit.”

“Doesn’t he just!” Jesse interjected, wrapping his arm around Hanzo's shoulder.

She grabbed Hanzo’s other hand and looked down at him. Jules was taller than him without the heels. With them, Jesse couldn’t help but smile. “Jesse tells me you treat him with kindness and respect. Things he’s never had in his life.”

“’Cept from you,” Jesse reiterated.

Julia nodded. “Thank you for looking after my baby brother. He’ll tell you otherwise, but he deserves it. He deserves every kindness, every good thing that you give him.” She let go of Hanzo’s hand, and held out her other hand, Jesse, took it. “You two, I’m just so proud of you. You look after each other, yeah?”

Hanzo nodded, and Jesse nudged him with his shoulder. He looked at Julia, “Yes, mom.”

She rolled her eyes and squeezed their hands before letting go, smoothing her hands over her waist. She took a deep breath. “I think it’s time.”

Jesse offered his arm. “I may not be able to walk you down the aisle, or be up there with you, but I can damn sure walk you downstairs.”

Julia smiled, hooking her arm through. She nodded, taking another deep breath, and they walked downstairs, Hanzo following behind.

Jesse’s nerves were shot. He very carefully took each step, hand on the railing, the last thing he needed to do was trip and take Julia down with him. On the landing, he looked around, the bridesmaids and his parents were in the living area, the conversation dying when they approached. He walked Julia up to his dad and gave a curt nod before giving Julia a kiss on the cheek and taking a step back.

He eyed his dad, wearing a white shirt with bow tie, waistcoat, black jacket, and the blue and green tartan kilt. The pattern was in the family for generations and only available from Scotland. Jesse was glad he didn’t bother with it.

“Anyway, we should get going,” Jesse said walking up to his mom and placing his hand on her shoulder.

She nodded, giving Julia a kiss on the cheek before making her way back to Jesse, wrapping an arm around his back. They left the house and got into her car, driving to the church.

They parked the car on the street, Jesse’s mom ran over to her family. Jesse rested against the car, hands in his pockets, looking up at the cloudless sky. Hanzo stood next to him, he wrapped his arm around Jesse's shoulders.

“That group of cackling hens are my mom’s sisters,” Jesse pointed at the four women, all speaking and laughing over each other in Spanish. “They're from San Pedro, two of them still live there and Mom and Aunt Sofia moved here after their mom passed away. They’re a good lot, always took care of me when they visited. Haven’t seen them in a long time, though.” Jesse looked at the road, kicking against the asphalt absently. “That lot,” he pointed to the more dreary group, “Are my dad’s family. ‘Pa in the kilt, and Dad’s sister and her kids.”

“They look younger than you.”

“Yep, there’s fifteen years between dad and his sister. They're not close. My cousins, they’re in their early twenties. I didn’t really bond with them, I missed their childhood cause I was with Gabe. Julia was pretty much the only family I had.”

Jesse eyed off the three very distinct groups of people he recognised. His mom’s lively family, dressed in yellows, pinks, greens, purples, talking and laughing. His dad’s more reserved family, talking quietly, his cousins on their phones. And the group of close personal friends, Santa Fe locals, Julia and Dave’s friends and work colleagues. Jesse sighed, he didn’t really identify with any of them. Isabella aside.

“This church has different architecture to most of Santa Fe,” Hanzo said, looking at the church.

“Yep. Loretto Chapel. Influenced by the French if you can believe that, hence the gothic look of it. Nearly two hundred years old. It’s got a neat staircase in it too.” Jesse smiled, “They had to book this chapel three years in advance, it’s that popular.”

Hanzo nodded, resting his head on Jesse’s shoulder. “How are you feeling?”

“I’m a bundle of frayed nerves, Han. Between all the family, my dad, the speech, Julia bein’ a married woman by the end of the day, I’m barely holdin’ it together.” Jesse turned to face Hanzo, grabbing his hands. “I am so lucky, and thankful, that not only I found you, but you agreed to come. And that you stayed after thanksgiving. I don’t know how I would have survived if you weren’t here.” Jesse shook his head. “I probably wouldn’t have.”

He leaned down to give Hanzo a hug, kissing his cheek before resting his head on his shoulder.

“How about I give you a full body massage when we get back to the house tonight,” Hanzo whispered.

Jesse chuckled, closing his eyes. “Only if it ends with some sweet lovin’.”

Hanzo scoffed, “Do you ever stop?”

“Never,” Jesse smiled, pulling away. “I told ya, I’m not gonna be able to keep my hands off you while you’re dressed like that.” He looked back to the chapel, the doors had opened and people were filing in. “Alright, in we go,” Jesse said, grabbing Hanzo’s hand.

They followed the crowd inside, taking a seat in the pew behind his mom. Jesse looked over at Hanzo who eyeing off the staircase, then looking at the various artwork on the walls, the stain glass windows, then the altar. He had a look of shock and awe on his face, if the frown and raised eyebrow were anything to go by. “You OK?” he whispered.

“It is quite…” Hanzo trailed off, eyes on the altar.

“Religious?”

“Heavily decorated,” Hanzo nodded. “There is a lot to take in.”

“Certainly is. I can imagine it’s a bit overwhelming to someone who hasn’t seen the inside of a church before. Hell, I’ve been here a few times and I find it overwhelming.”

“Should you be saying that?”

“What?”

“The ‘H’ word. Is it not blasphemous in a place of worship?”

Jesse smirked, trying to hold back a laugh. “Nah, Han. Not when it plays so heavily in the religion itself. Just… don’t go swearin’ or anything.”

Hanzo looked at him, face serious. “I do not swear.”

Jesse covered his mouth, the best he can do to try and contain his laughter before bringing his voice down to a whisper. “Hanzo, I’ve heard you cuss like a sailor.” He thought of all the times he swore during sex.

“Yes,” Hanzo agreed, obviously thinking the same thing. “But not during everyday conversation.”

They watched Dave and his groomsmen approach the altar, and the priest descend the staircase. Jesse looked back at the door, he could see the bridesmaids waiting there. After a moment, the violinist and celloist seated to the right side of the altar started playing; Pachelbel's Canon in D. The bridesmaids walked down the aisle one by one before finally Julia and his dad. He winked at Julia as she walked passed and she winked back. At the altar, Dave shook his dad's hand before grabbing Julia’s, and he took a seat in front of Jesse. No eye contact was made between them.

The wedding played out, his aunts on his mom’s side performed readings, before Dave and Julia exchanged vows. Jesse grabbed Hanzo’s hand, smiling as they kissed at the conclusion of the ceremony.

They exited the church, the crowd gathered for a group photo before dispersing. Jesse and Hanzo stayed behind for a few family photos, before the bridal party were taken away for photos around the city.

With two hours to kill before the reception, Jesse and Hanzo peeled away from the crowd, walking the streets of Santa Fe. Jesse told Hanzo the history of each building they passed before eventually, settling in a bar to see out the rest of the time, knocking back whiskey and sake.

\---

Jesse’s palms were sweaty, and he’d kill for a cigarillo.

He closed his eyes, breathing in through his nose, and out through his mouth.

The night was cold. Even in a suit, with the nerves, he was cold. Shaky hands held the handwritten speech; the piece of paper had been folded hundreds of times now, was ripped and frayed at the corners, and had a ring of coffee from a mug he’d accidentally left on it.

He should have rewritten it. Typed it up. Memorised it at the very least.

“Fuck,” he said aloud, louder than he probably should have. Luckily, the rest of the guests were on the other side of the window. “I’m doubtin’ myself now.”

Strong hands on his shoulders squeezed, thumbs making circles on the muscle. He closed his eyes, breathing in through his nose and out through his mouth.

“You are too tense. You must relax,” Hanzo said gently.

“They’re gonna hate it. And they’re gonna…” Jesse trailed off, rubbing his face with his hands. “Fuck, I don’t know why I care.”

“You care because Julia means a great deal to you.”

“The world, Han.” Jesse looked up at the cloudy sky. The moon was hidden somewhere behind a cloud. The one time he needed the endless expanse of the night sky and it was hidden behind fucking clouds.

“Just speak from your heart. Speak to Julia, and fuck everyone else in the room.”

Jesse laughed. Not only because of the obvious joke waiting to be said, not only because Hanzo _never_ swears outside of the bedroom. But because he’d reached his tether, and at this point, he’d laugh at anything. It's quite the neat coping mechanism. “Jesus, Han. I needed that. Thank you.”

Hanzo’s hands trailed from his shoulders to his waist and kissed his neck. “You are very welcome, Jesse.”

Jesse turned and faced Hanzo, embracing him and closing his eyes so he couldn’t see the glare from his dad on the other side of the window. He took a deep breath, smelling Hanzo’s lemongrass bodywash on his skin, thanking past Jesse for convincing him to pack it.

The door to the terrace opened, and he squeezed his eyes shut tighter. He wasn’t ready to go back in.

“Jesse? Whenever you’re ready lovely, you’re a go for speeches.”

“Thanks my lovely,” Jesse said, pulling away from Hanzo and setting his eyes on Julia. He tapped his breast pocket. “You, me n’ Hanzo have a date with these bad boys once speeches are done.”

“You betchya, baby brother,” Julia smiled, extending her hand. Jesse grabbed it and squeezed, giving her a wink as she pulled away.

The door closed behind her, and he looked at Hanzo. He held up his speech, glancing over it once more before scrunching it up and stuffing it in his pocket. “What’s done is done,” he smiled. Grabbing Hanzo’s hand, he led him back inside to their table. He grabbed his beer before being handed the microphone from the MC standing beside the bridal table.

He walked to the dancefloor in centre of the room. The music tapered off and the room fell silent. He looked at Hanzo seated on his right, then Julia seated in front of him. He fought the urge to look at his dad, he could see him in his periphery, arms folded over his chest. He swore he could hear him grinding his teeth.

“Hey, everyone,” Jesse waved to both sides of the room. Looking at Julia, he closed his eyes briefly, imagining the room was empty, save for her. He opened his eyes and spoke from his heart, without thinking too hard about what to say.

“Julia. My partner in crime. I can’t believe we’re here, it’s only been seven years in the making.” He chuckled, taking a breath before continuing, “You were the only one who gave me the time of day. The only one who saw the good in me. I can think of so many times where if you weren’t there, that if you didn't have my back, I could say with absolute confidence that I wouldn’t be here now. So thank you, my beautiful big twin sister.” He held out his beer, and she nodded, teary eyed holding out her champagne; a silent toast before he took a small gulp.

“Anyway,” He chuckled, glancing to his left and right. “Onto the embarrassing story." He looked back at Julia. "I remember when we were kids. Woulda been fifteen. This new kid had started at school. Tall, lanky, had glasses and that short side and long top haircut that all the boys, except for me, had. And it’s makin’ a revival, apparently,” He pointed to Dave.

“It had been two weeks, and this poor kid still hadn’t made any friends. Julia and I were havin’ lunch, and he was sittin’ on his own. We were eggin’ each other on, decidin’ which one of us would go up and speak to him, invite him to sit with us so he wouldn’t be alone. Problem was, the both of us thought he was a pretty hot dude-” Jesse paused as the room filled with laughter, continuing as it died down.

“-Yeah, we have the same taste in men,” He chuckled, pausing for a moment and looking back at Jules. “We were both afraid to speak to him. After arguing for probably ten minutes, it came down to a coin toss.” He smiled, looking at Julia for a moment and bringing his voice down slightly, imagining he was talking to her alone. “I picked heads, you tails. We flipped that nickel, and lo and behold, it landed tails. Another five minutes of psyching yourself up, you gained the courage to talk to him.

“Part of me was glad, ‘cause he was _way_ out of my league – and clearly not gay –  and the other part was happy, because the way you looked at him as you sat down next to him, and the way he looked at you, it was love at first sight.

“This crazy journey, those eighteen years of our lives, your lives, can be whittled down to that moment. To that coin toss. Though I do believe that even if I was the one who won that coin toss, the two of you would have ended up together. It was one of those things in the universe that was meant to happen. One of those fixed points in time.

“The two of you are perfect for each other. You complement each other. You have each other’s backs. You are best friends. Have been from that first moment. Always and forever.” Jesse held up his beer to Julia, she held up her champagne. “To Jules and Dave.”

Jesse took a big gulp of beer, probably bigger than he should have, but fuck did he need it. The room erupted in applause, and he handed the microphone over to Dave’s best man. He took a seat next to Hanzo and sighed, slumping down in his seat.

“That was not what you had written down,” Hanzo whispered.

“Nah, figured I’d share my side of their story.”

“It was an amusing story. Though the fact you had eyes for him is questionable.”

Jesse smiled. “Back then, I made some pretty questionable decisions. And while he was a nice lookin’ guy, I don’t like his personality,” Jesse looked over at Dave. “Too precious.”

Hanzo nodded. “Yes, if yesterday was anything to go by.”

“And that was pretty mild to one of his usual meltdowns,” Jesse looked at Hanzo, grabbing his hand and kissed his knuckles. “God I’m glad you’re not a princess.”

\----

Julia, Hanzo and Jesse were crowded under the small heater on the terrace, laughing as Jesse shakily lit the three cigars, shivering from the cold. Jesse took a puff, letting the taste fill his mouth for a few seconds, savouring the flavour before exhaling, huge smile on his face.

“Fuck, that was worth the wait,” he said blissfully, leaning on Hanzo. The rest of the speeches took forty five minutes, then Julia was accosted for another hour before he could steal her away.

He was counting every single one of those minutes. They felt like a fucking eternity.

“I haven’t smoked one of these things in years,” Julia said, exhaling while looking at the glowing tip.

“Surely not our thirtieth?”

She closed her eyes in thought. “Yeah, I think so.”

“Ah, too long, big sister.”

“Oh, great speech by the way. Good one lettin’ everyone know you had the hots for Dave,” she nudged him.

Jesse shrugged, “Figured I’d need somethin’ to lighten the mood. My embarrassing story works well, hey?”

“’Cept Dad looked like he was about to crash tackle you.”

Jesse shrugged again, pointing at her with his cigar between his knuckles. “Now that would have made for an interesting sight. Seems like he has some restraint after all,” Jesse said, looking at his cigar before taking a puff. He exhaled the smoke, looking at Hanzo. “And how are you doing, my fine gentleman?”

Hanzo threw his head back in laughter. “I am doing well, my fine gentleman.”

Jesse looked from Hanzo to Julia and laughed. He placed a hand on Hanzo's shoulder “Han, how much have you had to drink?”

“I did not think that much,” he frowned, apparently taken aback by his outburst. “Perhaps we had too many pre-drinks?”

“We had two whiskeys.”

“And I also had that sub-par sake.” He visibly shuddered.

“Then the… what? Three beers and champagne?”

Hanzo closed his eyes, nodding and taking a puff from his cigar. “I have had three glasses of champagne. Too much, perhaps?”

“Oh, this is gonna be good,” Jesse looked from Hanzo to Julia. “I ain’t seen him this drunk before.” He looked back at Hanzo. “What kind of drunk are you?”

Hanzo took another puff from his cigar, holding it for a moment before exhaling. “The kind who will very willingly do whatever you want me to,” he winked, his hand trailing down Jesse’s back and settling on his ass.

Jesse and Julia laughed, spurring laughter from Hanzo.

“Oh... what’s so funny?” Julia asked, wiping her eye.

“You two sound the same when you laugh,” Hanzo laughed more, practically doubling over.

“OK, Han, I think you’ve had enough to drink,” Jesse placed a hand on his shoulder. “You’re probably gonna have a killer hangover tomorrow.”

With his cigar between his knuckles, he pointed at Jesse, poking him in the chest. “It will be worth it.” He looked at Julia. “Do you have massage oil at home? I promised Jesse I would give him a full body massage. Then I will –”

Jesse wrapped his arm around Hanzo’s shoulders. “Apparently drunk Hanzo is also ‘too much information’ Hanzo too.”

Hanzo nodded. “This is also true.”

“Oh, I could have fun with this,” Julia smirked. “Hanzo, tell me something you love about my brother.”

“Jules!” Jesse exclaimed. This is going to be bad. Dirty. Horrible. He braced himself for the answer.

Hanzo placed his cigar in his mouth, stood up straight and smoothed his hands over his chest. He looked at Julia, then Jesse, grabbing his cigar between his knuckles. “I love that he does not take life so seriously. That, despite how unfair life has been to him, he is still able to see the good in people.”

Jesse held his breath, eyes welling with tears. “Fuck, Han… I think that’s the nicest thing anyone’s ever said to me.”

“It is the truth.” Hanzo grabbed Jesse’s lapel, pulling him down for a gentle kiss.

“I’ll tell you though,” Jesse chuckled, exaggeratingly wiping the sweat from his brow, “I thought what you were going to say would be much dirtier.”

“Jesse, I might have had a lot to drink, but I can maintain my, and your, dignity,” Hanzo said, rather eloquently for someone who was just doubled over with laughter.

Julia smiled. “That’s what I love about him too.” She wrapped her arm around Jesse’s waist. “I have massage oil in our bathroom. Help yourself. You deserve it, baby brother, the massage, and whatever comes after,” she winked at Hanzo. She looked at her cigar, then looked back in the restaurant. “I think I should make another appearance in there,” she sighed.

Jesse nodded, wrapping an arm around Hanzo’s waist. “We should also make our way in. Continue our ‘can’t be alone or we’ll be jumped’ tour.” He took one last puff before stubbing the cigar out on the ashtray on the table. Hanzo followed suit, then Julia.

“Take mine home, will ya?” She asked, holding it out.

“Will do, my lovely.”

She walked inside and Jesse went to walk, but Hanzo held him back. Jesse looked at him, Hanzo's smile turned into a devilish smirk. “I also love your cock,” he whispered.

Jesse chuckled, kissing him on the cheek. “Thank you for keepin’ that one between us,” he whispered. He grabbed Hanzo’s hand, not knowing if he required it for balance but the last thing he needed was for him to fall over.

They headed back inside, Hanzo reached for his half-drunk beer, Jesse grabbed it out of his hand, handing him water instead. He pouted, a full-on lower lip jutting out pout which was the most adorable face Jesse had seen. With a stern look, Hanzo took the water and drank it down.

The rest of the night went smoothly. They danced on the dancefloor, Jesse showed Hanzo how to line dance and Hanzo actually picked it up quite easily. He was right when he said that he would do anything while this drunk, it took no effort whatsoever to get him to dance.

They said their farewells to Jules and Dave and they drove away to one of the spas to spend a couple of nights. Jesse and Hanzo took a taxi back home after spending almost half an hour saying goodbye to various extended family members.

With Hanzo’s arm draped over his shoulder, Jesse helped Hanzo up the stairs and into the bedroom, helping him out of his suit, lying him down in the bed. He got undressed himself, hopping into the bed. He was fairly convinced that Hanzo didn’t have so much to drink that he’d require a bucket next to the bed, considering he only had water to drink after the cigars. Even so, Hanzo was closer to the bathroom.

Jesse kissed his head as he shimmied closer to him, playing big spoon. He draped an arm around him, getting comfortable. “Goodnight, my beautiful man,” he whispered.

“Jesse, I owe you a full body massage,” Hanzo replied talking at normal volume.

“I know, my sweet. Plenty of time for that. You just get some sleep.”

“Goodnight, Jesse,” Hanzo yawned, wriggling for a moment before getting comfortable.

“Goodnight, sugarplum.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hehehe... drunk Hanzo is pretty much me when I used to drink.
> 
> [Pachabel's Canon in D](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BHf4pvm-gGM) is my favourite 'walking down the aisle' song ever and I had a _need_ to use it in this fic.
> 
> Hope you enjoyed the read!


	18. Taking Care of Each Other

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, welcome back! 
> 
> First, I want to start with the housekeeping, and it's something I've been meaning to do for like three weeks now. A little while ago I said that there would be no more than 20 chapters in this fic. Well, I'm at 24 and counting, so there's plenty more of these boys to come. I've also passed the 100k word count, so yay!
> 
> I also want to thank you guys for sticking it out as long as you have. When I had the idea in mind for this fic, I didn't think it would become the monster it has. Your comments keep me going!!
> 
> And as always, a huge thanks to Magisey for giving this chapter a once-over.
> 
> Finally, now onto the chapter itself. After a rather busy and hectic chapter, this one is chill. It's recovery and it's just the boys looking after each other.
> 
> Hope you enjoy the read!!

Hanzo woke up to the sun in his face, the light streaming through the crack in the curtains from not being closed properly. Jesse was asleep next to him; one of the rare times Hanzo woke before him. He smiled, the only movement he allowed given how light a sleeper Jesse was.

Hanzo watched him, breathing deeply, permanently frowning, wrinkles present between his brows just begging to be smoothed over. Hanzo quashed the urge, letting his man sleep in.

For the moment, it was pure bliss. However, he knew that the second he moved, his head would pound like a jackhammer. He could feel the dryness in his mouth, his throat begged for water. He did have too much to drink last night; one of the handful of times he let himself drink that much. Ignoring the need to get up for water, he continued watching Jesse sleep.

He thought about a life with Jesse, expanding on the small fantasy he had since the very beginning. The good thing about two people who live relatively minimalist lifestyles is that it would be simple to merge them. He had not told Jesse this, but he was looking for apartments for _them_ , asking Jesse’s opinion and if there was something he did not like, he would move on to the next one.

There was one listing he had in mind. It was close to the bar, had two bathrooms, the one adjoining the master bedroom had a large freestanding clawfoot tub, he was confident the two of them would be able to fit in it. It also had a second bedroom and a laundry, but a relatively small kitchen, dining and living area; a small sacrifice given how difficult it has been to find an apartment.

He contacted the agent and they would inspect the property when they flew back to Boston; the agent he was working with kindly giving them the extra time. With Jesse’s approval of the apartment, he would ask him to move in, feeling that now an appropriate amount of time has passed that the question would not seem unreasonable.

The four days they’ve been together, just them, no working obligations, have been the best four days of his life. The bar was something he and Genji had planned to do when they left the Castle and had normal lives. Genji would work the front, he was always better with people and Hanzo would work the kitchen; he had taken to cooking more than Genji did.

It was going to be perfect. Hanzo smiled, the only reason he opened the bar in the first place was to honour Genji. It filled in his time and gave him a sense of purpose. But by no means did he need the money it brought in to live on. He had drained the Clan’s bank account before he left, and had enough money to retire on for three lifetimes. He wondered if he would ever tell Jesse that.

Drawn from his thoughts, Hanzo watched as Jesse’s breathing quickened and his eyes moved under his eyelids; he was dreaming. He studied the light peppering of freckles across Jesse’s nose and cheeks which are mostly lost in his tanned skin. He could only see them when this close and they’re by far one of his favourite things about Jesse. After a moment, Jesse’s breathing stabilised and no longer frowning, he looked at peace.

Hanzo wondered if Jesse would want to move back to Santa Fe one day. He would make the move in a heartbeat, without a thought. He enjoyed the city, its culture, its architecture, its people.

Save for one.

Jesse woke up in a fright, sitting up in a flash. He looked around the room, eyes wide, breathing shallow and rapid, and grabbing fistfuls of blanket before his eyes settled on Hanzo. He relaxed, shoulders slumping as he closed his eyes and rubbed them with his left hand before pinching the bridge of his nose. “Fuck those nightmares,” he whispered, lying back down on his side looking at Hanzo.

Hanzo grabbed his hand, kissing his knuckles before holding his hand against his chest. He was surprised that he wasn’t as hung over as he thought he would be, only a dull ache behind his eyes, for the moment at least. “Do you wish to speak about it?” He whispered.

Jesse shook his head. “It’s just one of those shitty reoccurring nightmares I tend to have when I’ve spent an extended period with my dad. Reliving the hell I was in before I fought back.” He paused for a moment and smiled. “Good thing is, with the wedding done, we won’t have to see him again while we’re here.”

Hanzo nodded. That is a very good thing. Spending the reception of the wedding sitting opposite him, scowling at them whenever they so much as looked at each other took its toll. Perhaps that was part of the reason why Hanzo had so much to drink. He pushed those thoughts away, smiling at Jesse. “How are you feeling this morning?”

“I’m good, Han. Though I didn’t have as much to drink as you,” he smiled. “How are you feeling?”

“I am surprisingly well. I have a small headache,” Hanzo acknowledged the slowly growing ache, nothing he could not handle, “but otherwise I am fine.”

“Excellent,” Jesse breathed, leaning forward and kissing Hanzo’s forehead. “Y’know all those mornings you didn’t wanna get out of bed, but we had to ‘cause we had shit to do?” Hanzo smiled and nodded, kissing Jesse’s knuckles as he continued, “well this mornin’ we have nothin’ to do. We can spend all day here if we wanted.” He kissed the tip of his nose.

Resting his forehead against Jesse’s, Hanzo closed his eyes. He wanted nothing more than to stay here and lie in bed with Jesse, but his throat was screaming for water, and now his bladder was desperate for relieving. With a groan, he said, “I will be right back; I have to use the bathroom,” kissing Jesse’s forehead before climbing out of bed.

The room was cold. Hanzo shivered and winced; there was that headache. Between the throbbing and the tightness, it felt like his head was caught in a vice. He quickly relieved himself before splashing his face with water from the basin, taking a few gulps from his hands. Digging through the medicine cabinet, he found in-date aspirin and took a couple with some more water. He dried his face on the towel before heading back into the bedroom, finding the bed empty.

Eyebrows knitted together, he walked to the bedroom door and poked his head down the hallway. After a moment, Jesse exited Julia and Dave’s room, only in his underwear and the bottle of massage oil in his hands. He waved it, waggling his eyebrows as he jogged back, detouring and turning on the gas heater in the living area before hurriedly walking back into the bedroom.

“We don’t need to use this right away, but just in case we’re feelin’ a little frisky later.” He placed it down on the bedside table before climbing back into bed.

Hanzo joined him, quickly bringing up the blankets up to his neck. Jesse placed a warm hand on his bicep, rubbing up and down, before he shimmied close so their bodies were flush and his arm and leg was draped over him, holding him tight.

“Cold bedrooms, Han. I can’t deal with ‘em,” he said through chattered teeth.

Hanzo chuckled and kissed the tip of Jesse’s nose. “Perhaps you should have put on a robe.”

“For a ten second run? Nah,” Jesse brushed off with a silly grin and a shrug.

Hanzo pushed Jesse’s leg off him and turned around, so his back was pressed against Jesse’s chest. He grabbed Jesse’s arm and draped it over him, holding it against his chest.

“Ah, that’s better,” Jesse whispered, nuzzling the nape of Hanzo’s neck with his nose.

Hanzo hummed in agreeance, inhaling and exhaling slowly and closing his eyes. He really did like lazy mornings like this.

\---

Jesse kissed Hanzo’s back, between his shoulder blades, the back of his neck. Tender kisses, as he took in his scent, the lemongrass that had become so familiar, that made him feel safe and happy and loved.

He never thought that he could become so addicted to a smell, that a single smell could entice such emotions. So much so, that if he smells lemongrass now, either in tea, or incense, or anything for that matter, it brings forth a rush of emotion; safe, happy and loved.

Today would be the day, Jesse decided, that he would ask if he could move in with Hanzo. Not that it would be a huge deal to ask, he had practically moved in with him; he’s spent the last two weeks living at Hanzo’s place, and most of his clothes were already there.

But he wanted to make it official; to move out of that motel room and into the arms of his man.  And after these four days, he couldn’t imagine not spending a waking moment away from him.

Lips pressed to the back of Hanzo’s neck, he continued kissing, up to his shoulder before nuzzling his head between his shoulder blades, getting drunk on that lemongrass smell.

Hanzo groaned, squeezing Jesse’s hand pressed against his chest before bringing it up to his mouth, planting gentle kisses on his knuckles. “Did we fall asleep again?” Hanzo asked, voice croaky.

“We did. It’s one in the afternoon,” Jesse whispered, kissing Hanzo’s neck.

Hanzo rolled onto his back, eyes wide and mouth open. “Have you had anything to eat?”

Jesse smiled, looking at his man, always concerned about his stomach. “I have not. I was wonderin’ if you wanted breakfast. Or lunch.” He frowned. “Or whatever this’ll be.”

“That would be a good idea,” Hanzo said as he rubbed sleep from his eye. “You did not have to wait for me.”

“You were holdin’ my arm hostage,” Jesse took back his right hand and wiggled his fingers. His arm had lost all feeling some time ago, and the pins and needles were almost painful. He didn’t care. “You would’ve woke up either way, I thought kisses might’ve been nicer than me stealin’ my arm back.”

Hanzo smiled, bringing his hand up to Jesse’s face and sweeping his hair behind his right ear. “You are too good for me, Jesse McCree,” he whispered, eyes slightly teary.

“Hey,” Jesse whispered back, bringing his hand up to Hanzo’s face to gently caress his cheek with his thumb. “That’s my line.” He smiled as he leaned in closer to Hanzo, kissing his forehead softly. “Come on, let’s get somethin’ to eat.”

\---

“Lie down on the bed.”

“Yessir,” Jesse smirked, flicking off his underwear hurriedly and diving onto the bed stomach down. “Fuck, shouldn’t have done that,” he complained, adjusting himself until he was comfortable before grabbing a pillow and resting his head on it. “I trust you’ll be nekkid too?”

Hanzo rolled his eyes and laughed, taking off his t-shirt before pulling down and stepping out of his sweats and underwear. He climbed on the bed, taking position on Jesse’s thighs and resting on his knees. “Sometimes I wonder why I date you,” he joked.

“’Cause you love me,” Jesse cooed, looking back and smiling wide.

“Hmm,” Hanzo hummed, grabbing the bottle of massage oil and pouring some on his hands. He rubbed his hands together to warm the oil. “Yes, you are lucky that I love you.” Hanzo raised an eyebrow and smirked as he brought his hands to Jesse’s trapezius muscles to start, kneading at the muscle with his thumbs.

“Love you too, Han,” Jesse drawled. “Holy fuck, how’d you get so good with your hands?” He queried as Hanzo brought his hands down, massaging his back in long strokes.

“It is not difficult to give a massage,” Hanzo said, digging his thumbs into Jesse’s rhomboids. He frowned, working a knot. “Jesse, you carry a lot of stress in your back.”

“It’s worth it to have you work your fingers in there,” Jesse moaned.

Hanzo moved up his back once more, focussing on Jesse’s shoulders before bringing them down his arms. He raised an eyebrow as Jesse moaned again. “Please do not make a mess on the bed.”

Jesse chuckled. “Why? It’s my bed to make a mess on.”

“A bed I am sharing with you.” Hanzo brought his hands up to the back of Jesse’s neck, before moving on. “I will do your neck in the bath.”

Jesse opened his eye and looked at Hanzo. “We’re havin’ a bath now?”

As long as there is a bath, Hanzo is going to use every opportunity he can to have a soak. He is making up for lost time, after all. He is just glad that after the sleep in and some food, he was feeling himself again.

Hanzo winked, bringing his hands down Jesse’s back and over his glutes, squeezing and kneading the muscle. His thoughts started to wonder; how easy it would be to just lube up fuck him without fussing with a condom, how much he wanted to feel Jesse without protection. To feel that closeness; to give Jesse that level of trust, letting him know how much Jesse means to him.

“You havin’ fun there?” Jesse chuckled.

Pulled from his thoughts, Hanzo looked at Jesse and ignored him and his erection resting between Jesse’s thighs as he grabbed the bottle of massage oil. Perhaps that was something they could discuss at a later time. Move in first, unprotected sex later.

Pouring more oil onto his hand, he heated it between his hands again before shuffling down the bed, working Jesse’s thigh and calf, before repeating the massage for the other leg.

“I should ask for massages more often,” Jesse murmured as Hanzo worked his calf. “I could get used to this.”

Hanzo smiled, giving his calf one last knead before pulling away and walking to the head of the bed to kiss Jesse’s cheek. He smiled; he does not think he has seen Jesse so relaxed before. “Stay here, I will run the bath.”

“Mmhmm.”

Hanzo walked to the bathroom, turning the taps, putting in the plug and adjusting the water as required. Opening the cupboard under the sink and finding lavender bath oil, he added it to the water and chuckled to himself; Julia certainly does like lavender. When the bath was adequately full, he closed the taps and turned to see Jesse standing at the door, leaning against the doorframe. Hanzo smiled, gesturing him in with the wave of his hand.

Once Jesse had settled in the bath, knees brought up to his chest, Hanzo joined him, seating behind him. He worked Jesse’s neck muscles, massaging up to the back of his head.

“Oh, Han. Where’ve you been all my life,” he breathed, letting his head hang low.

_Hidden away in a castle,_ was the thought Hanzo’s mind supplied. He chuckled, sending the thought on its way. “You carry more of your stress in your neck. And we wonder why you have trouble sleeping,” he joked.

“Oh, I bet I’ll be doin’ plenty sleepin’ tonight,” Jesse purred. He brought his head back up, standing in the bath as best he could without spilling too much water, turning and leaning with his back against the bath, arms outstretched as invitation and silly grin on his face.

Hanzo smiled, turning around himself and pressing his back to Jesse’s chest.

Jesse wrapped his arms around his torso. “Thank you,” he whispered in Hanzo’s ear, head resting on his shoulder as his nose brushed against the outer shell. It made him shiver.

“You do not have to give gratitude,” Hanzo said softly. There was no need to give thanks for something he offered to do, in his opinion.

Jesse kissed his neck, soft and gentle kisses. “You’re too modest, Han,” he whispered against his skin. “I was gonna offer you a massage, but seems you had other plans.”

Hanzo smiled. “I do not require a massage, but thank you for your consideration.”

“You do not have to give gratitude,” Jesse parroted Hanzo’s words back to him. Hanzo could feel his smile against his neck.

“Are you mocking me, Jesse McCree?” He queried, though with no heat behind his words.

“Jus’ sayin’,” Jesse said against Hanzo’s neck. He brought his hands into the water, interlocking them around Hanzo’s torso. “So, I’ve been thinkin’,” he kissed Hanzo’s shoulder, “Remember way back when, I showed you the motel room for the first time and you nearly asked me to move in with you?”

Hanzo chuckled, tilting his head to the side to give Jesse more access as he kissed his neck. He remembered being hopelessly in love with Jesse and they hadn’t even begun to scratch the surface of their relationship. He reflected on the time they have spent together, all the breakfasts, meditation sessions, nights in the bar, watching movies in bed on weekend mornings in that motel room. “I believe we had been dating for a week?”

“Yep,” Jesse confirmed, his lips brushing against his shoulder.

“That was a bit forward of me.” Hanzo smiled, realising how silly it was, asking the person he had been dating a week to move in. He did not even know for certain if they _were_ dating back then. Then Hanzo had the realisation of why Jesse was bringing up that event. His stomach fluttered at the thought. He brought his hands under the water, resting his hands over Jesse’s “Are you reconsidering the offer?” He asked hopeful.

Jesse unlinked his hands and rested them on Hanzo’s hips. “I’d like very much to move in with you, Han. These last few days…” his left hand trailed down to Hanzo’s inner thigh, holding still for a moment, “…with you, have been the happiest of my life. You said you wanted to go to sleep next to me every night and wake up next to me every morning. I want that too,” Jesse whispered, kissing Hanzo’s cheek. Hanzo turned his head to kiss him slow and deep, before building with a fiery passion.

Jesse reached for Hanzo’s semi erect cock, stroking slowly. Hanzo moaned softly and smiled, pulling away and resting his head on his chest. “I want to spend every waking moment with you, Hanzo Shimada. I want to go to bed next to you and wake up next to you.” He kissed Hanzo’s neck, increasing his speed and tightening his grip. Hanzo leaned into the touch. “I want to have breakfast with you. Lunch with you. Dinner with you. Drinks with you. Make love to you. In _our_ apartment.”

Hanzo moaned, hanging off every one of Jesse’s words, his velvety smooth voice, his perfect drawl. Jesse’s lips pressed on his neck, kissing and sucking and biting gently. He grabbed Jesse’s thighs, arching his back as the pleasure built and exploded through him as he came; breathing deep as he recovered from the high. He turned his head to face Jesse, kissing him sensually. “I would love to have you move in,” he whispered, closing his eyes and resting his head against Jesse’s.

“Then maybe we can look for places together.”

Hanzo smiled. “I’ve been meaning to tell you, there is a listing which is to my liking, it is close to the bar, has a bathtub in a separate bathroom.”

“Let’s do it,” Jesse said with full certainty.

“Jesse, we have to look at it first.” Hanzo turned slowly to face Jesse, grateful that the water did not spill out, before grabbing his hands. “I have contacted the agent, they have organised an inspection for when we arrive back in Boston.”

Jesse smiled. “Perfect.” He leaned in and kissed Hanzo. He looked at the water of the bath and frowned, wrinkling his nose. “Shower?”

Hanzo looked at the water, also wrinkling his nose at how filthy it was. He nodded, stepping out of the bath and over to the shower, turning on the taps as Jesse drained the bath and gave it a quick clean. He stepped into the shower and soaped up his body, making room as Jesse joined him.

“Shame your body wash is in the other bathroom,” Jesse complained while looking at the bottle of shampoo. He picked it up, flicking the cap and giving it a smell. “I think this might be old, but should be good.” He squirted some in his hand, pausing for a moment. “Hey, uh… can I wash your hair?”

Hanzo smiled. The only time his hair had been washed by anyone was the time he got his hair cut. It was amazing. He turned around and closed his eyes as Jesse massaged his scalp. He groaned, “Jesse, that feels fantastic.” Better than he remembered.

“It’s not too much pressure?”

Hanzo relaxed, letting his shoulders sag. “It is perfect.”

“I’ve sorta wanted to wash your hair for a while now.”

Hanzo opened his eyes and smiled. “Why did you not say anything?”

“Well, you kinda like to shower alone,” Jesse said quietly. “I didn’t wanna intrude.”

Hanzo may have mentioned once or twice that he does prefer to shower alone, though only because his shower is tiny. It was never meant to be a complete deterrent. Turning to face Jesse, he placed his hands on Jesse’s hips and offered a soft smile. “You are always welcome to shower with me if you wish. If you no not mind your back pressing against the walls, or me elbowing you.”

“Anythin’ to spend more time with you, Han.” Jesse smiled and nodded. “Time to rinse your hair.”

Hanzo stood under the water as Jesse ran his fingers through his hair, enjoying the attention he was getting. Then, without thinking, he asked, “Jesse, can I ask you something?”

“Sure thing, sugarplum.” Jesse grabbed the conditioner, putting some in his hand, rubbing them together before grabbing Hanzo’s hair and working the knots.

Hanzo took a breath. Now or never, and he cannot think of anything else to say. “I would like to have unprotected sex.” He frowned upon realising that was not a question, so he added an upward inflection to the end of the sentence.

Jesse stopped working. “Uhm... Are you sure?”

“We can get tested first. But I trust you completely, Jesse. I want to feel you. _Really_ feel you.” Hanzo waited for a response, and after a moment looked behind him to see Jesse smiling.

“Sure thing, Han. We’ll get tested, not that I don’t trust you. It’s just the right thing to do.” He leaned down and Hanzo met him in a gentle kiss.

Jesse ran his fingers through Hanzo’s hair once more, slick and slippery from the conditioner. “Fuck I love playing with your hair.”

“I have noticed,” Hanzo chuckled.

“I’ve never dated someone with hair longer than mine.” He ran his fingers through one final time, sighing as he pulled Hanzo under the cascading water again to rinse the conditioner out.

Hanzo closed his eyes and smiled, “I have never dated anyone who liked playing with my hair.”

“Those ladies you used to take out to dinner never wanted to?”

“Those ladies were afraid to do anything without asking permission first.” The constant asking of permission to do the smallest of things grated Hanzo in the end. He loves that Jesse has a backbone. “They never asked.”

“You don’t mind if I do, do you?” Jesse asked, the slightest hint of dread in his voice

“Of course not,” Hanzo said softly, turning around and kissing Jesse’s chest as Jesse continued to comb his fingers through his hair. “I quite enjoy it.”

Jesse hummed, kissing the top of Hanzo’s head. “So, do you have any other plans for today?”

“I was thinking of perhaps lounging on the couch and watching a truly awful movie,” Hanzo said sarcastically and lovingly, no intention of being offensive.

Jesse scoffed, “You mean one of my guilty pleasure romantic comedies?”

Standing on his toes and wrapping his arms around Jesse’s shoulders, Hanzo smirked, “The very same. I have become quite fond of them.”

Jesse hummed and leaned in closer, hands settling on his waist and Jesse’s nose brushing against his cheek. “We can make popcorn.”

“You can continue to play with my hair,” Hanzo offered, meeting Jesse for a passionate kiss. “Then I could give you some special attention with my mouth,” he whispered.

Jesse hummed, kissing Hanzo’s cheek then lips. “So what are we waiting for?”

Hanzo smiled, turning off the taps and grabbing the two towels on the shelf by the shower door. They towelled themselves dry before they walked into the bedroom to get dressed.

\---

Jesse led Hanzo into the bedroom to get changed, eager to get the rest of the afternoon started, however his eyes were drawn to his phone on the bedside table. The blue light flashing on it indicating he has a text message. He grabbed his phone and unlocked it, and a wave of anxiety washed through him, hitting him like a wave. “Fuck,” he breathed, looking at the notifications telling him he had eight missed calls from Julia.

“What is the matter?” Hanzo asked, pulling up to Jesse.

Jesse dialled Julia’s number, hands shaky as he pressed the phone to his ear. His anxiety going into overdrive, the phone rang twice before she answered.

“Jesse,” she said, before devolving into a sob.

“Julia, what’s happened?” He heard her mumble something to someone, too muffled for him to understand. He frowned, swallowing the lump in his throat to keep his nausea at bay. “Julia, speak to me.”

She took a deep breath, inhaling and exhaling slowly. “Jesse, it’s Dad. He had a heart attack. He didn’t make it.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yup.
> 
> I knew I would kill him off when I wrote Round Two. I wanted to do it there. He'd have the heart attack in the restroom after Jesse's confrontation. But considering this fic so far was leading up to the wedding, I couldn't bring myself to ruin Julia's day. So I waited.
> 
> I'm excited about the next lot of chapters coming up. They're deep. They face those demons I mention in the summary and help each other in their darkest times.
> 
> I hope you enjoyed the read :-)


	19. Numb

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello and welcome back!
> 
> So, this chapter is the fallout from the concluding lines of the last chapter. I've taken a bit of a different approach to this, we see some of the abuse Jesse endured from his perspective.
> 
> Having said that, **warning for child abuse and emotional manipulation.**
> 
> And a huge, massive thanks to Magisey who not only beta'd the heck out of this chapter, but helped me figure out the ending.
> 
> I hope you enjoy the read!!

Jesse was numb.

He graciously accepted the well wishes, the sympathies, the good words everyone had.

He looked at the people in the room, every single one of them, talking about how much of a good man Lewis McCree was. How he’ll be missed. How he was taken too soon.

_Not fucking soon enough._

They talked over drinks. Over sandwiches. Over tea and coffee and biscuits. Remembering the good man.

But there was _nothing_ good about him.

The controller. The abuser. That was the real Lewis McCree. The fuck who beat his son. Who knew where to hit so bruises wouldn’t be visible when he had some semblance of self-control. Who drove so much fear into his son, that he was labelled a ‘walking accident’ at school when he would show up with yet _another_ broken arm; too afraid to tell the truth.

Fighting back at fifteen was the first of many breaking points. He’d tried before then. When he got caught kissing James. When he was blamed for something he didn’t do. When he hadn’t done anything at all.

_When we were fifteen, we were sitting on the fence on the outer edge of the property, taken the horses out for a ride. She snuck a packet of cigarettes – she was quite rebellious, more than our parents ever knew. We were smoking; talking and laughing when we realised we had the same crush at school. Dave Smith._

_It was winter. One of the handful of years when it snowed in the lead up to Christmas. The rich red-brown desert was hidden beneath a two inch deep layer of white. The sun hadn’t come out in nearly a week. Except for this day. We headed out to get some pictures of the snow. None of me, though, I had a broken arm and a black eye._

_We didn’t see him approach. We didn’t hear his horse. I felt him, though. A hand on my shoulder as I was pulled down from the fence and thrown onto the ground. Then he realised she had the packet of cigarettes and lighter in one hand, cigarette between the fingers of her other hand. Face red, he reached for her, grabbing her hood and pulling her down too. She cried, and I kicked him away, redirecting his anger at me. One punch was all it took._

Jesse closed his eyes as he heard that crunch in his mind. He’ll never forget that noise. He balled his fist, running his thumb over the knuckles of his left hand, remembering the feeling of cartilage moving in a direction it shouldn’t.

_He stood there stunned, hand up to his nose, staining the pristine white snow with blood. He simply turned away, back on his horse and took the slow trot back to the stable._

_I went up to her, helping her off the ground. She took my left hand gently and kissed my knuckles. I winced from the pain, but I didn’t care. I smiled, hugging her. I told her I wouldn’t take his shit again. I defended myself and her once, and I could do it again._

Jesse looked at Julia sitting beside him, took her hand and smiled when she smiled back. She had been distraught by the death of course, but she was struggling with the suddenness of it. Over the past few days, she kept asking, “What if the wedding was next week?” to which Jesse replied simply, “It wasn’t. He walked you down the aisle like you always wanted. Hold onto that memory, treasure it forever.”

For Jesse, the days between finding out the news and now were spent doing the usual things. Wake up, eat, clean, laze around, sleep. Life goes on.  He didn’t mourn. He didn’t grieve. He didn’t cry. Why waste time and energy on the man who beat him senseless, who abused him physically, verbally, psychologically, emotionally?

The hardest thing to do though was to contain his smile. He was happy because he was free. Free from the abuse. Free from the man’s hold. He did have moments, though, where part of him was sad, though that was mostly owing to Julia losing her father than his own grief.

Hanzo picked up on those moments, because Jesse would go quiet, lost in his thoughts. His man did the best he could to cheer him up, but him just being here for this, another thing in his life he’s glad Hanzo’s here for, was enough. He didn’t need comforting because he wasn’t grieving.

So Jesse put all of his effort into helping Julia process her grief. He was there every time she cried. He was there when they made all the arrangements, much as he couldn’t care less about which wreath best suited his dad’s personality or the colour of his casket. He was there when she finally fell asleep on his bed after spending a good thirty hours awake. He stayed with her until she woke nearly sixteen hours later, not wanting her to wake up alone.

Julia kissed his cheek before she let go of his hand and headed to the refreshments table. He looked around the room; it was just as crowded as earlier. He was unaware of how much time had passed, just sitting here, alone with his thoughts, but it felt like an eternity.  He looked at all the faces; family and friends and members of the community he didn’t recognise.

Out of everyone in the room, there were only three people he felt sorry for: Julia, because she lost her father, Sandra, because she lost her husband, and Jack, because he lost his son.

He looked at his ‘Pa. Dressed in what he was in for the wedding just five days ago. Jesse loved his ‘Pa; he would sneak Jesse candy and the occasional shot of whiskey when he really shouldn’t have. He would sit him down on his knee and tell him stories from the war. Or what Scotland looked like. Or how they went from having nothing but a rundown house that wasn’t safe to live in, on a property with four cows and a bull, and turned it around into a booming ranch.

His ‘Pa was talking to Hanzo, of all people. Laughing at a joke, Hanzo was quite the charmer when he needed to be. Jesse looked at his man, his sweet, kind man who was doing the family stuff he really should be doing, but couldn’t. Because he felt numb.

Jack McCree was nothing like his son. He was loving, caring and kind. He never hit anyone. He never raised his voice to anyone. He wasn’t a racist or a homophobe like his son. He didn’t know what went wrong in his son’s life, what made him the angry man he was. He didn’t know exactly why his grandson was always injured, but he had suspected.

He shook his head and looked down at his hands, turning them over so he was now looking at his palms. He was young, but could remember the first time. It was his first broken arm. His right arm. The event that made him left handed.

_We were playing. He was rough, throwing me over his shoulder, catching me on the other side. I wanted more, he said no. I leapt at him, throwing my arms around his neck. He grabbed me, pulled me away from him and threw me against the wall. My arm hit the door frame. He said I had hurt him, though he wasn’t in any pain. I was, though. I couldn’t move my arm or wiggle my fingers. He ignored it, so I went to Mom. She said it’ll get better, but it didn’t. After five hours we went to the doctor and found out it was fractured._

_Five of the six weeks in the cast was spent learning how to do everything left handed. After the cast was gone, I stayed left handed. That earned me the belt across my back. I didn’t care._

_That was when I realised my life wouldn’t be normal._

_I was seven._

Jesse leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees, looking at his feet. He hung his head low, and closed his eyes. All of the emotions from that moment flooded back. That was the moment he first called himself a screw-up. The first moment that he believed that what he did was his fault. That he deserved that fractured arm.

He shook his head, bringing his hands up to his face. He wanted to cry, to scream, to tell every one of these morons who the real Lewis McCree was.

But the numbness was overwhelming.

He ran his fingers through his hair as he sat back up. Sitting next to him was his mom; she placed a hand on his back and rubbed circles. She was surprisingly calm, given the circumstances. Jesse held out his hand and she grabbed it.

“How are you, my son?”

“I’m good, Mom. I’m…” Jesse trailed off, looking around the room. He looked back at her. Could he tell her the truth? Would she tell anyone? He didn’t care in any case. Not anymore. “I haven’t grieved. I haven’t cried… I can’t cry. I’m happy. I feel free.”

She smiled and nodded. “I am happy for you.”

Jesse looked back at her, brow furrowed in confusion. “Happy?”

She brought her voice down to a whisper. “Every time he would… Every time you had… A part of me died. I wanted to stop him, but I was afraid.”

Jesse closed his eyes, anger sparking through him. “Mom, did he ever hurt you?”

“No, he never touched me. He threatened, though. He demanded to know what we were talking about whenever we would speak.” She brought a hand up to her face, covering her mouth as her eyes welled with tears before spilling over. “I am so sorry, Jesse. I failed you.”

Jesse grabbed his mom, pulled her in for a hug and remembered the last time Jesse tried to speak to her in confidence.

_“There’s someone at school. Someone I like spending time with.”_

_“What’s her name?”_

_“His name is James MacAlister.”_

_“Is he a friend of yours?”_

_“Yes, I’ve had him over before. You’ve met him.”_

_“The boy who likes to draw?”_

_“Yeah. I like him… I like him a lot.”_

_“Don’t tell me any more, Jesse. I don’t want to know.”_

Jesse took a shaky breath. That was the last time they really spoke about anything. He always thought she was disinterested in his life. He didn’t know that she was protecting him. He never thought she would be protecting him.

 _“Mamá, I didn’t know,”_ Jesse whispered in Spanish.

“ _I tried to protect you. He still discovered it. I'm sorry, Jesse.”_

“ _It’s OK, Mamá.”_

For the first time in four days, Jesse cried. His entire relationship with his mom was taken from him because of his fucking dad. He thought his mom resented him as much as his dad did. He never once thought he would have threatened her, made her tell him everything.

He rode out the wave of sadness and guilt, wiping his face with his hands as he pulled away from his mom. He smiled, maybe now he could have the relationship with his mom that Julia had. The relationship with his mom he always wanted. He waved down Hanzo, grabbed his hand when he approached. Hanzo knelt down next to Jesse.

“Mom. This is Hanzo. He makes me happy…” He chuckled and sobbed, squeezing Hanzo’s hand tight, “…So, so happy. He’s helped me work through the stuff… he’s helping me accept my past. He’s the first who didn’t judge me, or treat me any differently. He is my boyfriend,” he turned to face Hanzo, “and I love him.”

She grabbed Hanzo’s other hand and smiled. “It is very nice to meet you. Thank you for looking after my Jesse. From what I have heard from Julia, and himself now, you are just perfect for him.”

Hanzo smiled and bowed his head. Jesse’s mom stood up outstretching her arms and Hanzo stood up, embracing her. When they parted, she smoothed her hands over the navy blue shirt on his shoulders. Jesse laughed, eyes welling with tears; that is something she does to everyone in the family.

She looked at Jesse, digging through her purse and pulling out a letter. “I had debated whether to give this to you or not…” She handed it to him with shaky hands. He looked at it, the envelope was blank. “Your father wrote it when you left Santa Fe. I don’t know what’s in it, but it is yours to do with what you wish.” She smiled, placing a hand on his shoulder before walking away.

Jesse’s hands shook. He put the envelope down on the couch next to him, the happiness giving way to anger. “The fuck’s dead and he’s still trying to get under my skin,” he growled.

Hanzo picked up the letter, folding it in half and stuffing it in his trouser pocket. He sat down next to Jesse, grabbing his hands. “Jesse, you do not need to read it. You can burn it if you wish, forget that it exists,” Hanzo offered. After a moment, he shrugged, “Or imagine what is in it.”

“Thing is, Han. I’m more than confident it’s something bad. Why else would he write that?”

Julia walked over, pointing to Hanzo. “Was that the letter?”

“Yeah,” Jesse frowned. “You know about it?”

“Yeah. Jesse…” Julia trailed off, taking a seat next to him and adjusting her skirt over her knees. “He had a scare about six months ago… a minor heart attack. We wanted to tell you, but he didn’t want us to. It was odd…” She shook her head, pursing her lips. “He said he didn’t want to worry you.”

“Worry me?” Jesse scoffed. He looked around the room, mind going into overdrive. So many thoughts were racing through his head that he couldn’t pinpoint a single one when he tried. On autopilot, he stood up and left the room, walking until he was outside.

While it was a sunny morning, the sun provided no warmth to combat the wintry chill in the air. He grabbed his cigarillo tin from his back pocket, picked one and put it between his lips, lighting it with a match and taking a long drag in an effort to put a cap over his anger.

Julia and Hanzo followed. He looked at them, then back out to the cemetery. His thoughts now somewhat coherent, he grumbled, “He probably would have figured that I’d be dancin’ on his grave with that news.” He looked at Hanzo, glancing down at his trouser pocket. “If there is anything good in that letter, he wouldn’t have behaved like a complete ass at Thanksgiving or at the rehearsal dinner. He would have said it to my face.”

“He genuinely thought he wasn’t going to make it,” Julia said softly, placing a hand on Jesse’s bicep. “I don’t know why he reverted back to that man last week. He’d been different in those six months.”

Jesse shook his head, looking at Julia. “Yeah, because I wasn’t around. He hated me, Julia... Hated me with every fibre of his being.” Taking a drag, he closed his eyes and ran his hand through his hair.

“’Make sure Jesse gets that letter’,” Julia said with a heavy sigh. Jesse looked at her, and she looked from the cemetery to him, eyes welling with tears before spilling down her cheeks. “Those were his last words. Not goodbye. Not I love you. ‘Make sure Jesse gets that letter’.”

Jesse exhaled the smoke, closing his eyes and pinching the bridge of his nose. Was it possible he’d reconciled? He shook his head. With the years of broken bones, bruises, being called those horrible homophobic words that make his belly fill with bile when he thinks them. All those years of not talking to each other. Hell, being called a pussy, just last week. There was nothing good in that letter. There couldn’t be.

…But he needed to know. He held his hand out in front of Hanzo, and he pulled the letter from his pocket. With the cigarillo between his lips, he opened the envelope. Hands trembling, he unfolded it.

_“My son,”_

“Fuck!” Jesse exclaimed, folding the letter back up haphazardly and stuffing it in his pocket. He hadn’t been referred to as his son in over three decades. Before joining Gabe, before joining Deadlock, before James. Before the first broken arm.

_“Come with me, I have a surprise.” He held out his hand, and I took it. We walked to the stables. There was a horse. A new horse. “She’s yours.”_

_“Really, Dad?! Thank you!”_

_“You’re welcome, my son.”_

Without thought, he walked. He walked through the cemetery, walking until he reached his dad’s grave, stopping at the fresh dirt, the simple plastic tag at the front of the grave with his name. He sat down cross legged on the grass; cold, wet and soaking through his pants from the melting frost under the mid-morning sun.

He took a long drag from his cigarillo. Unsure if smoking was disrespectful or not, he figured he could get away with it nonetheless if anyone complained. He reached into his pocket, feeling the paper. He grabbed it out and unfolded it, looking at the words but not reading them. It was a simple note, only four short sentences. He scoffed and smiled, he was a man of few words.

He shook his head, standing up and walking once more. With the destination in mind, he walked until he reached the memorial wall with the names of those lost; the names of those who never came home. Slowing his pace, he read all of the names until he found the name he was after: Colonel Gabriel Reyes. He ran his fingers over the golden name engraved into the black marble wall and smiled.

Hanzo. He desperately needed Hanzo. To tell him about Gabe, how _he_ was a good man worthy of being talked about. He looked over at the building where everyone was discussing how much of a perfect man his shit of a father was, but couldn’t see him. He fished out his phone, texting him to join him.

Sitting on the bench in front of the wall of names, he’d finished his cigarillo by the time Hanzo came over, rolling the extinguished butt between the thumb and finger of his left hand, and the note in his right hand. Hanzo sat next to him and wrapped and arm around his shoulder.

“They put his name on there a couple months ago, when the last of the US forces left. When they called off the search.” Jesse pointed to his name. “Colonel Gabriel Reyes, though we used to call him Gabe. He didn’t like us using his rank; he didn’t want us to see him as a superior. He wanted us to see him as an equal. Of course, we respected him and showed him the respect he deserved.”

He smiled, looking at Hanzo. “He was a practical joker. He used to play jokes on the other senior officers. He used to tell the most awful stories. He was lewd, he never took life seriously, and had this amazing ability to switch from friend to commanding officer in an instant.” Looking at the wall, he added, “I guess that’s what years in the military does to you.”

He took a deep breath as he remembered a very fond memory of the man. “For Movember one year, our unit grew the same moustache. That biker moustache.” Jesse stroked his beard, running his fingers around his lips. “We were some badass motherfuckers, the group of us. When December rolled around, and the rest of us shaved, Gabe kept it, growing it into a full goatee. He looked intimidating with just the moustache. Adding that goatee, and fuck, Han, he was terrifying.

“But most of all, he was the kindest soul you’d ever meet. He was the only other person who truly knew what my dad did.” He looked at the note in his hand. “I didn’t tell him, he worked it out. He and dad went to school together. They were friends for fifty years. He knew my dad... he knew he had a temper. He knew he was an alcoholic.”

“And he chose to not do anything to stop your father?” Hanzo asked softly.

“By the time I was born, Gabe was in the military full time. The only time we saw him were between missions, once every couple of years. He’d see me with a broken arm, or bruises around my neck, or on my arms and legs. He knew, but Dad denied it. Told him I was bein’ bullied by kids at school.”

The fuck didn’t even have the nerve to own up to his actions. That was one of the life lessons Jesse took from his father, to not end up like him. He always owns up to his mistakes and accepts responsibility for his actions. That, along with violence is _never_ the answer, and be a good person to everyone, no matter how bad a day he’s having. It took working with Gabe to see through his blinding anger, but the foundations were laid by not wanting to become his father.

When Hanzo kissed his shoulder, he continued, “When Dad gave up on me, Gabe stepped in. He took me under his wing. Showed me kids, injured and orphaned, fleeing war. He taught me that running away from my problems wasn’t the answer. He taught me how to be a functional person, how to respect those around me.”

He looked back at Gabe’s name on the wall. “They say blood is thicker than water. My dad, he was my dad by name; by blood. Gabe? He was my real dad. He was the father figure I needed in my life. The person I could look up to, the person who was proud of me, who gave me a pat on the back, who joked with me.” Jesse smiled, clearing his throat in an effort to keep the sadness at bay. “He said, and it’s fuckin’ cliché and he might have been joking… but he said that I was the son he never had.”

Leaning forward, resting his elbows on his knees he looked at his shoes and shook his head. Hanzo moved in closer, their thighs touching as his arm slid down Jesse’s back, his hand settling on his waist, his other hand on his forearm, as he kissed Jesse’s shoulder again.

“The day of the ambush, he knew something was off about the mission. He said it felt too easy... too simple. So we were on high alert. By the time things went south, it was too late. I was with Gabe. One minute he was there, the next he was gone. There was smoke and dirt in the air, chunks of concrete littered the ground. My ears were ringing from the explosions. I couldn’t see anything. I was dragged away by my unit kicking and screaming, even though I knew I had to leave.”

Jesse paused, looking at Hanzo as he started stroking his back in long, soothing strokes. “But fuck, Han. A part of me died when I left him behind.” He looked at the cigarillo butt in his fingers, rolling it back and forth. “We were told that two SUVs were seen leaving the area, someone with a hood over their head in standard issue Army gear. The only person missing from that area was Gabe. We searched for him, but found no trace. He was gone.”

He tried to speak, to continue his story, but his voice caught in his throat. Closing his eyes and taking a series of deep breaths, he focussed on Hanzo’s hand rubbing his back and on his breathing, in through his nose and out through his mouth, just like Hanzo had taught him. He placed the cigarillo butt on the bench and reached for Hanzo’s hand, who grabbed it and squeezed.

Thinking about that moment, those explosions and leaving Gabe behind always triggered his PTSD. Even though it had been years, and the attacks were never as bad as the previous ones, they always kick him in the ass. Each breath he took became less shaky than the last until he eventually he was no longer shaking. He opened his eyes and looked at Hanzo, picking up the story.

“My unit was discharged about two months after he went missing. Had another six months of counselling, then was sent back home. Just in time for my thirtieth birthday.” Jesse smiled weakly, remembering how happy Julia was when he was home. How she couldn’t stop holding his hand or touching his wrist for days. How she got him the BAMF belt buckle because of the picture he sent her of the unit for Movember the previous year.

“With Julia’s help, Mom convinced Dad to let me work on the ranch so they could set up the butcher shop. Which was fine with me, bein’ outdoors all day, not having to see my dad. Julia even let me live with her. But then the abuse started again. Verbal, emotional… He said some truly awful things with regards to my sexuality.” He swallowed before the bile could push up, moving on quickly.

“So I started drinking again. Drinking, getting into fights. Julia tried to stop me, worked some days, not on others.” His vision turned unfocussed, and his voice came down to barely a whisper. He ran his thumb over Hanzo’s knuckles to keep himself grounded; to remind himself not to get lost in the memories. “I did it to feel something. I entered a downward spiral, those thoughts, ‘you don’t deserve to be happy’, ‘you’re a fuck up’, ‘it should have been you, not Gabe’ repeated in my mind.”

He blinked rapidly, shaking his head. Looking at Hanzo, he continued, “They were his words. I was already fucked from losing Gabe. The eight months of counselling were thrown out the window because of him.”

Jesse looked at the folded up note in his right hand. “The last straw, he said ‘you don’t deserve to be here. Why don’t you just fuck off and be someone else’s problem.’ So I did. I grabbed the bare essentials in a bag and left. I never looked back. I never _intended_ to look back. I was gonna settle somewhere other than Santa Fe. Wait it out until the fuck died.” He looked at Hanzo and smiled, stuffing the note between his legs and grabbing Hanzo’s other hand. “Little did I know I’d meet the most amazing, thoughtful, handsome man in the world along the way. I stopped in Boston ‘cause I felt like something was keeping me there. I like to think it was the universe.” He squeezed Hanzo’s hands. “I like to think, just like Julia and Dave, that _we_ were meant to be together. That it was something that was meant to be.”

Hanzo smiled and nodded, pulling Jesse’s hands up to his mouth and kissed his knuckles.

He looked at the note in his lap, picking it up and turning it over in his hand. He trusted Hanzo wholly and completely, enough to help him decide whether he should read the note or not. Handing the note to Hanzo, he said, “I haven’t read it, but you read it. Tell me if it’s good or bad.”

Hanzo took the note, hesitated for a moment and when Jesse nodded, he took the minute to read it. Jesse tried to analyse his features, gage a reaction from his face, but he held a neutral face while reading it. There could be anything in there. He folded it and handed it back to Jesse. “It is not bad.”

“Fuck, Han,” Jesse breathed. “I don’t think I can read it. It would’ve been easy to read if it was bad. If it was just a repetition of all the shit he said to me. But something else? Good? He never said anything good. It was either bad, or nothing at all.” He looked back at the note. Conflicted on whether to read it or burn it.

“You do not have to read it,” Hanzo said softly, placing a hand on Jesse’s knee. “Now or ever.”

“Yeah, I know.” Jesse closed his eyes. “Did your dad have a change of heart on his deathbed?”

Chuckling, Hanzo answered, “He did not. He felt that the choices he made for me and Genji were the right ones. To state otherwise would show weakness.” A pause, then he added, “However, he did say that while he was hard on us, he was proud of the men we had become.”

“Even Genji?” Jesse asked, looking at Hanzo.

“Even Genji. He taught Genji that pain is merely a notion, and that by defying him, he showed that he would not accept defeat at anyone’s hands.”

“And he didn’t,” Jesse said with a nod, remembering those final moments of Hanzo’s story, the man who was strong until the end.

“No, he did not.”

Grabbing Hanzo’s hand, Jesse looked into his dark, gorgeous eyes. “Should I read it?”

“Jesse…” Hanzo trailed off, looking at their hands, placing his other hand on top of Jesse’s. “I cannot tell you whether you should read it or not.” He looked back at Jesse. “You alone have to make that decision.”

Jesse sighed, looking down at the note. One word flashed in his mind: No. He shook his head, grabbing his matchbook from his pocket, striking a match and holding it up to the note… before blowing the match out. He couldn’t do it. He couldn’t burn the thing.

He knows it’ll weigh heavily on his conscience. Maybe one day he’ll read it, maybe one day he’ll destroy it without ever reading it. For now, it can stay hidden in some place somewhere he doesn’t have to think about it. He might just leave the thing in Santa Fe.

Jesse stuffed the note in his pocket and looked back at Hanzo. “Fuck this day, Han. Today I learned my mom was threatened by that man. And now I find out that note has _good_ things in it?” Sighing heavily, he grabbed Hanzo’s hand, weaving their fingers. “Fuck, Han. This is something I _know_ I wouldn’t have survived if you weren’t here.” He closed his eyes, bringing his voice down to a whisper. “Thank you for puttin’ up with me. I know I can be hard sometimes.”

“I love you, Jesse,” Hanzo said softly, kissing Jesse’s temple. “I do not ‘put up’ with you. I accept you for who you are. I do not expect you to be someone you are not.”

Opening his eyes, Jesse brought Hanzo’s hands up to his mouth, kissed them before standing and pulling Hanzo up with him. He embraced Hanzo and squeezed him tight. He wanted to tell himself that he didn’t deserve to be happy, that he didn’t deserve Hanzo; like all the times he’d thought it or said it. He took a breath, and let go of those thoughts.

Because he did deserve to be happy. He did deserve to be looked after. He smiled and kissed Hanzo’s cheek. “I love you, Han.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So Papa Gabe is one of my favourite hcs. I love the idea that Jesse had a healthy, functional relationship with Gabe and saw him as a father figure. It was something I was super excited to incorporate it into this fic. 
> 
> I hope you enjoyed the read :-)


	20. Only Happy Memories

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THIS CHAPTER!!! 
> 
> I said to a few of you in my reply comments last week that I was excited to share this chapter, and I really am. This chapter was a very recent addition, I wrote it up three weeks ago after realising I should mention a couple of upcoming story points in conversation so they're not a complete surprise. So what started as a simple conversation grew into what I can call the easiest and most natural thing I've written to date. The first draft was 7.5k words which I wrote in a day, and the finished product is just over 10k words - my first 10k chapter!
> 
> Contradictory to the chapter title, I do have to **warn** for a mention of child abuse and emotional manipulation.
> 
> A huge thanks as always to Magisey for betaing this chapter, and there's more praise in the end notes.
> 
> I do hope you enjoy the read :-D

Jesse stood in the driveway of his childhood home. The house he grew up in. The house he endured countless beatings. He hadn’t been inside this house for nine years. The last time he did, he had just been discharged from the army. Julia had organised a small ‘welcome home’ party consisting of just them and as usual his dad made a scene.

After that, he vowed never to step foot in this house ever again. It made working the ranch a pain in the ass, but there was no way he could even think about spending a single second in the house back then.

Now, standing hand in hand with Julia on his left and Hanzo on his right, people who love and support him, he felt only marginally at ease with the thought of stepping inside.

“What are you thinking, baby brother?”

“I am thinking of just turning around and walking away,” Jesse sighed. “There aren’t good memories in there, Jules. Only bad ones. And I don’t quite feel up to dredging those up again.”

“They are only bad memories if you allow them to be,” Hanzo mused, squeezing his hand and grabbing his forearm with the other. “Perhaps you should think of the good things that happened in there.”

Hanzo was right. He’s always right. Jesse huffed, looking from the house to Hanzo. “That’ll be a short list, Han.”

“Remember the summer of nineteen?” Julia offered. “We were eight. It was one of those long, hot summers that was breakin’ all the records. We had water pistols, were runnin’ around the yard, yellin’ and hollerin’, gettin’ soaked down to the bone.”

Jesse remembered this well. He closed his eyes and replayed the memory in his mind. “Then,” Jesse continued, opening his eyes, smile on his face, “the storm rolled in. We were too busy playin’ to notice the clouds change. That flash of lightning and boom of thunder scared us silly.” 

He turned around, facing the desert other side of the road and the mountains in the distance. “There used to be a tree there.” He pointed at the vast expanse in front of him, telling this part of the story for Hanzo’s sake. “About five hundred metres, maybe? It split in two. Pretty sure the thing was on fire.”

Hanzo gasped. “That was so close!”

“It was,” Jesse nodded. “We were lucky we didn’t get hit. But that noise… that boom that caused the ground to shake… we ran inside the house screaming.” He paused. He could hear the loud boom, the crack when the lightning struck the tree. He could feel it in his chest before he felt it in the ground. Wide grin on his face, he looked at Julia who was chewing her bottom lip. “I love thunderstorms.”

“I fuckin’ hate them after that day.” She looked at Hanzo, picking up the story, “That storm was a horrible storm. Rain, hail, thunder. You name it. I think there may have been a tornado warning, too.”

“The tornados didn’t hit here. They were nowhere near us.” He looked from Julia to Hanzo. “They frequent closer to the New Mexico-Texas border.”

Hanzo nodded slowly, vision unfocused as he stared into the distance. “I have sympathy for Julia,” he said slowly. After a moment, he blinked rapidly and looked at Jesse. “After the earthquake in twenty-eighteen and the resulting tsunami, I have been extremely frightened by earthquakes. Any earth tremor, actually.”

Jesse frowned. This was the first time Hanzo had mentioned anything about being afraid of earthquakes. “Shit, Han, I didn’t know.”

“I remained in Japan for thirty-six years and Japan is notorious for them,” Hanzo explained, looking at Julia. “I experienced many since that one. None as large, though.” He looked back into the distance. “It did not make them easier to deal with, however.”

“Still, in twenty-eighteen, we would have been… seven?” Julia looked at Jesse for confirmation, he nodded.

“I was eight,” Hanzo murmured. He pressed his lips in a thin line, lost in a memory before speaking, “Genji was too young to remember the devastation caused by that one, but whenever we had earthquakes after that, he would say that they were the ‘coolest things in the world’.”

The only time Jesse experienced an earthquake was when he was in school. Detention, actually, but he was sitting in his chair, resting his head on his folded arms. The only giveaway that an earthquake happened was the subtle vibration in the chair and table and the confirmation on the news that night. So based on that experience alone, given he was a kid, and now an adult who has a thing for thrills, Jesse had allowed himself the thought that experiencing a larger magnitude earthquake would be fun.

Though, as he looked at Hanzo, shoulders slumped and visibly pale, he can see that the event was traumatic for him. He wrapped an arm around Hanzo’s shoulders. “You okay, Han?”

After a moment, Hanzo blinked rapidly, pulled from the memory once more. He looked at Jesse and nodded slowly. “Yes, I am.” He turned to his side and looked at the house, and Jesse followed his gaze. While not wholly convinced Hanzo is telling the truth, he let it slide. Hanzo will talk about this if and when he’s ready.

“All right,” Jesse breathed, holding out his left hand and pulling Julia in, wrapping his arm around her waist. “Let’s do this.”

The trio walked up the driveway and approached the red front door. Julia knocked on the door and after a moment they were greeted by their aunt Sofía. “Jesse, Julia!” She welcomed enthusiastically, extending her arms and pulling them in for a group hug. Jesse looked back at Hanzo when he separated from his aunt, he was standing behind them. “And Hanzo.” Her smile softened and her body language eased as she extended her arms for him. He approached and hugged her.

Their mom and aunt Sofía are very close, and not just in age, with two years between them. While older, she looks much younger as she dyes her hair a mulberry colour and wears more make-up than required, in Jesse’s opinion anyway.

Very much happy to live life her way, she never married and doesn’t have kids, so she always took to Julia and him because they were twins. Essentially their second mother for their childhood, she would visit regularly from San Pedro. It’s safe to say that Aunt Sofía is their favourite aunt.

“Your husband is not helping us?” Aunt Sofía asked Julia, disappointment carrying on her voice as her shoulders slumped. Jesse smirked; Hanzo will be in for a fun day. His aunt loves Dave’s muscles more than the man himself.

“No,” she sighed, “He had to work today.”

“Even on a Saturday?”

“Si,” Julia nodded. “It is fine, we will make the best of our time.” She linked her arm around Aunt Sofía’s and led her into the house.

Jesse stood in the threshold of the door, looking at the photo hanging on the wall opposite them. It’s an old photo of the four of them; a proud mother and father, happy kids of two years old. He wanted to be cynical, to tell the two year old in that picture that his life will be fucked up beyond comprehension.

Then, he grabbed Hanzo’s hand and smiled, because he would tell the two year old in that picture that after all that shit, he would meet the most amazing man in the world. The man of his dreams, who will help him pick up and fix the broken pieces of his life. The man he wants to spend the rest of his life with.

“Nine years, Han. That’s how long it’s been since I’ve stepped through this house. See that photo.” Jesse gestured to it with his chin.

Hanzo smiled. “The two of you look identical in that photo.”

Laughing, Jesse looked at the two of them, noting the same slightly lopsided smile, the same head tilt, the same short brown hair. “Yep, it took us forever for our hair to grow out. So much so that everyone thought Julia was my identical brother.”

“I do not imagine she would have taken well to that.”

“She did not. Don’t mention it to her though, she might hit you,” Jesse said easily. The extent of her ‘violent’ tendencies extended to as much as siblings hit each other in the heat of a moment; a rather gentle punch with little heat behind the action.

He brought his hand up to his hair, running his fingers through it as he analysed his two year old self. “That’s why we both choose to have long hair.”

He took one last, long look at the photo, then closed his eyes and took a breath as he took the first step inside, then another and another, stopping in the small alcove. Looking to his left, he’s met with the living room, and to the right, a hallway leading to the bedrooms.

Hanzo closed the door behind them and Jesse led him into the living room. It hadn’t changed _at all_ in the nine years, which hadn’t changed from when he was a kid. Even the couches, those horrible sandy coloured couches with embroidered flowers of red and purple and blue were still there. They were horrid when they bought them when he was eight years old. They were horrid when he laid eyes on them when he returned home, and they were horrid now.

The carpet was old and worn, a coffee brown in the more worn parts whereas it was a cream colour in the parts of no traffic, like the space between the couch and the window. There was a relatively new TV mounted on the wall, sitting above the now disused fireplace, if the small cast-iron tray full of pinecones is anything to go by. They must have upgraded to ducted heating at some point, noting the vents in the roof.

Sitting beside the TV up against the wall leading into the kitchen was the small mahogany bar, the mirrored wall and shelves behind it were full of various kinds of whiskey - brands, flavours, you name it. Whiskey was his dad’s poison.

He took a deep breath as his eyes settled on his mom, sitting at the dining table, tissue scrunched up in her closed fist held up to her mouth as she silently sobbed. She had every photo album out, all sprawled across the table haphazardly. Jesse walked up to her, wrapping his arm around her and kissing her head. “Hola Mamá.”

“Jesse,” she breathed and kissed his cheek as he sat next to her. “I am happy you are here.”

“I ain’t gonna lie, Mamá,” he said, looking at the photo of his parents on their wedding day in her hands. The happy couple, it was a natural shot of them walking down the aisle after the ceremony, walking with their arms linked. He noted how thin his dad was. He would have been thinner than Jesse himself now. He had always thought, and was grateful, that he looked more like his mom than his dad, but in that photo, he looked _exactly_ like his dad. He frowned at the picture before looking back at his mom. “I almost turned around.”

She placed the photo on the table and grabbed Jesse’s hand, looking at him. “I am glad you did not.” She then looked at Hanzo standing at the foot of the table. “Hanzo, I am glad you are here, too.”

Hanzo bowed his head. “I am happy to assist in whatever way I can.”

She extended her hand and looked at Hanzo’s hand. He approached his mom and took it. “Grasias, Hanzo. I am sure that you just being here for Jesse is more than enough.”

Hanzo nodded and smiled. “Can I make you a cup of tea, Mrs. McCree?”

“Yes, please,” she answered. Hanzo bowed his head, and before she let go of his hand, she added, “Thank you, Hanzo. And please, call me Sandra.”

Jesse watched with a proud smile as Hanzo walked into the kitchen, filling the kettle on the stovetop full of water before placing it back and turning on the heat. He then left the room, most likely to look for Julia and Aunt Sofía.

“He is a gentleman, Jesse.”

Jesse smiled wider, thinking the exact same thought. Along with, none of the other guys he dated ever offered to make his mom a cup of tea. “Yep, he sure is.”

“I was watching you through dinner last Thursday, then at the rehearsal dinner, at the wedding, at the funeral…” her smile wavered as she looked into the backyard momentarily before looking at Jesse, smiling again. “I saw the way you smile at him when he is not looking. I saw how he smiles at you when you are not looking. I have not seen anyone look at you in that way, and I have not seen you look at anyone in that way.” She placed her other hand on top of his. “It makes me happy that you are happy.”

“Mamá…” Jesse trailed off, clearing his throat as he choked back a sob, embracing her. _“It means the world to me that you approve of him.”_ He whispered in Spanish when Hanzo returned to the kitchen to search the cupboards for mugs. _“When I first brought him over last week, I was stressed out, wondering what you and Dad would think. I hate that it has taken Dad to…”_ Jesse trailed off as his eyes settled on a picture in one of the albums of his dad holding Jesse and Julia as newborns, one in each arm.

_“No, Jesse. When I first saw you on Thursday, when I first looked at Hanzo, I immediately noticed how much he means to you. How he makes you happy. I hated that I couldn’t tell you that I approve of him.”_

And with that, they held each other tighter and both cried. Jesse was starting to realise the extent of his dad’s hold on his mom. Apparently strong enough that she was afraid to even say the words ‘I approve of him’ in his presence. They rode out the tide of emotion, and the sadness eventually gave way to happiness when Hanzo approached, placing two mugs of tea and a plate full of chocolate chip cookies down before retreating and returning with a box of tissues.

“Grasias, Hanzo,” his mom breathed, separating from Jesse and pulling out a tissue from the box. Hanzo bowed his head, taking a seat opposite them, hands wrapped around his own mug.

She wiped her eyes and nose, looking at the albums in front of her, picking the baby blue one with a picture of a yellow duckling on it.

“No, mom, not the baby pictures!” Jesse whined.

“Hush,” she said, opening the album. “Hanzo is your boyfriend, and I never got the chance to embarrass you in front of your exes with your baby photos.”

Jesse opened his mouth to complain, but closed it again, gesturing Hanzo over with the wave of his hand, who took a seat next to his mom. She started at the beginning, the first photo where he was just minutes old.

That’s when it hit him at full force; the true weight of those words. His father may not have laid a hand on her, but the years of emotional manipulation she would have faced was unfathomable. He beats himself up for not seeing it earlier, for believing that his dad’s views were his mom’s views. He hates that he didn’t see it. He hates that he didn’t do anything about it.

He closed his eyes and shook his head, trying to push those thoughts away, leave them dead and buried like his dad. He doesn’t want to get consumed by his dad’s actions any more. He is gone, and there’s only the future now; a future where he and his mom can have a good relationship, a normal, healthy functional relationship, where his mom can show off his baby photos to his boyfriend.

He opened his eyes and tuned back into the conversation. He missed the story but Hanzo has his hand on his mom’s back and they’re both laughing.

He rested his head in his hand and smiled, watching his mom for the first time gush over his boyfriend.

\---

“I can’t believe my old room is still the same,” Jesse gaped, doing a complete circle of his childhood bedroom. From the single bed with the blue bedspread with white fluffy clouds, the floor to ceiling posters of anything cowboy related, and the chest sitting under the window, Jesse was in awe. He approached the chest and opened it; of course it was still full of his old toys.

“These are hand drawn,” Hanzo murmured, pointing to a series of hand drawn grey-lead sketches on the wardrobe door. Some are of landscapes, some are of dragons, and one is of Jesse, sitting on a table, legs resting on a chair and elbows on his knees while looking out a window with headphones in his ears and a phone in his hand.

Jesse hummed and smiled as he stood by Hanzo’s side. “James drew them. I would listen to music and he would draw.” He pointed to the sketch of himself. “This was at his house. I didn’t know he was drawin’ me, I just figured he’d be drawin’ his dragons.”

“He was very talented. The sketch of you is like a photo.” He then looked at the dragons and smiled. “They are impressive looking dragons.”

Jesse nodded, looking at the European fire-breathing dragon, complete with horns and wings. “Yeah, he always imagined dragons with wings.” He looked at the portrait of himself, recalling the memory. “This day, he drew the picture and showed me, I kissed him. The first boy I kissed.” He then chuckled, shaking his head faintly, debating if he should tell Hanzo this next part, the part he decided to leave out when they first discussed James over a week ago. He took a breath and spoke without another thought, speaking to get it off his chest.

“So one day, Dad caught me and James kissin’ after school. We were twelve. It was innocent, just a peck on the lips, but he flipped his shit. Told James’ dad. Fortunately his dad was more progressive, gave us the safe sex talk and said that their house was a safe place. Dad though…” He trailed off, swallowing the lump in his throat.

Hanzo grabbed Jesse’s hand. “He did not take it as well?”

Shaking his head, Jesse winced at the memory. “His belt across my back and a lecture about how I made him do it.”

Hanzo closed his eyes, squeezing Jesse’s hand. “Jesse, I am sorry you had to endure that. It is not the life any child should have.”

“Yeah,” Jesse breathed, scratching his head. Dead and buried, only happy memories, he reminded himself. He looked back at the sketch of himself and thought of all the happy times he and James had when they were kids, the chill out sessions on the school oval, listening to music and drawing, playing across the road in the dirt, trying to avoid all of the cacti…

“So he was…” Hanzo trailed off.

“My first?” Jesse looked at Hanzo and answered after he nodded, “Sure was. I loved him. Never told him though... I didn’t know it back then. His dad was so supportive of us though, like…” He paused, taking a breath and still not able to comprehend that his dad was so cool about the two of them. “I was just blown away that we could hold hands in front of him; that we could go up to James’ room and close the door and know we wouldn’t be interrupted. If he came round here though, no way he would be allowed to come into my room. There was no way we would be able to hold hands.” He sighed, looking from the sketch to Hanzo. “We had to be friends here. Friends, not boyfriends.”

Hanzo nodded slowly. “That must have been difficult.”

“It was, Han. Difficult especially when Jules would bring boys round, and while she wouldn’t be able to have them in her room either, she would at least be able to hold the fella’s hand, or sit on the back porch on the swing and cuddle. If Dad caught a whiff of _anything_ untoward, I’d cop it.” He shrugged, bitterness heavy in his voice, “Well, I’d cop it regardless, but whatever.”

Hanzo turned to face Jesse, grabbing his other hand. “Jesse, you do know you did not deserve any of that.”

Jesse took a deep breath. “Yeah, Han. I just accepted that it was going to happen. Like I told you, once I fought back, he didn’t hit me again.” He closed his eyes. “I should have done it sooner. It’s my only regret,” he seethed. Enough of that. Happy memories, he reminded himself again.

He opened his eyes and smiled. “Anyway, that was not the reason why I brought you up here.” He opened his wardrobe door, a complete mess of boxes, clothes, old sport equipment that he never took to because his dad made him go into sports against his will. But those are not what he’s after. He’s after the small box sitting on the top shelf of the wardrobe.

“Is that a guitar case?” Hanzo asked. 

Jesse grabbed the box before taking a step back and looking at the case hidden behind everything and against the wall; the top of it was just poking above a hockey stick. “Sure is,” he said with a smile. Placing the box on the bed, he pushed everything in front of the guitar case to the side, making his already messy wardrobe messier. Hanzo picked up a baseball that rolled out from the clutter, handing it to Jesse as he finally pulled the case out. “Damn, I think it’s been near on twenty years since I’ve played.”

Looking at the case in his hands, it was completely covered in Johnny Cash stickers and pictures stickytaped to it, along with the logos of every other band he learned to play, chronicling his changing tastes in music from eighties metal, nineties punk and classic western. “It was the one thing I enjoyed doing actually, listening to music and playing guitar.”

He took a seat on the bed, opening the guitar case and pulling out the acoustic guitar. He held it in his hands, thinking that it wasn’t as heavy as he remembered. Resting it on his thigh, he strummed, then tuned each string until they sounded right.  He looked at Hanzo with a grin, patting the bed so he could sit next to him. “All right, I’ll probably be a bit rusty, but let’s see…” Jesse said, getting his finger placements before he started strumming randomly before breaking into the introduction of Green Day’s ‘Time of Your Life’.

“You are very talented for someone who has not played in twenty years,” Hanzo commented, smile wide on his face once Jesse finished playing.

Jesse smiled. “Yep, just like riding a bike, once you’ve got the hang of it, it sticks. Did you play any instruments growing up?”

“I did,” Hanzo said, nodding. “I was taught how to play the double bass.”

Jesse took a deep breath, excitement sparking through him. “Han, that has to be my second favourite stringed instrument, the deep sounds it produces are just – ”

“Euphoric,” Hanzo interrupts, closing his eyes.

“I was gonna say magical,” Jesse murmured, grabbing Hanzo’s hand. “Were you good?” He asked, though he already knows the answer – Hanzo is good at everything.

“While I mostly played when I was a teenager, I did play right up until I fled,” Hanzo said while nodding. “I do miss playing.”

“You should pick one up,” Jesse offered, nudging Hanzo with his shoulder. “Me and you and Julia can jam together.”

Hanzo’s eyes lit up. “What does Julia play?”

“Violin. I don’t know if she plays anymore, though, but she was a fuckin’ good violinist.”

“The violin is an excellent instrument,” Hanzo said excitedly. “Genji also played, he was quite talented.”

“Genji?” Jesse asked in full disbelief. “The playboy, sleeps-with-three-girls-at-once brother by the name of Genji?”

Hanzo nodded furiously, grinning, “He also took to the drums, which did suit his personality more.”

“Certainly more,” Jesse agreed. Looking at Hanzo, as his grin eases into a smile, he has a realisation that he wants to do something he’s always wanted to do with his boyfriend that he was never allowed to do. Looking at the guitar in his lap, he said, “I’ll give you more of a demonstration later.” He placed the guitar back in the case and rested it against the wardrobe.

He picked up the box he placed on the bed, holding it in his hands for a moment. He wondered if this was a good idea given the circumstances regarding Genji. Looking at the case, he wondered if he should just keep this locked away forever. His heart ached at that thought; and in that moment he realised that this was something in his life he wanted to share.

With a nervous breath, he input the code and opened the lock before looking at Hanzo, asking, “Remember when I said I had a gun?”

Hanzo nodded and smiled as Jesse opened the lid, looking at it. “It is old.”

“Very old. It was my Pa’s from the war. He gave it to me just before I left for my first tour.” Jesse scoffed. “Said he didn’t want to give it to Dad ‘cause he knew Dad wouldn’t give it to me, so he gave it to me directly.”

Hanzo analysed it slowly, cautiously, looking at every scratch on the black barrel, every notch in the wooden grip. Jesse took another breath, wondering what he was thinking. He then wondered if it was a bad idea, if it was bringing up those memories from that night. What would he do if Hanzo was triggered? _This was a bad idea_ , he told himself, _a very bad idea_.

“May I hold it?” Hanzo asks eventually, eyes wide with eager anticipation like a kid at an adoption shelter about to hold their first kitten.

Jesse relaxed, taking a deep breath and offering a smile. “Sure.” Jesse offered Hanzo the case, and Hanzo picked up the gun.

“It is very heavy.” He held it in his right hand, feeling its weight. He’s holding it like he knows his way around a gun.

Jesse shouldn’t be surprised Hanzo knows how to handle a gun given his history, though part of him is because it’s something he hadn’t heard before, and something he hadn’t even thought about until last week. Those questions he had after Hanzo told him about Genji popped back in his mind. “You know your way around a gun?”

“Yes,” Hanzo says confidently, pushing the cylinder open and looking into the chambers, spinning it slowly. “I…” he trailed off, frowning as he looked at Jesse. He took a breath. “The bow was martial arts training, teachings of the old ways of the clan. When I would… it was with guns. I specialised in sniper rifles.”

“Cause of the distance,” Jesse murmured. _Safe, controlled, monitored_. Those were the words Hanzo used to describe how he killed. Arrows are unpredictable; even given how good Hanzo is with a bow. Bullets, guns, are easily more effective. And makes a hell of a lot more sense than a bow.

Hanzo nodded. He looked at the gun once more, pushing the cylinder closed and placing it in the case. He remained quiet; his shoulders slumped, deep in thought.

“Hey, Han,” Jesse said quietly, wrapping his arm around his shoulder. “Don’t think I’m judging you. I’m not. I was just curious is all. Cause honestly… if people showed up dead with arrows stickin’ out of them, it’d be pretty obvious.”

Hanzo chuckled. “It would.” He looked at Jesse. “And Jesse, please do not think you have to be cautious with this gun because of Genji.”

Jesse let out a breath he didn’t realise he was holding. “Han, it’s like you read my mind.” He grabbed his hand. “I was worried that you’d be triggered by it. I was preparin’ for it.”

Shaking his head and smiling, Hanzo said, “Jesse, guns are a part of society. The police carry them. They are present in all forms of fiction. I would not be able to function if I was triggered by the sight of a gun.”

“Yeah, makes sense.” Jesse looked at the gun in the case before closing the lid and scrambling the lock. He held it in his hands. He’d take it to Julia and Dave’s house, put it in his room there for the moment. Think about having it mounted –

“It would be a shame to keep this old gun locked up,” Hanzo said softly, reaching for Jesse’s hands around the case, clasping them.

Jesse looked at him, eyes welling with tears. “Han…”

“If you would like to bring it back with us, mount it on the wall, I would not object.”

His eyes stung. His vision started to blur. “How did you…”

“The way your eyes light up when you speak about your grandfather. And the way you look at storm bow mounted on the wall.” He shrugged. “It was not hard to put the two together.”

Jesse closed his eyes as tears rolled down his cheeks. “Thank you, Han,” he whispered, then chuckled to choke back a sob, “I gotta stop bein’ so expressive.”

Hanzo reached for Jesse’s face, wiping his tears away with his thumbs. “Never, Jesse McCree,” Hanzo said softly. “Never stop being you. Even if that means you are expressive.” He kissed Jesse’s cheek. “Even if it does mean that you show your emotions when you do not mean to.”

“Even if it means me cryin’ like a kid.”

“Jesse, I have done my fair share of crying in front of you. It is a part of life. It is not good to leave it bottled up.”

Every now and then, Jesse will have these moments where Hanzo will do something, and he has the thought, _I can’t love you more than I do now_. And every time, Hanzo will come out and say something, and he repeats the thought. He can’t remember how many times he’s had the thought, but he’s having it now. This time, he says it aloud. He wrapped his arms around Hanzo, whispering, “Hanzo Shimada, I love you so fucking much. I don’t think I can love you more than I do now.”

“I love you too, Jesse.”

“What’s happenin’…? Ah, shit, sorry boys, I’ll –”

“It’s fine, Jules,” Jesse said as he pulled away from Hanzo, wiping his eyes. “What can we do you for?”

She looked at him with complete embarrassment, cheeks reddening before she averted her gaze, behaving as if she caught them with their pants down. “Mom and Aunt Sofía are headin’ into town for lunch. Did you have any requests?”

Jesse looked at Hanzo, who shook his head, before he looked at Jules. “Nah, we’re happy with anythin’.”

“All right,” she said with a nod. “I was gonna tackle the pantry if you were keen on goin’ on a hunt for the oldest thing we can find in there.”

Jesse smiled. “Sure, big sister, just give us a minute?”

She smiled and nodded. “Sure, baby brother.”

Jesse took one last look around his room. In his hands was the one thing he always wanted to get, something that’s been sitting here, hidden away from the world for too long. Looking at the guitar case, he smiled, not realising until now how much he missed playing. Slinging it over his shoulder, he grabbed Hanzo’s hand and kissed his knuckles before leaving the room.

They just missed his mom and aunt leave to get lunch when they entered the living room. Jesse placed the container on the dining table and rested the guitar case against it before heading into the kitchen. Sitting on the bench was an array of cans, jars and sauces. Jesse picked up a can, reading aloud, “Red kidney beans, low salt?” He placed it back on the bench, then picked up a bottle of ketchup. “Ketchup, low salt?”

“Yeah, after Dad’s scare they put him on a low sodium diet. Told him to reduce his alcohol intake too,” Julia said from inside the pantry, grabbing the spices and recipe bases hidden in a container. Smile wide on her face as she turned around, “Jackpot, I reckon.”

Jesse grabbed the container and checked the dates. It’s a little tradition of theirs, on the rare occasions when they clean out the pantry. The game is to find the oldest item, the one thing that got forgotten and pushed to the back. The winner gets nothing but bragging rights. “These are all low sodium too.” Therefore all within date.

“We can get rid of them,” Julia stated, sweeping her hair behind her ear before resting her hands on her hips and taking a breath. “Mom doesn’t want any of the low sodium stuff considerin’ she prefers to cook with fresh produce. Dad only ate that stuff on top of what she would make.”

“And we wonder why he had the heart attack in the first place,” Jesse mumbled to himself, flicking through all of the recipe bases before tossing them in the green grocery bag sitting on the bench. “Donatin’ them to the homeless shelters?”

“Of course. All the in-date stuff though,” Julia called over her shoulder, digging through the pantry again. “She must have cleaned out the pantry recently, it’s pretty clean and nothing’s out of date.”

“Ah, it’s fine.” Jesse looked at Hanzo sitting on one of the bar stools on the opposite side of the bench. “Did you do much cleanin’ of your dad’s things after he passed?”

“He did not have much to begin with,” Hanzo said, leaning forward on his forearms and clasping his hands together. “Anything materialistic was handed down to me or Genji. The rest of it, all of his work, went to me. There was no cleaning because I took over directly.”

“Oh, family business?” Julia asked, standing at the foot of the bench.

Hanzo looked at her. “Yes. It was a family business. We specialised in ancient weapons manufactures. Bows, katanas, shurikens.” He looked at Jesse and shrugged.

Jesse nodded and smiled. ‘Cause yeah, when your boyfriend tells you that he was an assassin and part of an ancient clan, you forget to ask what the legitimate side of the business was.

“Not anymore, though?” Julia asked.

“No. I let it all go when Genji…” Hanzo trailed off, picking up a can and looking at the nutritional information. A distraction, perhaps.

“I see,” Julia said softly. She approached Hanzo, placing a hand on his bicep, rubbing it up and down slowly. “I want to apologise for the way Dad behaved on Thanksgiving.”

“There is no need to apologise,” Hanzo said quickly, shaking his head and offering a smile. “You were not at fault.”

“No,” she argued, “I knew he was snoopin’. I should have warned you.”

“It wouldn’t have made a difference, Jules,” Jesse said. He knows his sister; she will be blaming herself for the whole ordeal. “He still would have said what he said.”

Julia opened her mouth, taking a breath before closing it again and nodding. She looked back at the pantry. “I think we’re done here. The only other thing Mom wants done is to go through his clothes.”

Jesse nodded. “We can tackle that after lunch. In the meantime, I think we’ve earned our rest.” Jesse looked at the swing on the back porch and smiled. He extended his hand to Hanzo. “Come on. I’ve been waitin’ nearly thirty years to do this.”

Hanzo took his hand and Jesse grabbed his guitar case before they proceed outside. It was a sunny winter’s day. Cool, but not cold. They took a seat on the swing and Jesse kicked off with his legs, causing it to rock gently. He looked at the ranch that makes up the backyard, full of grazing cows. Thirty in all at last count. He turned to Hanzo, watching the cattle graze. “This your first time seein’ cows too?”

“This close, yes.” He looked at Jesse, shuffling in closer and resting his head on his shoulder. “Tell me what it like was to work on a ranch.”

“It was hard work,” Jesse started, almost feeling all of the aches and cramps in his muscles he used to get. “I’d spend days on a horse when herdin’ them to the dam, or in the truck transportin’ hay and spreading it around. Winters were always the hardest. The cows calve, so it’s daily checking and monitoring to make sure they were happy and healthy. I would make sure there was enough hay, and made sure the whole operation ran like a well-oiled machine.” He rested his head against Hanzo’s. “It was hard, but I liked it. Being outdoors, getting my hands dirty, there’s nothin’ better.”

“Like your construction work,” Hanzo said, bringing his hand up to Jesse’s chest and playing with one of the buttons on his shirt.

“Yep. I don’t think I would survive if I had one of those desk jobs. Caged in an office, inside a cubicle.” He shuddered at the thought. “Don’t know how those folks do it.”

“It can be tedious,” Hanzo sighed.

Jesse hummed and kissed Hanzo’s head before resting his head on Hanzo’s once more. He closed his eyes and smiled, kicking off the porch to get the swing to rock again. This was nice. Perfect. Exactly like he had imagined.

“How are you feeling, Jesse?” Hanzo asked after a few moments.

“I’m… good. All things considered,” Jesse said with a smile. The day has been surprisingly good so far. “Just tryin’ not to think about the bad, like you said.”

“Good,” Hanzo whispered, his hand trailing down his torso, grabbing Jesse’s hand and squeezing.

Jesse kissed Hanzo’s head before reaching for his guitar case, opening it and pulling out his guitar once more. Looking from the guitar to Hanzo, he smiled. “Any requests?”

Sitting up, Hanzo shook his head subtly, “Play whatever comes to mind first.”

“All right,” Jesse said with a smirk. He strummed a couple of notes at random, thinking of a song. He wanted to play something sappy, something… completely Hanzo. Looking at his man with an easy smile, the perfect song in his mind, he said, “So this song, it’s an old one by the great Elvis Presley.”

“I have not heard of him,” Hanzo admitted.

“No matter,” Jesse brushed off. “My singin’ voice is somethin’ to be desired, but you’ll get the idea.” He looked down at the guitar, getting his finger placements correct before taking a breath, a somewhat shaky, nervous breath. He was never one to be nervous when playing the guitar and singing with Julia, but this was the first time he’d played in front of a boyfriend; in front of someone he loved.

Shaking his head, he started playing, a few random chords to start before easing into the tune, letting the introduction play much longer than anticipated before he gained the courage to start singing, “Wise men say only fools rush in, but I can't help falling in love with you.” His voice hitched in his throat, so he continued playing absent of his voice.

He glanced at Hanzo, catching him frozen, lips parted and eyes wide in surprise.

“Please, continue singing,” Hanzo encouraged, shuffling in closer and placing a hand on his bicep.

Jesse smiled and nodded, taking another breath before picking up the lyrics again, “Like a river flows, surely to the sea, darling so it goes, some things are meant to be. Take my hand, take my whole life too. For I can't help falling in love with you.” He looked at Hanzo; his eyes welled with tears, smiling as he sang the final line, “For I can't help falling in love with you.”

Jesse took a final breath, smiling wide and wiping his eyes with the back of his hand. Hanzo applauded softly, choking back a sob before cupping Jesse’s chin, kissing him softly.

“You have a beautiful voice,” Hanzo whispered.

Jesse tried to speak but no words came out, so he nodded before resting the guitar against the wall next to the seat and embracing Hanzo. After a moment, he whispered, “Thank you, Han.”

Kissing Hanzo’s forehead, Jesse wrapped his arm around Hanzo’s shoulder, interlocking his other between his fingers. He kicked off the ground again, rocking the swing and they sat in a comfortable silence as the high from the performance eased. Hanzo rested his head on Jesse’s shoulder once more, and Jesse nuzzled up against him.

“Bein’ out here, on this swing with my boyfriend, playin’ him a tune, holdin’ his hand while cuddlin’ up to him...” Jesse whispered eventually, “I’ve wanted this all my life. I’m glad that out of all the boyfriends I’ve had, I get to share this for the first time with you.” He kissed the top of Hanzo’s head, before placing a hand under his chin to prompt him to lift up his head. With a smile while looking at Hanzo’s plush lips, Jesse leaned in and kissed him.

Jesse brought a hand up to Hanzo’s face, caressing his cheek with his thumb. He tilted his head slightly when he felt Hanzo’s tongue brush against his lips and the kiss deepened, slow and sensual as their tongues danced together.

The kiss receded before eventually stopping, and they both took a deep breath. Jesse kissed Hanzo’s cheek and temple, before resting his forehead on Hanzo’s. “I love you so much, Hanzo,” Jesse whispered, closing his eyes. “Much more than I thought possible.”

He felt Hanzo’s hand cup his face, as the other hand ran through his hair, brushing it behind his ear. “I love you, Jesse McCree,” Hanzo whispered back. “I thought I was incapable of loving someone. You have shown me what it is like to experience true love.”

Jesse smiled and kissed Hanzo’s forehead before embracing him, holding him tight and squeezing, intent on never letting him go. Not now, not ever. Nothing can separate them.

That is, until the back door slid open. “Lunch is here when you’re ready,” Julia said softly.

Jesse nodded in response and then heard the door close. Planting one more kiss on Hanzo’s temple, he reluctantly pulled away. His hands trail down Hanzo’s arms and settled in his hands, he stood up and pulled Hanzo up with him.

\---

“Hanzo, you have to watch this!”

“Mom, come on, not the baby videos too?!” A small part of him was whining over the embarrassment of seeing his baby videos. The other part was whining because that’s what kids do to their parents, which only drives more determination to show off said embarrassing videos.

And it seemed to work, as Hanzo was pulled away from Jesse’s side and dragged into the living room, his mom on his left and aunt Sofía on his right. Well, he imagines that Hanzo is being pulled away and dragged, because not even _he himself_ wants to watch _those_ videos.

However, the huge grin on Hanzo’s face contradicted his thoughts. He was enjoying this too much.

Jesse leaned against the bench, waiting for the kettle to come to the boil. Julia rested against the bench next to him and exhaled noisily. He looked at her and smiled.

“The joys of bein’ twins, hey?”

“Yep. Those just aren’t _your_ baby videos,” Julia said as she nudged Jesse’s shoulder with hers. “Hanzo is fitting in quite well.”

“Yeah,” Jesse said enthusiastically. “He’s a lot more comfortable than I thought he would be.”

“Mom loves him.”

Bringing his enthusiasm down a couple of notches, Jesse smiled softly and nodded slowly. “She does.”

She frowned. “I thought you would have been more excited about that?”

Jesse hummed. “I’m happy. I just hate that it took Dad dying for her to see him for who he is.” Jesse paused to listen to Hanzo laugh at a story his mom was telling him. His laugh is a hearty laugh, has a bit more body than his chuckle. Jesse smiled, he loves that laugh. “The sweet, kind, gentle, funny man.”

Wrapping her arm around him, Julia asked, “Remember that video chat we had six weeks ago, when I first met Hanzo?” Jesse nodded and she continued, “They wanted to know what he was like. You wanna know what I told them? I said, ‘he makes Jesse happy, isn’t that enough?’”

“What’d Dad say about that?” Jesse asked, completely sceptical.

“The usual. Nothin’ you haven’t heard before,” Julia allowed, moving on quickly, “But Mom… when it was just us two, she said that she was happy that you’d found someone. That she was looking forward to meeting him. That she was hoping she would get to show him your baby pictures.”

Jesse brought a hand up to his face to cover his quivering chin. Julia squeezed him tight and continued, “She’d planned on taking a day when Dad was at the shop to invite us around, and be the mom you deserved. Just for a few hours.”

“Fuck, Jules…” Jesse cried, whole body shaking. She embraced him, rubbing soothing circles up and down his back. “I had… no idea she thought that…”

“She wanted to make a mends,” Julia whispered. “She was sick of hiding in Dad’s shadow.”

Jesse wrapped his arms around Julia and held her tight. He didn’t know what to think, what to say. His mind was a complete mess of thoughts that made no sense. He rode out the tide of emotion. Today was a fucked up day. He knew it would be, but not what for the reasons he thought.

“Well, that makes three times,” Jesse whispered once he had stopped crying, pulling away from Julia and sniffling.

“Three times?”

“I knew I’d be all over the place today. I knew I’d cry. This makes the third time today. And it’s only three p.m,” Jesse said, rounding up from the 2:52 p.m. the clock on the microwave read.

Julia smiled softly. “And we’ll likely be here til’ late in the evening.”

Jesse hummed, wiping his face. He grabbed the tissue box sitting on the edge of the bench, plucking a tissue and blowing his nose quietly, not wanting Hanzo to hear. No blowing his nose like a trumpet as he usually does. He tossed the tissue in the trash, grabbing a glass from the cupboard under the bench and poured water from the faucet, filling the cup. He skolled the entire glass in a manner of seconds.

In that time, Julia had made the coffees and Jesse hadn’t realised until she handed him his cup, then took a tray of three mugs and a plate of cookies into the living area.

Jesse grabbed his tin of cigarillos from his breast pocket, plucking one and placing it between his lips. When Julia returned into the kitchen and picked up her mug, he grabbed her hand and led her outside. Handing her his coffee so he could light up, he took a long drag before exhaling and taking his mug back. That was enough to get his thoughts back into some order again.

“What are your plans for Christmas?”

Jesse looked at Julia. “Don’t have any. Why?”

“Mom will be in San Pedro. Considerin’ our flight out is from New York, we were thinkin’ of visiting.”

“We’d love to have you for Christmas, big sister,” Jesse smiled, nudging her in the shoulder gently with his.

“Perfect.” She grabbed the cigarillo from Jesse’s fingers and took a long drag before handing it back.

Jesse held it between his thumb and finger. “Didn’t think you still smoked.”

Shrugging and exhaling the smoke, she answered, “I don’t. Not like I used to. I sneak a drag every now and then.”

Jesse hummed and nodded, looking at the cows graze in the afternoon sun, taking another drag.

“So what are you gettin’ Hanzo for Christmas?”

Jesse exhaled the smoke through his nose, watching it disappear on the breeze. “Nothin’,” he admitted, shrugging his shoulders and leaning against the wall.

“Nothin’?”

Jesse looked at her. “Nothin’. He ain’t gettin’ me anything either.” He looked back out to the grazing cows. “A mutual understanding.” A mutual understanding that gift giving is silly. Neither of them like knick-knacks; their company is enough.

“Fair enough, I guess.” The inflection on the end of the statement showed she was somewhat confused by their arrangement. Not entirely unwarranted, Dave showers her with gifts at practically every holiday he can. “Should I get the two of you something?”

Jesse looked up at the sky, watching the clouds lazily cross. “If you want. We’re gonna move in together when we get back.” He then looked at Julia. “You can get somethin’ for the place.” He took a sip of his coffee.

Julia nodded. “So I take it Hanzo won’t want anythin’ for his birthday either?”

Jesse raised his eyebrows in surprise. “He told you when his birthday was?”

She shook her head. “Nah, hasn’t said a word about it. I figured I’d ask.” Then she looked at him, eyes narrowed. “You _do_ know when his birthday is, right?”

“I do, I was sworn to secrecy.” At the threat of another tickle attack. Something Julia doesn’t need to know.

“That…” she trailed off, looking through the window and into the living room. “…does not surprise me.”

“He’s a secretive guy," Jesse said, turning around and looking through the window, watching Hanzo laugh at something on the TV. "Doesn’t like people fussin’ over him.”

“Sounds familiar,” she said with a smirk, nudging him with her elbow. She took the cigarillo from between his fingers again, taking a drag before handing it back.

Jesse hummed, taking a drag from the cigarillo too. He remembered the moment Hanzo told him when his birthday was. It was just the other day. Jesse can’t remember how many times he’d asked in the past, but every single time, Hanzo would deflect the question. Though, when he asked this time, Hanzo told him and swore him to secrecy. Jesse thinks it was to cheer him up, one of the few times he was feeling down about the looming funeral, and boy, it did the job. When Jesse decided to say it aloud, Hanzo tickled him. And he wouldn’t stop until he was convinced that Jesse wouldn’t tell anyone.

He looked at Julia and cursed his need to tell his sister everything. He exhaled the smoke. “It’s this month.”

Julia nodded, looking at the cows. “Noted.”

“Don’t say anythin’.” That’s all she needs to know.

“Also noted.”

They fall into a comfortable silence. Jesse offered Julia the cigarillo and they share it between them, enjoying each other’s company while they drink their coffee.

“I’m glad I’ll be seein’ you sooner rather than later,” Jesse said eventually, taking one final drag as he stepped off the porch and tossed it on the ground, extinguishing the butt under the ball of his foot before picking it up. “I’ve enjoyed our time here.”

Julia leaned against the wall, bending her leg at the knee and resting it against the wall for balance. "Think you'll come back?"

“One day,” Jesse said hopeful. “Hanzo’s got the bar and he’s got a student. I don’t think he’ll leave her before her lessons are complete.”

“A student?” Julia asked, eyebrows knitted together.

“Oh? I never mentioned Hana?” Julia shook her head and Jesse continued, “Hanzo teaches archery to a student. A really sweet Korean girl by the name of Hana. Met her once, she’s a firecracker.” He paused and smiled sheepishly, “She might have a crush on Hanzo.”

Julia snorted. “She does know…”

“She does. It’s like that teacher-student admiration thing. I think she’s got a boyfriend anyway. A Brazilian fella who watches her lessons sometimes.” He’s reminded of the time he saw them at the mall, walking hand in hand with the young man she danced with, wondering if he’s the same person. “I don’t quite know how far through the lessons they are, but yeah, the plan is to move back here one day.”

“That’ll be good, baby brother.”

Jesse hummed and wrapped his arm around her shoulders, pulling her in close and kissing her head. “Very good.”

\---

Hanzo carried the last two bags full of clothes down the hallway and placed them by the front door, along with the five other bags.

Cleaning out all of his dad’s clothes took much longer than anyone had anticipated. The time is now nine-fifteen and they’d spent the two hours after dinner, which was just leftovers from lunch, in Jesse’s mom’s bedroom.

Granted, a large portion of that time was spent also going through her clothes too, getting rid of anything which she hadn’t worn in years, while she shared embarrassing stories from their childhoods.

It was endearing, listening to his mom tell her stories and laugh along with her. Jesse even told a couple of stories too.

Hanzo handled the questions regarding his family quite well. They sympathised with him when he revealed he had no family. They told him that he has a new family now. He thanked them for their generosity, but Jesse could tell he was touched, the subtle way he tilted his head and cleared his throat when he bowed, he was fighting back tears.

Hanzo exhaled noisily upon settling the large bags down on the ground. He insisted he carry them out by himself, feeling like he hadn’t done anything at all to help. The silly man doesn’t know just how much he’s done today. Jesse will have to tell him.   
  
Jesse watched on as Hanzo stretched his neck from side to side and engaged in tricep stretches. His eyes were drawn to the bare skin and his hip bones from where his shirt had ridden up. Jesse bit his bottom lip. Fuck Hanzo looks good when he stretches like that.

And it seems he was not the only one to notice. Hanzo was right when he said older women were attracted to him, given his Aunt’s need to keep touching him. He can’t help but smile. “Hanzo, here, take a seat on the couch,” Aunt Sofía said, placing a hand on his lower back and directing him to the couch. She handed him a glass of water when he sat down, placing a hand on his knee.

Everyone else took a seat on the couches, recovering from that monster effort. Cheeks flushed, Hanzo pulled up his sleeves to his elbows, and the room fell silent. No one breathed. He could hear a pin drop.

“Fuck, Hanzo,” Julia said, racing across the room and grabbing his left arm. “You’ve been living in my house for nine days. And this is the first time I’m seein’ this?” She turned to Jesse, eyes narrowed, “And you found it appropriate to leave _this_ detail out?!”

Jesse shrugged and looked at Hanzo, who smirked back. Julia followed his gaze to Hanzo, looking at him then back at his arm. “Ah,” she said almost silently while nodding slowly, most likely referencing their earlier conversation: Hanzo’s a secretive guy.

Hanzo was then swarmed by Jesse’s mom and aunt, the three women gushing over the detail and the design, asking him the questions Jesse had already asked. He declined when his aunt asked if she could see the entire tattoo, though she let her hand linger on his left bicep much longer than she should have. Jesse can only chuckle.

“Alright, show’s over,” Jesse said as he squirmed his way through the small crowd in front of Hanzo, taking a seat next to him.

When the women pull away to sit back on the couch, Hanzo took a breath and whispered in his ear, “Thank you,” before kissing his temple.

“S’nothin’ at all, sugarplum,” Jesse whispered back. “I know you don’t like the attention.”

Hanzo nodded and sat back into the couch. Jesse joined him and smiled when Hanzo rested his head on his shoulder.

“Big day,” Julia murmured, slumping back in the couch. She stretched her legs and rolled her ankles.

Jesse hummed. He looked at his mom. “Mamá, was there anything else you wanted help with?”

“No, Jesse. We got what I wanted done,” she yawned, bringing her hand up to her mouth to catch the tail end of it. “Your aunt will help with the rest.”

Jesse nodded, resting his head on Hanzo’s. His eyelids were heavy. He could fall asleep now; he’s so tired and emotionally drained. He looked at Julia and gestured with his head to the front door, acknowledging that it’s time to go home. He kissed Hanzo’s head and sat up with a groan. Yep, very tired; he only groans with his movements when he’s tired.

With another groan, he stood up, walking over to his mom. She stood up and he embraced her. _“Mamá, it was good spending the day with you today.”_ He whispered.

 _“I enjoyed it very much, Jesse._ ” She pulled away and grabbed his hands. _“Thank you for your help today.”_ She paused and smiled, eyes welling with tears. _“Thank you for letting me show off your baby photos and videos to Hanzo. I have wanted to do this for many years.”_

Jesse embraced his mom again. _“Julia told me.”_

They embrace for moments. Jesse’s unaware of how many. The only thing he’s aware of, as the tears spill down his cheeks, is that this made four times he’s cried today.

After saying goodbye to his Aunt, Jesse embraced his mom one last time. “Take care in San Pedro.”

“I will, Jesse.”

“I’ll call you in a few days.”

His mom’s response was a tighter hug. He kissed her cheek and she reluctantly let him go. She cupped his face with her hand, and Jesse leaned into the touch. That was something he hadn’t experienced in nearly thirty years, and it felt fucking amazing. He nodded one final time and walked hand-in-hand with Hanzo back to Julia’s car. They climbed in and Jesse waved as they drove away.

“Fuck this day,” Jesse breathed. “I’m drained.”

“We all are darlin’.” Julia exhaled noisily.

“It was good to get in some exercise while we have been here,” Hanzo added.

Jesse laughed, grabbing Hanzo’s hand. “Trust you to say that. Y’know, you can do push ups and sit ups at the house. You don’t need a gym for that.”

Hanzo merely shrugged and rested his head on Jesse’s shoulder. Thankfully the drive back to Julia’s only took a minute, and they’re already pulling down the driveway. Jesse could use a bath. A bath with Hanzo. He chuckled, watching his man rub his eye and yawn. Jesse kissed his head. Fuck it, they’re gonna have a bath while Julia and Dave are in the house. It’ll be the last bath they’ll have for a while, since their flight back to Boston is in the morning.

They pull up in front of the house, and Jesse practically fell out of the car. He and Hanzo walk hand-in-hand into the house, Julia towing behind. She closed the front door behind them, and raced past them and leapt into Dave’s lap, kissing his cheek. “Babe, you have to see Hanzo’s tattoo!”

Jesse shook his head and scoffed, looking at Hanzo who grinned as he rolled up his sleeve.

“And I expect to see all of it!”

“Jules!!”

\---

Jesse embraced Julia for the final time on their extended stay in Santa Fe on the steps of the airport. “I’m gonna miss you, big sister.”

“I’m going to miss you too, baby brother.”

“See you in a couple weeks?”

“Absolutely.”

She pulled away, wiping her eyes. “I was hopin’ I wouldn’t cry.”

“You big sap,” Jesse said with no heat behind his words, punching her in the arm lightly.

She shrugged and embraced Hanzo, and Jesse watched on with a full heart. He cleared his throat and looked away, tears were threatening to spill from his eyes, and he’s done enough crying on this trip to last a lifetime.

Hanzo looked at Jesse and smiled. “Ready?”

Looking at Julia, Jesse held out his hand, she grabbed it. “Christmas.”

She nodded, and they reluctantly separated. They walk inside the airport, and when they are out of earshot, Hanzo asked, “So what is this about Christmas?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Jesse playing the guitar for Hanzo on the swing was Magisey’s suggestion when I mentioned that Jesse can play the guitar in this au. Writing that scene was an absolute joy to bring to life. So I want to dedicate this chapter to Magisey, it wouldn’t be here if we hadn’t back-and-forthed about the future plot points I mentioned earlier. Dude, you’re an all-round fantastic beta. You have made this story better than I had imagined. Thank you from the bottom of my heart for putting up with my shite, my questions, my anxiety. All of it!
> 
> This chapter also allowed me to introduce Peacekeeper, something I've been meaning to do since chapter nine!
> 
> This chapter features the following songs:  
> [Green Day - Good Riddance (Time Of Your Life)](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CnQ8N1KacJc)
> 
> [Elvis Presley - Can't Help Falling In Love](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vGJTaP6anOU)
> 
> Though I used [this version](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IPsA3sz934M&feature=youtu.be) as inspiration for the scene.
> 
> I hope you enjoyed the read :-D


	21. Settling In

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hiya!!
> 
> WOOT WE CRACKED 100k words! I can't believe the monster this fic has become, and it wouldn't be here without your support, so thanks for reading, and your comments and love for this fic.
> 
> PHEW that was an intense time our boys had in Santa Fe. Back in Boston, things can only be peachy from here... right?
> 
> Welcome to the fourth and potentially final act of this fic. I'm still working out the last couple of chapters, but at 27 chapters and counting who knows when this fic will end!
> 
> No warnings this time. It's quite the chilled chapter with a bit of smut, and we check in with our favourite girls!
> 
> As always, a huge thanks to Magisey for betaing.
> 
> Enjoy the read!!

Jesse looked around the motel room and it was cleaner than the day he first stepped into it. There was no dust anywhere to be seen and the peppering of mould in the cracks of the shower tiles was gone. Those things alone should have been warning that this should have been a quick stop. Not a nine month stay.

Hefting the backpack slung over his right shoulder and tightening his grip on the suitcase in his left hand, he looked at Hanzo standing on his right, grabbing his hand. “Glad to be seein’ the last of this place?”

Hanzo smiled and nodded, looking around the room. “I have become quite fond of this dirty, awful coloured little room.”

“Ha!” Jesse nudged Hanzo with his shoulder. “Never thought I’d hear you say that. Not in a million years!”

“But I am happy to never see it again.” He looked from the ceiling to Jesse. “How are you feeling about it?”

Jesse looked around again, eyes settling on the small round dining table, and smiled. “I’m actually just as happy to never see it again. It was never meant to be permanent, Han.” He shook his head, looking up at the popcorn ceiling one last time. “I can’t believe I ended up staying here for nine months.”

“To be fair, you had spent the last two weeks before our visit to Santa Fe at the bar. You had essentially moved in.”

“Essentially. Now it’s official.” Jesse kissed Hanzo’s temple, before leading him out of the room. He closed the door, thankful he never has to dance with that lock ever again. Key in hand, they walked to reception to say goodbye to Mrs. Romano.

“Mr. Jesse,” she smiled as they walked through the door. “I cannot believe this will be the last time I will see your smiling face.”

“Ah, I’m sure I’ll see you around, Mrs. Romano,” Jesse said, leaning on his elbow on the counter. He placed the key down and she finalised his tab. Jesse paid the amount and when she was done, she walked around the counter, outstretching her arms and embracing him. He had to bend down quite a bit to meet her short height.

“I will miss your smile, Mr. Jesse,” she said as she pulled away. She looked at Hanzo, pointing a finger, her tone stern, “You make sure you look after him.”

Hanzo bowed his head. “I will.”

“And you look after yourself,” Jesse said wrapping an arm around Mrs. Romano’s shoulders.

“I will,” she nodded. “I am planning on retiring in February. Matthew will be ready to take over.”

“Oh, that’s great, Mrs. Romano.”

“Yes. I plan on spending the time doing nothing but crochet blankets for the homeless shelter.”

Jesse smiled, embracing her again. “You’re a good person, Mrs. Romano.”

“You are too, Mr. Jesse.”

Jesse pulled away, clearing his throat to keep the bubbling sadness at bay. He would miss Mrs. Romano... A lot. More than he thought he would. He smiled, placing a hand on her shoulder. “You enjoy your retirement, Mrs. Romano.”

“And you enjoy your life with your man.”

“Will do, lovely.” Jesse looked at Hanzo. “Ready to go?”

Hanzo nodded. “It was nice to meet you.” He bowed his head again.

“Same to you.” She turned her attention to Jesse. “Have a good life, Jesse.”

“You too, Mrs. Romano.” Jesse smiled and took Hanzo’s hand, turning and leaving the reception. They walked to Jesse’s truck, placing his belongings in the tray. Jesse hopped in the cab, bringing his hands up to his face and rubbing his cheeks. This chapter of his life, this silly chapter where he lived in a motel, is complete. Finished; done and dusted.

He took one more look at room 28, then at the broken sign, before turning his attention to Hanzo, who was fastening his seatbelt. “Alright, to yours?”

Flicking his head to get his hair out of his eyes, Hanzo smiled, placing a hand on Jesse’s thigh. “To ours.”

They made the quick drive over to Hanzo’s bar, parking in the loading dock behind the bar. Carrying his things upstairs, Jesse placed his bags down by the mattress on the floor.

“Right,” Jesse said as he rubbed his hands together. “May I make a few suggestions?”

“You choose now, after you have officially moved in, to make these suggestions?” Hanzo said with a quirked eyebrow, approaching Jesse and wrapping his arms around Jesse’s waist.

Jesse smiled. “Yep.” He looked at the mattress on the floor. “First, I’d like to get a proper bed frame. Sleepin’ on the floor is practically destroyin’ my back.”

Hanzo smiled and nodded. “We can.”

“Excellent, cause I’ve seen this one on craigslist.” Jesse pulled his phone out of his hoodie pocket, showing Hanzo the listing. “It’s plain, and they’re throwin’ in a couple bedside tables, all for fifty bucks.”

Hanzo analysed the listing at length, eventually nodding. “Very well. I like the colour.”

“Walnut? I’ll have to keep that in mind,” Jesse said as he replied to the buyer before it was swept up by someone else. He looked at the picture for a moment, noting the bedhead, which is comprised of three horizontal beams meeting two vertical beams in the middle, would make a great handhold during sex.

His phone pinged, alerting him that he is the successful buyer of the frame. “Perfect,” he smiled, looking from his phone to Hanzo. “They’re just around the corner, too.”

Hanzo nodded, glancing from the phone to Jesse. “So what other suggestions do you have?”

“A heater.”

Hanzo looked at the bed. “I have an electric blanket.”

“An electric blanket keeps the bed warm, Han,” Jesse said in defence for the heater. “Not the bedroom. You know me and cold bedrooms. I don’t need my balls disappearin’ inside me every mornin’.”

Hanzo slapped Jesse’s arm softly. “Filthy. Anything else?”

“Alarm clock?” Jesse put on his best puppy dog face when Hanzo frowned.

“Jesse…”

“I’ll be startin’ shift work later this week. If I use my phone I’m liable to cancel the alarm and go back to sleep. Lord knows I’ve done it in the past.”

“All right.”

“I can get a cheap one.”

“It is fine,” Hanzo reiterated. “Anything else?”

“Umm…” Jesse looked around the sparse room. Bed, chest of drawers, closet by the bathroom. “Not that I can think of. Not for the moment, anyway.”

Hanzo smiled. “A short list, then.”

Then his eyes settled on the window. “Oh, one more thing?” Jesse asked, looking back at Hanzo who closed his eyes. He’s probably already worked it out. “Curtains?”

“You are taking away my sun, too?” Hanzo said too quickly to process the request. He had worked it out.

Jesse shrugged, even though Hanzo can’t see ‘cause his eyes are still closed. “We can get an alarm clock that can set two alarms?” Jesse offered.

“It is fine,” he said, opening his eyes. “I can use my phone.”

Jesse smiled, kissing the tip of Hanzo’s nose. “I love you, Hanzo.”

Hanzo hummed, then looked up at Jesse, completely deadpan and tone stern, “If I had realised that you had so many demands, I would have more thoroughly considered your proposal to move in with me.”

Jesse scoffed. He had no words… He was speechless. He rolled his eyes when Hanzo’s lips curled upwards in an attempt to fight his smile. “Oh, you… Every damn time, Hanzo,” Jesse scolded. “Do you know how serious your serious face is?”

“I am quite aware,” Hanzo stated matter-of-fact. “It was required for my line of work.”

“Yeah, I bet it was.” Hanzo – business man by day, assassin by night; always serious and never smiling. He probably has a decent poker face too.

Hanzo stood on his toes, now face to face with Jesse, easy smile on his face as his hand curled around the back of Jesse’s neck, running his fingers through his hair. “You can add anything you want to make my home your home.”

“ _Our_ home,” Jesse reiterated.

“Our home,” Hanzo whispered before kissing him.

Jesse’s phone pinged again, pulling away from Hanzo to check it. “We can pick it up now if you’re up for it?”

“We have no other plans for the rest of the afternoon.”

“Great,” Jesse smiled, kissing Hanzo’s forehead before typing up a reply.

\---

It may be winter. It may be only thirty-six degrees outside, but inside, Jesse was enjoying a shirtless Hanzo assembling the bed frame way too much.

He himself was in a pair of sweats and an undershirt, because the room was still fairly cold without a heater. But Hanzo though, who could probably survive a snowy winter in shorts and a t-shirt, was only wearing his baggy light grey sweats that barely hold onto his hips, so much so that a fair amount of his underwear was poking over the top.

Hanzo tossed his shirt after they carried all of the pieces upstairs. Watching him lug the pieces, the way his muscles tensed and rippled under his skin with each movement, it was a sexy sight. Right now, he was assembling the bed frame, kneeling on the ground as he screwed in the side rails to the bedhead with an allen wrench.

Jesse was holding the side rail in place. It was already connected to the foot of the bed and the rail on the other side of the bed was already done. He stepped away as Hanzo finished screwing the piece in place.

Hanzo stood up, dusting his hands on his thighs before looking at the slats sitting in a pile on the floor. They arranged them in their grooves, and the bed frame was complete.

“Mattress,” Jesse said as he crouched down at one end of the mattress. Hanzo nodded, standing at the other end and together they picked it up and placed it on the bed frame. Jesse sat on the bed, bringing his feet up and resting his back on the bedhead and Hanzo joined him on his left.

“Is there enough room for you to swing your legs and walk around on your side?” Hanzo asked.

“Yeah, plenty of space.” Jesse looked at the gap between the wall with the window and the bed, the same width as the bedside table. The bed sat opposite the chest of drawers, leaving Hanzo’s side of the room rather empty. Large enough for a little love seat and TV on the wall with the bow if they wanted.

He turned his attention to Hanzo and grabbed his hand, looking at his shirtless form. “What do you think about it? Not too drastic of a change?”

Hanzo smiled. “No, it is good. I should have bought a frame much sooner. I didn’t in case…” He trailed off and frowned, looking at their intertwined fingers. “In case I needed to leave in a hurry.”

Jesse nodded, looking at their hands also. “Seems like we were both hangin’ onto our pasts when we shouldn’t have.”

Hanzo hummed. He looked at storm bow on the wall before looking back at Jesse and smiling. “We should mount Peacekeeper.”

Jesse smiled. “I’ll pick up a trigger lock first. Make sure no one can tamper with the gun”

Hanzo nodded, looking at Jesse, his eyes heavy lidded as he licked his bottom lip. Jesse knows that look, and he’s about to be one lucky boy. Hanzo sat up and swung his leg over Jesse’s, straddling his lap as he brought hands up to Jesse’s face, sweeping his hair behind his ears before cupping his face. “I am extremely happy that you have moved in,” he whispered. “I am excited to share my life with you, Jesse McCree.”

Jesse smiled, licking his lips as his hands settle on Hanzo’s waist. “I’m excited too, sugarplum.”

Hanzo smiled and leaned in to kiss Jesse, the small pecks turning into a kiss full of passion.

Jesse hummed as Hanzo started grinding on his lap. His hands trailed down from Hanzo’s waist to his ass, groaning when Hanzo bit his bottom lip before separating, kissing along his jawline and neck.

“We’re goin’ to be late,” Jesse said, voice low and with little enthusiasm. Just stating the obvious with no intention for Hanzo to stop. Tilting his head to the side, he closed his eyes and squeezed Hanzo’s ass again, enjoying the friction on his half-hard cock.

“You assume we are going to be taking our time,” Hanzo purred, kissing Jesse’s neck.

“Oh… Ah!” Jesse grunted as Hanzo sucked on his neck, teeth grazing against his skin. That one will leave a mark. His hands dragged down Jesse’s torso, fingernails digging in slightly as he slipped his fingers in the waistband. Jesse took the weight off his ass as Hanzo pulled both his sweats and underwear down to his thighs, his cock springing free.

Hanzo grabbed him with a firm grip and started stroking, long and slow as they kissed passionately once more.

Jesse palmed Hanzo through his sweats, and swallowed down the needy moan he made. Hooking his fingers into Hanzo’s sweats and underwear, Jesse pulled them down enough to get his cock free.

Jesse took Hanzo’s length into his hand, pumping to match Hanzo’s rhythm. After a moment, he thumbed over his slit and massaged the glans with the leaking precome, his cock twitching in response. With a moan, Jesse tightened his grip on Hanzo and increased his speed, causing Hanzo to match.

With his other hand on Hanzo’s back, Jesse pulled him close, leaning forward and meeting him to kiss his chest and pectorals, taking a nipple in his mouth and sucking the hardened nub. Hanzo moaned under the touch, placing his free hand on the back of Jesse’s head, keeping him in place.

Moaning again, Hanzo’s hips bucked and his rhythm changed unpredictable, alternating fast then slow and shallow. The change was enough to send Jesse over the edge, his hips bucked as he moaned Hanzo’s name.

Jesse stuttered his tugging and tightened his grip around Hanzo, who let out a moan and a series of expletives in Japanese and English as he came. Bringing his hand from the back of Jesse’s head to under his chin, Hanzo kissed him gently as he rode out the high.

Hanzo rested his forehead on Jesse’s and looked at the collective mess in their laps. Jesse bit his lip at the sight of come on Hanzo’s torso; so fucking pretty.

“Well this was somewhat unexpected,” Hanzo stated, taking a breath.

“Gotta love surprise quickies,” Jesse chuckled. He kissed Hanzo’s cheek before wiping his hand on his sweats and taking off his undershirt, handing it to Hanzo to clean his hand.

“It is a good thing we still needed to shower,” Hanzo murmured, wiping his torso.

Jesse took the shirt and wiped himself clean. He bundled it and dropped it on the floor, placing his hands on Hanzo’s waist while he kissed his chest. “Fuck, I love you,” he whispered, lips fluttering against Hanzo’s pectoral.

“I love you too,” Hanzo whispered back, bringing his hands up to Jesse’s face and kissing the top of his head. “Now we will be late if we spend any more time cuddling.”

Jesse smiled, looking up at Hanzo, resting his chin on his chest. “Cuddling? I don’t think I’ve ever heard you use _that_ word.”

“You are rubbing off on me.”

Jesse snorted. “Describin’ what we just did?”

Hanzo raised an eyebrow. “You are filthy, Jesse McCree.”

“Don’t I know it,” Jesse said as he planted one last kiss on Hanzo’s bare chest. “Shower?”

“Shower.” Hanzo adjusted himself, pulling up his sweats and climbing off Jesse then off the bed.

Swinging his legs onto the floor, Jesse stood up and shucked his pants and underwear, stepping out of them. When Hanzo rolled his eyes, Jesse pushed him playfully, saying, “Too old for shame, remember.”

With a smirk, Hanzo murmured, “When you enter a village…” before dropping his pants and underwear to the floor and standing out of them.

“There’s the man I fell in love with.” Jesse kissed Hanzo’s cheek and placed his hands on Hanzo’s shoulders, turning him around and leading him into the bathroom. Looking at Hanzo’s messy hair, he said, “And you know I’m gonna wash your hair!”

“Then we will most definitely be late.”

\---

“Sorry we’re late!” Jesse exclaimed as the door opened.

Lena leaped up and threw her arms around Jesse’s neck. “No need to apologise, love. Welcome home.” She kissed his cheek.

“Thanks lovely, it’s good to be home.” He embraced Emily when Lena moved on to hug Hanzo.

“We’re sorry to hear what happened, you have our condolences to you and your family.” Emily said softly, linking her arm around Jesse’s.

“Thank you,” Jesse replied. He hoped it sounded sincere; he’s not after condolences. “Sorry we had to cancel our plans.”

“Don’t be daft!” Lena yelled. “You had a legitimate reason for cancelling on us!”

Jesse shrugged as he was led into the kitchen by Emily. He leaned on his forearms on the counter as she headed to the fridge, grabbing out four beers. Lena and Hanzo followed in, Hanzo stood next to Jesse as Lena headed to the pantry, grabbing out a bag of chips.

“So, pizza?” Emily asked pulling her phone from her jeans pocket.

“Yeah, the usual for me.” Jesse looked at Hanzo. “Do you like pineapple on pizza?”

“I have not tried it,” Hanzo admitted. He wrinkled his nose before adding, “I do not know how I will take to it.”

“Oh, then we most definitely have to get a pineapple pizza then!” Emily directed her attention to the phone. “Any other requests?”

“Vegetarian for me,” Lena said, looking over Emily’s shoulder.

“Done.” She looked at Hanzo with a smile.

“I would not mind a pepperoni pizza.”

“Great.” Emily furiously tapped away on her phone. “And done.” She placed her phone on the bench, directing her attention back to the beers and opening them with a bottle opener. “So how was your time away?”

“Good,” Jesse started, extending his hand when Emily handed him his beer, nodding. “Thanks lovely. Got to spend a whole lot of time doin’ nothin’ with Hanzo. Got to endure my horrible dad. I ended up telling all of the guests at the wedding about my crush on Dave –”

“Former crush,” Hanzo reiterated as he bowed his head at Emily as he’s handed his beer. “Thank you.”

“That wasn’t in your speech,” Lena said, frown on her face as she turned around with a yellow plastic bowl in her hands.

“Nah, I realised what I had written down felt forced.” He played with the label of the bottle, scratching the corner of the label with his thumbnail as he thought about his original speech, something he wrote to appease his dad. Safe, happy, and wholly not him. Jesse smirked, “Trust me to change what I want to say at the last second.” He watched Lena open the packet of plain chips and pour them into the bowl.

“Was it good, though?” Lena asked, placing the bowl on the counter.

“Yes,” Hanzo answered, looking at Jesse. “It was perfect.”

“That’s all that matters,” Emily said from inside the fridge. She returned with a French onion dip, peeling off the foil and placing it next to the chips.

“Then we attended a funeral,” Jesse continued, “We helped to clean out my folks place before we left.” Sighing, he looked at Hanzo and kissed his shoulder. “Not that we cleaned as much as I thought we would.”

“Oh, that’s shit, love!” Lena said, walking around the counter and embracing Jesse. “I’m sorry, Jess.”

“Thanks lovely. Though there’s nothin’ much you can do about it. Life goes on,” Jesse sighed as he took a pull of beer, leaning forward on his forearms on the benchtop once more. “Just didn’t expect to be attendin’ a wedding and a funeral in the same week, y’know?” He looked at Hanzo, wrapping his arm around him and resting his head on his shoulder. “Poor Hanzo had to endure the family twice!”

“It was not an issue,” Hanzo smiled, kissing Jesse’s head.

“He took it like a champ. Mingled with the family, showed off his best qualities. They loved him.” Jesse nodded and looked at Hanzo, thinking of his mom smoothing her hands over his shoulders and showing him his baby photos, and smiled. “Every one of ‘em.”

Hanzo scoffed. “Perhaps with the exception of Dave.”

Jesse laughed, “He likes you, he’s just is a princess.”

“What happened?” Emily asked, carrying the bowl of potato chips and dip and placing them on the dining table. She sat down, prompting Jesse, Hanzo and Lena to sit down.

“We were talkin’ about our pet names, Dave called _us_ weird and Hanzo threw it back at him when he refused to partake. He stormed off like the princess he is,” he rolled his eyes, “and complained about it.”

“Sounds like a charmer, hey?” Lena laughed, nudging Emily with her elbow.

“Ugh, sounds horrible,” Emily mumbled. “I can’t stand high maintenance people.” She shook her head and took a pull of beer.

“Yeah, well some folks like the challenge, like my sister apparently!” Jesse grabbed a handful of chips and stuffed them in his mouth. “So what did we miss here?”

“Oh, nothin’ much.” Lena brought her hands under the table and she fussed with something, leaning from side to side as she tried to get something out of her pocket, Jesse guessed. He looked on with suspicion. “Just this!” she chirped finally, holding up her left hand, emerald ring on her ring finger. Emily also held up her left hand with a sapphire ring on her ring finger.

“Wait… what…?” Jesse trailed off, brow furrowed and pointing between them. “Are those engagement rings?!”

“Sure are!” Emily beamed, wrapping her arm around Lena.

“Ladies… congratulations!” Jesse stood up, walked around the table and embraced them. “Why didn’t ya call?”

“We wanted to tell you in person and show off our bling!” Lena said as she embraced Hanzo.

“So who proposed first?” Hanzo asked as they took their seats at the table.

“I did,” Emily started, “we were at dinner for our seventh anniversary. Well, we were at the bar ‘cause our table wasn’t ready. Poor Leenie had just about had enough of the whole situation. She was a bundle of huffs and sighs and slumped shoulders.” Emily turned to look at her. “She had to work the afternoon shift that day, and was feeling pretty rubbish –”

“So much that I nearly pulled the plug on the whole thing,” Lena interrupted, grabbing Emily’s hand.

Emily smiled, continuing on, “We were sitting at the bar, and she looked proper blue. I wrestled with the idea of asking her then or waiting ‘til desert like I had originally planned. The more I thought about it, the more nervous I got. I knew she’d pick up on it eventually, so I bit the bullet and asked her there and then.” She looked at Lena. “Just blurted it out, fished the box out of my handbag.” She paused to stifle a laugh, bringing a hand up to her mouth. “Got butterfingers and dropped it on the ground.”

“It was the most adorable thing ever,” Lena cooed, wrapping her arm around Emily’s shoulders. “She was so flustered.”

“But I did get there, chasing after that stupid box with its curved edges. The bloody thing nearly rolled away.” She shook her head, giggling before taking a breath. “I opened the box and asked her again, and she laughed.”

“You laughed?” Jesse asked in disbelief to Lena.

“I laughed,” Lena said, picking up the story, “because what she wasn’t expecting was that I had planned on doing the same thing, which is why I didn’t pull the pin on the plans.” Lena practically bounced out of her seat. “You know that cliché engagement ring in the champers thing?”

“So cliché I love it,” Emily said, kissing Lena. “Though it didn’t pan out that way.”

“It did not,” Lena continued. “I was so caught off guard by Em that I burst out laughing, fished the ring out of my pocket and got down on one knee. Had to be a bit cliché,” Lena giggled. She looked at Emily, bringing her hand up to her face, “I love you, so much,” she whispered, kissing her.

Jesse grabbed Hanzo’s hand, nudging him with his shoulder. “The two of us have said that to each other.”

“Oh! Finally!” Lena exclaimed, throwing her hand up in exasperation. “Give us the details!”

“It was on Thanksgiving night. It was late… we were sittin’ around a fire toastin’ marshmallows. We’d shared some stuff about our past. Some shit I was definitely convinced Hanzo would leave me for…” He looked at Hanzo. “And he didn’t. So I knew that it was time.”

“Only three months late to the party, hey Hanzo?” Lena laughed.

“Yes, but it was worth the wait,” Hanzo kissed Jesse’s cheek.

“I reckon he’s said it about five hundred times over the last fortnight,” Jesse chuckled. Thinking about it now though, he realised he’s probably said it more than that to Hanzo.

“I love you,” Hanzo smiled, looking at Jesse.

“Five hundred and one,” Jesse gave Hanzo a peck on the lips, before bringing a hand up to his face, caressing his cheek with his thumb and whispering, “I love you too.”

He turned to the girls, grabbing his phone out of his jacket pocket. “Check this out,” he murmured, flicking through the photos before settling on the pancakes with the love heart on it, showing them. They never got the opportunity to call the girls while they were away, only a quick message letting them they’d have to cancel their plans and the reason behind it. “Hanzo did that.”

“Hanzo!” Lena exclaimed, reaching over the table and nudging him in the arm. “That is the most adorable thing I’ve ever seen!”

“He’s got this super soft side to him that no one gets to see,” Jesse cooed, looking at Hanzo and smiling. “It’s the best.”

“We get to see it though,” Emily giggled.

“Nah, I’m talkin’…” He looked at his perfect Hanzo, who raised an eyebrow in response. “…Speaks to animals in Japanese without knowing, which is just as adorable as that.” He pointed to his phone before he looked back at Hanzo. “You are the best boyfriend a man could ask for, Hanzo.”

Hanzo smiled, grabbing his hands and kissing his knuckles. “The same can be said about you, Jesse.”

Jesse smiled, squeezing Hanzo’s hand. “And we’ve got more news.” Jesse turned to the girls. “We’ve moved in together.”

“Guys?!” Lena screamed, running around the table and wrapping her arms around the both of them. “Since when?!”

“Since this afternoon. I had two bags of stuff, which was one more bag than I brought with me,” Jesse chuckled, rubbing the back of his head.

“So you’re at Hanzo’s then?” Emily asked, pushing Lena out of the way gently to give the both of them a kiss on the cheek.

“We are for the moment. We were looking at apartments close to the bar, but we’re gonna just ride it out for the moment ‘cause of the holidays coming up. There was one apartment which Hanzo was tryin’ to organise while we were in Santa Fe, but because of our extended stay we had to let it go.” He looked at Hanzo and sighed, “It looked fuckin’ perfect though.”

“It is of no matter. We will find something else.”

“But that bath, Hanzo,” Jesse whined.

“We will find another apartment with a bath, Jesse.” Hanzo reached for a chip, dipping it in the dip before shoving it in his mouth.

“Didn’t think you two were bath guys,” Lena smirked.

“I know, right?” Jesse leaned forward against the table, weight resting on his forearms. “But Hanzo just _loves_ them and I love sharing them with him.”

“Oh!” Emily slumped in her seat, leaning on Lena. “I love sharing a bath. There’s nothing better!”

Hanzo smiled. “There is not.”

The intercom buzzed, and a man’s voice crackled on the intercom. “Got pizza for Emily?”

Emily raced up to the intercom, answering, “Yep, come on in!” before unlocking the door. She stood in the living room waiting for the delivery guy. “So you’ve moved in. Have you spruced it up yet? Given it the ‘cowboy’ treatment?”

“So far we’ve bought and assembled a bed frame,” Jesse answered. “Got bedside tables thrown in too. It still needs a heater and alarm clock for when I go back to work at the end of the week.”

“Have you broken it in?” Lena said with a wink.

Jesse smirked and bit his lip as he looked at Hanzo. Then he could barely contain his laughter as Hanzo flushed a bright shade of pink. He’s still not used to openly discussing their sex life. He burst into laughter after Emily called from the door, “He’s blushing, isn’t he?”

“Sure is,” Lena called out. She reached out and placed a hand on Hanzo’s wrist. “I’m just joking, Hanzo.”

Hanzo smiled and nodded before ignoring the question, stating, “He is still yet to unpack his bags, but we have a bed frame.” He smirked at Jesse.

“The bed on the floor was messin’ with my back.”

“And you received a back massage, did you not?” Hanzo said slyly.

“A fuckin’ good whole body massage I might add,” Jesse said to Lena, “by these wonderful hands.” Jesse picked up Hanzo’s hand and kissed his knuckles.

“Sounds divine,” Emily called from the living room.

“He’s quite skilled.”

Hanzo brushed the statement off, saying, “It is all in the amount of pressure you apply and focussing on knots. I think they will have to be a regular thing.”

“And you won’t hear any complainin’ from me,” Jesse said before giving Hanzo a peck on the lips.

Jesse looked at Lena, thinking about decorating their room, saying, “I’m thinkin’ of puttin’ that bear you guys got me for my birthday on the dresser.” He looked at Hanzo and smiled. “He can watch us sleep, keep guard.”

“Good thing the bear isn’t a nanny cam!” Emily sing-songed, pizza in hand.

Hanzo laughed at that, and Jesse was the one who was blushing. Wondering if Hanzo has an exhibitionism kink, he took a pull of beer before standing up and helping Emily in the kitchen, gathering plates to get his mind off potentially filming themselves. He passed them around and everyone helped themselves with a slice or two of pizza.

“Here you go, pineapple on pizza,” Jesse said, offering the box to Hanzo. He took a look. A long, hard look, eyebrows knitted together as if he was trying to figure it out. Shrugging, he picked up a slice and took a bite. Nodding slowly as he chewed, he finally said, “It is better than I thought it would be.”

Jesse grinned, wrapping his arm around Hanzo’s shoulder. “That’s my boyfriend.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Uhh... Assembling that bed frame awakened something in me. The boys get lucky a fair bit coming up ;-)
> 
> I hope you enjoyed the read!


	22. Thirty Nine

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey! Welcome back!
> 
> So, going in to this chapter, I want to say that this fic is a depiction of a healthy, loving relationship. Even though I didn't write anything beyond the request a couple of chapters ago, Jesse was in no way pressured by Hanzo to have unprotected sex, and if Jesse had refused, Hanzo would have accepted the decision without complaint. 
> 
> And cause I'm assuming it's going to be a FAQ: They got tested the week they got back from Santa Fe and had the 'safe sex' talk re - unprotected sex, not that they heard anything they didn't already know. Both came back clean and here we are.
> 
> Practice safe sex irl, folks!!
> 
> And as always a thanks to the wonderful Magisey for betaing this chapter.
> 
> Enjoy!!

“How about okonomiyaki?

“What is it?”

“Okonomiyaki”

“Oko… what?”

“Okonomiyaki”

Jesse spat in the sink. “Yeah… Hanzo…” Jesse trailed off, frustration heavy in his voice as he poked his head out of the bathroom, toothbrush in hand. He looked at Hanzo, sitting on the bed, resting against the bead head and dressed in nothing but underwear and one of Jesse’s red flannel shirts. He’s got one knee up that he’s resting his tablet against, glowing faintly against his chest. His hair was down, swept over the left side of his face. It has a subtle kink in it from being tied up all of yesterday.

Jesse smiled and the frustration disappeared. He can’t be annoyed at him when dressed like that. Or when he’s showing off those mighty fine thighs. “What is it?"

“It is like a… pancake?” He frowned, looking at Jesse. “I suppose.”

“And what’s in it?”

“Yamaimo, tofu, cabbage, squid or other protein if you wanted something else, green onions, ginger…” Hanzo listed. “It is topped with mayonnaise and special okonomiyaki sauce.”

Jesse looked at Hanzo deadpan. Those things in combination mean almost nothing to him. And most of what’s in it do not belong in a pancake. “Have I had it before?”

“I have not prepared it for you, but I cannot attest to –”

“Then I haven’t had it before,” Jesse interrupted, shaking his head. He looked at Hanzo’s form again, and cursed him for looking so fucking good in nothing but a shirt and underwear.

He huffed, taking a breath and letting his annoyance go. Living with Hanzo is the best thing in the world, but sometimes the man can throw snide like nobody’s business. The good thing is Hanzo either doesn’t mind or doesn’t notice his sour mood. “I hadn’t had anything Japanese before I met you.”

Hanzo’s eyes snapped from the tablet to Jesse, wicked smile on his face. “And that explains your poor chopstick skills.”

“I’m better now!” Jesse shook his head and continued brushing his teeth, stepping back into the bathroom. Hanzo will never let him live that down.

They’re almost three weeks into living together, and to Jesse, life is good. Work is good, even though there have been a few snow days cancelling scheduled roadworks. Home is good; living with Hanzo is fun, especially when he gets playful. Picking food that Hanzo wants to try cooking is an adventure. Hanzo’s opened up more about his former life, and seems in general more comfortable in his own skin.

Everything is good, and Jesse couldn’t be happier.

He spat in the sink and rinsed his mouth, before cleaning the toothbrush under the faucet and placing it back in the medicine cabinet. Hanging his red towel around his waist on the second hook, he entered the bedroom naked, approaching the dresser, picking out a pair of underwear and putting them on.

He joined Hanzo on the bed, sitting next to him and glancing at the tablet. He eyed the picture of the flat pancake looking dish covered in mayonnaise and spring onions and something crunchy he couldn’t identify. “That’s oki…”

“Okonomiyaki.”

“Okonomiyaki?” He repeated slowly and smiled when Hanzo nodded. He looked at the picture and narrowed his eyes. “It looks nice. Reckon you can cook it?”

“It seems easy enough. Do you think Julia and Dave will like it?”

“Jules will eat anythin’, and I’m fairly certain Dave’s been to Japan, so yeah, he would.” He looked at Hanzo’s phone in his lap; a list of ingredients is open. “So we’re goin’ shopping?”

“To the markets, yes. I require ingredients for this.”

Jesse hummed. He knows what Hanzo’s like when he’s around crowds. “And you are fine to do the markets on Christmas Eve?” He asked cautiously.

“I will manage,” he answered, nodding slowly. “It will be crowded, but I will manage.”

Jesse smiled and kissed Hanzo’s cheek before looking at the dish. “Will that be enough to feed us?”

“I will also prepare torikatsu.”

“Ah, that one I _do_ know. That has to be my favourite,” Jesse said as he placed a hand under Hanzo’s chin and kissed him. He can almost taste the chicken and rice and that tonkatsu sauce that he could drink straight from the bowl.

Pulling away, he looked out the window and groaned at the slowly falling snow. He looked back at Hanzo, asking, “We gotta go out in that?”

Hanzo looked out the window and hummed. “It will be cold. Perhaps I will stay in your shirt,” he said playfully, picking a button between thumb and forefinger. “It is quite warm.”

“You know how much I love you in my clothes,” Jesse purred as he shuffled in closer. He grabbed Hanzo’s phone and placed it on the bedside table behind him, resting his hand in its place. He kissed Hanzo’s neck softly. “You know how much that drives me crazy.”

Hanzo hummed and tilted his head to the side, giving Jesse more access. “Perhaps I do it intentionally.”

“That wouldn’t surprise me,” Jesse whispered, slipping his hand down to Hanzo’s inner thigh, mere millimetres from the main show, gently kneading the muscle.

He felt Hanzo’s hand on top of his before it’s pulled it up to his hip. “If we fool around now the weather will worsen and the markets will close.”

Jesse sighed and planted one last kiss behind Hanzo’s ear before sitting up. He looked down at himself. “But what am I gonna do about this?” He adjusted his erection so it sat comfortable in his underwear.

“You will simply have to put up with it. Just as I…” Hanzo slipped Jesse’s hand onto his half hard cock, “Will have to put up with it.”

Jesse groaned. That does nothing for his arousal other than make him want Hanzo more. “You did that on purpose, didn’t you?”

Hanzo smirked, placing a hand behind Jesse’s head, pulling him in and kissing him fervently. When Jesse tested his luck and palmed him, Hanzo bit his bottom lip and pulled his hand away.

“It’s gonna be impossible for me to keep my hands off you, Han.” When Hanzo raised an eyebrow and grinned, it clicked. “That was your intention. Get me all riled up then send me out in public.”

“If it weren’t so cold,” Hanzo stated, voice low and husky, the way that makes Jesse’s stomach flutter every time, “I would devour you in public.”

Jesse let out a low moan and rested his head on Hanzo’s shoulder. “Now you’re torturin’ me, Han.” He took hold of his erection and it twitched under his touch. “This ain’t goin’ down anytime soon.”

Hanzo sat up, climbed out of bed and held out his hand. “Come, we should head out before the weather worsens.”

\---

Life is good.

Walking hand in hand with Jesse down the snowy streets, Hanzo took a deep breath; the cold air filled his lungs and burned. It made him feel alive.

He looked at Jesse on his right, dressed in a blue plaid shirt, leather jacket, jeans and his cowboy hat. His footsteps were loud with each step; his boots hit the pavement with a heavy thud.

Living with Jesse has been an absolute joy. They laugh, they joke, and he does not get offended when Hanzo teases him every now and then. He does not take life seriously, and that is something Hanzo loves about Jesse.

Hanzo took another deep breath, watching the cloud form in front of him with his exhale. The snow had eased up slightly from before they left, now it is light and could possibly stop soon, and thankfully there was no wind this morning. The weather was set to get worse before it gets better though; record snowfall is expected over the next week. Not a complete surprise given how mild the weather had been all year.

They weave down the streets of Chinatown, first entering a Japanese grocer. The burst of heat from the shop is welcome, but it is no time before Hanzo is unbuttoning his black coat and stuffing his grey beanie in his pocket. He takes off his gloves, shoving them in another pocket and unwrapping the scarf around his neck before grabbing a basket.

“How often do you venture out for your own groceries?” Jesse asked, rubbing his hands together and bringing his hands up to his mouth to blow warm air on them.

“Not very often. Only when I decide to make something that is a last minute decision.” Most of the time, Hanzo orders food and has it delivered to the bar, all tax deductible because he serves food. “Though sometimes I just enjoy walking the streets of Chinatown.” Hanzo looked at his list and grabbed the groceries required for dinner tomorrow.

“Get homesick?”

“Sometimes,” Hanzo admitted. Even though he was a child when he last walked the streets in Hanamura as something to pass the time, just being surrounded by the restaurants and markets was enough to fill that void. “Sometimes I miss being home.”

Jesse wrapped an arm around his shoulder and Hanzo smiled. He did not realise the sadness he carried in those words until he said them aloud. He was feeling somewhat vulnerable today, and the earlier teasing did nothing to get his mind off it. He looked at his man, smiling weakly, saying, “I apologise if I am in a mood today.”

“What’s on your mind, Han?” Jesse asked, holding him tighter.

Hanzo stopped walking and looked at the shelves, eyes settling on all the packaged food decorated with bright colours and cute cartoon characters. He was reminded of his childhood; when he and Genji would spend Christmas and the lead up to New Year’s eating sweets and strawberry shortcake. One of the only things his father would let them indulge in every year.

That was not what was bothering him, however. “Christmas Eve in Japan is similar to Valentine’s Day here; a time for people who are in love to exchange gifts and go for walks and eat at restaurants.” He looked at Jesse. “It never bothered me as much as it is now.”

Frowning, Jesse asked, “Why’s it bothering you now?”

Hanzo turned to face Jesse, bringing a hand up to his cheek and caressing his cheek with his thumb. “Because for the first time in nearly thirty nine years, I am happy. I have someone I can share this silly day with.” He sighed. “But all I can think of is the years I did not have you in my life.” He paused, gathering his thoughts. “I cannot imagine a life without you in it, and when I think of a time before you, like Christmas Eve of last year, watching those young couples in the bar, I did not realise how much I longed for that.” Hanzo took a breath and frowned, looking at the floor. “I have it now, and instead of being happy, I am bothered.” He looked at Jesse, rolling his eyes. “It is all very silly and confusing.”

Jesse shook his head. “It ain’t silly, Han. It’s natural to reflect on your life from time to time, to take what you have now and imagine it differently.” He grabbed Hanzo’s hand, interlocked their fingers. “And sometimes instead of feelin’ happy, you feel sad. I’ve done it. Back in Santa Fe, if I had a dollar for every time I thought ‘I don’t know how I’d survive if Hanzo wasn’t here’, I’d be a very rich man right now. Sometimes your brain can overcomplicate something so innocent and pure.”

Hanzo nodded, looking at the hard candies. He picked several off the shelf, all different flavours, and placed them in the basket. “Thank you for understanding, Jesse.”

“Think nothin’ of it, sugarplum. Is that why you wanted to go for this walk?” When Hanzo nodded, Jesse continued, “Han… you can always talk to me when something’s botherin’ you. You don’t have to bottle it up inside you.”

“I know, Jesse,” he whispered. He does know; it is something he is trying to work on. “Sometimes it is hard to admit when I am feeling vulnerable. I was taught that expressing my feelings was a weakness, that I would be judged for it.”

“It ain’t a weakness. It makes you stronger.”

Hanzo repeated those words in his mind. He would have to remember them next time he feels like he cannot talk to Jesse for fear of being seen as weak. He nodded and embraced Jesse. “Thank you, Jesse.”

“S’nothin’ at all, Han.” He looked at the basket as he pulled away. “So, is there a story behind all these candies?”

“It is a tradition we had at home at this time of year. One of the only celebrations my father allowed us to partake in given the four events we celebrated in a two week period.”

Jesse frowned. “What’s the fourth? Christmas, your birthday, new years and…?

“Genji’s birthday. It was on the third of January.”

“You two had your birthdays close.”

Hanzo smiled. “It made the holidays very hectic.”

“I can imagine. So you’d spend all your time eating candy?”

“Mostly, yes.” He lifted the basket and jiggled it, the packaging crinkled together. He has quite the sweet tooth, and it had been too long since he had sweets from Japan. “It is something I wish to share with you.”

Jesse smiled. “I’m likin’ this, Han. I love me some candy.”

“And we will drink lots of sake,” Hanzo smirked. “Sweets and sake.”

“Even better,” Jesse said quietly, pecking Hanzo on the lips. “Do you need to pick up some fresh ingredients?”

“We need to stop by the fish market so I can get some squid.” He looked at Jesse who waggled his eyebrows, and did nothing but make him suspicious. He narrowed his eyes and asked, “Why?”

“Because, Hanzo Shimada, I am going to take you for a walk around this here city, and since the bar is open tonight, we are goin’ to have a romantic lunch. Just the two of us.”

Hanzo smiled, looking to the floor because he was fairly certain he was blushing and it was embarrassing. But it did feel nice to be looked after. He looked from the floor to Jesse. “Where do you propose we have lunch?”

\---

“Boys! What a lovely surprise!” Lena called from the counter. She frowned, looking between them. “Have you been walking for a while? Your noses are bright red!”

Jesse chuckled. “Yeah, we spent the mornin’ in Chinatown, then walked the streets for a good hour and a half. We’re finishing here before headin’ back to the bar.”

After spending an extended stay in Chinatown, they picked up the squid before they stopped by the bar to drop off the groceries and for Jesse to grab his gloves. Then, they continued their walk, walking through the park they usually meditate in, but have not had a chance since they have been back because of the cold weather. They continued down the streets of Boston before Jesse led them to the diner. Not one part of Hanzo was surprised that Jesse had led them here, and not one part of him was upset by it.

Jesse wrapped his arm around Hanzo’s waist. “I’m takin’ Hanzo out on a date ‘cause we’re celebrating Christmas Eve Japan style!”

“Oh!” Lena said surprised, running around the counter. “How is Christmas Eve celebrated?”

“It is similar to Valentine’s Day,” Hanzo explained.

“Lovey-dovey type stuff?”

Hanzo smiled and nodded. “Jesse wanted to take me somewhere for a romantic lunch, and here we are.” He gestured to the diner with his hand.

Lena giggled. “There’s nothing romantic about this diner, Jess. Though I am honoured that you chose here.” She curtsied before pulling out her notebook and pen from her apron pocket. “So just the usual?” They look at each other and nodded. “Burger and fries, comin’ up. Just take a seat by the window.”

They walked to the two-seater by the window Lena pointed to and before taking a seat, they peeled off jackets and beanies and hats and scarves and as many layers as possible because the heat in the diner was too much.

“You don’t mind that I lead you here for our romantic lunch, do you?” Jesse asked, nervousness thick in his question. His posture was rigid, shoulders squared.

“Of course not,” Hanzo brushed the question off with the wave of his hand. “Honestly, I would have questioned it if you lead us somewhere else.”

Jesse took a breath and visibly relaxed, shoulders sagging slightly as he grinned. “Fuck, I love you, Hanzo Shimada.”

Hanzo smiled. “I love you too.” He held his hands out on the table and Jesse grabbed them. “Thank you for this.”

Jesse’s brow furrowed. “For what?”

“For taking this day and making it into something I wish I had.”

“That’s like thankin’ me for bein’ me,” Jesse said with a smile. “Of course I’m gonna make you happy. Even if that means we walk around the freezing streets of Boston in the snow for so long our noses go red.”

Hanzo raised an eyebrow. “Is that a complaint?” He asked, no heat behind his words.

Jesse sat up straight. “It most certainly is not. I quite enjoy walking around in the freezing cold and not bein’ able to feel my fingers.”

Offering a sympathetic smile, Hanzo asked, “Even through your gloves?”

“My body wasn’t built for the cold. Give me a dry desert heat, one hundred degrees and I’m in my element.” He looked out the window. “It might snow in Santa Fe, but the cold is never somethin’ I’ve taken well to.”

Hanzo smiled. “I prefer the cold. It is easier to warm up than it is to cool down.”

Jesse nodded, saying, “Very true. But bein’ cold is… not my favourite thing.” Hanzo smirked. That sounded like a complaint to him. When he opened his mouth to tease him further, Jesse held up his hand. “Not to say that I’m complainin’. I’d go to the ends of the Earth for you, Han. Without thought, without hesitation. I’d do anythin’ to see you smile.”

Hanzo looked down at the table. He can feel the heat rise in his cheeks and wondered if his blush matched his nose. The thought made him smile.

“See, right there.”

Hanzo looked up and Jesse was smiling back at him. “I would do the same for you, Jesse.”

“I love you, Han.”

“I love you too.”

“And we’ve got two burgers for the matching cowboy boyfriends,” Lena said cheerily, placing the plates down. “You look good in red flannel, Hanzo.”

Hanzo looked at Lena then at Jesse. With a grin, he said with absolute confidence, “I think I will lay claim to this shirt, then.”

\---

Jesse was giddy. And nervous. But mostly giddy, and nothing could calm him down. He checked his phone for the fiftieth time, noting the time; 5:47 p.m. “Ahh, they’re nearly here!” he exclaimed, stuffing his phone in his jeans pocket as he leaned on the door frame of the kitchen, watching Hanzo roughly chop the spring onion. “You sure you don’t want a hand preparin’ dinner?”

“Given your rapid movements, I would not trust you with a knife right now,” Hanzo mutters, then looks at Jesse with a smile. “Besides, you have done plenty to help. I am just finishing up.”

“Excellent.” Jesse looked at the array of grated and chopped vegetables, all sitting in bowls and ready to go for when they start cooking.

Hanzo washed his hands in the sink and dried them on the dishtowel hanging out of his back pocket. “How are you feeling?” Hanzo asked, placing a hand on Jesse’s waist.

Jesse couldn’t contain his grin. “Excited to see my big sister again.”

And with that, there was a knock on the door, Julia waved when they looked over. With a squeal, Jesse raced around the bar and opened the door. “Welcome, my lovely.” Jesse greeted Julia with a big hug, picking her up as she wrapped her legs around him, and carried her up to the bar.

“Thanks for hostin’,” she said, kissing his cheek. “We’re excited to get our Japanese on,” she smiled as Jesse set her down on a stool. Dave closed the door of the bar, a box wrapped up in gold paper tucked under his arm. Hanzo locked it behind him and proceeded around the bar, pouring four glasses of sake and placing them on the bar.

“Now, have you had sake before?” Jesse smirked.

“I haven’t, but I think Dave has?” She said, looking at him.

“Yeah, I had some in Japan,” Dave said, picking up a glass and smelling it. “Had to go for work one time, back when I was working _for_ someone.”

“Right, well, a certain barkeep taught me the proper sake etiquette,” he waggled his eyebrows at Hanzo.

“It is customary to smell the sake and take a sip, letting it linger on the tongue before swallowing,” Hanzo explained.

“Ah, like a fine whiskey, then?” Julia smirked.

“Exactly!” Jesse leaned on the bar with an elbow and held up his glass to toast. “To Julia and Dave, Boston bein’ the first leg of your honeymoon. To Hanzo and I, finally livin’ together. And finally, Merry Christmas!” They clinked their glasses together, smelled the sake and then took a sip.

“So where are the two of you livin’?” Julia asked.

Jesse looked at Hanzo, then at Julia, and then looked up. “Upstairs.”

“You live in your bar?” Dave asked, eyebrows raised in surprise.

“The room upstairs, not the bar itself,” Hanzo reiterated, the slightest hint of snark carrying on his tone.

It took more effort than required for Jesse to contain the smirk that threatened to show. Either Dave ignored it or didn’t realise that Hanzo was having a go at him. He looked at Julia. “It’s a decent sized room and has a bathroom. We’ve got a heater now, so it’s not freezing every night. I’ve also got my own personal parking space out back. We’re takin’ a break with the apartment search given the holidays.”

“How do you fit all your stuff in one room?” Dave asked. He was always one to hoard things.

“Hanzo’s pretty minimalist, and I didn’t bring a lot of stuff with me.” Jesse took a sip of sake. “Pretty easy when you spent nine months in a motel.”

“I can’t believe you lived in a motel for nine months, baby brother,” Julia chided, taking a sip of sake.

Jesse shrugged. “When the rent’s cheap… Didn’t matter too much in the end, I was spendin’ more time here than there.”

“And how is living together treatin’ you?” Julia asked.

“It has been quite enjoyable,” Hanzo said quickly, grabbing Jesse’s hand.

“We haven’t stepped on each other’s toes, and it’s great since I’ve started shift work, we’re spendin’ so much more time together,” Jesse looked at Hanzo with a smile, picking up his hand and kissing it, “it’s perfect.”

“Oh, you two are just so adorable!” Julia gushed. “I didn’t think I’d see you happier than when you were in Santa Fe, but here you are.”

“Yeah, I realised I was holdin’ on to a lot of resentment,” Jesse nodded, talking to his sake. “It’s been good to let that go, get that massive weight off my shoulders.” One thing he didn’t realise he was carrying was the misdirected resentment he had for his mom. She didn’t deserve any of that once Jesse realised she was a victim as much as he was. “Speakin’ of, how’s Mom?”

“She’s good. She’s enjoying San Pedro with her sisters.” Julia paused to drink the rest of her sake. Looking at the glass and rolling it in her hand, she added, “She’s thinkin’ of movin’ back permanently.”

“Fuck,” Jesse breathed. She’d never talked about moving away from Santa Fe, probably knowing the reaction his dad would give, but he knew that whenever she talked about San Pedro, the descriptions, the emotion, her happiness about the place, it was her home. Jesse sighed, taking another sip of sake. “What about the ranch?”

“Guess she’ll sell it,” Julia shrugged. “Just like the shop.”

Jesse’s eyes widened in surprise. “She’s selling up?”

“Yep. You should call her, baby brother. Especially today, given it’s Christmas.”

“I know,” Jesse frowned, rubbing the back of his head. He tilted the sake in his glass, watching it climb the walls. “I called her when I moved in. Told her we’re livin’ together now… But old habits die hard.” And he felt guilty about it. He’d lost count of the amount of times he dialled the number and hovered on the dial button before switching off his phone. “I did text her this morning, she texted back. I’m just struggling to find something to talk to about. Twenty five years of not telling her _anything_ , it’s going to take time.”

Julia grabbed his hand; he nodded and pulled her in for a hug. He should talk to his mom more, he knows it. She’s been good though, giving him space, not stepping on his toes, not constantly messaging or calling to see if he’s okay.

He needed to talk to her, though. About the move. About what’s going to happen to the ranch. Because ultimately, he knew what he wanted. His heart wasn’t in Boston. He knows Hanzo’s wasn’t either.

He took a deep breath, looking at Hanzo. He knew the talk he needed to have with him. This talk, before talking to his mom. He parted from Julia, smiling at her before looking at Hanzo. “Anyway, we should get to cooking!”

He and Hanzo cooked dinner and ate at a table under the window. They laughed and joked, sharing happy stories of their lives when they were children.

“So, three weeks, huh?” Jesse asked, placing the tray with four mugs of jasmine tea down on the table. A plain envelope sat on the tray also, ‘for the honeymooners’ written on it.

“What’s this?” Julia asked, picking up the envelope.

“Your Christmas present,” Jesse answered, waggling his eyebrows. “That box sitting on the bar is teasing me and I need to open it now.”

“Go get it,” she smiled. Jesse raced to the bar, picking up the box as she opened the envelope. “Oh, guys, you didn’t have to…” she said, pulling out the currency.

“Spending money for your travels,” Hanzo said, picking up his mug.

“Five hundred dollars, two-fifty for Australia and two-fifty for New Zealand,” Jesse explained.

“Thank you,” Julia gushed, looking at the various colours of the currency. She placed it back in the envelope. “It makes our gift seem cheap.”

Jesse grinned, looking at the box. He unwrapped it, analysed the plain box before opening it, revealing a small lamp. The bottom half of the iron stem had a dragon with blue scales wrapped around it, and the cream coloured lampshade had cactuses on it. He chuckled, “Jules, this has to be the ugliest thing I’ve seen.” He turned it around in his hands.

Hanzo backhanded Jesse on the bicep softly. “Do not say that!” He looked at Julia, “It is very thoughtful and welcomed considering we do not have a lamp in the bedroom.”

Julia exaggeratedly wiped the back of her hand to her brow. “Phew, I wasn’t sure if you had, but figured you couldn’t have too many lamps, right?”

Jesse looked from the lamp to Julia. “I love it. Thank you, big sister.”

“You’re welcome, baby brother. And thank you for the spending money.” She placed the envelope in her handbag. “So yeah, three weeks through Australia and New Zealand, right in the height of their summer.” She closed her eyes and smiled. “It’s going to be amazing.”

Jesse placed the lamp in the box and sat it on the table next to him. “That _sounds_ amazing. All beaches, hot weather, no snow,” Jesse gestured outside, noting the snow falling slowly. He looked at Hanzo. “We should go to a beach one day.”

Hanzo nodded. “Lying in the sun, reading a good book. It sounds divine.”

Jesse hummed, resting an elbow on the table and his head in his hand. “You in a tiny little speedo… can’t think of anything sexier. Well, you in a suit, but we covered that.”

Hanzo shook his head. “I will not wear anything of the sort. I would wear trunks.”

“Ah, you’re no fun,” Jesse brushed him off with the wave of his arm before taking a sip of tea.

Hanzo looked at Jesse and smirked. “I can teach you how to surf.”

Jesse nearly spat out his tea, bringing his hand up to his mouth to catch the little dribble that escaped. He swallowed the tea and asked in full disbelief, “You know how to surf?! Since when?!”

“I indulged in some extra time in Spain. I observed a few of the locals and knew that I needed to learn it.” He smiled and nodded for a moment, lost in the memory. “It is fun.”

“Anythin’ else you’re keepin’ to yourself? Any other hidden talents I don’t know of?” Jesse questioned, eager grin and tone showing there’s no heat behind his words, even though they came out fast. Then his demeanour shifted to something less aggressive, now realising that there’s probably a lot about Hanzo’s life he doesn’t know about before he settled in Boston, and he probably wouldn’t be comfortable to discuss it in front of Jules and Dave.

Hanzo shook his head, before adding, “Well, Spain is also where I got my hair cut.”

“Huh,” Jesse mused, scratching his chin. “How about your piercings?”

“I got my ears pierced in Germany, then my bridge piercing in Iceland.”

“Well you’ve certainly seen much of the world,” Julia commented, taking a sip of tea.

Jesse placed a hand on Hanzo’s knee and shook his head subtly, hoping it conveyed the message that he didn’t have to talk about it if not comfortable, but Hanzo smiled and answered, “Yes, I did much travelling when I left home.” He paused, and then his smile widened, “It was a self-discovery of sorts.”

Jesse couldn’t be more proud of Hanzo, for this is the first time he’s talking about his life on the run, and he’s referring to it as something good. He grabbed Hanzo’s hand and squeezed, offering a smile when he looked over.

“Did you go to Australia?” Julia asked, hopeful.

Hanzo shook his head. “No. I had not considered it, actually…” he trailed off, lost in thought again. He looked at Julia before continuing, “Perhaps if I did not settle in America, if I had continued travelling, I would have visited after South America.”

“Ah,” Julia said, taking a sip of her tea. “Was hopin’ for some touristy things to do, but that’s alright.”

“Internet, big sister!”

“Yeah yeah, already done that!” She pushed Jesse playfully. “Startin’ in Sydney, we’re doin’ the Opera House, Harbour Bridge, Bondi Beach, spendin’ four days in the city. Catching the New Year fireworks on the harbour. Then we’re headin’ up to Cairns in Queensland, we’re going to the Daintree Rainforest before heading to the amusement parks on the Gold Coast. Then into Darwin, inland to Uluru, before headin’ south to Adelaide and visiting the Barossa Valley before heading into Melbourne for some amazing food and coffee. After that we’re headin’ into New Zealand, we’re gonna do Hobbiton –”

Jesse snorted. “Nerd.” That earned him a punch in the arm.

“Tell me you wouldn’t go to Hobbiton if you went to New Zealand!” She held her arm out, ready to strike again.

Jesse threw his hands in front of him, laughing. “All right, all right. I’d go. Sheesh, you don’t have to get all violent on me,” he said with no heat behind his words.

She smirked, shaking her head and lowering her arm. “Yeah, that’s what I thought.” She looked at Hanzo, pointing at Jesse. “ _He_ is a bigger Lord of the Rings fan than I am.”

“I have not seen those movies,” Hanzo said as he looked at Jesse. “Perhaps next to watch on our list?”

“Oh, absolutely!” Jesse exclaimed. “I can’t believe we haven’t watched them yet.”

Julia finished the rest of her tea, looking over at Dave who seemed to be struggling to keep his eyes open, before turning her attention back to Jesse. “Anyway, it’s getting late, and we should head back to the hotel.”

Jesse nodded, finishing his tea and standing up, embracing her. “You take care of yourself, my lovely. I expect lots of photos.”

“Will do, baby brother.”

“We’ll see you in a little bit. I’ll make sure not to leave such a long time between visits.”

“Make sure you do,” she said as she pulled away, moving on to embrace Hanzo. They shared a quiet conversation as Jesse said a few words to Dave. Whatever conversation Hanzo and Julia were having, it resulted in Hanzo kissing Julia on the cheek.

Watching on, Jesse’s heart was full. He realised in that moment that Hanzo was the one. The one he would spend the rest of his life with. Through all of the shit he’s been through, the good days, the bad days, picking up the broken pieces of his life and putting them back together, Hanzo had been there.

He can’t imagine a time before Hanzo. He wondered just how he functioned without him.

They waved goodbye as Jules and Dave hopped into the taxi. Hanzo closed and locked the door, grabbing Jesse’s hand. “How about I clean down here and you have your shower?” Hanzo asked, voice low and sultry.

Jesse hummed, pulling Hanzo in close and wrapping his arms around his waist. “Is that the way you wanna play tonight?” He teased, nose brushing along Hanzo’s cheek.

Hanzo’s response was a series of kisses along Jesse’s jawline, all the way up to his ear until Hanzo reached his earlobe, sucking on it before biting on it gently.

Jesse let out a small moan and his knees buckled. If Hanzo wasn’t holding on to him he would have fallen to the ground.

Hanzo pulled away, kissing Jesse’s forehead before kissing his lips.

“All right,” Jesse whispered, “don’t be too long down here.” Jesse turned to walk away and Hanzo slapped his ass. Jesse looked back and smirked, before walking upstairs, unbuttoning and unzipping his pants to adjust his erection.

He was met with a warm burst of air from the heater upon opening the door at the top of the stairs; with it being on low through the night. The heater made the room feel homely, and it wasn’t the only new addition to the room. The digital alarm clock was glowing softly atop the dresser and was a requirement to be that far away from the bed. He needed something to help him get up and stay up, as Jesse has a bad habit of hitting the snooze button on his phone and going back to sleep. The only downside to shift work is his sleep patterns were now all over the place.

He glanced at Peacekeeper mounted on the wall, sitting next to storm bow. The pair looked good together. A show of new and old; east and west.

He placed his phone on the dresser and noted the time, 11:20 p.m.

Getting fully undressed and tossing his clothes into the hamper in the corner of the room, Jesse headed into the bathroom, grabbing the kit from the cupboard under the sink. Today was a special day, not only because it’s Christmas, not only because it’s the first time they’re planning on having unprotected sex, but because it’s Hanzo’s birthday. Well, not today, his birthday is on the twenty-sixth, but when Jesse had asked Hanzo what he wanted for his birthday, he didn’t give an answer.

So when Jesse suggested they start his birthday by having sex, more so as a joke, Hanzo practically bounced at the opportunity, had said that it was something that he had wanted to do for as long as he could remember.

So here they are, in the slow lead-up to the twenty-sixth, keeping an eye on the time like a hawk to make sure they don’t miss the opportunity.

Cleanse and shower done, Jesse headed back into the bedroom. He was greeted by Hanzo lying on the bed on his side, head propped up on his hand while he slowly stroked his cock. The combination of moonlight and streetlight streaming through the window cast him in long shadows and accentuated his musculature. He joined Hanzo in bed, noting the time as he walked past the dresser; 11:37 p.m.

Before Jesse could lie on his side, his intention was to face Hanzo, Hanzo pinned him down on his back, climbing on top of him and straddling is lap. His hands trailed up and down Jesse’s torso, before he leaned in, kissing his chest and sucking on his nipples.

“I shoulda figured you’d wanna do all the work on your birthday,” Jesse chuckled, reaching up to Hanzo’s head and pulling his hair out of his face. He grabbed it in a handful and tightened his grip when Hanzo took a bud between his teeth.

“It is still not my birthday,” Hanzo noted, looking at the clock briefly before turning his attention back to Jesse, sitting up and rubbing his hands through his chest hair, grabbing his pecs and squeezing them.

Jesse watched on, hands settling on Hanzo’s thighs, enjoying the attention he’s getting. Not to say that he doesn’t get this attention regularly, but Hanzo in full control is not something they’ve done since… that night Jesse returned to the bar all those months ago. “Enjoying yourself there?” Jesse can’t help but ask, voice low and husky.

Hanzo grinned. “Have I told you how much I love your body?”

Jesse chuckled, looking down at himself and feeling rather bashful all of a sudden. “Well, you haven’t said it in as many words –”

“I love your chest,” Hanzo interrupted, whispering, “I love these,” Hanzo gave Jesse’s pecs another firm squeeze, “I love the hair… a perfect amount of hair that still allows me to do this,” he sweeps back down, taking a nipple in his mouth once more, kissing and licking it before moving on to the other. “I love that you are muscular,” he continues, planting soft kisses on his torso, “and that you have some softness to you,” lips pressing onto his navel, hands squeezing his love handles. “But most of all, I love you, Jesse. All of you. Every piece of you.”

“Shucks, sugarplum. That has to be the kindest thing any –” Jesse’s voice caught in his throat as Hanzo took him in his mouth. He looked at Hanzo, bobbing up and down on his cock, hollowing his cheeks and winking as he firmly grabbed the base, pulling away for a moment and using his spit as a lubricant for the tugging.

Jesse let out a moan as Hanzo took him in his mouth once more and cupped his balls in the palm of his hand, massaging them gently. He reached for Hanzo’s head, running his fingers through his hair as he continued bobbing up and down and pulling. Jesse took a moment to commit that image to memory; there’s nothing sexier than the love of his life with his lips wrapped around his cock.

His cock twitched when Hanzo’s tongue flicked over the glans, and he damn nearly came when Hanzo took him further than he’d ever taken him, feeling his cock hit the back of this throat and then some.

Hanzo pulled away slowly, his tongue flicking the slit before he kissed the head. He sat up, still stroking as he glanced to the lube sitting on the bedside table. Jesse reached for it and handed it to Hanzo. He took note of the time, 11:52 p.m. He heard Hanzo flick the cap and watched him spread the liquid on his fingers.

Jesse spread his legs as Hanzo shuffled in closer, pressing a finger to his entrance, pushing in until he was knuckle deep. After a few slow penetrations, he added a second finger, this time curling them, massaging his prostate.

Jesse bit his lip as Hanzo added a third finger. Jesse reached for his cock, sitting heavy against his stomach, but his hand was knocked away and Hanzo grabbed him. Jesse moaned, arching his back at the touch. “You really… wanna do all the work… don’t you?” Jesse managed to say through a series of breaths and moans.

He felt suddenly empty when Hanzo withdrew his fingers and let go of his cock. Jesse exhaled slowly, watching Hanzo lube his length. He glanced at the clock, now reading 11:57 p.m. before looking back at Hanzo. He looked up and met Jesse’s eyes. No words were spoken, a mutual understanding that this is quite a large step in their relationship. They haven’t discussed the specifics of previous partners, but for Jesse, this is the first time he’s giving himself this way.

With a nod, Jesse spread himself for Hanzo, who pressed himself to his entrance and slowly pushed in until he was flush with Jesse’s body. Legs wrapped around Hanzo’s waist, Hanzo thrusted slowly, grabbing Jesse’s cock and stroking him. Jesse closed his eyes, wrapping one hand around the arm Hanzo was using to brace himself on the bed, and the other around one of the beams on the bedhead.

Jesse moaned as Hanzo increased his speed, both in his thrusting and his pulling. He tightened his grip around Hanzo’s wrist as the pleasure built rapidly and he teetered on the edge of orgasm. When Hanzo’s thrusts became erratic and his tugging unpredictable, it was enough to send Jesse over the edge, coming undone as his back arched and he tightened around Hanzo, feeling his release on his stomach.

Riding out the oversensitivity, it only took a few more thrusts before Hanzo came, his thrusting slowing before eventually stopping. He opened his eyes and smiled, letting go of Jesse’s cock, prompting Jesse to let go of his death grip on Hanzo’s wrist. Hanzo fell to the bed, weight carrying on his elbows, bodies pressed together as they meet for a slow, tender kiss.

Jesse looked at the clock and chuckled, the time now reading 12:04 a.m. “Happy birthday, sugarplum,” Jesse breathed as Hanzo kissed his cheek.

Hanzo hummed, pressing his forehead against Jesse’s shoulder, kissing before sitting up. Looking at the cooling orgasm now on both of their torsos, Hanzo brought his hand up to his stomach and Jesse could only chuckle. “Shoulda got a cloth ready.”

With a shrug, Hanzo withdrew and headed into the bathroom. Jesse let his legs fall to the bed and Hanzo returned with a wet towel. Jesse extended his hand to take it, but Hanzo held it in his hands. “May I?” he asked.

With a nod, Hanzo cleaned him up, his torso first before between his legs. Once content, Hanzo tossed the towel in the bathroom and hopped into bed, resting his head on Jesse’s chest. Bringing a hand up and running his fingers through Jesse’s chest hair absently, Hanzo whispered, “I love you, Jesse McCree.”

“I love you too, Hanzo Shimada.”

They fell into a comfortable silence; Jesse ran his fingers through Hanzo’s hair until sleep took him. He didn’t keep an eye on the time, but it was well after Hanzo had fallen asleep.

\---

With the kitchen door closed, Jesse quietly prepared breakfast for Hanzo. One of the good things about not sleeping well was that he could do things at odd hours. Not that six in the morning was an odd hour, but it was definitely earlier than he would usually get out of bed. While he enjoys watching Hanzo sleep, this morning he wanted to prepare him breakfast in bed. On the menu was a mixed breakfast of pancakes, poached eggs, bacon and toast.

He readied the tray, a plate containing a stack of pancakes, maple syrup and strawberries on the side, a plate with toast and four poached eggs, as plate with two small stacks of bacon, one just browned and the other crispy, the teapot with tea and two mugs. Happy with the arrangement, he slid open the door to the kitchen and grabbed the tray, turning and seeing Hanzo sitting at the bar, head in his hands and silly smirk on his face.

Jesse let out a breath and smiled, placing the tray on the bar. “I was going to surprise you with breakfast in bed.”

“I noted your absence,” Hanzo said softly.

Smirking, Jesse asked, “You missed me?”

Hanzo nodded. “Yes, I was hoping for more cuddles.”

Jesse eased into a soft smile. “Aw, sorry sugarplum.” He set the plates on the bar and joined Hanzo on the other side. “Happy birthday,” he whispered, kissing his cheek before pecking his lips.

“Thank you. I do appreciate the effort you have put in.” He looked at the tray and licked his lips before looking at Jesse. “You did not have to go to the trouble. My birthday… it is something I have not celebrated since Genji...”

He grabbed Hanzo’s hand and squeezed tight. Knowing Hanzo, he’ll probably be guilt-ridden and won’t want to discuss it. He needed something, a distraction so if Hanzo’s willing, he’ll talk about it. And if not, hopefully it’ll be enough so he doesn’t shut down.

“So you know how Jules and I have our silly birthday tradition? How about _we_ start a tradition. Just you and me. You think of something you want to do on your birthday, and every year we can do that.”

Hanzo smiled. “Well so far I like the sex and breakfast idea.” He paused as he opened his mouth to speak before saying quickly, “However I do not like the appeal of eating food in bed. I do not want toast crumbs in places they shouldn’t go.”

Jesse laughed. “So that’s the reason why you came downstairs?”

Nodding, Hanzo admitted, “Truthfully, yes.”

“No problems, Han. We don’t have to eat in bed.” Jesse kissed his hand before letting go, divvying up the pancakes and toast and eggs while Hanzo poured the tea.

“And there’s that sweets and sake idea we were discussin’ the other day,” Jesse offered, cracking the poached eggs open with a corner of toast. “Since the bar will be closed all day, I’m thinkin’… you, me, sake, sweets, bed. We can put on Lord of the Rings.”

Hanzo smiled. “That sounds like a fantastic idea.”

“Nekkid?” Jesse waggled his eyebrows.

“Underwear.”

“Just underwear,” Jesse settled on. “No shirts.”

“I do not wear an undershirt,” he raised an eyebrow and smirked, “so that is on you, cowboy.”

Jesse winked, certain that was the first time Hanzo used a pet name on him, and he fucking loved it. “You are lucky we got that heater.” Jesse cut into his pancakes, shovelling them in his mouth, chewing and swallowing. “Though, between the movie and you in your underwear, it’s gonna be hard to keep my eyes and hands off you.”

Hanzo grinned. “I was thinking the same thing.”

Jesse smiled and ate his breakfast like he hadn’t seen food in days. The sooner they eat, the sooner they can go upstairs and fool around.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Okonomiyaki!!](https://www.justonecookbook.com/okonomiyaki/) and [Torikatsu!!](http://foodlove.com/katsu-chicken/). I ate so much katsu when I was in Japan :-3
> 
> And I'm totally not bitter at all that we didn't get surfer Hanzo with summer games this year...
> 
> And I hope you enjoyed the read :-D
> 
> P.S. Also in case you missed them, I've added a few new tags. Most are stuff we already know and I'm tagging because I got lazy and forgot, but two in particular (depression and mention of past suicide attempt) pertain to next week's chapter, and I want you guys to be appropriately warned.


	23. The Week That Was

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Howdy!
> 
> Alright, so this chapter is very heavy. I warned last week of those new tags, and in case you've missed them, I must **warn for panic attacks, depression and a mention of a past suicide attempt**. It's literally a mention, and I think the warning itself might have more words than the actual mention itself, but there are no details of it, there is no discussion of it.
> 
> As always, a huge thanks to Magisey for betaing and being an all round awesome person who puts up with all of my anxiety and soothes my soul.
> 
> I hope you enjoy the read!

Emotions are hard to deal with.

For years, all Hanzo knew was anger, remorselessness, sadness, jealousy.

Now, Hanzo feels happy, content, safe, loved.

On the day where he should only be sad, on the week he should only be angry, he is experiencing joy, elation, sadness, anger and guilt all mixed into one and it is taking its toll.

Two years ago, ‘the week that was’ as Hanzo affectionately refers to it; this long, hard week was not even a thought. He was on the run. By this stage, it had been almost six months since fleeing Japan and he was mostly certain that the last remaining clan members had stopped chasing him. He was in Northern Africa and heading into Europe; half of the week was spent in Egypt, and the other half in Turkey. He stopped in a bar in Istanbul on the third of January, had a silent drink, took a moment to reflect and then kept moving.

One year ago, ‘the week that was’ was a bit more difficult to deal with. He had been in the States for five months. The bar had been opened for three weeks. He learned that Americans also spend the week with family. That it is a big holiday with Christmas and New Year celebrations. So the bar, coupled with the holiday and being new, was relatively empty.

Last year on the third of January, he felt a sense of loyalty, having opened the bar in time for Genji’s birthday. He had another silent toast; another drink in Genji’s honour at the conclusion of the night. He also might have had most of that bottle of sake and passed out on his bed. He cannot quite remember the details.

This year, ‘the week that was’ was horrendous, if Hanzo had to pick a word to describe the week. It started off great, and then got progressively worse as each day went on, leading into today; into this moment where he is a mixed bag of joy, elation, sadness, anger and guilt.

The twenty-sixth, the day of his birthday, was bliss. Jesse convinced him to keep the bar closed that day; he is a firm believer in not working on your birthday. So they laid in bed naked, watching all three Lord of the Rings movies while they ate sweets and drunk sake and fooled around.

In the twenty-four hours comprising the twenty-sixth of December, Hanzo had orgasmed a total of four times; a new record for him. There was the sex they had the night prior, the handjob when they went back upstairs after breakfast resulting in them staying naked instead of the agreed upon underwear, the blowjob in the shower that evening, and the quick tug he had when Jesse asked if he could come on his chest. Watching his man masturbate on top of him drove him crazy, and feeling his orgasm spill on his chest sent him over the edge, since it only took three strokes before he too had come. He discovered a new kink, it seemed.

The days after his birthday, the twenty-seventh, the twenty-eighth, and the twenty-ninth, were business as usual. Those three days were normal, average days. The weather was surprisingly pleasant; while still cold, those days were nice, sunny days. The calm before the storm, looking back on it now.

Jesse worked the day shift on those days, working from 8:00 a.m. to 3:30 p.m., and helped Hanzo in the bar at night. Every one of his regular patrons had taken to Jesse, and he had taken to them. He helped prepare dinner, but come service, he sat in Hanzo’s seat and if it was busy he would stay behind the bar.

While not employed under Hanzo, he only served drinks to the customers at the bar if Hanzo was in the kitchen or working the tables. They worked in sync, like a well-oiled machine, as Jesse called it.

But it was those words, ‘well-oiled machine’ and the implications behind it, that saw the first mix of conflicting emotions that stabbed Hanzo in the gut. The combination joy and sadness; it bothered him more than he cared to admit when Jesse asked what was wrong.

_“We work well together,” Hanzo said, wiping down the bar with disinfectant and a cloth._

_“We work fuckin’ well together,” Jesse grinned. He leaned against the bar on his forearms, clasping his hands together. “Like a well-oiled machine.”_

_Hanzo smiled and nodded in agreeance. Then it hit him. The joy he felt, spending the night working alongside Jesse, was washed away and guilt and sadness took its place. It must have been written all over his face, because it prompted Jesse to ask, “What’s up, sugarplum?” The change in emotion was enough, that Jesse was no longer sitting opposite the bar, but he was by Hanzo’s side, arm wrapped around his shoulders and pulled in close._

_“It is…” Hanzo trailed off. Genji was the answer. He had replaced Genji with Jesse and instead of enjoying the time he spent with Jesse his subconscious is trying to make him feel guilty. The guilt of leaving Genji behind, the guilt of being happy when Genji was dead; the guilt he thought he had made peace with came crashing like a wave. He looked at Jesse and smiled. A fake smile, and something Jesse saw right through when Hanzo said, “It is nothing. I am just reminded of something.”_

_“Well it ain’t nothin’. Whatever it is, you’re behavin’ like you’ve seen a ghost."_

_Right on the money as always, Jesse was always good at reading Hanzo. He used to be a master at hiding his emotions, being stoic when he needed to be, but being away from his old life, closing the chapter on his time in Japan has seen him lose that ability. In its place however, was he being happy; smiling and laughing without thought. It has shown him that he can be loved, and that he is capable of love._

_But now, it has seen him unable to hide the sadness and guilt like he used to be able to._

_“You are not wrong,” Hanzo admitted. “I knew this week would be tough. You saw it at the markets last week.” Then, he brought his voice down to a whisper, “I did not expect it to be a challenge.”_

_Jesse nodded slowly and pulled Hanzo in closer. “Hanzo, I want you to know that you can speak to me. Whatever it is, I’m not goin’ to get angry, or judge you.” He kissed Hanzo’s head and wrapped his other arm around him, holding him tight. “I don’t want to see you like this. I don’t like seein’ you like this.”_

_Hanzo closed his eyes. The guilt was overwhelming, because now he was upsetting Jesse. Then, the sadness returned._ Genji should be here. I should not _. Those thoughts repeated over and over in his mind; those thoughts that he had not had in over two years. Those thoughts he did not have this time last year._

 _He inhaled and exhaled before opening his eyes. He put on the mask, that façade that everything is okay when in reality it was not; the mask he had not needed since Genji, and smiled at Jesse. “There is no need to worry. I am only reminded of something Genji once said,” he lied. “I am fine.” He took a moment to correct the statement, “I_ will _be fine,” when Jesse looked at him unconvinced, his lips pressed in a thin line._

_A part of Hanzo screamed internally. It seemed he could not even wear his mask anymore._

_Jesse did his best to hide his annoyance, but was let down by his huff and the hint of frustration in his voice. “All right, whenever you’re ready to talk, just know I’m here.” He kissed Hanzo’s head, resting his head on Hanzo’s, whispering, “I’ll always be here.”_

_Hanzo closed his eyes and squeezed Jesse tight._

I will be fine _, he reminded himself._ The week will come and go and I will be fine.

It was easy to fall back into old routines on those three days, the routines which have been somewhat hard to maintain as of late. Those ‘bachelor life’ routines of wake up, meditation, gym, lunch, prepare food for the bar, work, bed. Those routines he did before Jesse. Those routines he did when he and Jesse lived separately. Those routines that get thrown out the window when Jesse does not work.

Not that he blames Jesse in any way, shape or form. Jesse is a grown man. Hanzo is a grown man. They can both do their own thing. If Jesse chooses not to join Hanzo in the gym, then that does not mean Hanzo cannot go to the gym. If Jesse chooses not to join in meditation, that does not mean that Hanzo should not meditate.

On those days where routine is lost, Hanzo is usually happy because he gets to spend that time with Jesse. That time, he feels, is making up for lost time; making up for thirty-six years of bad things. They still meditate together on most days, they still have lunch together, and they prepare food for the bar together. It does not matter that he does not go to the gym, he tells himself, because he is allowed to take a break from working out.

Still, a part of him, a small niggling voice at the back of his mind reminds him that he has not gone to the gym; that he is breaking his routine. Normally Hanzo quashes that down. He has the thought and sends it on its way. This week, though, that went out the window too. That voice picked up a megaphone and refused to stop yelling.

The thirtieth was different to the days before it. They had been keeping an eye on the weather. Another ‘polar vortex’ as it was referred to decades ago, was heading straight for the east coast. It would make landfall sometime overnight, and they could already start to feel its effects.

Practically snowing a blizzard already, schools were closed on that day. They cancelled construction work on that day too, including roadworks. Hanzo was thankful because it meant his man would be in his arms, not outside in those frigid temperatures.

Hanzo decided to leave the bar open, but not serve food. There was no point in preparing food for thirty people if no one showed up. And that was a good decision, considering only five people came in that night, all of Hanzo’s regulars who work in nearby restaurants.

He and Jesse laughed and talked that night. They kept an eye on the weather and on the news reports. They were warning residents that there could be power outages. They were warning residents that they could be snowed in. They were warning the country and the world that there would be flight cancellations in the coming days.

That night, the warning went out telling residents that if they had not left already, that it was too late to, that the safest thing to do was stay put, batten down the hatches and ride out the storm.

That prompted a series of concerned calls from Julia and Sandra. Jesse told them they would be fine, that there would be nothing to worry about. He told them that he would check in when he could.

That led them into New Year’s Eve. The polar vortex swept through in the early hours of the morning and fortunately hit with less ferocity than they predicted. It was not as windy. It was not as snowy. It was not as cold. Boston got hit hard, though. It got hit with a low of just three degrees and seven inches of snow.

The power did not go out. Not right away, anyway. They spent the day with the heater on, under the blankets in bed, watching the news reports of the effects of the polar vortex in the other states. Everyone was thankful that it was not as bad anywhere as predicted. That those records set in 2014 were not beaten.

Jesse called Julia and Sandra, telling them that everything was fine, that they were just hunkered down in bed watching movies, and they would watch the live stream of the New Year’s celebrations in New York.

Hanzo remembers the irony of the situation quite well. He chuckles to himself now thinking about it. Just as Jesse uttered the words, “don’t worry, we’ll be fine”, the power went out.

It was nine p.m. at that stage, and the apartment was shrouded in darkness. That was when the second wave of emotion came crashing down: overwhelming fear.

Hanzo was never one to be afraid of the dark. There are no such things as monsters lurking in the shadows. The fear that hit was a primal fight-or-flight scenario, and Hanzo wanted to flight the fuck out of there. The darkness cast his mind back to when he was a child, when he experienced nature’s wrath first hand, and it spilled when he had the thought:  _how long will the power be out for?_

 " _Shit, Mom, I gotta go. The power’s out.”_

_“Yeah, I’ll keep you apprised.”_

_“Nah, there’s no need to worry. We’ll be fine.”_

_“Yep, will do.”_

_“Bye, Mom.”_

_Jesse ended the call, tossing his phone on the bed in front of him. “Fuck, I’m glad I charged my phone. How much juice does yours have?”_

_Hanzo grabbed his phone from the bedside table and took his phone out of standby. “Mine is at fifty-six percent.”_

_“All right, probably best to conserve as much power as we can in case this lasts longer than we think.”_

_Hanzo’s adrenaline spiked at that statement. The realisation set in, how long will the power be out for? What if the power is out for days? How would they survive the cold? What if they did not?_

_Those fears he had as a child who saw firsthand the devastation nature can inflict came rushing back. First, there was earthquake itself, which caused everything to rattle off the shelves and crash to the floor. He hid under the dining table, holding Genji close as he cried, too young to understand what was happening. He wanted to cry, but needed to be strong for his brother._

_Once it was over, they stayed under the table until their mother frantically searched for them; she got caught in another part of the castle at the time. She cried, apologised that she was not there to protect them. With some coaxing with chocolate, he and Genji left the safety of the table, and that was when Hanzo witnessed the sight of the older buildings in Hanamura with giant cracks in them, barely standing._

_Then, there was the wave that finished the job. The news reports showed the ocean so far inland Hanzo thought it was a trick; movie magic. Images of cars and trucks in the middle of destroyed tea plantations and rice fields kilometres inland filled news articles and flooded social media._

_After that, came the days without power and the strong aftershocks, one after the other after the other, each at a magnitude so high on the Richter scale that they_ should _have been considered earthquakes in their own right._

_A boy of just eight years old, he cried himself to sleep every night for days, thinking that the next earthquake would finish the job, that the world would crumble beneath his feet and swallow him whole._

_Knowing he needed to talk to Jesse, that this was the one thing he could not keep bottled up, he openly told him, “Jesse, I am fearful that the power will be out for days and we will freeze.”_

_“Aw, sugarplum,” Jesse comforted, embracing him, “There’s no need to worry. The power will be back soon.”_

_The room was only illuminated by the tablet playing the last of ‘Interstellar’ at the foot of the bed. Jesse reached over and paused it. “Hey, do you have candles or somethin’ we can use for light?”_

_Hanzo nodded, getting out of bed and grabbing his coat off the back of the door. “I have candles in the kitchen.” Using his phone’s flash as a torch, he headed down stairs, noting the heavy snow falling and already rising over the window. It was cold down there, and walking barefoot was not a smart idea._

_As fast as he could, Hanzo headed into the kitchen for the candles he had stashed away in the pantry, before returning upstairs and closing the door behind him. They lit them with matches from Jesse’s match book, placing two on each bedside table._

_Hanzo dropped his coat on the floor beside the bed and climbed back in, bringing the blankets all the way up to his neck. “It is cold downstairs. There is a thick blanket of snow on the footpath.”_

_Jesse hummed. “They said that on the reports.” Then, his face turned serious as his brow furrowed. “Hanzo, you’re shaking.”_

_Hanzo did not know it until Jesse pointed it out. “I am just cold,” he brushed off, even though he knew it was more than just the cold._

_“Turn around, I’ll cuddle up to ya.”_

_Hanzo turned around and took a breath when Jesse’s body was pressed against his. His teeth stopped chattering, his body stopped shaking, his anxiety eased. He felt comfortable. He was safe. He was in bed with his man, wrapped in his arms, and he was safe. Nothing could hurt them._

_“You sure it’s just the cold?” Jesse asked softly, kissing his neck._

_“I fear that we will die up here.” Hanzo blurted out, saying the words without thought. The fear returned; feeling like an almost immeasurable dread in the pit of his stomach._

_Jesse squeezed him tighter. “Hanzo, we’re not gonna die up here. The power’s just out. It’ll be back in the morning.”_

_“Promise?”_

_“Promise.” Another kiss on his shoulder. “Now, close your eyes and take a deep breath for me. In, then out.”_

_There was a moment where the fear started to falter, and calm took its place. Hanzo closed his eyes and steadied his shallow breathing, inhaling as far as he could, then exhaling just as far. The fear melted away with each breath after that. He was safe. He was in Jesse’s arms and he was safe. He took these slow, deep breaths until the fear was completely gone._

_When Hanzo opened his eyes, he smiled. “You should not make promises you cannot keep.”_

_He felt Jesse laugh and kiss his shoulder. “Humour is good, Han.”_

_“Thank you, Jesse.”_

_“For what?”_

_“For calming me. I was reminded of that earthquake and the wave that followed. The fear of that event came back.”_

_“That’s not unexpected, Han,” Jesse said reassuringly. “It’s natural to have those feelings in an event like this.”_

_Jesse was calm. Surprisingly calm and Hanzo could not understand how he could be in a situation like this. Frowning, he asked, “How are you so calm?”_

_“Power outages with storms were common when I was a kid.”_

_“Even in winter with the snow?”_

_“Yep, it’d happen every now and then.”_

_“And you did not freeze.” A statement, not a question. He grabbed Jesse’s arm, weaved his fingers between Jesse’s. He is here and he is alive and he did not freeze._

_“I did not.” Jesse kissed his neck, nuzzling his nose along Hanzo’s jaw. “Everything will be fine. The power will come back, and we’ll all have a laugh at the time you thought the world was goin’ to end.”_

_“Do not mock me, cowboy,” Hanzo said cheekily, no heat behind his words._

_“Or what?” Jesse asked, voice sultry as he kissed behind Hanzo’s ear._

_“Or I will do this.” Hanzo wriggled around and lay on his back. He pulled Jesse down and kissed him like it was their last kiss. Because to Hanzo, the world may as well be ending and it may as well be their last kiss._

_Jesse hummed. “So what you’re sayin’ is, if I mock you, you’ll sleep with me?”_

_“What I am saying is, if you mock me, I will leave you ‘high and dry’ as you like to say.”_

_“Alright then, no more mockin’,” Jesse whispered, leaning down to kiss Hanzo again. His hand settled on Hanzo’s pectoral, squeezing and kneading the muscle as he shuffled in closer, grinding up against Hanzo’s leg._

_He kissed down Hanzo’s neck, climbing on top of him. His hands trailed down Hanzo’s torso, finding the hem on his singlet and slipping his hands under, calloused fingers exploring the skin underneath._

_Hanzo arched his back as the singlet was hiked up, then he sat up as Jesse lifted it over his head and dropped it to the floor. Jesse then took off his undershirt, adding that to the growing pile of clothes beside the bed._

_Hanzo brought his hands up and ran his fingers through Jesse’s chest hair, sitting upright to kiss his chest as Jesse untied the messy bun, grabbing his hair in a handful and pulling gently._

_When Hanzo pulled away for air, Jesse climbed off, taking off his underwear, prompting Hanzo to do the same._

_Jesse climbed back onto the bed, grabbing the lube from the draw of the bedside table. He sat in Hanzo’s lap once more, placing a hand on his chest, pushing him down back onto the bed. He laid on top of Hanzo, kissing him as he slowly rutted against Hanzo’s inner thigh. Hands on Jesse’s back, Hanzo explored the muscle underneath, rolling his hips upwards and enjoying the friction on his cock._

_Hanzo’s hands trailed down Jesse’s back, settling on his hips. With the tap of his finger, Jesse pulled away and Hanzo got his hand between them, grabbing both their cocks in his hand, before he started tugging slowly._

_They kissed once more, a rushed, sloppy mess of tongue and moaning before Jesse kissed and sucked on Hanzo’s neck and shoulder. He blindly searched for the bottle of lube he tossed on the bed, pulling away from Hanzo when he could not find it, and sitting up once he had. Eyes heavy lidded, Jesse took Hanzo’s left pectoral in his hand and squeezed it, before climbing off him._

_Hanzo took the invitation and turned onto his stomach, adjusting himself before grabbing his pillow and placing it under his head._

_Jesse climbed back on top of him, sitting between his legs and Hanzo could hear the flick of the cap of the lube. He jutted his ass up as Jesse squeezed one of his cheeks, spreading him before feeling a finger at his entrance. He shuddered as Jesse inserted his finger, then a second once he had relaxed enough, curling inside him and massaging his prostate, sending a shiver down his spine and a moan escaping from his lips._

_He groaned when Jesse withdrew his fingers, and waited with anticipation when he heard the cap on the lube flick open again. He looked behind him, watched as Jesse lube himself up and winked as he lined himself at his entrance. He spread himself open and moaned when Jesse pressed inside him slowly, until his hips were flush with his body._

_Jesse started a slow pace, his body pressed against Hanzo’s as he kissed between Hanzo’s shoulder blades. When he increased his pace, Hanzo met him with each thrust. He felt Jesse kiss the dragon on his back, then a fingernail trace its form as it snaked down. His hand settled on Hanzo’s hip for a moment before reaching between Hanzo and the bed, grabbing him._

_Hanzo moaned into the pillow, one hand holding it in place and the other gripping one of the beams in the bed head. The pleasure in his core built fast, a moan from Jesse pushed him over the edge as his toes curled and he tightened around Jesse, coming undone in Jesse’s hand._

_He groaned when Jesse withdrew and took his hand back, his cock slapping against Hanzo’s ass before it was swept up and Jesse jerked off while kneading his ass with a slippery hand. He came moments later, moaning Hanzo’s name as he spilled on the small of Hanzo’s back._

_More kisses between his shoulder blades before Jesse rolled onto his side, kissing Hanzo’s bicep and cheek and temple._

_Hanzo closed his eyes and took a breath. He was happy. He was safe._

Sleep came quickly after that with Jesse’s body pressed against his. He did not look at his phone when he climbed back into bed after they cleaned up; and thinking about it now, it was probably the first New Year’s he had missed.

When he woke, it was morning and the sun was streaming through the window. He rolled onto his back and brought his hands up to his face; it was just too early to deal with the world. He listened, and there was silence. Complete and utter silence. That was when he realised Jesse was not in bed.

He sat up, listening out. His breathing quickened as panic started to set in. Where was Jesse? Why is he not in bed? He looked around the room, noting that his things were still there; the pile of clothes next to him on the floor, the bear sitting on the dresser, Peacekeeper mounted on the wall.

He scolded himself for letting himself think that Jesse had left him. That small niggling voice at the back of his mind which he was usually able to ignore told him that the reason why Jesse had not talked about moving back to Santa Fe after the discussion with Julia a week ago was because Jesse was unhappy with living with him. That he was a burden and Jesse wanted nothing more to do with him.

His anxiety eased slightly when the door swung open and Jesse walked through, two steaming cups of tea in his hands. Taking a deep breath, panic gave way to love as he accepted the tea.

Jesse told him he wanted to surprise him, to let him know that the power had indeed come on at some point in the morning, and that he had slept in. There was a moment of disbelief when Jesse told him it was ten in the morning, as Hanzo never sleeps in.

The first of January was a lazy day; more of the same as the day before. The only cleaning they did was changing the sheets and replacing them with those silk sheets Jesse bought.

They also ventured outside for a moment, taking pictures of the snow which Jesse sent to Julia and Sandra. He had called them earlier that morning to tell them they had survived the storm. Jesse joked that he would get t-shirts made. Though when Hanzo thinks about it now, he would not be surprised if that was not a joke.

From inside the bar, they watched as the streets were cleared of snow; the roads first before the footpaths. Jesse convinced Hanzo to put a sign up on the door to let people know the bar would be closed until the fourth of January, something that in all honesty took very little convincing.

For the first time, Hanzo did not want to work. For the first time, Hanzo saw opening the bar _as_ work. Approaching the end of this long week, they spent the rest of the first of January eating sweets and drinking sake, getting silly with each passing hour, and fooling around like they did on his birthday.

They got adventurous while cooking dinner that night. Kissing turned into groping which turned into fucking when Hanzo bent Jesse over the bar; fulfilling another fantasy he had for a while.

On the second, they pulled themselves away from their nest, facing the world by taking a walk and inspecting some of the damage noted in the area. There was not much, only a few fallen trees thankfully, and a half-foot worth of snow was still present in the parks.

Jesse contacted Emily and Lena after walking past the diner; the sign on the door informed them that it would be closed for another week. Lena told them storm damage had saw part of the roof in the kitchen collapse and it was unsafe for anyone to be in there while they were repairing it.

That afternoon and into the night, they had Emily and Lena over. Hanzo did not have time to think about the looming final day of this week. He was too happy serving food and drinking beer, laughing as the girls told stories of Britain while they played card games.

Hanzo discovered he has a passion for poker; something Jesse was ecstatic about. He joked that the both of them would make big money if they ever wanted to holiday in Vegas. Once again, he would not be surprised if Jesse was serious about that too.

Keeping the girls as late as possible worked in Hanzo’s favour. By the time they left, it was almost midnight and he could barely keep his eyes open. Dragging his feet and peeling off clothing, he fell into bed and went to sleep as soon as his head hit the pillow.

That led him into today. The third of January. Genji’s birthday. He would have been thirty-six. The same age Hanzo was when his life changed. Those feelings of sorrow and guilt roiled in his stomach, his anxiety went into overdrive, and nausea was threatening to send him to the bathroom.

He was awoken by his phone. Not by a phone call, but an email ping. That was the first alert that something was off about the day, since the only times he gets an email ping is when he placed an order for food or sake. Neither of which he had done this morning.

Wanting to ignore the email and the world, he brought the blanket up and over his head and closed his eyes. He allowed this moment of self-pity, to think about the guilt and sorrow. He realised too late that it was a bad idea; he had let it consume him, envelop him and drag him down.

He was in his own personal hell. The one where that voice with the megaphone in his mind would not shut up. _Genji should be here, I should not_ , it yelled over and over. The guilt was overwhelming. The sadness was overwhelming. He knew that he should get up, or at the very least uncover his head and look out the window, light the incense sitting on the dresser and meditate.

He knew that meditating would save him from this hell. But right now, there was a chasm between the bed and the chest of drawers. It was impassable. There was no way to get there. It was too hard to even think about uncovering his head, let alone to have the thought to move his arms to pull the blankets off.

Then he felt the weight of the bed dip in front of him, and a gentle hand on his shoulder. He squeezed his eyes shut tighter. He could not face Jesse. He could not face him with the fear of picking a fight with him just because he needs to feel something, _anything,_ other than the guilt. As much as he tried to fight it, his mind supplied anger to replace the sadness and guilt. Like it had last year and the year before.

Anger was all Hanzo knew while he was on the run. Anger over all other emotions. Anger because Genji was dead. Anger because his life was turned upside down. Anger because he was being chased from country to country, not being able to relax, not being able to stop. Anger kept him going, and it was hard to let go of in the months after settling in the States.

He knows, though, that Jesse does not deserve that. Jesse is a good man who deserves every kindness, not a depressed boyfriend who is on the verge of picking a fight for the sake of it.

The weight of the bed shifted again, and he listened out to where Jesse was going. Then, the bed dipped behind him, shuffling closer until his chest was pressed against Hanzo’s back. A bare arm draped around his body and soft kisses were planted on his shoulder.

No words were spoken. Only soft kisses and a scratchy beard on his back. A new wave of guilt washed over him; guilt that he is being a burden to Jesse. He spiralled, down and down, the ground looming and approaching fast.

He needed an out. He needed something to save him before he crashed and burned. He could not let that happen again. Not like last time where the guilt was so strong he nearly ended his life. He grabbed Jesse’s hand, pulled it up to his mouth and kissed his knuckles, over and over, using it like an anchor to keep him grounded.

More kisses on his shoulder, more scratchy beard on his back. It tickled. He tried to ignore it, tried his damned hardest, but the more he did, the more he found himself fighting a smile. So he allowed himself to smile. Using only his sense of touch, he then allowed himself the basic thoughts: Jesse is here. He is safe. He is loved.

He relaxed and opened his eyes, kissing Jesse’s knuckles one last time. Feeling marginally human again, he spoke. “Good morning,” he mumbled, voice barely a whisper.

“Mornin’,” Jesse replied softly. “I made you tea.”

“Thank you.” Hanzo took a breath and opened his mouth to speak, before closing it again. His mind felt like a puddle of frayed emotions and half-thoughts. He was struggling to figure out which way was up. He kissed Jesse’s hand again, intent on not getting lost before saying the first coherent thought that appeared in his mind, “I am sorry that I am a burden.”

“Oh, Han, you ain’t a burden. Why would you say that?”

“Because I am hiding under the blankets like a child. I was convinced we were going to die three days ago. I have been a horrible person to be around all week –”

“Shhh…” Kisses on his back scratchy beard stopped him from continuing. “You are far from a burden, Han. And you haven’t been horrible to be around. If this is you horrible then I hate to see you on a bad day.” Hanzo chuckled, and Jesse continued, “Whatever it is you’re workin’ on, please know you can talk to me. You don’t have to face this alone.”

Hanzo closed his eyes, repeating those words in his mind. He had been facing these emotions alone. To spare Jesse the burden of his past and the guilt he felt. Realising now that keeping it bottled up has not worked, he decided to tell Jesse. To let him know what it was that was bothering him. What was the harm, after all? Hanzo was practically at the end of his tether. It could only get better, because he is safe and he is loved.

Hanzo opened his eyes and took a deep breath. “Today is Genji’s birthday.”

“It is.”

“He should be here. I should not.”

Jesse took a breath. “Han, there was nothin’ that could have been done differently.”

“I failed him.” His eyes stung. He shut them tight.

“What would he say if he saw you here now?”

Hanzo thought about it for a moment, pulling together a string of thoughts to form a coherent sentence. “He would say I am behaving like a child and that mourning him is a waste of time.”

Jesse took a deep breath before kissing his shoulder. “Tell me about him.”

Genji. He saw his brother in his mind, the man with jet black hair and indigo eyeliner; dressed in his expensive suit with his favourite soft pink shirt, phone in his hand like it was a part of him and laughing about some encounter in the clubs that Hanzo cannot quite remember the details about now. A time when he was happy. A time when _they_ were happy.

When he spoke, words fell from his mouth before he even thought them. “He was a fiercely strong person. He defied everyone. He listened to no one, except me, because I was the only person who gave him the time of day.” Tears spilled from his eyes and he wiped them away with the back of his hand. He pulled the blanket off his head and felt cold from the sudden temperature change. He looked at the ceiling. “This bar, my life for the last year, has been something to fill in my time. I did not need the money.” He looked back at the door, intertwined his fingers with Jesse’s under the blankets and brought his voice down quietly, “This bar. This was Genji’s idea. This was what we were going to do. Together.”

Jesse kissed Hanzo’s shoulder. “It was good of you to do it.”

“We had planned that he would serve drinks, talk to customers, be the face of the bar. I would cook, serve food. He was always much better with people, and I was the better cook. It was originally going to be a bigger bar, not so much a restaurant, but more focus on meals, not appetisers.” Hanzo chuckled. “There was only so much I could do, being both the face of the bar and the cook.”

“You’ve honoured him, Hanzo. You’ve done an amazing thing with the bar, doing it all yourself.”

“The other day, when you were working the front of the bar, talking to the customers, and I was working the back, that was what we were supposed to have. When you said we work well together, like a…”

“A well-oiled machine?”

“Yes. When you said that, it filled me with guilt. I felt like I was taking the one thing I still had, the only connection I still have with Genji and I was giving to you.” Hanzo shook his head and swallowed the lump in his throat. “It is stupid, but I felt like I was abandoning Genji.”

“It ain’t stupid, Han. You’ve done him proud.”

Hanzo sat in silence and let that sink in. That single statement, ‘you’ve done him proud’. He nodded and smiled, knowing that yes, he has done Genji proud. Genji had said it himself in his dreams. Perhaps it was his subconscious telling him what he wanted to hear; the same subconscious which right now has turned on him.

“Y’know,” Jesse said softly, “If you hadn’t opened the bar, Leans n’ Em wouldn’t have found it, and they wouldn’t have told me about you.”

“I suppose we can thank Genji for our meeting, then,” Hanzo said quietly.

Jesse smiled, kissing his shoulder. “Guess we can.”

Hanzo rolled onto his back, facing Jesse and smiled.

“Hey,” Jesse said softly, smile on his face as he ran his hand through Hanzo’s hair. “What would you like to do today? Anythin’ you want.”

Hanzo smiled, thinking of endless possibilities. Another day of sweets and sake and sex. A walk in the park. A visit back to Chinatown for more sweets, because now that he thinks about it, they ran out of them.

Then he remembered the email. He grabbed his phone off his bedside table and the joy once again gave way to dread. His heart sank as he read the subject line: ‘Shimada Castle.’

“What is it, Han?” Jesse asked concerned.

“An email from Hanamura city council about the castle,” Hanzo mumbled before reading the email aloud.

_“Shimada-san,_

_We write to ask permission to turn the abandoned and unused Shimada Castle into a museum and tourist attraction._

_Like many of the great castles in history, we would like to add Shimada Castle to the list. We will preserve the grounds and we will treat the Castle with the respect it deserves._

_Please contact us to discuss options._

_We look forward to hearing back from you,_

_Hashimoto-San_

_Hanamura City Council”_

Hanzo looked up at Jesse, stunned and taken aback by the sudden email. Of all the days of the year to send the email, of course it had to be sent on Genji’s birthday. And of course it had to be sent when Hanzo was at his lowest in two and a half years. He should not have checked the fucking thing.

He looked at Jesse, analysing his features. He looked into his chocolate brown eyes. He looked at the single darker freckle on the side of his nose that stands out more than the rest of them. He looked at his plush lips, slightly parted and how much he wanted to kiss him.

And then the rational part of him kicked in. He thought about the email. He supposed it was not unexpected, considering he had not been in Japan for almost three years and considering it had been abandoned for nearly two. Sitting there, rotting away, wanting it to be forgotten. He did not even know what state it was left in. He had not let himself have these thoughts because they have been too difficult to deal with.

“I was not expecting this at all,” Hanzo said finally.

“What will you do?”

“I…” Hanzo trailed off. He had not thought about returning home. If he did, he would not live in the castle, at least. He could never think to step foot in the gates again. “I do not know.”

“Well, you could contact them, see what they want to do. Then you can make up your mind.”

Hanzo nodded, reading the email once more. He thought about a world where he let the Castle go; a world where it was not there at the back of his mind, a constant reminder of his past. With those thoughts, he realised the weight they carried. It was not only the castle, but it was not paying his respects to Genji. It was his father. It was the elders. It was his training. Kaito. The day Genji died. All of it, he saw it as weight he was carrying, and he could feel it weighing him down.

“I think it might be for the best to let the castle go. It has been a weight on my shoulders, a weight I did not realise I was carrying until now.” He took a shaky breath. “I have no intention of living there again. The atrocities… Genji…” He trailed off, shaking his head and swallowing the lump in his throat, “It is a part of my life I wish to say goodbye to.”

Jesse embraced Hanzo, kissing his cheek. “That’s good, Han.”

Hanzo nodded. Those feelings he had, that guilt, that anger, the depression. That gave way to joy and happiness. Saying those words aloud, wanting to say goodbye to the castle, made him feel at ease. Once he says goodbye, a final goodbye to that life, he knows that he will feel better.

He knows that he will be free.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed the read.


	24. First Time Alone...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hiya!
> 
> So this chapter is a much lighter chapter than the one previous, and the only warning to note is mild anxiety backed up with some tooth rotting fluff.
> 
> As always, a huge thanks to Magisey for betaing this chapter for me!!
> 
> I hope you enjoy the read.

“Are you sure you’re gonna be okay? I can call in sick today.”

Hanzo squeezed his eyes shut tight and practically pushed Jesse out of the back door of the bar. This was the tenth time Jesse had asked if he would be all right in the five minutes he has been downstairs. While Hanzo loved the attention, _this_ was smothering.

“I will be fine,” Hanzo said sternly as he took a step back away from Jesse before he could get his hands on him again. “I will go to the gym and then I will have lunch with Emily. You will be home at three-forty, and then you can cuddle me all you want.”

Jesse smiled and visibly relaxed, his rigid posture softening into rounded shoulders. “You know I'll worry about you all day, right?”

Hanzo smiled. “I know. There is no need. I will be fine.”

“All right,” Jesse said, taking a step forward. “I’ll be on Arlington Street, just by the park working on the footpath. I’ll be nice and close if you need me.”

Nodding, Hanzo took a step forward, meeting Jesse and placing his hands on his man’s hips. He stood on the balls of his feet, now face-to-face with him. “I will be fine.” He gave Jesse a peck on the lips.

Jesse hummed, kissing his cheek. “I’ll see you this afternoon.”

Hanzo nodded, wrapping his arms around his man one more time. Now that Jesse was heading out a part of him did not want him to go. Realising it was silly, that the man needed to go to work, that having the day to himself would be a good thing, he reluctantly let go. When Jesse opened his mouth to speak, Hanzo placed a finger over his lips, raising his eyebrows and stating, “I. Will. Be. Fine.”

Jesse frowned and shook his head, grabbing Hanzo’s wrist and kissing his fingertip before pulling it away, offering a small smile. “I was gonna say I love you.”

Hanzo closed his eyes. He was being presumptuous. “I love you too.”

Jesse gave him one more kiss on the cheek, and he headed to his truck. Hanzo watched as he climbed in, waving as he drove down the alley before turning on the street.

Hanzo closed the door, breathing shaky as he made his way through the storage area; cursing himself for feeling so upset. By the time he was walking through the kitchen, tears were spilling down his cheeks.

He looked at his phone, the time reading 8:23 a.m. He sighed before taking a very shaky breath that ended up being a half-snort and half-sob and a part of him was glad Jesse was not here to witness _that._ The rest of him wished he was, giving a goofy smile and saying something filthy to take his mind off his sadness.

Fuck, it would be a long seven hours before Jesse was in his arms again.

Leaning against the bar, weight on his elbows as he cradled his head, he closed his eyes and took a series of deep breaths between sobs. He was still raw from the past week. He was still raw from yesterday, allowing himself foolishly get caught in his dark thoughts.

If Jesse did not come in when he did, Hanzo could say for certain that he would be worse off than he is now. It was a scary thought, because he felt so upset about it now. 

He had not given the castle or that email another thought after discussing it in bed yesterday morning, and he was definitely not going to entertain that idea right now. He would tackle that at another time when his emotions were not all over the place.

He thought about his man. After spending another hour in bed, talking about Hanzo’s thoughts and feelings with regards to the matter, they took a three hour walk around the city. The fresh air helped to clear his mind and the exercise, though light, was welcome.

Jesse cooked pancakes for dinner, and it was the first time Hanzo could remember having a breakfast food for dinner. It was perfect and brought a smile to his face. That evening, Jesse put on some silly romantic comedy that Hanzo paid no attention to and cuddled. He prefers to be the big spoon but yesterday he needed to be the little spoon, to have Jesse pressed against him, to be wrapped in his arms. He felt vulnerable and needed the embrace of his man to make him feel safe.

He smiled, taking one final breath as the sobbing subsided; merely little hiccups now. He reminded himself that today was a new day, and this was the start of a new week.

Wiping his cheeks with his hands, he headed back into the kitchen for a glass of water. Giving himself a moment to regain his composure as he wiped down the already clean benches and tidied the already orderly arranged pantry, he prayed to any deity that would listen that his eyes were no longer red and puffy.

Taking a breath that finally felt like a normal breath, he put on his coat, beanie and scarf, grabbed his gym bag sitting by the stairwell and headed out for the day.

Today would be his first time alone in nearly a week. Walking down the street in solitude, he was really starting to miss Jesse’s presence. He missed the sound of his boots on the ground; he missed his hand in his. He missed his running commentary on anything that caught his attention.

Tightening his grip on the gym bag in his left hand, he shook his right hand as if limbering up. Closing his eyes for a moment, he was now starting to regret the decision to send Jesse to work. He should have told him to stay.

Opening his eyes as he took the final corner on the approach to the gym, he reminded himself that he would feel better after a workout. He _always_ feels better after a workout.

\---

Hanzo was not feeling better.

An hour and a half had passed. His singlet stuck to him from the sweat. Moving from the treadmill to deadlifting a very easy ninety kilograms to the punching bag, he pounded into it relentlessly. If the thing was not so securely bolted to the ceiling he was convinced he could have sent it flying. Huffing, he gave the punching bag one final punch and a twist kick, before catching it on its return swing.

Pushing his hair out of his eyes with his wrist, he took a seat on the bench, taking off one glove by undoing the Velcro with his teeth and slipping his hand out before undoing the Velcro on the other. He unwrapped the hand wraps around his hands, placing the gloves and mess of ribbon in his bag before grabbing his water bottle and taking a series of gulps.

He leered at the punching bag, annoyed that he did not have that post-workout buzz he always had. He was on edge, and he wanted Jesse. Jesse always knew what to say, what to do, to make him feel at ease.

He grabbed his phone, looking at his lock screen. It was a picture of Jesse’s profile, looking in the distance, hat on his head, cigarillo between his lips. A natural shot, and one of his absolute favourites.

He smiled, placing his phone back in his bag. The picture was enough that he felt like he could face the rest of the day. He took a breath, pulling his towel out of the bag to wipe his face. Jesse would be home in five hours, and then he can hug and kiss and cuddle him all he wants. Five meagre hours. Draping the towel over his shoulder, he picked up his bag and headed to the showers.

Considering his gym session was so short, he figured he could kill some time at the archery range. While not still feeling one hundred percent, he figured he might as well try the next thing on his list of things to do when he is feeling down.

\---

“Kuso,” he muttered under his breath as he missed the bullseye again. That was his final arrow. Twenty arrows, and none of them hit the bullseye.

He took a moment to analyse his shots. All of them were in the outer yellow ring or inner red ring. One was perhaps sitting on the line between the bullseye and outer yellow ring, but he is not counting that one because that is not a true bullseye.

He had fired his arrows too quickly, even though he had taken his breaths at the correct times and his stance was perfect. Though the more he thought about landing a shot, the more likely he was to miss the bullseye. He was completely off his game today.

Huffing, he leaned his bow against the wall and grabbed the empty bucket before approaching the target, pulling out the arrows and replacing the sheet. If there is one thing to be thankful for, the training room was empty, so at least no one saw his embarrassing shots.

He looked at the clock mounted above the door of the room as he scrunched up the piece of paper, now reading 11:05 a.m. That makes it four and a half hours until Jesse was home. _Four and a half long hours._ He rolled his eyes; so much for that hopeful optimism from earlier.

Frowning, he carried the arrows and his bow to the storage room. Fighting his need to see Jesse had not worked, and looking at the picture on his lock screen, along with every picture he has taken of the man, has done nothing but want him more. To feel him, hold him close and kiss his face.

So now he will give in. And he had the perfect idea, something he was too busy thinking about instead of landing shots: he would surprise Jesse with lunch at work.

Taking a deep breath as he left the archery range, he had a newfound spring in his step. Instead of feeling dread, counting down the slow minutes until Jesse was in his arms again, he was excited to surprise his man. He was excited to see him again. He realised in that moment that he should have given in to his needs earlier.

He pulled his phone out of his pocket, texting Emily that he would not be having lunch with her at the diner. She was working the lunch shift anyway, so it would not have been as if they were _actually_ having lunch. He told her that he was okay, that he would be surprising Jesse at work and not to tell him. Her reply was a series of love heart emojis.

At the bar, he dumped his gym bag by the stairs and headed into the kitchen. Digging through his stack of plates and bowls, he found his bento boxes, plucking two of them out. He bought them with the intention of giving bento a try at the bar, but the amount of preparation required for thirty people was too much for him alone. He had wanted to make Jesse a bento box for a while, and today seemed as good a day as any.

His sushi making skills were improving given Jesse’s affinity for them. He once complained that the sushi in the Japanese cafés in the area were no match to Hanzo’s own, which was quite the confidence boost.

Cooking the rice and slicing carrots and cucumber, this was the most at ease he had felt all morning. He definitely should have made the decision to see Jesse earlier, and made a mental note to not fight the urge to see his man ever again.

One of the things which had been on his mind for the last week, one of the things which his mind dissected and analysed, most unhelpfully he would like to add, was that he wanted to talk to Jesse about potentially moving to Santa Fe. He was taken aback that he had not discussed it with him earlier, figuring Jesse would have jumped at the opportunity to go back home.

Thinking about it logically, now that his subconscious was no longer trying to infiltrate his mind, it was probably because Jesse noticed how off he was and did not want to bring it up. A safe decision, though he has to tell Jesse that he does not need to walk on eggshells around him.

Packing the two bento boxes with various nigiri and nori rolls, he closed the lids and made a thermos of tea. Placing them in a green grocery bag, he checked his phone before locking the door to the bar, almost twelve-thirty. He nodded; he would catch Jesse before he had lunch.

The day was relatively mild, though right now the sun was hidden behind a large cloud, which made the day seem cooler than it was thanks to the wind chill. Hanzo was hopeful that the clouds would dissipate; he really wanted to have lunch with Jesse outside and in the fresh air. He should not have spent nearly a week inside, not that they had much choice in the matter.

Dressed for the cold weather, in his coat, scarf and beanie, the walk to Arlington Street from the bar took a quick fifteen minutes, and it was not long before he spotted the small group of road workers, dressed in dark blue and neon yellow clothes, huddled around the footpath in repair, a cement truck pouring concrete in its place.  

He smiled as he approached upon hearing a very familiar laugh and the smooth drawl from his man. Hanzo was not surprised he was able to hear him before he saw him.

Watching from the distance, he saw Jesse resting against a tree and smoking a cigarillo. He held it between the thumb and forefinger in his left hand and in his right hand was a stop/slow sign used to direct traffic. He was talking to two other people, a man who was taller and thinner than Jesse and a woman, not much shorter than Jesse but was also thin. Two other people were standing closer to the small stretch of footpath under repair, already smoothing over a section of it.

When the cement had finished pouring, the man and woman talking with Jesse parted and assisted with levelling it out. Jesse finished his cigarillo, extinguishing it under the ball of his foot before picking it up and tossing it in a nearby bin. When the truck was ready to leave, he approached the road, holding out the stop sign, stopping traffic so the truck could go on its way.

Once clear, Jesse gave the driver at the front of the pack a nod, and if he had his hat Hanzo was sure he would have tipped it, before joining the others beside the footpath.

He had never seen Jesse at work before, and watching him made Hanzo feel a little giddy. It was almost a side of Jesse he had not seen before; he was much more animated with his hands when he talked and he was louder when he spoke. He was in general more boisterous and it was adorable.

He was broken from his thoughts when the group of five turned to face him, the woman Jesse was talking with earlier frowned and threw her hands in the air, saying loudly, “Don’t all look at once!” That was when the others looked back at her, while Jesse went from happy to frowning, then to smiling when Hanzo smiled back.

Hanzo approached the group and Jesse met him, keeping a respectable distance. While he was smiling, his eyes showed concern, his posture was rigid and his tone was full of worry, “Hanzo, is everything okay?”

“Everything is fine,” Hanzo reassured, and smiled when Jesse took a breath and relaxed. “I was wondering if you were free for lunch.” He held up the grocery bag.

Jesse smiled and looked into the bag, Hanzo opened it for him so he could get a better look. “Oh, Han, you didn’t have to make anythin’. I would’ve been happy goin’ somewhere.”

“Nonsense, I wanted to,” Hanzo said, brushing it off.

“I’ll be ten minutes?” Jesse offered, looking from Hanzo to the group behind Jesse who had shuffled in closer.

“So is this the babe you keep talking about?” The woman said with a grin on her face, her accent indicating she was a Boston local, with a slight hint of French, maybe? She was young, barely out of high school. Hanzo wondered if she was even in her twenties.

Jesse smiled and turned around, shaking his head as he put his hand around Hanzo’s shoulders. “Guys, this is Hanzo.”

“ _The_ Hanzo?!” The woman said in somewhat disbelief, placing her hands on her hips. “Dude! It’s nice to finally put a face to the name!” She approached, outstretching her hand. Hanzo took it and bowed his head. “The name’s Amelia. Jesse’s told us all about you,” she said, her eyes raking up and down his body.

“I wish I could say the same about you,” Hanzo admitted, feeling a bit uncomfortable. He wondered exactly _what_ Jesse has told them about him. “Jesse likes to keep work talk to a minimum at home.”

Amelia shook her head. “Fuck, Jesse. You could have at least given him our names!”

Jesse brushed her off with the wave of his hand and turned to face Hanzo. “Han, this is Amelia, Winston, Jack and Jamie.”

Hanzo bowed his head, looking at each of them as Jesse pointed to them. He noted that Jack was older, short grey hair and scar across his face, and Jesse’s superior. Jesse had told him that Jack was ex-military. Army, too; though while their tours overlapped, they never knew each other.

And that was all he really knew about the people Jesse worked with, as he worked with different people on different shifts. Winston was easily in his early twenties, wearing black thick rimmed glasses and Jamie, who Jesse was talking to before, appeared to be the same age as them, even though he seemed to channel his youth with his blonde hair spiked upwards like the kids these days.

Hanzo smiled. “It is nice to meet you all.”

“Jesse, when you said ‘hot piece of Japanese ass’, you weren’t kidding!” Amelia said, biting her lip. Hanzo could feel himself blushing, and he was thankful he was wearing his scarf; it allowed him to bury down and cover his smirk. That is definitely something he can imagine Jesse saying.

Jesse squeezed Hanzo tighter. “God Amelia, can you stop?! You’re embarassin’ him!”

“It is fine,” Hanzo reassured, standing tall and drawing his shoulders back.

“Go on your date,” Jack said, voice gruff.

“You sure?” Jesse asked.

“Go,” he said, gesturing with the flick of his head.

“Thanks boss. I won’t be too long.” Jesse smiled, turning to Hanzo, who led them into the park.

“Try to keep your hands off each other!” Amelia sing-songed from behind them.

Jesse shook his head and flipped her off over his shoulder, spurring laughter from the group. “Sorry about them,” Jesse apologised, walking in step with Hanzo. “We tend to give each other a bit of shit.”

“There is no need to apologise,” Hanzo smiled. Their behaviour reminded him of Genji’s. Jesse’s behaviour reminded him of his own. He had lost count of the amount of times he would flip Genji off at the clubs when he would take someone into the bathrooms because Genji would say something inappropriate as a joke.

“So where do you wanna sit?” Jesse asked as they approached a large sitting area with several unoccupied benches arranged in a circle, small fountain in the middle, and a few pigeons scattered around and picking food off the ground. Hanzo led them to an empty bench which was obscured by the fountain, so Jesse’s work friends could not see them. Hanzo handed Jesse his bento box, and his eyes lit up. “You made this today?”

“I did,” Hanzo said, handing a pair of chopsticks to Jesse before grabbing a stainless steel cup from the bag and pouring the tea into it. “I must confess that I did not spend long at the gym. I could not concentrate.”

“It’s all right. Not unexpected,” Jesse reassured, voice soothing. Hanzo handed him his cup. “Thanks sugarplum.” He kissed Hanzo’s head.

“I even went to the archery range. I could not land a bullseye,” Hanzo informed him as he filled up his own stainless steel cup with tea.

“Shit, Han. What’s on your mind?” Jesse asked, voice full of concern.

Hanzo took a breath. He promised himself and Jesse yesterday that he would not keep his feelings hidden from Jesse again. That it was better to talk about it and not let it ‘fester’ as Jesse said. The word alone is enough to roil Hanzo’s stomach; it was a very effective analogy. “I could not wait the seven hours to see you again. I did not like watching you walk away.”

Jesse held the mug in his left hand as he wrapped his right arm around Hanzo and kissed his cheek. “I’m glad you came then.”

“Tears might have also been involved.” He shook his head and looked into his tea to stop the tears re-forming.

“Shit, Han,” Jesse said, bringing his voice down to a whisper, placing his mug beside him and pulling him in close. “You should have called me back.”

“Nonsense,” Hanzo whispered, fighting the bubbling sadness. His emotions were, quite honestly, fucked. “I am a grown man. I am capable of spending a day without you while you work.”

“Don’t beat yourself up.”

“I am not,” Hanzo said, sniffling. Partly due to the cold, partly due to fighting the tears and losing. “I should have been capable, but I knew that I should not fight what I desire.” He looked at Jesse. “And I desire you. I want to be by your side always.”

Jesse kissed his forehead. “What’s on your mind, Han?”

Closing his eyes, Hanzo took a deep breath, inhaling and exhaling slowly before looking at Jesse. “On Christmas, Julia told you that your mother was potentially going to sell the ranch. I would have expected you to have discussed it with me.” Hanzo paused, closing his eyes again. He hated that he even had the thought before, and he hated that he was thinking it now. “I was starting to think that perhaps you did not want me to join you in Santa Fe, that you –” His voice caught in his throat before he could finish the statement.

“No… Han,” Jesse whispered, kissing his temple and holding him tight, rubbing circles with his thumb on his shoulder. “Don’t ever think that. I love you. I ain’t goin’ to leave you.” He kissed Hanzo’s head. Much as Hanzo tried to fight the tears, they started streaming down his face. “You’re stuck with me, remember?”

Hanzo chuckled, though it came out half-strangulated with the amount of saliva in his mouth. He swallowed, wiping his cheeks. “My mind… sometimes it likes to turn on me.”

“I’ve noticed.” Jesse kissed his head again before pulling away. “The reason why I didn’t mention anythin’ to you was because I’ve been talkin’ to my mom about it. I wanted to get the details down before talkin’ to you, because I knew you’d say yes.”

“That is quite presumptuous of you,” Hanzo smiled, sniffling.

“But I ain’t wrong, am I?” Jesse asked, squeezing Hanzo and nuzzling his nose against his jawline. Hanzo shook his head and smiled, and Jesse continued, “So, my mom is indeed movin’ to San Pedro. The house and ranch are ours if you’re keen to make the move.”

Hanzo looked at Jesse, looking into his warm brown eyes. He opened his mouth to speak but nothing came out. He nodded instead, and Jesse cupped his hand under Hanzo’s chin before kissing him.

“The only question I’ve got is…” Jesse started, continuing when Hanzo looked at him, “when do you expect your lessons with Hana to be completed?”

Hanzo frowned. He realised in that moment that he would be saying goodbye to Hana. She would not take the news well. “She has almost completed her lessons. Another month or two, perhaps.”

“Perfect.”

Then Hanzo thought about closing down the bar. Selling the bigger items he would not take with him to Santa Fe. There was so much to do. “I will be able to use up all of my stored sake in that time, too. And close down the bar.”

Jesse nodded. “Do you think you’ll open another bar in Santa Fe?”

Hanzo took a breath and opened his mouth to speak, holding it for a moment. He wanted to be by Jesse’s side always. He exhaled before saying, “I will do whatever you will do. If you wish to work on the ranch, then I wish to work alongside you.”

Jesse grinned. “Reckon you can handle a rancher’s life?”

“I will manage. I will have an excellent teacher.” Hanzo nudged Jesse with his shoulder.

“You sure will,” Jesse drawled, cupping his hand behind Hanzo’s neck and kissing him.

“There is one more thing,” Hanzo whispered, pulling away, though still close enough that he could feel Jesse’s breath on his skin.

“And what’s that?”

“I have a large sum of money in my bank account. You do not have to continue working if you do not wish to.”

Jesse pulled away, eyebrows knitted together. “How much?”

Smirking, Hanzo leaned in close and whispered the amount into Jesse’s ear.

A look of complete surprise crossed Jesse's face. “Fuck. Han… Fuck.”

Hanzo nodded. “I did tell you I did not need the bar for the money. It was to fill in my time. I never saw it as work, not until last week.” Jesse looked at him stunned, and when it was apparent he was not going to say anything, Hanzo continued, “So I would like to ask if you would like to work alongside me, all day, every day.”

Jesse’s eyes welled with tears and he nodded. Hanzo kissed his cheek and his lips.

“As long as you don’t feel guilty about me workin’ alongside you,” Jesse whispered.

“I enjoyed working with you very much. Talking openly about how it made me feel, processing the guilt, helped me overcome it.” Hanzo smiled, “It is not something I would have been able to do without your help. Without you giving me the push I needed to talk about what is bothering me.”

Jesse smiled warmly. “I love you, Han.”

“I love you too, Jesse.”

As they ate lunch, Jesse told Hanzo stories about being part of a work crew, about the guys Hanzo met today. They discussed his resignation letter, they typed it up in an email and almost hit send, but Jesse wanted to tell them in person. He would give them two weeks’ notice; though stop working at the end of the week to use up his annual leave.

When Hanzo led Jesse back to the group, they shared more kisses before reluctantly parting, partly because they needed air but mostly because of the cheering from Jesse’s work friends, who decided to start singing “Jesse and Hanzo kissing in a tree…”

It would only be another hour and a half until Jesse was home and three more days before Jesse was in Hanzo’s arms forever.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, anticipating it'll be a FAQ: Originally Amelia was an OC, as were the rest of Jesse's road crew. Her name was Sarah and I had written her to be young, tough as nails and a woman who speaks her mind, but in her personal life is a lot more eloquent and does ballet. I essentially based her off a young Rosa Diaz from Brooklyn Nine-Nine.
> 
> When I made the decision to switch from OCs to in-game characters, the only person I saw fitting that role of daytime smart-ass and nighttime "princess" was Widowmaker. The only person in this fic who doesn't match their in-game age, I imagine in this instance her parents fled France when she was a baby and settled in Boston. Her real name is Amelie but she goes by Amelia.
> 
> So!! You might have noticed the chapter count has gone up. Yep, folks. This will be ending at chapter 29; 28 chapters and then the epilogue. Only five more weeks to go!!
> 
> Also, because I'm all for shameless cross-promotion, over the last month I've been working on a spooky monster fic as part of the McHanzo Monster Mash. It's called ['A Japanese Demon in America'](http://archiveofourown.org/works/12490252/chapters/28432672) and will be part of a series. If you're interested to see what crazy stuff my brain can come up with, check it out!!
> 
> I hope you enjoyed the read!!


	25. Together

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey!! 
> 
> Nothing major to warn this chapter. It's a mix of smut, mild anxiety and depression and a whole lotta comfort.
> 
> And just a reminder that this is a depiction of a loving relationship, nothing was done without full consent.
> 
> As always, a massive thanks to Magisey for betaing.
> 
> Enjoy!

Hanzo was sitting at the bar; glass of sake in one hand, Jesse’s note on the back of the diner receipt from all those months ago, which he _still_ uses as a bookmark, in his other.

The piece of paper was well worn now; all of the corners were crumpled and pliable and it was ripped in sections. The word ‘sugar’ is faded for all the times Hanzo ran his thumb over it while reading. He should find another bookmark, but there was no way he could throw this piece of paper out. It was his first gift from Jesse, after all.

He was waiting for Jesse to come home. His right leg bounced up and down on the footrest restlessly, and he spun the glass in his hand before finishing the last of the sake. That was his fourth glass this afternoon, and while he does not normally have this much to drink before opening the bar, today was a special occasion. It was Jesse’s last day working as part of a road crew. His last day away from Hanzo.

He eyed the almost empty bottle of sake just out of reach, contemplating pouring himself the last of it. Glancing over his shoulder at the clock mounted above the stairwell behind him, reading 3:55 p.m., he sighed. Jesse was late, though not a surprise. There were probably many goodbyes needed to be said to everyone, and Jesse had told him not to expect him home until four at least.

It did not make waiting this extra time easier, however.

Deciding on having that fifth glass of sake, he poured the light amber alcohol into his tumbler, almost filling it to the brim to finish the bottle. He took a gulp just as he heard the familiar sound of Jesse’s truck pull up at the back of the bar.

Hanzo set the glass down and placed the bookmark back in the front cover of _Kokoro_ before racing through the kitchen and storage area. He opened the door and Jesse was standing on the other side, keys in hand and about to unlock the door himself.

Smile on his face, Hanzo leapt into Jesse’s arms, wrapping his legs around his waist and his arms around his shoulders. “Welcome home,” Hanzo whispered.

Jesse chuckled, hands sliding from Hanzo’s waist to his ass. “Thank you, sugarplum.”

Hanzo kissed his neck and when Jesse picked up on the hint that Hanzo was not going to part with him, he waked into the storage area, closing the door with his foot. He stepped through the kitchen and into the bar.

“I see you’ve been helpin’ yourself to your own stock,” Jesse mused, amusement thick on his voice.

Hanzo smiled against Jesse's neck. “We have to finish it before we leave,” he answered, leaning back and kissing the tip of his nose.

Jesse hummed, picking up the glass and drinking the lot. He looked at Hanzo with a suspicious eye, waving the empty glass in his hand. “What number was this glass?”

“Five,” Hanzo whispered, bringing his hand up to the back of Jesse’s head and running his fingers through his hair. “Though I did not drink much of that glass.”

“Still enough that you’d be inebriated,” Jesse chuckled, placing the glass back on the bar.

Hanzo brushed him off with the wave of his hand. “Barely.” Barely was a bit generous, he could feel the alcohol buzzing in his system, but he did not deem himself too drunk that he could not function when the bar opened later. He continued kissing Jesse’s neck, making his way up to his earlobe, sucking and nibbling gently.

Jesse squeezed his ass, walking him up to the stairwell wall. Feeling the cool wall on his back, Hanzo pulled away, sweeping Jesse’s hair behind his ears before kissing him with fiery passion. Sweeping his tongue in Jesse’s mouth, he moaned, rolling his hips instinctively, seeking friction on his erection.

“You smell good,” Jesse whispered as they separated.

“I showered just before you got home,” Hanzo answered, kissing his neck again, teeth grazing along the sensitive flesh. Glass number three was enjoyed in the shower.

“That so,” Jesse breathed, tilting his head to the side. He raked his left hand over Hanzo’s thigh, grabbing his throbbing cock. “Not wearin’ underwear either?”

A small moan escaped Hanzo’s lips under the touch. “Underwear is overrated,” he chuckled, parting from Jesse and looking out the tinted window of the bar. People were casually walking past, all too busy in their phones to pay them any attention. He looked at Jesse, licking his lips. “I am feeling naughty.”

“I can see,” Jesse purred, squeezing Hanzo’s cock; twitching under his touch. “Give me a sec to wash up?”

Hanzo nodded, unwrapping his legs from Jesse and standing on the ground. When Jesse took a step to the stairwell to head upstairs, Hanzo grabbed Jesse’s arm and shook his head, winking. The realisation set in when Jesse looked out the window, then back at Hanzo, grin on his face. “I’ve been meanin’ to ask… public sex kink?”

Hanzo nodded, licking his lips. “It stems from my clubbing days.”

Jesse smirked. “Did you ever do anythin’ outside of the restrooms?”

“Fingering, handjobs… I had sex once. We were subtle enough that no one knew, not even Genji when he sat down next to us when he took a break from the dancing.”

Jesse scoffed. “And how’d you manage that?”

“She was grinding in my lap, though there was barely any movement. The risk of getting caught was enough.” Hanzo rested his head against the wall, grinning. “It was exhilarating.”

“That right,” Jesse murmured, eyebrows raised. He looked out the window once more. “And I take it you wanna have sex right here, right now?”

Hanzo approached Jesse, unbuttoning and unzipping his work pants. He slipped his hand inside and grabbed his half-hard cock. “Only if you are comfortable.”

Jesse braced himself against the wall with his hand, and Hanzo hiked down his pants and underwear enough to get his cock free. Jesse turned his body; his back facing the window.

“We can go upstairs,” Hanzo whispered looking up at his man, tugging him languidly to get him hard.

Jesse shook his head, and that was all it took as Hanzo dropped to his knees, lips wrapped around Jesse’s cock. He looked up and winked at Jesse who closed his eyes as a low moan escaped his lips. Hanzo reached into his sweats, grabbing his throbbing erection with a firm grip and matching his rhythm with his sucking.

He thumbed over his leaking slit, moaning at the delectable sensitivity as his cock twitched and his hips bucked. He ran his tongue over Jesse’s slit, licking up and swallowing the salty precome. Moaning again, he let go of his cock because if he continued tugging he was going to come.

He pulled away from Jesse, standing up and kissing him hard again. Grabbing Jesse’s hand, Hanzo lead him into the kitchen where Jesse washed his hands and Hanzo searched for the small bottle of lube they stashed away in a drawer in the pantry with the candles and other various non-edibles.

Hanzo’s pulse quickened and he bit his lip when Jesse grabbed his hand and lead him back into the bar; pushing him against the wall they were at before, pinning him with his body and kissing him with burning desire. He palmed Hanzo through his sweats and Hanzo rolled his hips into the touch.

Jesse hiked down Hanzo’s sweatpants, cock springing free as they fell to the floor. When Hanzo stepped out of one leg, Jesse grabbed it and hooked it around his waist. Hanzo opened the lube, pouring the liquid over two of Jesse’s fingers and spreading it, before Jesse reached around, probing Hanzo’s entrance with both fingers.

Hanzo stuffed the bottle of lube into Jesse’s pants pocket and bit his lip as Jesse pushed in, penetrating slowly before scissoring to stretch him. With one hand, Hanzo grabbed a fistful of Jesse's shirt and pulled him down, kissing him with fiery passion while grabbing Jesse’s cock with the other, stroking. The kiss turned into a heated mess of tongues dancing together, sweeping across lips and beard.

A moan rumbling from his throat, Hanzo massaged Jesse's glans with his thumb, making circles and spreading the precome, his cock twitching under the touch.

Jesse’s hips jerked, and he withdrew his fingers, pulling the lube out of his pocket with his clean hand. Hanzo opened the bottle and spread it down Jesse’s length; Jesse took the bottle and tossed it on the bar behind him.

Wiping his hand on his t-shirt before placing his hands on Jesse’s shoulders, Hanzo breathed deep as Jesse brought his hands down, placing them on the back of his thighs. He lifted Hanzo up, bracing him against the wall.

Hanzo wrapped both legs around Jesse’s waist and hooked his feet together; his sweatpants still hanging around his ankle. He hiked up Jesse’s shirt up to his armpits, his cock resting against Jesse’s bare torso as Jesse lined himself up at his entrance and pushed in slowly. 

Moaning, Hanzo rolled his head back, hitting the wall behind him. Feeling intensely full with each inch, he exhaled slowly and relaxed until Jesse was in all the way to the base. Hanzo tightened around Jesse as he started a slow pace to start; increasing his speed when Hanzo relaxed once more.

The bar filled with their moans, and Hanzo kissed Jesse just to keep his own volume down. One hand gripping Jesse’s shoulder tight, the other cupping the back of his head, the kiss turned sloppy as Jesse thrusted harder, his thighs slapping against Hanzo’s ass.

Hanzo rested his head on Jesse’s while looking out the window. Taking his throbbing cock in his hand with a firm grip and tugging to match Jesse’s pace, all it took was for one person to absently walk past, head buried in their phone for him to come, his orgasm shooting up Jesse’s chest.

Jesse tilted his head back and closed his eyes before resting his head on Hanzo’s shoulder. His fingers dug into the meat of Hanzo’s ass as his thrusts shallowed. “Fuck, Hanzo...” he whispered, stopping.

Hanzo smiled, feeling the subtle twitch of Jesse’s cock inside him as he rested his head against Jesse’s once more. He took a breath, watching people outside go about their day before he closed his eyes and kissed Jesse’s temple.

“Welcome home.”

\---

Hanzo woke to an email ping.

He was really starting to despise that little _‘ding-ding’_ sound with an incoming email. Especially at this time in the morning, because he _knows_ it’s Hashimoto-San emailing in regards to the castle.

He had finally emailed back yesterday between his third and fourth glasses of sake, asking the specifics of what they wanted to do with the castle. It was a quick two-sentence, politely written email Jesse helped word the day before, and the alcohol was there for the courage to send the thing.

With a groan, he rolled onto his stomach and adjusted his morning wood so it sat comfortable before blindly feeling around for his phone on the bedside table. After five attempts he found it, picking it up and with one eye, looking at the notification.

“That from the council?” Jesse asked, voice croaky and thick with sleep.

Hanzo hummed in acknowledgement. He turned his head and looked at Jesse, bringing a hand under his pillow to prop up his head. “Did it wake you?”

“Mmhmm.” Jesse rolled onto his side, draping a leg over Hanzo’s and resting a hand on the small of his back, rubbing absently with his thumb.

Hanzo huffed, turning his attention back to the phone. “That is it. I am changing my notification settings so I no longer hear that infernal noise,” he growled, looking through the email settings and disabling sound notifications. He threw his phone back on the bedside table and looked at Jesse, sweeping his hair behind his ear. “I am sorry it woke you,” he said quietly.

Jesse shrugged, eyes still closed. “It’s fine, Han. I was mostly awake, anyway.”

“Mostly?”

“Was about to drift back in, but it’s fine.”

Hanzo shook his head. “It is not fine.”

“It’s fine,” Jesse reiterated, opening his eyes, shuffling closer and kissing the tip of Hanzo’s nose.

Hanzo closed his eyes and ran his fingers through Jesse's hair. He pressed his lips to Jesse's forehead, breathing in his smell; his anger melting away. He was not about to let that email ruin his day.

“Can I make you breakfast?”

“No, please allow me,” Hanzo answered, opening his eyes. “You made your fair share of teas for me; it is time I repaid the debt.”

Jesse furrowed his brow. “Han, you know I’m not lookin’ for a debt to be repaid, right? If I didn’t wanna make you tea, I wouldn’t.”

Hanzo smiled and nodded. He did not want to explain to him that it is one of those things from his old life he still has not let go of. He looked at his man, looking into his warm, brown eyes. Remembering he promised he would tell Jesse everything, he shook his head, saying, “It was a power play in my old life. Someone would do something for me and I would do something for them which was more grand and the debt would be repaid.” He closed his eyes and shook his head subtly. “It was all about outcompeting each other.”

“Thank you for sharin’ that with me, Han,” Jesse whispered, planting a soft kiss on Hanzo’s forehead. “And breakfast would be lovely, but I’m joinin’ you downstairs and helping out. I don’t like bein’ waited on, remember.”

Hanzo nodded, kissing Jesse's forehead before sitting up and climbing out of bed. He headed to the bathroom to relieve himself before getting dressed in a pair of sweats and his hoodie, tying his hair up in a messy bun while slowly walking downstairs.  

They worked in tandem, preparing toast, omelettes with tomatoes, bell peppers and spinach, tea and coffee. Hanzo could not help but smile watching Jesse by his side, humming a tune and swaying his hips. He would have this every day. Every morning, every afternoon, every evening.

They sat at the bar, tucking into breakfast. Hanzo watched as Jesse ate, a man on a mission as he wolfed down the food on his plate, barely stopping to breathe. Hanzo thought he ate quickly, but is in no way a match to Jesse. He is yet to finish his food before Jesse.

“So what did you want to do today, Mister Shimada?” Jesse asked, placing his fork and knife on the empty plate.

Finishing the last of his toast, Hanzo raised an eyebrow and turned to Jesse. “Perhaps we could go to the gym, Mister McCree.”

Jesse hummed, taking a gulp of coffee. “I guess I’m no longer going to be able to use the excuse ‘I exercise enough at work’,” he smirked.

“We do not have to do anything too strenuous.” Hanzo took a sip of tea. “Enough to stay fit.”

“To be honest I don’t think I could keep up with you. I’ve seen you at your best, and while it’s fuckin’ hot to watch, I’m convinced I’d throw my back out.”

A sly smirk crossed Hanzo's lips as he ran his fingers up Jesse's thigh, stopping just millimetres from his groin. “We would not want that, would we?” He asked, winking.

Jesse chuckled. “Now who’s the one with the filthy mind?”

“It is hard not to when thinking about you.”

Jesse leaned in, smirking. “And now you know where I get it from.” He pecked Hanzo on the lips before wiping the corner of Hanzo’s mouth with his thumb. “Toast crumbs.”

Hanzo smiled, sweeping Jesse’s hair behind his ear. “I love you, Jesse McCree.”

“I love you, Hanzo Shimada.” Jesse cupped the back of Hanzo’s head and pulled him in, kissing him in a slow, tender kiss.

Hanzo nipped at Jesse’s lip as they separated. “We should tidy up and get to the gym.”

\---

Their first day together went about as well as Hanzo had imagined. Though this was not their first day together, they have had many days where they have gone through the same routines as today while Jesse was working, today was different. There was no need to keep an eye on the time, making sure it was not too late, and most of all they did not have to set the alarm clock.

There was not that pressure that Jesse would be going to work in the morning.

They had spent two hours at the gym. Hanzo went at Jesse’s pace which, to his surprise, was a more active workout than he had thought. They had spent most of their time by the weights after Jesse complained that jogging was not his thing after five minutes on the treadmill. That was fine, though Hanzo would make it his mission to get him to enjoy the treadmill, even if Jesse sticks to walking because he was not about to give up his running.   

After the gym, they went to the diner for lunch. Both Emily and Lena were working and gave them dessert on the house; two slices of apple and rhubarb pie as celebration that Jesse was no longer working. Jesse joked that they could have employed the girls if they were not moving, and the girls told them it was fine, because they were seriously considering moving back to London anyway with Lena finishing her studies.

From the diner, they went back to the bar, prepared an assortment of shrimp and vegetable tempura, yakitori and tonkatsu because Jesse requested it and Hanzo could not say no to his man. Even though he did need to make extra sauce that Jesse could pick at without double-dipping into or eating all of the sauce served for patrons at the bar.

Every now and then during service, Hanzo would think about Genji. Every time, he would remind himself not to feel guilty, that he should enjoy having Jesse by his side. A simple smile from his man, a touch on the waist or a brush of his fingers on his hand was enough to keep him from feeling remorseful.

It was not until eleven forty-five that night when they were settled in bed that Hanzo remembered about the email from that morning. He read it, holding Jesse’s hand while Jesse read something on his phone.

“The castle is in good condition, apparently,” Hanzo murmured. “There is not much that needs to be done to restore it. Mainly the landscaping, replacing a few shoji screens which were damaged and clearing some items left behind. Clothes and weapons mostly.”

“Mostly?” Jesse asked, looking from his phone to Hanzo.

“Some artwork in my father’s den.” Hanzo swallowed the lump in his throat, remembering quite vividly the artwork of red, green and blue dragons, the Shimada clan symbol emblazoned on their backs. “They have asked if I wanted it.”

Jesse squeezed his hand. “Do you?”

Hanzo shook his head. “No. It would serve as a reminder of my past, something I do not want.” The brand on his arm served as reminder enough.

Jesse nodded. “Fair enough.”

Hanzo continued reading the email, then his stomach dropped. “They have…”

“Hmm?”

Hanzo frowned, reading the paragraph aloud, “‘We extend an invitation for you to inspect the grounds prior to the opening. We will be happy to pay for accommodation for your stay in Hanamura. We anticipate having the castle open in time for the sakura festival, commencing on March thirtieth.’” He looked at Jesse, shaking his head. “I cannot…”

Jesse put his phone down, shuffling in closer and resting a hand on Hanzo’s bicep. Now more than ever, he can feel the burn from the brand under Jesse's touch. “It’s fine, Han,” Jesse said softly. “You don’t have to.” He swept Hanzo’s hair behind his ear.

Hanzo only nodded slowly, staring at the words on the screen. His mind was in overdrive, every bad thing that happened in the castle threatened to spill from his memories. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath, re-centring his thoughts as he squeezed Jesse’s hand, focussing on his reply.

Opening his eyes, he took another breath and quickly typed:

_“Hashimoto-San,_

_Thank you for your reply. Please do what you believe is required to restore the castle grounds. Discard any items you deem unsalvageable. Any artwork can be donated to an art gallery if they will have it._

_I do not wish to inspect the castle grounds. I trust that you will make the necessary arrangements to see it through to completion.”_

Hanzo re-read the last sentence over and over. Frowning and shaking his head, he deleted it before retyping:

 _“Thank you for your invitation to inspect the castle grounds. I will inform you of my final decision after discussing it with my partner.”_ Hanzo looked at Jesse and smiled.

_“Regards,_

_Shimada-San.”_

Hanzo hit send and placed his phone on the bedside table. Shuffling down the bed, he lay down on his back, hands resting on his torso. Jesse put his phone down, clicking off the lamp and shrouding the room in darkness.

After Jesse has settled down, Hanzo rolled onto his side, linking his arm with Jesse’s. He chewed his bottom lip as he vowed one more thing with these emails: He will never deal with them before bed, because he knows he will not be sleeping tonight.

\---

Hanzo’s eyes shot open and he sat up fast. Gasping for air, he looked at Jesse’s side of the bed and it was empty. Heart pounding, he placed a hand under the blankets feeling the mattress; it was still warm. Jesse did not get up that long ago.

He looked at the time on the clock, reading 7:04 a.m. Glancing at Peacekeeper mounted on the wall just to be extra certain he was still here, Hanzo nodded and swallowed the lump in his throat, lying back down and steadying his breathing.

He does not know when he went to sleep; the last time he looked at the clock it read 3:42 a.m. Assuming he went to sleep straight away, it would indicate that he has had a total of three and a half hours’ sleep.

Right now, his heart was racing, and thoughts swirling of every bad thing that happened in the castle; stirred up from that request to inspect it.

Just like on Genji’s birthday, he wanted nothing more than to bury his head under the blankets and forget the world. Knowing that he promised himself he would talk to Jesse when feeling like this, he sat up and looked at the door.

He knew he should go downstairs. He knew he should talk to Jesse. But the simple act of getting his legs to swing out of the bed seemed impossible. He looked to Jesse’s side of the bed again, grabbing his pillow and smelling it, a mix of cigarillo smoke and his natural smell. He breathed it in, and relaxed.

With a nod, saying his actions out aloud as he performed them before the voice in his head hijacked his thoughts, he got out of bed, heading to the wardrobe and grabbing out Jesse’s red serape. He held it to his nose, breathing deep and getting drunk on Jesse’s smell.

He wrapped himself in the fabric, walking over to the dresser and lighting the incense sitting on top with a lighter. He sat on the bed in front of the window, bringing the serape over his head as he re-wrapped it around himself and closed his eyes, clearing his mind and organising his thoughts with regards to the castle.

Taking a deep breath and smelling the first hints of sandalwood, he weighed up the option to go to the castle. In one hand, setting foot in there will dredge up all those memories. The bad memories. Genji. Kaito. Being trapped. The scorching pain from the brand. Every single one of them.

In the other, seeing the castle one last time, saying a proper goodbye might be what he needs to close that chapter of his life. He had always planned on going to Japan at one point to pay his respects to Genji, why not do it now? The castle and Genji in one trip.

He smiled. He would be able to show Jesse his childhood home. The view of Fujisan. The garden he used to meditate in. He then realised that will not be alone. He will have Jesse by his side, a gentle hand and soft kisses to guide him through the bad memories.

He took a deep breath in, then out before opening his eyes. He would talk to Jesse and tell him they will be going to Japan.

_\---_

Jesse’s mouth hung open and he cocked his head to the side. He had no thoughts except to close his mouth before he drooled everywhere.

He knew Hanzo had a rough night’s sleep with all of the tossing and turning and huffing he was doing. He knew that Hanzo would probably be in a bit of a mood this morning; and he knew it will be because of that email about the castle he checked before bed.

He was preparing to face a completely shut down Hanzo, hidden under the covers. Which was why he was armed with two cups of coffee and ready for kisses and cuddles and gentle reassurances that everything will be all right. He would be there for Hanzo, ready to give him what he needed to get through whatever dark thoughts plagued his mind.

What he was not expecting, however, was to see Hanzo meditating and wrapped up in his serape.

Sandalwood thick in the air, he looked at the incense. Hanzo would have been meditating for at least ten minutes, if the creak in the floorboards with his movements were anything to go by.

In that time, Jesse brewed the coffee and waited a few minutes for Hanzo to come down. When he didn’t he decided on head on up.

Listening to Hanzo breathe deep and occasionally hum, he wondered if he should head back downstairs; to give him the space he needs to process what it is he’s working on. He would come down when he is ready.

He gave himself a moment to look on with a smile. If there’s one thing he's certain about, it's that he’s damn proud that Hanzo's not buried under the blankets; that he is meditating.

Though Jesse does have questions about the serape.

Ready to turn back round, Jesse stopped when Hanzo stood up, watching as he walked to the dresser and extinguished the incense. Hanzo glanced at Jesse and did a double take, looking just like a deer in the headlights.

When it was apparent Hanzo wasn’t going to say anything, Jesse said the first thing that came to mind with a smile. “Red suits you.”

Hanzo tightened his grip on the serape, pulling it off his head. A blush bloomed across his cheeks, and almost matched the red of the fabric.

“I didn’t mean to interrupt,” Jesse said quickly. “I figured you’d just be gettin’ out of bed. I heard the creak in the floorboards from your footsteps in the bar.”

“You did not interrupt,” Hanzo said softly, sitting at the foot of the bed. He patted it and Jesse joined him, handing him his coffee. “Thank you,” he said, looking into the mug.

A series of emotions flickered across Hanzo's face. A frown, a huff as he closed his eyes. He shook his head and smiled before opening his eyes and looking at Jesse. “I wish to discuss my thoughts about visiting the castle.”

Jesse smiled, holding his coffee in his left hand as he draped his right arm over Hanzo’s shoulders.

“At first, I was stunned they asked. I was happy for them to take over and do whatever they needed to do without having to think too much about it.” Hanzo paused, bringing his steaming mug to his mouth and blowing on the coffee. “Then I was angry they even suggested it.” He took a sip. “Then I realised they would not have known the atrocities that happened in that place or its effects on me, so I let that go quickly.”

Jesse hummed, rubbing his hand over Hanzo’s bicep softly. That was very good of him to let go of that anger, considering it was misdirected. He kissed Hanzo’s shoulder after a moment, a little gesture to let him know he was still here and listening. He wouldn’t interject with smart ass comments while Hanzo’s processing something like this.

“I spent the better part of last night caught in an endless loop, watching every bad thing I witnessed or experienced replay in my mind. Thirty six years of things which I had compartmentalised in my mind, hidden behind locked boxes and doors.” He looked from his coffee to Jesse. “That email was a key that opened those doors and boxes, and all those memories came flooding back.”

“Did you want to talk about them?” Jesse offered. Anything to keep Hanzo talking at this point. The more he talks, the more at ease he will feel.

“There is not much you already do not know.” Hanzo chuckled, taking another sip.

Jesse nodded, taking a sip of his coffee. Following Hanzo’s lead, he wouldn’t press on if Hanzo didn’t want to talk about it.

They sat in silence for a long while, quietly drinking their coffee. Hanzo would occasionally huff, or smile about something and Jesse was right there with him, squeezing him tight, kissing his temple. There was nowhere either of them needed to be than right here, sitting on the bed.

Hanzo finished the last of his coffee, staring into his empty mug. “I think the best thing for me to do is to visit the castle. That way I can say a proper goodbye and close that part of my life for good.” He looked at Jesse, smiling as he placed a hand on Jesse’s knee. “I can show you the view of Fujisan that the castle had. The garden I used to meditate in.” His smile grew wider. “I can take you to Rikimaru Ramen if it is still there.”

Jesse smiled, kissing Hanzo’s cheek. “I’d like that very much.”

“But mostly,” Hanzo said quiet, barely a whisper, “it is something I do not think I can do on my own.”

Jesse set his empty mug on the floor before wrapping his arms around Hanzo. “Of course, Han. You were there for all of my shit, and I’m right here to see you through yours.”

Nodding and smiling, Hanzo rested his head on Jesse’s shoulder. “Thank you.”

“You’re welcome, Han.”  Jesse kissed Hanzo’s head before resting his cheek against it. “I’m proud of you.”

Hanzo chuckled. “Because I did not hide under the blankets again?”

“Because you opened up to me,” Jesse said quickly. “You talked about your feelings and processed them.”

“I promised I would talk to you.” Hanzo looked at Jesse, quirking an eyebrow and smirk on his lips. “And I am a man of my word.”

Jesse smiled. “And partly because you didn’t hide under the blankets.” He kissed Hanzo’s cheek before looking at the serape. “So what’s with this?” He tugged at the hem of the fabric.

Hanzo looked down at it, rubbing it between thumb and finger. “I realised I needed something of yours to keep me grounded. Something that had your smell.”

Jesse smelled the fabric draped over Hanzo’s shoulders. “Smells like nothin’.”

Hanzo picked up the hem around his neck, holding it to his nose and breathing deep. “It smells like you.”

Jesse smirked. “Well, whatever works.” He kissed Hanzo’s cheek. “So when are we goin’?”

“I was thinking we could make a holiday out of it, if you were interested.”

“Absolutely.”

“Perhaps mid-March. We can do Hanamura last, but there is much of Japan I wish to show you.”

Jesse squeezed Hanzo tight, kissing his temple. “I’m lookin’ forward to it.”

There was a long stretch of silence, a comfortable silence as they embraced eachother. Once again, following Hanzo’s lead, he would move when Hanzo was ready to. They had nothing planned for the day, they could sit right here if Hanzo wanted.

“There is one more thing,” Hanzo whispered eventually.

“And what’s that?” Jesse asked, closing his eyes, nose brushing along his hairline.

“Play something for me.”

Jesse looked at Hanzo and followed his gaze to the guitar sitting in the corner of the room. He smiled, walking over and picking it up. He sat next to Hanzo, strumming notes randomly. “Got anything in mind?”

Hanzo shuffled up the bed, curling his legs under himself as he wrapped his arm around Jesse’s waist and nuzzling his head on his shoulder. “The song you played on the swing at your parent’s house.”

Jesse smiled; resting his head on Hanzo’s as he eased into the song. He is happy, and right now there was nowhere else in the world he would rather be.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The opening scene for this chapter was inspired by [this absolutely gorgeous piece of artwork.](http://oflsin.tumblr.com/post/162811886550/how-about-mccree-and-hanzo-smooching-cause) A massive thanks to @oflsin for giving me permission to publish the scene. Go check out their work, it's amazing!
> 
> Hope you enjoyed the read!!


	26. To New Beginnings

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey!!
> 
> Getting closer to the end now! I guess we could call this the end of act four. It's the end of an era... to new beginnings, as the chapter title says!!
> 
> The biggest thanks as always to Magisey for betaing.
> 
> And uh... I'm warning for perhaps getting hit right in the feels..? 
> 
> I hope you enjoy the read!

Organising the closure of the bar, alongside the legal transference of not only the deed and title of the castle to Hanamura City Council, but the transference of the deed and title of Sandra’s house and ranch to Jesse, all while in Boston, was a ‘monumental pain in the ass’, as Jesse had referred to it on several occasions. 

Countless documents were transferred via email with electronic signatures. It was a good thing that paper documentation was phased out; otherwise Hanzo was sure that they would be swimming in it.

And on top of that, Jesse was keen on completely refurbishing his old house, opening up the kitchen and living areas; making it an almost mirror image of Julia and Dave’s house. So Jesse had also been on the phone with various tradesmen, getting quotes for services.

“What colour carpet do you reckon?” Jesse asked, lying on his stomach on the bed, browsing a website on his newly purchased tablet. He found a design tool which allowed you to upload a floorplan and build each room, selecting the type of flooring, paint colours, and even furniture.

On his own tablet, Hanzo was making the arrangements with a realtor to list the bar and apartment for sale. It took him a moment to process Jesse’s request, but when he did, he shuddered in response. “I do not like carpet. It is –”

“Let me guess,” Jesse waggled his eyebrows, “it is dirty.”

“It  _ is _ dirty. Did you not notice the carpet in your old house?”

“Sure did.” Jesse brought a hand up to his face, scratching his chin. “I’m fairly certain that carpet is original.”

Hanzo shuddered again. The amount of dirt and grime and who-knows-what caked into those carpet fibres is unfathomable. “I would prefer hardwood floors.”

“I can do that,” Jesse said with a nod, turning back to the tablet. “It’s easier to clean spills.”

Hanzo smiled, picking up his cup of tea from the bedside table and taking a sip. Every morning was a lazy morning since Jesse stopped working almost a month ago. The alarm clock, sitting atop the dresser and telling him it is 9:42 a.m. is now just a functional clock, and has not been used to wake either of them up in that time. With that thought, Hanzo opened the notepad on his tablet, writing another item on his to-do list: ‘sell alarm clock’.

“What colour?”

Hanzo glanced over at Jesse and he offered the tablet. Hanzo looked through the various colours of the wood, ranging from warm browns to dark greys. “Walnut,” Hanzo said, pointing the intermediate brown coloured wood, tapping on the thumbnail for a larger look at the colour and nodding, solidifying his decision. 

Jesse sat up, resting against the bedhead and grabbing his coffee from his bedside table. “Yep, you mentioned you like the colour. It’s a nice colour.” He took a sip.

Hanzo handed the tablet back to Jesse, looking over his email to the realtor and re-reading once more. 

A part of him was surprised that he was handling the closure of the bar with relative ease. Guilt of course would come and go, but talking with Jesse about it, being open with his thoughts and feelings, he has come to realise that looking to the future has helped to face his past. 

Ahead of him is happy future where he and Jesse are moving to Santa Fe, working together on the ranch. ‘Rancher boyfriends’, as Jesse liked to say. 

Hanzo looked at Jesse, humming as he tapped on his tablet. Jesse was extremely excited by the move. His eyes twinkled every time he talked about Santa Fe, or seeing Julia again. He was happy, happier than Hanzo had ever seen him, and that alone was enough to help Hanzo through the guilt.

With a smile, he looked at his email and sit send. He put the tablet into standby and placed it on the bedside table. Grabbing his tea, he shuffled in closer to Jesse and rested his head on his shoulder, watching Jesse now move on to tiles.

He took a deep breath and smiled. Mornings like this were his absolute favourite.

\---

“Sensei! I can’t believe that was our last lesson!” Hana screeched as she approached Hanzo in a full run after placing her bow back on the stand.

Jesse rubbed the back of his head, watching from the sidelines. This was going to get messy.

“You no longer need tutoring, Hana. You have mastered everything I can teach you.”

“But that’s not the point, Sensei. At least if you were  _ staying _ here I’d still get to see you.” She looked at Jesse through narrowed eyes, lips pressed together. 

Jesse smiled, holding up his hands as he approached. “Hey, darlin’, how about if you’re ever down in Santa Fe, you pay us a visit?”

Her frown turned into a smile as she practically leapt into his arms. “Sure thing, country bumpkin.”

“Hey, what’d I say about calling me that?” Jesse asked, no fire behind his words as he embraced the smaller girl. 

He had come along to Hanzo’s lessons recently and had got to know Hana fairly well. She was indeed dating that charming Brazilian fellow he spied at the mall those months ago. He goes by the name of Lúcio. She told him that they met while studying. He was studying music history and she was studying film history and a few of their courses overlapped.

Jesse winked at Lúcio as he stood next to them, placing a hand on Hana’s back.

“Oh, come on,” Hana said pulling away and looking up at him. “You’re moving to Santa Fe. You’re going to work on a ranch. That’s pretty much the definition of country bumpkin right there.”

“I… don’t think you understand the meaning, darlin’,” Jesse chuckled, shaking his head. 

She shrugged, winking before embracing Hanzo. “I’m going to miss you, Sensei.”

Hanzo smiled, wrapping his arms around her. “Hana, I am no longer your Sensei.”

Hana nodded as she pulled away, giggling in an attempt to control her evident sadness. She took a deep breath, eyes welling with tears as she said, “I’m going to miss you, Hanzo.”

Hanzo placed a hand on her shoulder. “I am going to miss you too, Hana.”

Hana wiped her eyes with her index fingers, careful not to smudge her eye makeup as she giggled somewhat uncontrollably now. She looked at Jesse once more and the giggling subsided. “You better look after him,” she said with a stern tone while pointing at him with a finger, placing her other hand on her hip.

“I will, darlin’.” He looked at Hanzo with a grin. “You know, that’s the first time someone has told  _ me _ to look after you.”

Hanzo smiled and nodded. “Yes, I believe it is.” He turned his attention back to Hana. “You look after yourself, and like Jesse said, if you are ever in Santa Fe, you are more than welcome to stop in.”

Hana smiled. “Will do, Hanzo.” She paused for a moment, looking at her hands, then back up at him. “I should thank you for tutoring me. I have learned a lot.”

“You are welcome, Hana.”

She nodded, chewing her bottom lip and lost in thought for a moment. “I’m going to get my things from the change room,” she said quietly, looking at Hanzo. “Will you still be here when I get back?”

Hanzo nodded, placing a hand on her shoulder. “We can wait.”

Like a kid on Christmas, she grinned, practically racing into the change rooms. Jesse chuckled, turning his attention to Lúcio and extending a hand. “It was a pleasure to meet you, bud.”

“Nice to meet you too, man,” Lúcio said cheerfully, shaking his hand with exuberance before turning his attention to Hanzo. “I’ll make sure she stays in touch. She probably won’t admit it, but she does admire you.” 

Hanzo bowed his head, offering his hand and Lúcio took it. “And you take care of her,” he said sternly.

Lúcio nodded and smiled. “Always.”

Hana returned, gym bag over her shoulder and pink oversized hoodie which made her look ridiculously small. She sighed, “So, I guess this is goodbye, then.”

Hanzo nodded, outstretching his arms, for Hana’s sake it seemed, as she immediately dropped the bag to the ground and leapt forward and embraced him again. “Goodbye, Hana.”

They shared the hug for what could have been a full minute. Hanzo took it in his stride, giving the girl all the time she needed. 

She reluctantly pulled away when Lúcio stroked her head, hand settling on her shoulder, her gym bag in his other. She  glanced at Jesse and smiled before taking Lúcio’s hand and exiting the range. 

“Well,” Jesse said, placing a hand on Hanzo’s shoulder, “that went better than I thought it would.”

“Yes,” Hanzo nodded. “There were not nearly as many tears as I suspected.”

“How are you feelin’?” Jesse asked. Not only was this his last lesson with Hana, this was his last day of employment at the archery range.

Hanzo smiled. “I am good. I will miss coming here though,” he said while watching the other students fire their arrows.

“We’ll have to get you settled into the local archery range in Santa Fe. You can teach the kids there.”

Hanzo nodded, smile widening. “I would like that very much.” He wrapped his arm around Jesse’s waist. “We should go otherwise we will be late for dinner.”

After another thirty minutes of goodbyes from the other instructors, they drove back to the bar. Another cold snap saw more snowfall on top of the near record snowfall from last week. It was predicted that this would be the first winter since records began with the coldest temperatures and most snow. Currently, the average temperature is hovering at five degrees and snowfall so far at one hundred and ten inches. 

Jesse shivered, practically running the short distance between the truck and the bar. While Santa Fe too was buried under snow, he was mighty glad that he would be going home, just so he can enjoy a cup of cocoa in front of the fireplace. A snowy tradition of his and Julia’s, and something he was eager to share with Hanzo.

Just as they entered the bar, they heard a knock at the front door. Hanzo walked around the bar and unlocked it. 

“Come in,” Hanzo said, smiling to Emily and Lena as they entered the bar.

“Thanks, Hanzo,” Lena said, kissing Hanzo on the cheek.

“So, last night in the bar, hey?” Emily said, embracing Hanzo and kissing him on the cheek before taking off her coat and draping it over a chair.

“Certainly is,” Jesse said hugging her. “I can’t believe it’s finally here.”

Tonight was the last night in the bar, and it was closed for this little private function.  Hanzo handled yesterday very well; the last day of service. The bar was full to capacity and then some; fifty people in all. They prepared more food than they usually would to get through the last of his ingredients and it seemed it was a smart decision, and even then there was still leftovers.

Hanzo gifted his regulars bottles of sake that were never opened. Jesse got told by every one of them to look after Hanzo. He smiled; Hanzo was more well-loved than he probably knew. 

They had spent the day packing everything. Cooking equipment, appliances, plates, tumblers and cutlery. Five boxes were sitting in the storage area, ready to be packed into the truck in the morning.

Though in the meantime, dinner and sake tonight. The drive to Santa Fe tomorrow.

“I can’t believe we bit the bullet and decided to actually do the move back to London,” Emily replied, taking a seat at the bar. She nudged Lena with an elbow when she took a seat at the bar. 

“I’m just happy my studies here are over,” Lena said before she groaned, rubbing her cheeks. “Though why do I torture myself and study more?”

Emily laughed. “Says the woman who’s decided to do a Masters of Business back in London.”

“I like to suffer, apparently.” She looked at Hanzo, accepting the glass of sake he handed her. “Ta.” 

“So when’s your last day in the States?” Jesse asked, taking a sip of sake.

“February twenty-fourth,” Lena informed them. “Enough time to sell our things and work as many shifts as we can squeeze in at the diner for the extra cash.”

“Twelve days is not a lot of time,” Hanzo added. He looked at Jesse. “It is almost as rushed as our decision to move back to Santa Fe.”

“Why wait?” Jesse smirked, waggling his eyebrows.

“I can’t believe you drive out tomorrow,” Lena said softly, wrapping her arm around Jesse’s waist. He placed an arm over her shoulder and kissed her head.

“You’ll have to come for a visit once the renovations are complete.”

“Absolutely. And you’ll have to visit London once we’re settled in.”

“You betchya.”

“I would like to propose a toast,” Hanzo started, lifting his glass of sake. “The last six months have been the happiest of my life, and that would not have been possible without the two of you.” He looked between Emily and Lena. “While our journey together ends here, our friendship will last a lifetime. To new beginnings.”

They clinked glasses and sipped the sake. Jesse mulled on Hanzo’s words, and can whittle down his own happiness to wanting a cheeky fuck to break him from his depression on his birthday. He chuckled, taking another sip of sake. That was the best decision he had ever made.

He was broken from this thoughts by fingertips brushing along the back of his hand. He looked at Hanzo who smiled, holding Jesse’s hand and rubbing his thumb over his knuckles. Jesse nodded, a silent acknowledgement that everything was good. He placed his glass down and rested his head in his hand, looking at his man while he listened to the girls write a list of things to sell before their move.

Finishing his sake, he kissed Hanzo’s knuckles and headed around the bar. One more kiss on Hanzo’s cheek for good measure, he walked through the kitchen and into the storage area, pulling out a platter of  various types of sushi  from the fridge that they spent the better part of the afternoon preparing, while Hanzo grabbed the four remaining plates, four pairs of chopsticks and soy sauce. 

Heading to a table under the window, Jesse set the platter down and pulled the neighbouring table over to accommodate the food, sake and the four of them without it being crowded. 

“This looks amazing, Hanzo,” Lena said, looking at the plate while rubbing her hands. “Almost too good to eat.”

“Jesse is getting quite skilled at making sushi, too,” Hanzo said, looking at Jesse.

“I just rolled up the makizushi,” Jesse brushed off with the wave of his hand. “Hanzo did most of the work.”

Hanzo picked up one of the slices of makizushi, containing cucumber, avocado and smoked salmon with his chopsticks, analysing it closely. “There is the right amount of filling, and it is perfectly in the centre. The rice is the same thickness all the way round and the roll itself is perfectly round. They are flawless, and I could not have done better myself.” He winked at Jesse and popped it in his mouth.

Jesse smiled, his cheeks reddening. He picked up the bottle of soy sauce and poured some on his plate, just as something to do. To say compliments when growing up were few and far between would be generous. He knows he should say thanks, he’s thought it every time he has been on the receiving end of a compliment, but he physically can’t get the words to spill from his mouth.

He frowned. He will work on this with time.

Looking at the satisfying pool of soy sauce on his plate, he placed the bottle on the table and looked at Hanzo, winking. The small bow of his head is acknowledgement enough, and in that moment he realises just how lucky he is, that they can share these silent moments and know what the other is thinking. That he can get away without saying thanks and know that Hanzo isn’t holding it against him.

Nudging Hanzo’s knee under the table with his, Jesse picked up a salmon nigiri and a chicken katsu makizushi he prepared with the leftover chicken. 

Hanzo had been skeptical about the fusion of the two dishes, noting it was something he had not considered before. Jesse thought the both together would be amazing, and with Hanzo’s encouragement prepared some up.

He watched as Hanzo also picked up one of the chicken katsu rolls and looked at it with a critical eye before dipping it in soy sauce and popping it in his mouth; smiling and nodding at Jesse after he swallowed. Jesse picked his up and shoved it in his mouth, nodding at Hanzo with each bite. 

“Best idea ever!” Jesse exclaimed, mouth full of food. Hanzo nudged him under the table. He can get away with most things, but his poor table manners are not one of them.

As the evening went on, the three of them told Hanzo the story of how they met in the diner, and disbelief filled the room at the realisation he had not heard the story. The girls were smitten by Jesse’s southern charm and the fact he was dressed as a cowboy in the city. He was taken by surprise that there were weren’t just one, but two British girls working in the same diner in America. An instant friendship, Jesse called it. 

With dinner over and late in the night,  Jesse embraced the girls tight. “You two look after yourselves, yeah.”

“Will do, Jess,” Lena whispered. “And you two drive safe.”

“We will, Leans.” Jesse kissed her head, then Emily’s. They moved on to embrace Hanzo, and Jesse found himself thinking of the happy times to keep the tide of sadness at bay. He chuckled when the girls separated from Hanzo, and nudged Lena in the arm as she wiped the tears from her face. 

Jesse embraced her once more, whispering, “Thank you. For everything.”

“It was nothing, love. That’s what friends do.”

“You were the one who told me about Hanzo. I have you to thank for makin’ me the happiest man on Earth.”

“You’re welcome, Jess.” 

They held the hug for minutes, Jesse was unsure of how many. When they separated they were both bumbling messes of tears and sobs. He noticed Hanzo clearing his throat, eyes tearing up. He wrapped his arms around Hanzo’s shoulders as the girls embraced them in one final group hug. 

Fifty goodbyes and blown kisses between the door to the bar and the cab, they waved goodbye until  the cab turned the corner.

Inside the bar, Hanzo embraced Jesse. They held the embrace for minutes as Jesse rode out the tide of emotion. Saying goodbye to the girls was one of the hardest things he had done. He would miss them, their cheery humour, their smiles. He would miss their shoulders to lean on, their hopeful optimism. He would miss them to an unimaginable degree.

Separating from Hanzo, he looked into his dark eyes as he caressed his cheek with his thumb. Now, the only thing left to do was leave Boston behind.   

\---

Hanzo looked at the empty room which once held his very few possessions. The bed, bedside tables and dresser were resold on craigslist and picked up earlier that morning. Storm Bow was back in the guitar case Hanzo had picked up while on the run, so now both he and Jesse have guitar cases slung over their shoulders. Peacekeeper was safely stashed away in Jesse’s suitcase, as were their clothes and toiletries; the two suitcases sat by the door. The garment bags carrying their suits were draped over the top.

He looked at the window and the view of the neighbouring apartment block. If there was one thing he is glad about with the move, is that he will have a proper view out his bedroom window.

Taking one final breath and looking over the room, he smiled at Jesse before picking up the garment bags and draping them over his arm. He picked up a suitcase with his other hand and headed downstairs.

Looking at the empty bar, Hanzo felt bittersweet. Placing his suitcase on the ground and grabbing Jesse’s hand, Hanzo looked at the four tables under the window, then at the stack of chairs against the wall. One part of him was excited about his new life with Jesse. But the other was down, because this chapter of his life where he honoured Genji every day, doing what they planned on doing, was over. 

He wondered how Genji would feel about it. He can almost imagine his brother telling him not to waste any more time honouring a dead man; to go out and live his life, live the life he deserved.

He took a breath and looked at Jesse, closing his eyes when Jesse kissed his forehead. 

“How’re you feelin’?”

“Good,” he breathed, nodding. “Better than I thought I would be.”

“Anythin’ you wanna get off your chest?” Jesse asked, squeezing his hand. He has found Jesse prompting him whenever talking about the bar, the move or visiting Japan. Welcome prompts he needed to stop himself from shutting down. Talking aloud has been quite cathartic, and something Hanzo realises he should have done earlier.

“I regret not getting a picture of a sparrow,” Hanzo said with a smile, looking at the bare wall opposite the stairwell. “I regret not calling the bar ‘little sparrow’.” The name came to him after registration for the completely unoriginal name ‘Izakaya’ was complete.

“Did Genji like that nickname?”

“He hated when Father would call him sparrow. He said that it made him feel small, precious.” Hanzo looked at Jesse and smiled. “He would never complain when I did.”

“You were really close, weren’t you?”

“Practically inseparable. Ever since we were children, right until the end…” Hanzo trailed off. He cleared his throat, smiling to stop himself from tearing up. 

He looked at the two stools by the bar, the two he and Jesse sat at that first night, the two they sat at whenever they shared a meal. “I will miss sitting here.”

Jesse hummed, brushing his fingertips along his stool. “The spot we felt that first spark.”

“That first moment of contact,” Hanzo said, holding up Jesse’s hand and brushing his thumb on the back of his hand, mirroring the action from all those months ago. He looked at Jesse and smiled. “It feels like a lifetime ago.”

“A lot has happened since then,” Jesse said, facing Hanzo and placing his hands on his waist. “You entered my sorry excuse for a life and brightened it. Made me believe that I can be happy. That I can be loved.”

“You showed me that I am capable of love.” Hanzo rested his hands on Jesse’s chest, fingers toying with a button on his blue plaid shirt. “That there is more to life than routines. That I can do what I want, when I want.” Bringing his voice down to a whisper, he added, “That there is more to life than honouring Genji.”

Jesse pulled him into an embrace and this time he did not try to stop the tears. He wondered if he would have ever reached a point where he would close the bar and see the rest of the world, or settle somewhere else if Jesse were not in his life. 

He took a deep breath, smelling Jesse’s natural scent. He thought about the future, being by Jesse’s side, being in his arms. He had the rest of his life ahead of him; with his man, his love. 

He separated from Jesse and smiled, wiping his eyes with the back of his hand. “I am okay,” he said quietly, chuckling. Closing his eyes, he focussed on Jesse’s hand on the back of his head, fingertips brushing the shortened hairs of his undercut and the soft lips pressed on his temple.

With a final breath, when the sobbing subsided, he stepped away from Jesse. He shrugged off the guitar case, setting it against the stairwell wall before approaching his seat. The one seat which was separated from the rest, the one he could see the front doorway from. 

For sentimentality, he sat in it one last time. He placed his hands palm down on the mahogany bar, feeling the wood grains underneath his fingertips. He took the time to analyse them, like he found himself doing on countless nights while trying to decide whether to have one more glass of sake or to just close up.  

He analysed the grains like he did on the night Jesse walked in, and was thankful that on that particular night he decided on having that extra glass of sake instead of closing the bar early. 

Inhaling and exhaling deeply, he took one last look around before standing up, slinging the guitar case over one shoulder. He picked up the garment bags and suitcase, leading Jesse around the bar and through the empty kitchen and storage area.

Hanzo locked the door to the bar, leaving his hand on the handle for a moment. This would be the last time he would close the door. The last time he would see the bar. He took a breath and turned to Jesse, smiling when he smiled back.

They placed the guitar cases and suitcases in the tray, beside the boxes and a crate of leftover sake; closing the truck bed cover. Hanzo hung the suits from the handle in the rear passenger seats before climbing into the front of the truck. He fastened his seatbelt and took one last look at the bar. 

“Ready?” Jesse asked softly, grabbing his hand.

Hanzo nodded, weaving his fingers between Jesse’s. He took a breath as Jesse pulled away slowly down the alleyway, his eyes tearing as they drove past the bar one final time. 

He closed his eyes and took a series of deep breaths, allowing the tide of emotion to wash through him. This chapter of his life is done. This part where he settled down in a foreign country, his only purpose in life was to honour his brother. This part of his life where he met a cowboy and fell in love.

When the sadness washed away, he looked at Jesse and smiled. A new chapter, a happy chapter with his man was just beginning.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Types of sushi!](https://gurunavi.com/en/japanfoodie/2017/05/types-of-sushi.html?__ngt__=TT0db41baa4005ac1e4aed45zIVfLTrXUJ7jE6dN5czHip)
> 
>  
> 
> Writing the goodbye scene for Emily and Lena was the hardest thing I've written in this entire fic. It was the reason why I stalled on it the first time. I'd stalled on it for maybe six weeks? Luckily I had enough of a buffer it didn't interrupt the publishing schedule. 
> 
> I stalled again a second time, ignoring it in favour of just continuing on with the story. Then I realised the only way I would be able to write it was to send them back to London, so the goodbye would have happened anyway, and it didn't feel like they were leaving the girls behind.
> 
> On the flip side, I wrote Hana's goodbye months ago and it's been sitting there, waiting to go. Lúcio was a recent addition, though!
> 
> I hope you enjoyed the read ^_^


	27. Home

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hiya!!
> 
> Welcome back! Closer and closer to the end we edge!!
> 
> I don't really consider these last chapters act five. Perhaps a three-part epilogue? They're three very different chapters, and of course the final chapter is a proper epilogue. I don't know... Have chapters!!
> 
> **Warnings!**  
>  A mention of drugs, mentions of abuse and a minor PTSD episode.
> 
> And a thanks to Magisey for being The Best Human and betaing this chapter and everything. Just everything!!
> 
> I hope you enjoy the read!

Jesse thrummed his fingers on the steering wheel, bobbing his head in tune to ‘Ring of Fire’ playing on the radio. He turned up the volume, humming along and it was not long before he was thinking about his finger placements, remembering playing this song on the guitar. Now singing along, he would definitely have to play this for Hanzo.

He looked at his man who was looking at the steering wheel with silly grin on his face.

“What?” Jesse asked, smirking.

“You are cute when you get lost in music,” Hanzo answered, placing a hand on Jesse’s knee.

“Cute, huh?” Jesse mused, “That’s definitely something I don’t get called often.” Casting his eyes back on the road, he took a deep breath, exhaling noisily. They cut through the guts of the country, taking a direct route which saw them drive through Massachusetts, New York, Pennsylvania, Ohio, Indiana and Illinois. They hopped on Route 66 for the rest of their journey through Missouri, Oklahoma, Texas and finally New Mexico.

The road trip planner told them they could do the drive in five days, but since Hanzo doesn’t own an American driver’s licence, something that he will have to look into considering they’re planning on working the ranch together, Jesse wanted to take the drive nice and slow, stopping to rest every few hours.

They’d visited some of the sights; Central Park in New York, German Village in Columbus, Gateway Arch in St. Louis, Route 66 Historical Museum in Tulsa, Cadillac Ranch in Amarillo. They lived on diner food, stopped at motels at the end of each night and every morning did an hours worth of exercise and meditation by Hanzo’s request.

Now on the final leg of the road trip and their eighth day on the road, they finally entered Santa Fe.

Jesse placed a hand on top of Hanzo’s who was rubbing soft circles into his thigh. Jesse looked over and caught him mid yawn, resting his head back against the headrest as his eyes slid closed. Chuckling, he squeezed Hanzo’s hand. “Don’t fall asleep now, Han. We’re only ten minutes away.”

Hanzo groaned, peeking at Jesse. “I do not know how I can be so tired when I have done nothing but sit here and watch you drive.”

“Yeah, I always find I’m more tired when I haven’t done anythin’.”

“How are you feeling?”

“Tired. Can’t wait to sleep in my own bed. And I’ll be happy to not do any driving for a long while.” Jesse yawned wide, his jaw cracking.

Hanzo hummed. He slid his left leg under him, turning in his seat slightly so he could rest his temple on the headrest and look at Jesse. Glancing, Jesse smirked, but before he could ask what it was that Hanzo was thinking about, Hanzo said, “You are beautiful.”

Jesse eased into a soft smile, feeling the heat creep up his cheeks. He squeezed Hanzo’s hand. “You’re beautiful too, Han.”

“I am happy you entered my life,” Hanzo continued. “Everything changed for the better when I met you.” He paused, weaving his fingers between Jesse’s. “I am grateful that I have someone I can share it with.”

Heart full and just about ready to explode, Jesse looked at his man, smiling. “Me too, Han.”

The rest of the ride was spent in a comfortable silence, holding hands and occasionally glancing at Hanzo. Partly to see if he would ever stop smiling, which he didn’t, but mostly to make sure he didn’t fall asleep.

Jesse took a deep breath as he pulled up the driveway of Julia’s house, parking behind her car. He smiled, looking at the house then looking at Hanzo. “Fuck, I am so happy right now.”

Hanzo smiled. “The grin on your face is evidence enough.”

“I’m home,” Jesse breathed, looking at the house for a moment before looking back at Hanzo. “Not only that, I’m here with the love of my life.”

Hanzo leaned forward, pulling up Jesse’s hand and kissed his knuckles.

“And I don’t have to look over my shoulder at every moment. I don’t have to hide holding your hand. I don’t have to hide kissing you.” Jesse unfastened his seat belt and turned in his seat, leaned forward and reached behind Hanzo’s neck, pulling him in and kissing him softly. Feeling Hanzo’s tongue flick against his lips, he opened his mouth and the kiss deepened, their tongues dancing together. When the kiss receded, rested his forehead on Hanzo’s.

“I love you.” A pause, then an intake of breath, “So fucking much.”

Jesse opened his eyes and looked at Hanzo, unable to contain his grin. “God damn I love you too. ‘Specially when you cuss.”

Hanzo raised an eyebrow and smirked, glancing at the house before pulling away, bringing a hand up to his mouth and wiping his lips with a finger. Jesse followed his gaze, smiling when his eyes settled on Julia standing by the door. She waved and Jesse climbed out of the car, jogging to reach her. She met him halfway and leapt into his arms.

Kissing his cheek, Julia whispered, “Welcome home.”

Jesse took a deep breath, closing his eyes and holding her tight. “It’s good to finally be home,” he whispered, setting her down. He looked back at the truck and Hanzo was leaning against it, smiling.

“Get over here, Hanzo!” Julia called with the wave of her arm.

Hanzo approached and Julia wrapped her arms around him. Jesse couldn’t help it, but he embraced the two of them. He always loved group hugs with his favourite people.

When they separated, Jesse looked at the front door. His mom was standing in the doorway, hands clasped together as her eyes welled with tears.

“Mamá,” Jesse breathed, embracing his mom.

“Welcome home, Jesse,” she said, kissing his cheek before pulling away. She smiled at Hanzo, extending her arms and embracing him. She grabbed both their hands, smiling, “Come inside, I made your favourite.”

Jesse moaned, looking at his mom. “You didn’t.”

She nodded and smiled, letting go of their hands before heading back inside. Julia waggled her eyebrows and went inside too.

Jesse looked at Hanzo, smiling wide. “I hope you like enchiladas.”

\---

Jesse stood in the driveway of his mom’s house. Well, his house now, but she was still living there. Today was her last day in the house, and she would move in with them at Julia’s house before flying out to San Pedro next week.

She had got started on packing up everything. Pictures had been taken off walls, the shelves of alcohol behind the bar were empty, and the dining area was full of boxes of things to donate. The smaller items which Julia wanted had already been moved to her place; the larger items, such as the dining table, were waiting for the extra muscle and his truck to transfer them over.

Jesse looked at the bar, walking over to it. He stood behind it and looked at the empty shelves; the glasses and various bits of bar equipment was also absent. He looked at Julia. “You inherit the booze?”

“Sure did.” She waggled her eyebrows. “Hope you like whiskey!”

Jesse hummed. It would be strange drinking all the whiskey his dad never touched; all the expensive, unopened bottles, not only the stuff on display but the alcohol hidden in the cupboards which he imagined would taste amazing. He smirked, knowing his dad would be spinning in his grave at the thought of him touching that whiskey.

“A truck will be taking these things to San Pedro,” Jesse’s mom said, pointing to the small collection of boxes by the back door. Eight in all. “Photo albums, clothes, kitchen equipment.”

Jesse nodded. “So there isn’t much left to do?”

“Just for you to clean out your room, and help move the larger items when the donation truck comes to collect them on Thursday,” Jesse’s mom explained, walking into the kitchen and turning on the stove, placing the kettle over the heat.

“Right. We can do that,” he said, looking at Hanzo who nodded eagerly, eyeing the bar and couches while cracking his knuckles. “Han, she said on Thursday, not now!”

Hanzo shrugged. “I am merely cracking my knuckles.”

“Which you do whenever you’re ready to do some form of exercise,” Jesse said, looking at Julia and gesturing at Hanzo beside him with a thumb. “He’s like a meerkat. Someone mentions something which requires the use of his muscles and he’s on alert.”

“That is not surprising, Jesse,” Julia said, sitting at the dining table. “We’ve all seen his muscles. No one who works out that much would be shy about showin’ them off.”

Hanzo smirked, looking from Julia to Jesse. “I doubt I will be wearing anything long sleeved on that day, even if it is snowing outside.” Hanzo turned to look out the back door and Jesse followed his gaze, noting the melting snow under the sun.

Jesse hummed. That would make Thursday a hell of a lot easier to deal with. “Dave helpin’ out?”

“Nah. He’s got a meeting with one of his corporate clients,” Julia said, shaking her head.

Jesse shrugged. _That_ would make Thursday a hell of a lot easier to deal with. Considering they’ll be living with Julia and Dave for the foreseeable future, spending as little time with the man who complains about _everything_ will be a good thing.

He looked at Hanzo, clapping his back. “All right, might as well get a head start on cleaning up my room.”

Jesse led Hanzo into his room, and he took a moment to look around. “Right, all the furniture can go. Clothing, bedding, toys.” He opened his closet door. “Sports equipment. All of it can go.”

“Is there anything you wish to keep?” Hanzo asked as Jesse closed the doors.

Jesse shook his head. “I got what I came for when we were here for the wedding.” His eyes settled on the drawings on the wardrobe doors. “Don’t want anything else.”

“Even these?” Hanzo brushed his fingers over James’ sketch of Jesse.

Jesse nodded. “First time I laid eyes on them in twenty years was when we were here. I’d spent more time _not_ looking at them then I did. Hell, a part of me forgot they were even here.” He took a moment to analyse each drawing. The dragons, the desert scape, the sketch of himself. He remembered thinking when he put them up, that they would stay up forever. He took a breath, looking at Hanzo. “They can go. The pictures, they’re in here.” He tapped his temple.

Hanzo hummed and smiled. “What can I do?”

“Uh…” Jesse looked from the doors to the toy chest. “Maybe see if there’s a spare box lying around. Any good toys, throw ‘em in there for donation. Anything which looks busted, toss it.”

Hanzo nodded and headed out of the room. Jesse looked back at the wardrobe doors, fingers tracing along one of the dragon’s back. He took a deep breath and slowly removed the drawings, balling up the old poster putty as he went.

Placing all of the drawings in a neat stack on the bed, he then set to taking all of the posters off the walls as Hanzo sorted the toys. He took down every poster, save for the Johnny Cash poster behind the door. He would deal with that later.

From there, they tackled his closet, hauling all of his practically brand new sports equipment into the dining area to be donated. All of his good clothing joined the pile too.

He found a stack of sketchbooks hidden on the top shelf. His own drawings, ramblings, thoughts and scribbles chronicling his life from innocent child to wayward teen. He flicked through each of them, remembering the anger and resentment he felt at the time. Each book darker than the one before it. Ten and a half sketchbooks. He placed them on the bed, sighing. “I’m gonna burn these,” he muttered.

The last thing he cleared was that poster behind the door. He took it down, revealing a hole in the wall. He had used it for storing things his dad would flip his shit over if he caught him with it. Cigarettes, weed and condoms mostly. The gun and phone Deadlock gave him lived in there for a while. Now, the only thing that occupies its space was his dad’s letter.

He had forgotten about it while in Boston, much to his surprise. He had thought a lot about it on the drive over though; whether he would read it or not. A part of him wanted to. Hell, a part of him agreed to it. Though now, looking at the letter sitting in the hole, knowing the torture his mom would have endured by his threats, he could care less about whatever good things he wrote down.

Treating it as if it was a piece of rotting meat, he reluctantly picked it up and placed it on the stack of notebooks quickly. “That can go too. I don’t wanna know what’s in it,” he said flatly. Hanzo placed a hand on his back, and when Jesse looked at him, he smiled, adding, “If I do, at least I can ask you.”

Hanzo smiled and nodded, kissing his shoulder.

“But after learning about Mom… he can go fuck himself. He was an abuser. I’ll never forgive him for the things he did to me or her.”

He closed his eyes, pulling Hanzo in close. Burying his head in the crook of his neck, Jesse focussed on the lemongrass on Hanzo’s skin, the anger dissipating with each breath he took.

If there was one thing he knew for certain, he would be happy destroying the letter, and he would be happy tearing down these walls.

\---

That night, they headed back to Jules’ place. Dinner which Dave cooked was waiting for them: hamburgers and fries with beers. Jesse was quiet over dinner, not tuning into the conversation. He was lost in his mind; swirling thoughts of thanksgiving dinner, the things his dad did to him. The threats he made to his mom.

Excusing himself and wanting to be alone, he carried the sketchbooks and the letter into the backyard and lit the fire pit, tossing on a few logs for good measure. The fire burned hot and was welcome in the cold evening.

Beer in hand, he threw one notebook into the fire at a time. He watched them burn, the pages peeling as they were engulfed in flames. As they burned, he reflected. He thought about his childhood, he thought about the abuse. He thought about James. As the pile dwindled, he imagined the bad thoughts being consumed by the flames and felt lighter.

Taking a final pull of beer before placing the bottle on the ground, he looked at the note in his hands. He turned it over and over and over. His stomach churned, he thought he might lose dinner on a few occasions.

On the third failed attempt to throw it in the fire, he pulled his phone out of his pocket and texted Hanzo to join him. Hanzo was by his side before he could even stuff his phone back in his pocket.

“Three times, Han,” Jesse said, taking Hanzo’s hand in his. “I’ve tried three times to burn the damned thing, and I just can’t.” He held up the folded note in his other hand, watching the light from the fire flicker on the paper. “It’s ridiculous that this single piece of paper has so much control over me.”

Hanzo nodded, kissing Jesse’s hand. “You do not have to burn it.”

“I have to, Hanzo,” Jesse said, voice wavering. He closed his eyes and took a series of deep breaths to keep the anger and sadness and annoyance rolling around in his belly at bay. “I can’t live in the same house as that thing. Even holding the fuckin’ thing right now is makin’ my skin crawl.”

“Hush,” Hanzo said quietly. When Jesse felt Hanzo’s hand on his face, he flinched instinctively, his breathing quickened and he squeezed his eyes shut tighter. “Everything is fine, it is just me,” Hanzo whispered, cupping his face.

Jesse placed his hand on top of Hanzo’s. He told himself over and over that the hand on his face is Hanzo’s, and that Hanzo will never hurt him. Taking deep breaths, he finally relaxed enough to lean into the touch.  

“Do you wish me to burn it?” Hanzo asked, caressing his cheek again.

Jesse shook his head, opening his eyes as tears spilled down his cheeks. “No, this is somethin’ I need to do myself,” he whispered. He looked at the note in his hand and with a final breath while looking at Hanzo, he threw it in the fire. He watched it burn. He watched the paper turn black as the fire took hold. When there was nothing left but ash, he let it all go. The thoughts, the feelings, everything. He imagined every bad thing being burned by that fire.

He rode out the tide of emotion in Hanzo’s arms. He sobbed, head buried in the crook of Hanzo’s neck. He focussed on the tight embrace of his man, one hand cupping the back of his neck and the other rubbing soothing circles on his back. When the sobbing died down, he focussed on the lemongrass on Hanzo’s skin.

For the rest of the night, he cuddled with Hanzo. It was a snug fit, but they both shared one seat. They sat in silence for the better part of the night. Kissing and cuddling was all Jesse needed.

\---

Thursday came and went. Hanzo did indeed only wear a t-shirt atop jeans. A form-fitting black t-shirt which left _nothing_ to the imagination on top of equally tight jeans which left Jesse in a heightened state of arousal. When Julia and his mom headed out to get takeout for lunch, he jumped Hanzo, pulling his t-shirt off and kissing every inch of his skin before sucking him off. The favour was returned and while a small part of him was ashamed that he only lasted a few seconds, it felt fucking good.

He spent that afternoon with his mom, just talking. The last time he had done this, he was a child. He told her everything he could about his time in the military. Told her stories about Gabe. All the good things Gabe told him; the positive things, the jokes. How he was proud of him. How he was more of a father to him than his real dad ever was. She was happy about that.

But most of all, while Hanzo cooked dinner that night, he apologised to her. He apologised for being a brat of a kid. He apologised for getting caught up in Deadlock. He apologised for leaving Santa Fe without saying goodbye. She told him that he had nothing to apologise for, that she was proud of him and was proud of the man he had become. She was happy that he did not end up bitter and angry like his father. Jesse didn’t realise it, but that alone felt like a massive weight off his shoulders.

The next morning while Hanzo was still asleep and Julia and Dave were at work, they shared another quiet moment. He told her that Hanzo was the man he would spend the rest of his life with. That he couldn’t imagine a life without Hanzo. She asked about marriage, and in that moment, Jesse did not recoil at the thought. He told her maybe one day.

The following day, demolition of the house began. They ripped up the carpet first before taking sledgehammers to the non-loadbearing walls. Jesse took out a lot of his anger on those walls, and felt renewed when it was complete.

They drove his mom to the airport the day after. For the first time in almost thirty years, he could say that he would miss his mom. He told her that, and she cried. He told her they would visit soon; she said that she would visit often too.

He held her hand as she approached the boarding gate. They embraced once more, and said another goodbye that he could list as one of the hardest things he has done.

With Julia on his left and Hanzo on his right, he embraced them. They watched her plane take off from the departure lounge, and with a final embrace, together they went home.

\---

The fire crackled and popped in the still evening, and the heat was welcome as the desert started to cool. The stars shone brightly in the cloudless night sky, a sliver of a crescent moon was almost at its peak. Sitting around the fire was Jesse, Julia, Dave and Hanzo, drinking beer and enjoying each other’s company.

Right now, there was a lull in the conversation as Jesse played his guitar. Hanzo did not recognise the tune but it was beautiful nonetheless, especially when both Jesse and Julia sang along.

Julia had brought out her violin; she said it had been hidden away in the wardrobe for ten years. She tried to play but the bow needed to be rehaired. Something she said she would do so she and Jesse could play together again. When Jesse told her that Hanzo could play double bass and her eyes lit up as she practically screamed that the three of them could play together.

Hanzo would need to find a good music store.

Looking from his tablet to Jesse, Hanzo watched as he sang; Julia picking up the lyrics after a moment. He glanced at Dave who was watching some old football game on his tablet and was dead to the world. Whatever keeps him quiet, honestly.

When they switched into another song Hanzo did not recognise, he looked back at his tablet to finish this final booking for accommodation for their stay in Tokyo. They had already booked their flights and activities planned for their ten day visit. Accommodation was tonight’s task.

As the singing died down and Jesse stopped playing the guitar, he asked, “How goes the accommodation?”

“I am done,” Hanzo informed him, placing his tablet into standby and resting it beside him. “All we need to do is arrive.” He slumped in his seat, crossing his legs at the ankles.

“I can drive you fellas to the airport,” Julia offered.

“That’d be great, Jules.” Jesse’s random strumming took hold into the intro for Metallica’s Enter Sandman; something Hanzo remembered quite fondly, enough that it brought a smile to his face. “Will you be able to keep an eye on the house, too? I’ve organised for most things to be done on either side of the trip, but the plumber wants to come in and fix the pipes under the house while it’ll be quiet.”

“Sure thing, baby brother.”

“Thank you, big sister.”

Yawning, she relaxed in the chair and looked at Jesse. “I didn’t think you knew any Metallica?”

“James was into them and I learned a few songs before he left. Haven’t looked at any music for it since then but I haven’t forgotten the notes.” He looked from the guitar to Julia. “Don’t remember much beyond the intro, though.” He played the tune for a few more moments before stopping, sitting back in the chair and taking a swig of beer.

Julia hummed before audibly yawning once more. “Anyway, I’m off to bed,” she said, standing up and stretching her arms over her head. She walked up to Dave, placing a hand on his shoulder and kissing his forehead.

“Goodnight,” Jesse called as she walked towards the house. Hanzo moved from his seat to Julia’s, next to Jesse.

Dave took the headphones out of his ears, looking back at the house then to Jesse and Hanzo. “Might head inside too, then. ‘Night boys.”

“’Night,” Jesse said as Dave picked up his beer and headed inside. Jesse looked at Hanzo and smiled. “So all done?”

Hanzo nodded. “All done.”

“How are you feelin’ about it?”

“Good,” Hanzo nodded. “It is only a couple of weeks away, but I am good.” Honestly, he was a touch apprehensive about visiting Japan, but nothing too worrying. He would talk to Jesse if it got any worse though.

“Good,” Jesse breathed, nodding before leaning forward and strumming on his guitar. “I wanted to wait till they were inside before showin’ you this one.”

“Oh?” Hanzo sat up in his chair eagerly.

“Yep. I learned this one for James. Well, after he left. I recorded myself and sent it over to him, but it wasn’t the same. I didn’t see his reaction.” Jesse frowned for a moment, before adding quietly, “That was one of the reasons I stopped playin’ actually.”

Hanzo placed a hand on his bicep. “I would be honoured to hear you play it.”

Jesse looked at Hanzo. “You don’t mind that I learned it for James?”

Hanzo looked at him, frowning. “Why would I?”

Jesse took a breath. “Sometimes people can get bothered by their boyfriend’s exes. I feel like I bring him up all the time and I worry you’ll get jealous.”

“Jesse, James was an important part of your life. I am not going to tell you to stop talking about him. I do not care if you learned a song for him. Or that he was the first boy you kissed. Or that he was the first person you slept with.”

Jesse closed his eyes and smiled. “I don’t know why I thought you’d be bothered by it.” He looked at the house. “Actually, it’s because Dave doesn’t like hearin’ about the boys Julia dated before him. He gets weird.”

“ _He_ is a princess,” Hanzo said quietly.

“Sure is.” Jesse cleared his throat, glancing at his guitar. “Anyway, this song is another Metallica song.”

Smiling, Hanzo said, “I am actually quite fond of their music.”

Jesse scoffed. “You know of Metallica?”

“Genji went through a heavy metal period in his teenage years. That was when he discovered his love for the drums.” Hanzo paused, smiling. “I remembering being in awe of the skill required for the electric guitar, especially during solos.”

Jesse chuckled. “Yep, it ain’t an easy thing. Anyway, this song is one of their ballads, and much easier to play on acoustic. I did spend a couple of days relearning it properly while you were in the shower, making sure I got it perfect. It’s called ‘Nothing Else Matters’.” He looked at his finger placements and started playing.

Jesse’s skills always caught Hanzo off guard. He knows Jesse can play, and can play well. But watching, listening to him play is his one of his favourite things.

His eyes welled with tears when Jesse started singing. That is something Jesse does not do often, thinking he does not have a good voice. Hanzo thinks he has the most beautiful voice in the world.

“Never opened myself this way, life is ours we live it our way. All these words I don't just say, and nothing else matters. Trust I seek and I find in you, every day for us something new. Open mind for a different view, and nothing else matters.”

Hanzo chuckled and choked back a sob at the meaning behind the lyrics. They could not be truer to their situation. They trusted each other enough to share their deepest, darkest secrets; to reveal the skeletons in their closet. From the first instance where Hanzo had the conversation with Genji in his dreams and the resulting conversation,  that evening where they shared the first hints of the darker things in their lives. To thanksgiving, right where they sit now where they told each other everything. The first time they told each other they loved each other. Hot tears rolled down Hanzo’s cheeks; the song was perfect.  

When the song came to a conclusion, tears spilled from Jesse’s eyes. He set his guitar down and Hanzo climbed onto his lap and held him tight.

“That was the reaction I was hopin’ for,” Jesse whispered. “I’m glad I shared this with you.”

“It is the truth.”

“Mhmm.”

When they separated, Hanzo wiped the tears from Jesse’s face with his thumbs before cupping his face. They kissed, a sweet, gentle kiss before Hanzo shifted next to Jesse, and just like the other night, they sat in silence, enjoying each other’s company as the fire burned.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welcome to the music of my life!  
> [Johnny Cash - Ring of Fire](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=It7107ELQvY)  
> [Metallica - Enter Sandman](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CD-E-LDc384)  
> [Metallica - Nothing Else Matters](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tAGnKpE4NCI)
> 
> So... the letter. It was something I was never going to revisit in this fic. In my mind I'd put it to rest. When I wrote the funeral chapter, I hadn't thought much beyond the few plot points after that: Christmas and Japan. In fact, after the funeral, there were originally going to be three more chapters and the boys were going to stay in Boston. But the more I thought about the character growth - feeling that Jesse truly wouldn't be free until he was back home; the fact that we hadn't really seen Hanzo truly confront his demons, the story ballooned into what we have now.
> 
> So when I decided to have Jesse and Hanzo move to Santa Fe, I had forgotten about the letter. When he was clearing his room, that's when I had the thought, "Where did Jesse put the letter?" And since fleshing out the abuse Sandra endured, the decision was made to burn the thing.
> 
> When I published the funeral chapter, WhyAmILikeThis asked me what was in the letter. I said I would post it at the end of the fic, but I don't want the focus of the final chapter to be on the letter, so here it is:
> 
> _“My son,_
> 
> _My fiercely strong willed and opinionated son._
> 
> _I am sorry. For everything. All the times I said that it was your fault. All the times I made a scene. All the times I hurt you. I was drunk and it was inexcusable._
> 
> _I am proud of you. Of the things you’ve accomplished. The eleven years with Gabe. You have grown into a gentle and kind man, something so opposite to me. I am glad you didn’t end up like me._
> 
> _I hope you find happiness. You deserve to be happy._
> 
> _Dad.”_
> 
> The reason why I didn't have Jesse read the letter in the first instance was because I saw two plot points: Jesse dealing with the apology, or Jesse working on rebuilding his relationship with his mum. I ultimately settled on rebuilding his relationship because WhyAmILikeThis mentioned that if Jesse endured abuse then so would Sandra, so I built on that.
> 
> It was also asked how Hanzo would have reacted if he didn't hide his feelings: Angry. Angry and pissed off that the man who tortured his son thought he could get his apology through a letter, thinking that it would have absolved him from his wrongdoings. I can also tell you that for every time Jesse asked what he should do with the letter, Hanzo was internally screaming, "burn it" because he felt the apology was bullshit, to be honest; but he gave Jesse the space to figure out what he wanted to do with it. The last thing Hanzo wanted to do when Jesse was dealing with these emotions, was to come across as controlling.
> 
> And another massive shout out to Magisey for giving me the kick I needed to write the conversation about the letter. You guys have no idea how happy I am with the chapter because of that decision.
> 
> I hope you enjoyed the read!!


	28. No More Weight

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello!!
> 
> Eeee second to last chapter! This one's been sitting waiting to go for like four months now. I've tweaked it since then, it's better than I originally planned and I'm super excited to _finally_ get it out there!!
> 
>  **Warnings!** Minor mentions of blood. More getting kicked right in the feels. ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
> 
> Massive thanks to Magisey as always for betaing!
> 
> Enjoy the read!

They landed at Tokyo International airport in the middle of the afternoon. It was a picture perfect spring day; sunny and not a cloud in the sky. Hanzo took a breath on the steps of the airport and closed his eyes. He was home.

The first leg of their Japan tour was spent in Tokyo. Three days exploring Japan’s capital, and Hanzo showed Jesse the sights.

Previously, he had only seen the city at night, perched on rooftops. He found it peculiar walking around during the day; he felt like a tourist in his home country.

They spent time in the harajuku district, something Hanzo had always wanted to do for all the raving Genji did of it. It did nothing but make him feel old; being surrounded by teenagers in the shopping malls. His teenage self certainly would have loved it, though.

They explored Meiji Shrine and that grounded Hanzo a bit. He always preferred the more traditional offerings of his home country over the flashy lights and advanced technology the country relies so heavily on for exports.

They spent a day at an onsen with breathtaking views of Mt. Fuji. Saying Jesse loved the experience would be an understatement. He vowed to never leave the hot spring, then spent two hours researching hot springs in America after Hanzo had to practically drag him out of the water, his skin completely pruned.

After that, they had an overnight stay in Kyoto where they explored as many of the great castles and temples that they could fit into one and a half days.

From Kyoto, they took the bullet train to Hanamura. Hanzo used that time to reflect on his life. From a boy terrified of tremors. The child who lost his mother. The teen who was locked away, studying, training and practicing the double bass to pass his time. The young man who was sent on assignment after assignment, given a name and ordered to kill. The adult who followed his younger brother to the clubs for sex, smokes and alcohol. The man who took over from his father after his death, avenged his brother and fell into the arms of a charming southern gentleman.

He looked at Jesse, asleep with his hat covering his eyes, and grabbed his hand; smiling when he groaned in his sleep. For all the times Jesse had told him that he would not have survived if he were not there, Hanzo finally understands the sentiment. Almost at Hanamura, Hanzo could not imagine doing this without Jesse by his side.

He looked at Jesse when he squeezed Hanzo’s hand, groaning again as he pulled his hat off his face.

“Good afternoon,” Hanzo said softly, kissing his man’s cheek.

Jesse closed his eyes and smiled, looking out the window before looking at Hanzo. “Afternoon.” He sat up in his seat. “I don’t know what it is about these trains that put me to sleep. I haven’t napped like this in years.”

Hanzo hummed, resting his head on Jesse’s shoulder. “We should be in Hanamura in fifteen or so minutes.”

Jesse kissed Hanzo’s head, resting his head on Hanzo’s. “How are you feelin’?”

“It is peculiar,” Hanzo said, looking out the window, watching the countryside fly past them. “I have been quite apprehensive of this moment, but now that I am here, I feel at peace.” He looked at their hands, interlocking their fingers. “Thank you for being here with me. I do not think I could have faced coming home without you.”

Jesse kissed his head again. “Of course, sugarplum. You’ve seen me through all of my shit, the least I can do is be here for you.”

Hanzo smiled, looking back out the window. The train slowed as they passed through the residential area of Hanamura before pulling into the heart of the city. Stepping off the train and suitcase in hand, they walked the streets of Hanamura, their first destination was the hotel to check in and drop off their luggage.

Hanamura was a very clean city, a decent mix of traditional temples and city skyscrapers. Aside from some newer looking buildings, it had not changed since Hanzo had fled. Cherry blossoms trees lined the streets, sakura in full bloom and approaching the height of the blooming period.

“Hanamura is a beautiful city,” Jesse commented.

“Yes. It is quite traditional. It relies heavily on the tourism of the sakura festival.”

“Hence why we’re here now.”

“The council wished the opening of the Castle to coincide with the festival. And it was a good time, as I can show you Hanamura’s true beauty.” Hanzo grabbed Jesse’s hand, their fingers weaving together as they walked down the street.

Their appointment with Hashimoto-San was not until tomorrow, when they would inspect the castle. Hanzo had figured it would be better to see the castle and visit Genji on the same day, not only given the proximity of the Castle and the cemetery, but so he could do all his grieving at once.

Now, they were just roaming the streets, taking in the city in their own time, something Hanzo had not done since his mother left him.

“I do apologise for not being as historical with my city as you were with Santa Fe,” Hanzo said, filling the lull in conversation.

“No need to apologise, Han. Hanamura, while traditional, seems to have embraced modern day architecture.”

“Hmm. It is looking more like Tokyo now with all the skyscrapers.”

They approached a park, lush green lawn and full with various blooming trees, filling the park with a sweet, floral fragrance. Hanzo took a moment to close his eyes and take a deep breath; there was nowhere else in the world that had the same feel of the sun or the same smell as Hanamura.

They follow the footpath to a koi pond. It was intersected in the middle with a wooden bridge, rocks and various shrubs line the pond and it was littered with lilies. Gold and black fish can be seen under the surface, swimming lazily.

Taking a seat on a bench on the banks of the pond, Hanzo said, “My mother used to take Genji and I here on weekends. We would buy food from the vendor to feed the birds and tortoises that reside in the pond.” Hanzo scanned the pond, spotting one tortoise with its head poking above the surface.

“It is beautiful here, Hanzo. I can’t believe that considering we’re in the middle of the city, it’s so quiet.”

Hanzo smiled, resting his head on Jesse’s shoulder. He closed his eyes and listened, he did not realise just how much he missed Hanamura than in that moment. Still, those feelings of sadness and anger he still held on to were ever present in his mind. He opened his eyes, looking at the pond. He knew that he would always feel that sadness, no matter how much he wanted to forget his past.

He looked at Jesse and smiled, linking his arm with Jesse’s. He is hopeful that after tomorrow, he would be able to let that all go.

Taking a breath as he rested his head on Jesse’s shoulder once more, he knew for certain that he would not have been able to face Japan on his own.

\---

Various stalls lined the street; food, linens, toys, plants of different kinds. The usually busy street full of cars and trams was closed off for the duration of the three day festival, today being the first day.

It was a gorgeous day, sunny with a warm gentle breeze. Hanzo was dressed in his navy blue long-sleeve button down with jeans and sneakers, and Jesse was dressed in a red plaid shirt with jeans and boots, and of course his hat. Hanzo had contemplated bringing a suit, but Jesse convinced him being comfortable would be better. Hanzo smiled at his man; it was definitely a wise choice.

“So what’s good for eats?” Jesse smirked, nudging Hanzo with his elbow.

“Everything is good,” Hanzo commented. He eyed the various stands, settling on yakisoba; something he has yet to try and make himself. He ordered two portions, handing one to Jesse as they took a seat at a table.

Jesse grabbed his disposable chopsticks, snapping them apart before tossing the noodles and mixing in the mayonnaise. He picked up a clump with his chopsticks, slurping them up and nodding with each bite. “Han,” he said, mouth full of food, “this is good.”

Hanzo looked at his man, mayonnaise caught in his beard as he ate at an alarming pace. He smiled, resting his head on his hand, remembering that first time he saw Jesse use chopsticks, how he struggled to even hold them in his fingers; how he stabbed that gyoza with a single chopstick.

He thinks about the time they’ve spent together since then. All the hardships, the crying, the laughter, the sex, the overwhelming feeling of love he feels for his man. He took a deep breath as a wave of excitement and sadness and joy and just about every other emotion washed over him.

Jesse looked up at him, plate mostly empty now, eyebrows knitted together. He swallowed the noodles before asking, “Everything okay, Han?”

Hanzo chuckled, choking back a sob while reaching forward to wipe the mayonnaise caught in Jesse’s beard away with his thumb. “Yes, Jesse, everything is perfect.”

Jesse grabbed Hanzo’s hand and squeezed before Jesse grabbed his plate and ate the rest of his noodles in a manner of seconds. While still chewing them down, he looked around and swallowed, wide smile on his face before he stood up. “Be right back.”

Hanzo smiled and shook his head, separating his chopsticks and tossing his noodles. He picked some up and ate, closing his eyes and smiling, making a mental note that he would have to learn this particular recipe.

Jesse returned, a tray of onigiri and imagawayaki in his hands. “I recognised the onigiri, and I just knew I had to have the real deal while here.” Taking a seat, he held up the imagawayaki, “These just looked like donuts and I needed to try them.”

“They are similar, yes. Which fillings did you get?”

“They recommended the red bean paste, so I got one of them and one chocolate.”

Hanzo smiled. “Excellent. The red bean paste ones are my favourite.”

“Oh, are they now?” Jesse smiled, opening the tray and taking a bite. He frowned and wrinkled his nose, placing the sweet back in the tray. “You can keep that one, Han.”

Hanzo rolled his eyes. “It is not that bad.”

Jesse looked at it like it was the most disgusting thing he had eaten. “I think I’ll stick to straight chocolate, thank you very much.”

Hanzo shrugged, finishing the last of his noodles before moving on to the onigiri, then finally the imagawayaki. He closed his eyes upon taking that first bite, the sweetness from the bean paste was bliss. “These are quite easy to make. I will make some when we return home.”

“As long as you keep your red bean paste to yourself,” Jesse said before biting into the chocolate one. He closed his eyes and slumped his shoulders. “Oh, much better.”

“Then I will make you chocolate ones,” Hanzo said, finishing off his.

Hanzo’s attention was drawn to a group of school children looking at them. They would have been five or six, pointing and talking excitedly. Jesse followed his gaze then looked back, smile wide on his face.

“What’s up?”

Hanzo smiled as a boy cautiously approached, looking back at the rest of the children every few steps. “They are excited to see a cowboy.”

Jesse grinned, turning in his chair to face the child. The boy looked at Jesse, then Hanzo, before looking at Jesse once more. “Are you a real American cowboy?” the child asked.

“I sure am, partner,” Jesse said, tipping his hat. That caused the small group of children to squeal and come running over to inspect Jesse closely.

“Howdy,” one other boy said. “Can I touch your hat?”

Hanzo watched on with a completely full heart as Jesse took off his hat and handed it to the children to look at up close. He was a natural with them, laughing at their jokes and playing around.

He wondered if Jesse would want children of his own. He had no desire to have kids, given the way he was treated in his youth, but looking at the way Jesse was handling himself, he knew in that moment that Jesse would make a great father.

The children were called over by their teacher; they bowed and thanked them before joining the larger group. Jesse watched the kids, waving a final time before turning back round.

“Kids,” Jesse said with a smile, looking at his hat before placing it on his head. “Gotta love ‘em.”

“You are very good with children,” Hanzo commented, resting his head on his closed fist.

“It’s easy when I’m a big kid myself.”

Hanzo chuckled, wiping his hands and mouth with a napkin. “Yes, you certainly are,” he said with no heat behind his words.

“It’s one of the things you love about me,” Jesse said confidently, standing up and picking up their rubbish.

“One of many things,” Hanzo cooed, meeting his man, wrapping his arm around his waist and kissing his cheek.

Jesse tossed the plastic into the recycling and everything else in the general rubbish bin before wrapping his arm around Hanzo’s shoulders. They walked past the remainder of the stalls slowly, glancing at each one before heading for the Castle.

Hanzo was surprisingly calm given the circumstances. He wrapped his arm around Jesse tighter and smiled as they approached Rikimaru Ramen. He glanced at the large wooden doors in the background for a moment which resulted in a spike in his anxiety levels before focusing at the large yellow letters of the ramen shop sign.

“This is where Genji and I used to come when we were children. Our mother used to take us once a week.” He chuckled. “I cannot believe it is still here.”

A woman stepped out of the shop, dressed in a grey suit with white shirt underneath. “Ah, you must be Shimada-san.”

Hanzo nodded and bowed. “Shimada Hanzo.”

The woman bowed, introducing herself, “Hashimoto Haruko”

Hanzo looked at Jesse and he bowed, standing back to full height and tipping his hat. “Jesse McCree.”

“It is an honour to meet you both,” Haruko smiled. “And thank you for making the long journey from America.”

“It was not a problem,” Hanzo smiled, looking at the wooden doors and taking a shaky breath. He swallowed the lump in his throat before adding, “I have been meaning to visit for a while now.”

Haruko smiled, gesturing them towards the castle with the extension of her arm. “The castle was in surprisingly good condition when we first inspected it. It seems it was cleaned out prior to the fall.”

Hanzo nodded, not surprised that their belongings had been disposed of. Not that he owned anything overly materialistic, and no doubt the more expensive items would have been taken for resale. “Was there any damage done to the temple?”

“No, the temple was in excellent condition. The only item left behind was a katana on the shrine.”

Hanzo stopped walking for a moment, looking in the direction of the temple. “A katana?”

“That mean somethin’ to you, Han?” Jesse asked.

“Genji and Kaito’s mother both owned katanas. I suppose they kept one on display.”

They stopped in front of the doors and Hanzo allowed himself to place a hand on it, feeling the cool wood underneath his fingertips. He looked up at the emblem, the familiar image of dragon chasing dragon that he looks at every morning, permanently burned into his skin. Taking a deep breath, he  looked at Haruko.

“You may inspect the Castle on your own, I will await your return,” she smiled. “Please, take your time.”

Hanzo nodded and swallowed the lump in his throat. Grabbing Jesse’s hand, he squeezed tight as they pushed open the doors to Shimada castle.

Stepping over the threshold, Hanzo looked around and the castle grounds were in surprisingly good condition. No weeds or moss present and the cherry blossom trees were neatly kept. His eyes settled on the bell opposite them. They approached it, moving the railing aside and entering the tower.  

Hanzo placed a hand on the bell; the metal was cold to touch. He took a breath, looking at Mt. Fuji in the distance. “I would stand here and look at Fujisan every morning.”

“It’s a remarkable view.”

Hanzo nodded, staring at the sight. He had missed the serenity that the Castle offered, the fresh morning air; even the humid summers. He missed all of it, and did not realise how much he did until this moment.

Taking one final, deep breath and taking in the view of the city below and Fujisan, he turned and led Jesse through the courtyard and into the grounds outside the temple. He paused, closing his eyes, his memory flooding him with all of the bad things that happened there.

Jesse noticed his tension, wrapping his arm around his shoulder. “We don’t have to continue on,” he said softly.

Hanzo inhaled then exhaled slowly, opening his eyes. “No, I want to.”

They approached the hut in the centre of the lawn, and Hanzo stopped just at the base of it. The cobblestones were clean; there was no trace of blood. Of course there would not be, not after this long. Though he saw his brother’s body by his feet.

“This is where Genji…”

Jesse nodded and pulled Hanzo in for a hug. Much as he tried to fight it, he could not stop replaying that moment in his mind.

_Blood pooling on the ground._

He grabbed fistfuls of Jesse’s shirt, squeezing his eyes shut tight and breathing in his smell to keep himself grounded.

_The sound of a gunshot. The sound of his body hitting the ground._

He felt Jesse kiss his head and rub his back with his hand as he took deep breaths.

_Still. Lifeless. Gone._

_The time we got drunk._

Hanzo smiled at the memory. “When Genji turned twenty, we stayed up all night drinking. At the time, we thought it wise to grab our weapons. Me with my bow and Genji with his shuriken. We bet that we would be able to land bullseyes.”

Jesse chuckled, “This cannot end well.”

“An arrow embedded into the wall and a shuriken through an open window. Luckily the room was empty.” Hanzo relaxed enough to lay his palms flat on Jesse’s back.

“I’d imagine you would’ve got in trouble for that one.”

“Confiscation of our weapons for a week and a two hour lecture on the dangers of using weapons while inebriated.”

“Ouch.”

“There was nothing to do but meditate. It was a very slow week.”

Hanzo focussed on breathing in Jesse’s smell, the tightness of his embrace. After a few moments and once confident he could continue on, Hanzo pulled away and wiped his eyes and nose with the back of his hand.

Jesse reached into his jeans pocket, pulling out a handkerchief and handing it to Hanzo. “Figured I’d come prepared,” Jesse whispered, bringing his hand up to Hanzo’s face and wiping away a tear with his thumb.

Hanzo leaned into the touch before wiping his eyes and blowing his nose. “Thank you,” he whispered as he looked at the spot on the ground and seeing only cobblestones.

Hanzo took a breath, stepping away from Jesse and grabbing his hand. He led Jesse past the hut and into the temple. Jesse took off his hat, holding it in his left hand.

The first thing Hanzo looked at was the mural above the shrine, a blue and green dragon, bodies weaved together on a backdrop of mountains and clouds. Another thing he did not realise he missed until now. As they approached the shrine, his eyes settled on the katana mounted on the stand. He smiled. “This was Genji’s katana. He inherited this one, and it has been in the Clan for generations.” He approached the katana, running a finger over the hilt. “This was not here when I left.”

“Maybe one of the other members set it up,” Jesse offered.

“It is a possibility. Perhaps they were not as incompetent as I had thought,” Hanzo mumbled, looking at the broken blade; a chunk from the katana was missing. If they were honourable enough to display the katana, then perhaps Hanzo was not being paranoid by spending so long on the run.

“That is some amazing artwork,” Jesse pointed to the mural.

Hanzo nodded, taking a few steps back to look at the two dragons once more. “Our father used to tell us stories of those dragons when we were children. A story of how one turned on the other.”

“A means to keep you two close?”

“Perhaps. I often wonder what might have happened if Genji and I did not have our secret life. If I would have listened to the whispers from the clan elders about how much of a liability Genji was.” He paused, pressing his lips into a thin line as he looked at the katana once more. “If they had manipulated me in a way to do him harm.”

Jesse wrapped his arm around Hanzo’s shoulder. “But you didn’t. You got to have a good relationship with Genji. Cherish those memories, Han. Don’t live in the ‘what if’s’.”

Hanzo smiled. “You are very wise, Jesse McCree.”

Jesse hummed, kissing Hanzo’s head. “I have my moments.”

Looking at the shrine, he knelt down before sitting in seiza. He closed his eyes, an attempt to meditate, but he could not. It all felt unnatural; like he did not belong. He was unsure if this was a good thing or a bad thing.

Opening his eyes, he stood up and took one more look around the shrine, grabbing Jesse’s hand and leading him out.

From the temple, they made their way to living quarters. All of the rooms were empty, shoji screens open. Hanzo smiled upon reaching his room, standing inside. “This was my room.”

Jesse whistled, looking out the window. “You had an amazing view.”

Hanzo nodded, joining Jesse by the window. He had a view of the city, and he could see his favourite garden in the distance. He smiled, remembering all of the times he would meditate there. All of the times he would see Genji there in his dreams. “I used to meditate in that garden when the weather was good.” Hanzo pointed.

“I still can’t believe you used to live here,” Jesse breathed. “It’s so… foreign.”

“I can imagine it is quite overwhelming,” Hanzo agreed. “I often wonder how different my life would have been like if Mother were still here. If I would have left at all. If Genji would still be here too.” He looked at Jesse wrapping an arm around his waist and resting his head on his bicep. “Then I think that if I had all of that, I would not have you. And I cannot imagine my life without you in it, cowboy.”

“Right back atchya, sugarplum,” Jesse smiled, kissing Hanzo’s head.

They continued their tour of the castle, stopping in the grounds outside living quarters where Hanzo would practice his kyūdō. From there, they made their way to Hanzo’s favourite garden, sitting on the grass and overlooking the city below. The now empty koi pond and the stillness, with the shishi odoshi not functioning, just added to Hanzo’s slight annoyance that he did not belong here.

Then, the annoyance gave way to a realisation that he did not _need_ to be here. He had let go of that part of his life when he fled, and that included his attachment to his former home. Saying goodbye to the castle would prove easier than he thought.

He nodded and smiled, grabbing Jesse’s hand and kissing his knuckles.

“How’re you feeling being here?”

“I was annoyed at first, because it felt so different to what I remembered. But now, I realise that I am ready to let it go.” Hanzo paused, looking at the view. “It will be good to let the public enjoy what the castle has to offer.”

Jesse nodded and kissed Hanzo’s shoulder. “That’s good, Han.”

Hanzo nodded. He closed his eyes and took a breath, one last deep breath before standing up and grabbing Jesse’s hand, leading them back out to the main gates of the castle.

“What did you think, Shimada-san?” Haruko asked as they approached.

“I am pleased that it has been maintained. My only request is that the farthest garden from the castle, the one with the koi pond… Bring it back to life with koi and turn on the shishi odoshi. I used to meditate in that garden.” He smiled, “I have a lot of good memories there.”

Haruko nodded. “An easy request to accommodate. We do appreciate you allowing us to open Shimada Castle to the public.”

“I have no desire to return, so it was going to rot away without intervention. It is in your hands now.” Hanzo bowed and stood to full height. “Have a good day, Hashimoto-san.”

“Same with you, Shimada-san, McCree-san.” She bowed.

“Oh,” Jesse muttered before bowing. He smiled then looked at Hanzo.

The next stop on their tour was the cemetery, a short walk from the castle. The cemetery lies on rolling hills, overlooking a breathtaking view of Fujisan in the distance. Hanzo led Jesse past the headstones, until reaching a fenced off area, the gate decorated with the Shimada Clan emblem.

“Generations of Shimada rest within this area,” Hanzo murmured, stepping through the gates. He passed several distant family headstones before stopping in front of his family’s tombstone. He kneeled down, sitting in seiza as he ran his fingers over the kanji characters. “My mother, father and Genji are here.”

Jesse nodded as he grabbed Hanzo’s hand.

Hanzo looked at him. He wanted to tell Jesse that he wishes to return here, to be with his family. Hanzo wanted to tell Jesse that he could be here too, if they got married. He looked back at the headstone. They have a lifetime to discuss that.

Hanzo took a breath before adjusting to sit cross legged. From this position, he could see Mr. Fuji in the distance. Large, wispy clouds were starting to drift overhead, one obscuring the sun and causing the light to stream through the gaps which cast the mountain in sun rays. It was a stunning sight.

Closing his eyes, Hanzo focussed on the birds chirping in a nearby sakura tree. The smell of orange blossoms carried on the warm afternoon breeze. He took a deep breath, inhaling and exhaling slowly.

Then, Genji took a seat next to him, sitting cross legged. He nudged Hanzo with his shoulder. “Hey, loser.”

For the first time, Genji wasn’t dressed in his green and black training gear like in his dreams; he wasn’t dressed in the clothes he died in. He was dressed in a pair of black pants and a soft pink button-down. Something he would wear when they would go clubbing.

Genji looked at the headstone. “Being all sappy, I see?”

“I should have come here sooner, Genji,” Hanzo said apologetically. “I should have paid my respects before I fled.”

“You had to leave, brother. They were hunting you.”

“It is no excuse,” Hanzo scolded himself. He looked from the headstone to Genji. “It will be three years in just a few months. I should have at least come sooner.”

Genji rolled his eyes. “You worry too much, brother. It’s not like I was going anywhere.”

Hanzo laughed, wrapping his arm around Genji. “You are too smart for your own good.”

Draping his arm over Hanzo’s shoulder, Genji leaned back, looking at Jesse. “So is this that Jesse you told me about?”

Hanzo looked at Jesse and smiled. “It is. He reminds me of you. He is a troublemaker. _Was_ …” Hanzo looked at Genji. “You would have liked him.”

“He’s not what I expected, Hanzo,” Genji said, nodding. “But I approve!”

“Why does everyone say that?” Hanzo said exasperated. That is exactly what all of his regulars said when he first introduced Jesse to them. He looked at Genji. “What did you expect?”

“Not an American. And definitely _not_ a cowboy!”

Hanzo rolled his eyes, opening his mouth to speak when Genji interjected, holding his hand in front of him. “Let me paint a picture of who you are, hmm?” He raised an eyebrow and smirked. “The Hanzo I know is a perfectionist. Someone who takes great pride in his appearance. In his mannerisms.” He looked at the headstone, lowering his voice, “Someone who is fiercely loyal. On that day, on the days and months and years that followed.” He smiled, looking at Hanzo, then at Jesse. “That man looks like someone who’s the complete opposite to you. Messy, rough… A joker.”

Hanzo smiled and nodded. “You were always good at reading people.” He looked at Jesse. “I cannot imagine life without him,” he said, before turning to Genji. “He is the one I want to spend the rest of my life with.”

“Have you told him you love him?”

Hanzo shrugged and looked at Genji with a sheepish smile. “I may have mentioned it when we last spoke.”

Genji pushed him away. “Ignoring my advice to wait I see!” He looked back at Jesse. “Well, he’s still here, so you clearly didn’t scare him away.”

“No. We have actually moved to his home.”

“Very good,” Genji said, nodding. He placed a hand on Hanzo’s knee. “I’m happy that you are living a normal life, Hanzo. For finally having what you always wanted.”

Hanzo nodded, eyes welling with tears. “I wish you were here too, Genji,” he whispered.

Genji inhaled and exhaled slowly, nodding. He looked at Hanzo with a smile. “Brother, I’ll always be with you. Wherever you go.”

Hanzo smiled, nodding slowly. He looked at Genji as he stood up, grabbing his hand. “Please don’t go, Genji. For the first time, there is no storm. Please…” he pleaded.

Genji shook his head and sat back down. “Fine,” he said as he rolled his eyes exaggeratingly. “You’ve gone soft, Hanzo.”

“You do not know,” Hanzo smiled, placing a hand on Genji’s knee. “I cannot play a prank on him without smiling.”

“Yep, definitely gone soft,” Genji chuckled, easing into a smile. “It is good to see you smiling, Hanzo. I know how unhappy you were in those last years in the castle.”

Hanzo nodded. He was extremely unhappy. He was stuck in a marriage he did not want. He was forced to be someone he did not want to be. “You were the only good thing in my life at the time.”

“And now you have Jesse.”

Taking a deep breath, he looked at his man. “And now I have Jesse.”

They sat in a comfortable silence from then on. Hanzo enjoyed Genji’s company, really enjoyed it because for once there was no rush. There was no need to hurry through a conversation, to cut a conversation short because the storm was approaching.

Genji plucked a brown and white feather from the grass and twirled it between his fingers. “So… lovely day,” he said looking at the sky.

“It is.” Hanzo looked back at Genji and rolled his eyes. “Fine, you may go. Clearly you have more important business to attend do.”

“The afterlife is busy work,” Genji chuckled. “Here,” he handed the feather to Hanzo, “for when you want to talk, you can call me with this. Think of it as my bat signal.”

Hanzo looked at the feather, then at Genji. “Don’t be ridiculous.”

“Fine, don’t use it. I’m not the one begging me to stay,” Genji said, grinning as he stood up.

Hanzo stood up and embraced Genji. “I will.”

“You take care, Hanzo. Tell that cowboy of yours that I’ll have his ass if he treats you bad.”

Hanzo laughed, squeezing Genji tight. “I love you, Genji.”

“I love you too, Hanzo.”

Hanzo took a breath and opened his eyes, looking at the headstone in front of him. He looked at Jesse, who offered a gentle smile.

“You know, I love hearin’ you speak in Japanese.”

Hanzo closed his eyes, a surge of relief washing through him. “I am thankful that this time I reverted to Japanese.”

“Said some embarassin’ stuff?”

Hanzo smiled, grabbing Jesse’s hand. “Yes, you could say that.”

He looked at the feather in his right hand and frowned. “How did I come by this?”

“It fell from the sky and you held out your hand and caught it. Did it without even opening your eyes. It was some cool ninja stuff.”

Hanzo chuckled softly, twirling the feather between his fingers before standing up. He looked at Jesse and embraced him. “Thank you for coming here with me. I could not have done this without you.”

“It’s nothing at all, sugarplum.”

They held the hug for moments. Seconds, minutes… Hanzo was unaware how long. He took a breath, a deep breath in, then out. Letting go of the castle. Letting go of Genji. Letting go of the darkness and misery and despair and guilt. Letting go of all of it.

Letting go, and feeling lighter. The weight of it all, that day, the last three years, gone.

Hanzo took one last look at the headstone and nodded. He wiped the tears from his face and looked at Jesse, standing on the balls of his feet to kiss him.

They laughed when Jesse’s stomach rumbled.

“Come,” Hanzo said, grabbing Jesse’s hand. “Let us get something to eat. We should see if Rikimaru Ramen is as good as I remember.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Imagawayaki!](https://www.justonecookbook.com/imagawayaki-obanyaki/)
> 
>  
> 
> Fun fact!! This was the original ending of the fic!
> 
> And brace yourselves folks, next week's it! See you then!!


	29. Epilogue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hoo boy! Welcome to the final chapter of The Incoming Tide. It's been a wild ride, and I'm so happy to have this finished. 
> 
> No warnings to note here. I mean, it's a given that this'll get you right in the feels, right? XD Cause it's got me on more than one occasion!!
> 
> As always, a massive thanks to Magisey for betaing. 
> 
> Enjoy the chapter, and I'll see you on the other side.

“That one.”

“Hmm… No. That one.”

“Eugh!”

“Oh, come on! It’s not that bad!”

“Jesse! That one!” Jules pointed to the ring at the back of the display case and looked at him.

Nodding eagerly and heart pounding against his chest, Jesse looked at the jeweller who plucked the ring from the case, handing it to him. He analysed the matte black ring with a single small set in sapphire, glinting in the light. “It’s perfect,” he breathed, looking from the ring to the jeweller. “What is it made from?”

“It’s gold which has been electroplated with ruthenium,” the jeweller answered. Jesse only nodded, chemistry was never his strong suit.

“I’ve never seen anything like it,” Julia said, extending her hand for the ring. Jesse handed it to her.

“It’s uncommon,” the jeweller stated, “only because people prefer the more traditional yellow or white golds.”

“Well,” Julia started, grin on her face looking from the ring to Jesse, “he is definitely not the most traditional fella.”

“He most certainly is not,” Jesse agreed, taking back the ring. He took one last look before handing it to the jeweller. “I’ll take it.”

\---

The shelter was loud. Large cages were filled with dogs of all ages; puppies to older dogs. Hanzo had an idea in mind, and Julia was helping him for confirmation.

Hanzo looked at the litter of Australian shepherd puppies, all happy faces, wagging tails and clamouring over each other for cuddles from the two strangers on the other side of the gate. He looked at each and every one before he spotted one too busy eating to notice their presence, and immediately fell in love.

With the assistance of the shelter manager, she waded through the sea of puppies to grab the patchy white, black and tan coloured shepherd. Hanzo held her in his hands and she licked his face.

Smiling, he took a good look at the pup, noticing she had one blue eye and one brown eye. She was a mismatch of colours; with one black and one brown patch over her eyes, three brown legs and a black leg, and the brown on her back transitioned into black halfway down her tiny tail. Her chest, belly and the tips of her paws were white.

“Definitely this one,” Hanzo said confidently, holding her close to his chest. He was completely smitten with the dog.

“She’s certainly taken to you,” Julia said, patting the pup on the back.

“She’s been spayed and microchipped, and is yours to adopt today if you’re ready to take her,” the shelter manager informed them.

Kissing the pup on the head, Hanzo nodded. “We will take her.”

\---

Jesse could not be happier.

He set his chopsticks down on his bowl, the ramen Hanzo made was the best he’d ever had. He took a moment to look around their house as Hanzo picked up the dishes and placed them in the sink. The kitchen, dining and living areas are open, so when they entertain they can still mingle with guests.

They opted for three bedrooms, combining the old master bedroom and the room next door to make one large master bedroom. They got a TV mounted on the wall, storm bow and peacekeeper were both mounted too. They have a large ensuite, with the biggest freestanding tub they could buy sitting in the centre of the room. The other two bedrooms served as guest rooms,ready for when they have guests over. They’ve already booked in Lena and Emily in a couple of months’ time.

In the living area was Jesse’s guitar which sat next to Hanzo’s double bass. Playing _with_ Hanzo has become his favourite thing, and when Julia plays her violin alongside them, he cannot contain his excitement.

He looked back at Hanzo, watching as he stacked the dishwasher. They moved in two weeks ago, and as much as Jesse loves his sister, not being able to walk around in underwear, or being completely mindful of who was in the house when before jumping Hanzo on the couch was getting to him.

“Close your eyes,” Hanzo said as he approached.

Jesse smirked. “Han, I don’t mind me some blindfolded sex, but do you think the dining table is an appropriate place?”

Hanzo rolled his eyes and smiled. “If I wanted you blindfolded for sex you _would_ be blindfolded. Now,” Hanzo leaned forward, placing his hands on Jesse’s knees and kissing him, “close your eyes.”

Jesse leaned forward and kissed Hanzo once more before closing his eyes.

“Good. Now, do not peek.”

“I won’t,” Jesse smirked, waggling his eyebrows.

Today was their one year anniversary. One year since Jesse made his way into a tiny Japanese bar looking for a quick fuck. His one night stand who ended up being the love of his life. His boyfriend, who has seen him through his darkest times. Who has helped him pick up the pieces of his life. Who has made him a better man.

Today also marked Jesse’s birthday. And while he told Hanzo he didn’t need a birthday present, the man still insisted on getting him something. Not that Jesse listened to Hanzo when he said he didn’t need an anniversary gift either.

Jesse’s stomach fluttered at the thought. His palms felt sweaty and he was fairly certain he had two giant sweat patches under his arms. Taking a breath and wiping his hands on his pants, he needed to be cool while Hanzo prepared whatever he had planned. Jesse needed to make sure he didn’t tip Hanzo off.

Listening out, he heard Hanzo open the front door, keep it open for a few seconds then close it as quietly as he could. Something that is impossible to do quietly given the open plan design of the living area.

“Are your eyes closed?” Hanzo asked. He hadn’t moved from the front door.

“Yeah, Han, they’re closed,” Jesse called back. He can’t help but grin as he bounced in his seat. He loves surprises.

Listening intently to Hanzo’s almost quiet footsteps as he approached, he stopped somewhere in front of him and huffed. “Jesse, if I catch you peeking I will come over there and tickle you.”

Jesse laughed, squeezing his eyes shut tighter. “Han, my eyes are closed. I ain’t gonna peek.”

Then, Jesse heard something being placed on the floor beside him, a few beats of silence then the sound of the fridge opening. Taking all of his effort not to squeal, Hanzo had told him last night that he was not allowed to look in there. And as much as he wanted to, he fought the urge. He can’t wait to see what Hanzo has made.

He heard a plate being placed down on the table beside him, then silence. He smiled, waiting for the prompt to open his eyes. After a few moments, he felt something wet on his cheek. Is that a tongue? Is Hanzo licking his face?!

Jesse pulled away, and to his credit kept his eyes closed. “Han, what the hell –”

“Open your eyes.”

Jesse cautiously opened one eye, settling on the bundle of fluff in front of him. “Hanzo!” Jesse exclaimed, grabbing the pup from his hands.

“Happy birthday,” Hanzo whispered, leaning in to kiss Jesse.

The pup scrambled to lick Jesse's face, and he let her. “Oh my God, Hanzo…” He looked from the pup to Hanzo. “When did you even find the time to do this?”

Smirking, Hanzo answered, “Dave was very helpful at keeping you busy earlier today.”

“Ah,” Jesse said with a nod. They had spent the morning giving the horses an extremely thorough hose down and groom. “So you weren’t down at the gym, then?”

“I was not. With Julia’s help, we adopted this beautiful girl.” Hanzo reached in and patted the pup on the back.

Jesse looked at the pup in his hands, holding her close to his chest and scratching behind her ears. “Does she have a name?”

“No, she does not.” Hanzo smiled, “You pick.”

Jesse held the pup up, looking at her, gazing into her mismatched eyes. “Look at her eyes! Oh, aren’t you just the sweetest little thing,” he cooed. He already had a name, but he took the time to properly analyse the pup, noting every coloured patch on her. Hanzo had done a fantastic job picking this girl. After a moment, he finally said, “Matilda.”

Hanzo quirked an eyebrow. “Matilda?”

“Matilda,” Jesse repeated with a nod before he turned the pup to face Hanzo. “Doesn’t she look like a Matilda?”

Hanzo smiled. “Matilda is perfect. Though I was expecting something food related.”

“For this beautiful, gorgeous girl? Nah. She needs a proper name.” He took another look at the pup. “I always knew if I got an Australian shepherd I’d call her Matilda.” He gave Matilda a kiss on the head, holding her to his chest before leaning forward and cupping the back of Hanzo’s neck. “I love you.”

“I love you too,” Hanzo said, leaning in to kiss Jesse. “I also made you cheesecake,” Hanzo whispered when they parted, looking at the cake on the table.

Jesse smiled. “Han, you didn’t have to go to this much effort.”

“Nonsense,” Hanzo brushed off with the wave of his hand. “The puppy is for your birthday. The cheesecake is for our anniversary.”

Jesse hummed, looking at the bag beside him. Opening it up, he spotted a basket and chew toys. “How about we get this beautiful girl settled in and have ourselves some cheesecake on the back porch?” He kissed Matilda’s head. “I’ve got somethin’ planned for you, too.”

They set aside a part of the living area with the dog bed and toys, a bowl of water and some dry dog food in the kitchen. The pup settled into her basket, going to sleep almost immediately. The poor little thing must’ve been tired.

Hanzo cut up two large slices of cheesecake, carrying them out while Jesse carried out his guitar. They took a seat on the swing on the back porch, one of the few items to survive the cull of his parent’s belongings.

Jesse took a deep breath and looked at the sky. It was dusk; the clouds were alight in orange hues and the sky was a deep indigo. The air was warm, carrying on the summer breeze and cicadas could be heard in the distance. It was a perfect day, leading into a perfect night.   

Cutting into the cake with his spoon, he shovelled a large portion in his mouth. He noted the sourness and the velvety smoothness of it, and can honestly say he’s never had anything quite like this. “Jesus, Han…” he started, mouth full of food, “what is this? It’s fuckin’ amazing.”

Hanzo smirked. “It is a Japanese recipe and it is cooked like a soufflé. I have seen it referred to as a cotton cheesecake.”

“Well it’s the best damn cheesecake I ever did have,” Jesse cooed, leaning in to peck Hanzo on the lips.

“Thank you, Jesse.” Hanzo scooped a large piece of cheesecake into his mouth, nodding as he chewed.

“No, Han. Thank you,” Jesse said after swallowing the mouthful. “For everythin’. For bein’ there when I needed you, for bein’ there when when I didn’t know I needed you.”

Hanzo smiled, grabbing Jesse’s hand. “And I should thank you for being there for me when I needed you. For putting up with me when I can be difficult.”

Jesse kissed Hanzo’s knuckles. “You ain’t difficult, Han. Never have been.”

Hanzo nodded, digging into his cheesecake. Jesse noted Hanzo’s eyes sparkling in the low light and the smile that never left his lips. They ate the cheesecake in a comfortable silence, and in Jesse’s case he wolfed it down. When Hanzo finished his, he took Jesse’s plate and placed them on the porch.

Jesse grabbed his guitar and started strumming randomly. “So I’ve re-learned this one just for you,” he said, waggling his eyebrows.

Hanzo raised an eyebrow and smirked. “Have you now?”

“Certainly have,” Jesse said, playing a random tune. “This song was written by one of my favourite artists. He goes by the name of Johnny Cash.”

Hanzo smiled. “The man who is all over your guitar case.”

“The very same.” Jesse looked at Hanzo with a smile before looking at the guitar and getting his finger placement right. “This song goes by the name of ‘I Walk the Line’.” Taking a deep breath, Jesse started playing.

By far, Jesse’s favourite thing while playing for Hanzo was watching his eyes light up when he played a tune. This time was no exception as Jesse sang and Hanzo began to understand the meaning of the lyrics, his look of surprise gave way to a smile, wide eyes softening, crinkling at the edges and glistening as they welled with tears.

Now, more than ever, Jesse felt just how much in love he is with Hanzo. He felt the weight of the ring in his breast pocket; the significance of it, the meaning of it.

Just as he sang the lyrics, “For you, I know I’d even try to turn the tide,” he knew with absolute certainty that he wanted to spend the rest of his life with the man in front of him.

Stomach full of butterflies and hands growing shakier by the second, Jesse managed to finish the song without tipping off Hanzo that there was more than just the song itself. He placed the guitar down against the wall and grabbed Hanzo’s left hand, kissing his knuckles. Before Hanzo could even respond to the shakiness in his hands, Jesse spoke.

“Han, you are the light of my life,” Jesse said, voice low and husky. “You’ve seen me in my darkest days. You’ve seen me at my best and at my worst. I can’t imagine living life without you.” Jesse stood up, reaching into his breast pocket and kneeling down in front of Hanzo.

Hanzo watched on, confusion giving way to surprise. “Jesse…” he whispered, eyes welling with tears.

Jesse could feel the heat rising to his cheeks; he could hear his pulse in his ears and feel his heart practically beating out of his chest. Holding the ring between a very shaky thumb and finger, Jesse looked at it, then at Hanzo. “Hanzo Shimada, I love you so, so much. More than I thought possible. More than I thought capable. I want to spend the rest of my life with you. Will you do me the honour of making me the happiest man alive?”

Hanzo sat stunned as tears spilled down his cheeks. He looked between the ring and Jesse, nodding.

With a smile and unable to contain his tears, Jesse slipped the ring on Hanzo’s finger; a perfect fit.

Hanzo pulled Jesse up and embraced him, holding him tight and squeezing him before planting kisses on his cheek and forehead and lips.

Like the incoming tide on the banks of a beach, Jesse’s love for Hanzo pushed past the point he ever thought possible. In his arms is his man, his love, the man of his dreams.

The man he will spend the rest of his life with.

“I love you, Jesse McCree.”

“I love you too, Hanzo Shimada.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And there we have it, folks!!! The final chapter of this crazy, wild, longer-than-I-planned fic.
> 
> I want to start by once again thanking Magisey. I know I thank them every week but here's another extra special thank you. Magisey, this story would not be as awesome as it is without your questions, your comments, your queries. You've made this story better than I thought possible and I thank you from the bottom of my heart for everything. Words cannot express just how grateful I am that you reached out to me all those months ago ❤︎
> 
> I want to thank you guys for sticking with this story for so long. I want to thank you for every kudos, for every comment. Reading your reactions to each chapter filled me with absolute joy, and knowing that you fell in love with these characters as much as I did brings a tear to my eye.
> 
> At this stage, I don't have plans to continue a story with these characters. This fic has been my life for the last six months, I explored a few personal themes and writing them into this fic helped me process my emotions. As much as it was a joy writing these boys, it became a struggle in the end, and I need a good, long break at the very least before I can even start thinking of continuing.
> 
> For anyone who's thinking of re-reading the fic, I've actually re-read the entire fic in the lead up to the epilogue being published, cleaning up a few continuity errors as I saw them. The largest change was in chapter one, I felt the pacing was off and it was hard to keep track of who was doing what. I can say that chapter one was written very early on when I decided to jump back on the writing bandwagon, and the fact that people continued reading beyond there amazes me, as I found it quite embarrassing. 
> 
> This fic also allowed me to write different styles. It was essentially a way to practice my writing, exploring themes which pushed the boundaries of my knowledge and creating original characters which slotted in so well with our boys. It gave me the confidence to write different stories, to reach out of my comfort zone and publish other fics. I can say that my anxiety with publishing my writing has practically disappeared, and I have you guys to thank for that.
> 
> So where to from here? I'm currently working on a couple of secret santas, so expect to see them posted Christmas Day. I'm going to write a story for McHanzo week 2018 and I'm in the McHanzo Big Bang, so you can expect that fic in March. I'm also working on a few multi-chapter fics, including a canon fic, a canon-divergent fic and the Supernatural prequel. There's 'Becoming Whole' which I'll get round to updating eventually, and then there's the random one-shots which pop up every now and then!
> 
> You can follow me on my Tumblr, not that I actually post anything. Maybe I'll start posting snippets from the fics listed, though I'm not sure which one will be next to go. They're all at varying stages of half-completed and I'm not going to publish until I know I'm going to finish it.
> 
> Music for this chapter:  
> [Johnny Cash - I Walk The Line](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xObSJWIWui0)  
> The name for Matilda was inspired from [Waltzing Matilda](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CwvazMc5EfE), kind of Australia's unofficial anthem. I found [this version by Johnny Cash](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KL4v7UrqcF4) with a bit of translation for the Australianisms in the song and I have to say I'm completely smitten with his version!! I heard this song on a playlist of kids songs I listen to in my car in an attempt to keep the kiddos awake on longer drives and I can't tell you the immense sadness I felt when listening to it, the realisation that this fic was well and truly ending. I had a similar feeling when 'Nothing Else Matters' by Metallica played on the radio, and in that instance there were tears.
> 
> Thank you again for reading, and I'll see you out there!!  
> -ChillieBean ❤︎

**Author's Note:**

> Say whaaat? I've got a [Tumblr](https://chilliebean5.tumblr.com/) thing! Come stop by for a chat!


End file.
